It's just an Awkward Feeling

Tiny B would describe her sadness as "Just an Awkward Feeling," she wants nobody to mock her or tell her "It's true" if she told them about how someone ragged on her writing skills.

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Tiny B had been writing for a long time but no longer felt the need to.

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She got rejected by a person who offered $66 for her writing, a stretch to her.

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I know.

She'd probably have gotten lesser.

She got nothing, after all.

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In the end, you see...

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After showing her samples...

The woman told Tiny B that she was washed out.

Then told Tiny B to "Spruce up your writing, or else, Don't offer your services on the project for about a year and a day..."

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AKA...

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She hated her work.

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And never, ever wanted to see her again.

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Tiny B knew her work was deteriorating.

Tiny B blamed the pieces & samples she showed and felt she should probably stop because she had lost the enthusiasm after looking up what washed out meant.

Tiny B would feel ashamed to say it out loud... But...

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It hurt her feelings.

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Tiny B wanted to work on making videos like she used to.

Tiny B always loved writing because it was easier, but they always wanted to produce movies.

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Tiny B then remembers her attempts sucked. The only thing people liked was her writings.

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Her aunt cried, then she read them, & Tyrone was always reading one or two of them.

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Tiny B worked best in writing about oppression.

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She was used to it & tragedy, she wrote about such things.

It was one of the things that made her aunt cry with pride.

Tiny B was glad her work was so good to others.

It made her continue writing.

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Someone even liked it enough to let her post her work on their site.

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That made her think: "I'm not washed out!" Because one of her writings would quickly rack up in readers, not only that, but two made it to over 10k.

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Tiny B just thought: "Maybe it's just personal opinion."

When she remembered the woman didn't like her work.

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She'd been writing for over a year.

Being told that she was washed up after all of her accomplishments made her feel ashamed.

Tiny B knew she was a good writer & wouldn't take them down.

Tiny B would change the ones she hated instead of taking down her best work.

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Tiny B wants no encouragement from others, it'd be nice, but it feels like she's reaching for clout.

An embarrassing thing to her.

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Tiny B didn't even want God's reaction. She feared he wouldn't like her work.

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Tiny B wonders if the woman read her writing, however.

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Tiny B had just sent the writings.

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Tiny B told her she'd been writing for over two years.

She also sent five links which probably put off the woman.

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The woman was gone for a bit, too.

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Tiny B wondered if she read it because reading at least one link may take an hour.

It'd take more than 30 seconds.

The woman replied very quickly.

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Tiny B hoped the woman didn't lie to her to keep from reading all that.

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Tiny B thought: "I'm so stupid! To send links instead of real short samples!"

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Tiny B saw her mistake.

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Then she remembered "washed up," the woman called her washed out, but she speculated it either meant "Washed out," which meant "someone who is washed-out looks ashen and ill or tired. Synonyms and related words. Looking unhealthy or ill." or "Washed Up."

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The definition of washed-up is "Someone or something whose time has come and gone; someone who was popular or had a good career but now doesn't and has little to offer."

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Tiny B felt nice about "Being famous" But sad about the "Come & gone, someone who was popular or had a good career but now doesn't and has little to offer."

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Tiny B felt she had little to offer others in writing.

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Tiny B thought: "Maybe this is why I didn't get the exclusive contract on my other story..." Which, honestly, she didn't want.

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She got a non-exclusive one which still got her a job.

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The book was loved, as half of its readers added it to their lists.

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The book was posted somewhere else & was racking up reads on the other site to up to 7k.

This book just got put on the new site that offered Tiny B a contract to post it there, so It received 300 readers.

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Tiny B felt like she had reason to view her work as good.

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Tiny B just felt terrible.

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It didn't feel like enough.

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Tiny B took down her Fiverr post thinking: "I suck," even though it was only $5.

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Tiny B felt horrible for thinking that she could show that woman she could do it & annoying her & wasting her time.

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Tiny B remembered the woman told her to brush up on her skills, which she could do.

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Tiny B felt like her skills needed to be better.

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Tiny B was conflicted but never told anyone why due to fears of humiliation.

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Tiny B never wanted to see the woman again out of embarrassment.

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🤍To be continued...

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