139 Perception Of Abandonment

Perhaps his guess was correct, perhaps he was wrong. At the very least, Lu Jingren knows that people with BPD are very special.

One moment, they might feel that they love someone intensely, to the point that they want to spend their entire life with them. The next moment, they are pushing them away because they are convinced that the other party will leave.

This was exactly what the other him did. Because the girl in the dream had promised that she wouldn't leave, the other him became paranoid, fearing abandonment and terrified of being left alone...

Lu Jingren has no such reservations because he was used to being by himself. Moreover, there are three other people with him who always follow him around as though they were his shadow.

He thought, the other him was really pitiful. The girl was still young and did not understand the other him. Perhaps, that girl also did not know that the other him was suffering from a personality disorder.

Because when a person suffers from BPD, it can be incredibly distressful in everyday life. A person with BPD is often very anxious, particularly about how they are perceived, whether they are liked by someone, and in expectation of being abandoned.

It is believed that the most common trigger for someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder is any perception of abandonment or rejection.

When the girl wanted to leave, the other him was triggered. But wasn't this the other him's fault to begin with? If he likes the girl, why did he pushed her away? Why did he ignore her and disregarded her presence? Why? Because he was afraid of being left alone?

Lu Jingren couldn't help but thought that the other him's frantic behavior of avoiding anticipated abandonment was really stupid. But of course, he also understood that the other him was only protecting themself, and pushing someone away in a preemptive strike can often seem like the only way to avoid getting hurt.

That may be so but...

'It still doesn't excuse their behavior,' he thought.

At the present, Lu Jingren could sympathize with the other him because the disorder might have been caused by trauma from childhood but Lu Jingren was also disappointed at the other him.

'I was able to overcome all of those... Now, I don't care about the things of the past anymore... so why can't you?'

For a moment, he wanted to talk to the other him and to tell him that the things he did were really stupid. He also wanted to talk to the girl and to tell her that she was also stupid.

'If you are in an abusive relationship, why would you choose to stay when you are only hurting each other?'

Lu Jingren couldn't help but shake his head at them. These two people are really pitiful. The other him likes the girl and the girl also likes the other him. If they had communicated better, then perhaps... they wouldn't have had such a bad ending in the future. Or maybe, if they met each other a little later, when the two of them were old enough and wiser... then perhaps they would have worked something out.

Lu Jingren rubbed his chest. He felt a dull ache while thinking about those two. His mind wondered to the present and to his fiancee.

He has more restraints compared to the other him so even if his fiancee was nearby, Lu Jingren did not go to her. Although there was an impulse to approach her and talk, he was quick to dispel such thoughts.

He held on when their group was in danger. For a moment, he contemplated, asking her to treat him but he quickly got rid of the idea.

They were not close.

Although they have an engagement, in reality, they were barely acquaintances.

He also understood that she dislikes him and did not see him in a favorable light. For what reason? He could not be bothered to know.

When he was in deep pain, she came to him and saw his bloodied appearance. He did not want to show her his weak side because he knew that she might try to help him.

Even though she was different from the girl he knew of, he was still able to realize that she was quite prideful. She would not stand seeing a teammate injured.

She stripped him of his shirt and helped clean the blood from his body. When she took out a bottle of water, his eyes became profound.

The water...

It was very familiar.

It felt familiar.

So, so familiar...

Only when he drank it did his body started to heat up, his head pounding like it was repeatedly being smashed by a hammer.

He asked her for an answer but he lost consciousness before he could hear her response.

...

No one knew but when Lilian Mo left him alone in his room, Lu Jingren had entered a place that was not Earth.

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