1 Chapter 1: {My Diary Is My Friend}
Dear Diary,
Being a crippled landlord is more stressful than you think.
Now if I were to have a complex in Bangkok, I could charge an arm and a leg for my apartments. I wish.
My parents had this vision to make Pattaya the second largest city in Thailand.
Is what they said before catching jungle diseases at the ages of 59 and 60 and dying.
Yes my parents had me at 37, and yes I'm bitter that they didn't get vaccinated.
What they probably meant by making Pattaya the second largest city is just hoping that they could make an apartment empire.
They quit after apartment complex number one right next to the beach.
The only one they could afford that would attract tenants.
Even then, I have like 12 tenant filled apartments out of 24 apartments.
Don't get me wrong, I own this complex through my inheritance, but having to fix utilities in a remote beach town is a real pain in the butt sometimes.
They're almost done with the university, and college dorms are always more expensive than just grabbing a roommate and finding an apartment. Maybe I'll get new tenants.
Maybe it'll allow me to heat up the jacuzzi for the first time this year. And maybe I can finally get a right leg.
Lots of pain,
Niran Haskins
The Thai guy that isn't Thai
I wish I could move out of this country. I don't have the money. Unlike what most people believe, being a landlord of land that cannot be sold, stated in the will is tough. I'd rather sell my complex, but I can't. Also I can only speak Thai. What's wrong with my family. Why am I talking to myself like I'm someone else? I dunno can't justify it.
I wish my family taught me ENGLISH.
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The next day...
Dear Diary,
Another day, another sway and more being crippled. Staring at this beautiful beach. What can I do? I can't work, well anything I can do with my education status (didn't make it past 8th grade), I've lived here since I was born. I WAS BORN HERE. Pretty Thai women don't wanna date a handsome white man if he can't work, I'd just be a parasite. At least I'm a landlord.
Your suffering cripple,
Niran Haskins.
BRRRRRRR!
Someone's here? A NEW TENANT HOPEFULLY?
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Oh it's just Old Man Somsak.
"Hey sonny, here's my rent for the month." He always comes and pays in cash.
"Thank you sir." I reply.
A scruffy and scrappy old man, he's not weak whatsoever, just old. He's 80 and runs faster than me... well that's not saying much, but you get my point. Fit old man. He works every day at 80, what an actual chad.
After turning on the news, the reporter announces that the college is complete.
It's VERY PRETTY.
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.
For a college built in Thailand.
I wish I could go to college--- I wish I could have gone to high school growing up.
Being crippled in a developing country sucks.
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Oh well, time to go to the pool.
Man, need to get new crutches.
I open the door and a young woman with glowing tanned skin, long dark hair, and interesting proportions all around- that's just to say, she's pretty, enough said.
"Hi, I'm Busaba, I'd like to buy an apartment." she asks in what I assume to be English.
"Mee no spek Inglich. Spek Thai?" I reply to her.
"Oh I'm sorry, I thought you were English or American." she replies in Thai.
"I am English, just my parents never taught me English. Born here. So what did you want?"
"I'm Busaba, I'd like to buy an apartment."
"Buy, as in you're giving me 20,000 usd right now?"
"I'm sorry, I meant to say rent."
"Sure come in."
"You were about to leave did you-"
"Nah, was just gonna take a swim, I'll do that after."
"There's a pool here?"
"In the back."
"That's great! What's your policy on that?"
"No alcohol at the pool, no littering, nothing that can get you arrested."
"So normal stuff."
"Yeah."
"So when I rent, can I move in immediately?"
"Once your first month's rent and down payment come into my bank account or if you have cash at this moment, card or cash?"
"Card."
"You have the money now?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to rent? How many rooms do you want?"
"Yes, one is fine and one bath."
"Sign this and then swipe here. Here's your price XXXX."
She swipes and signs.
"Here's your key to the apartment."
"Can I have parties?"
"There's thick walls, if you're too loud and piss off your future neighbors, you'll need to turn the volume down. You have Apartment 20, in between no one."
"Cool!"
"You coming to the college?"
"Yeah."
"Makes sense."
"What happened to your leg? If you mind. Are you a war hero?"
"Nah, always have been crippled, never had it."
"Oh."
"Well then, thank you for renting, if you have any questions, here's my number, I'm available any time before 2 am and any time after 10 am."
"No, thank you sir!"
"Call me Niran."
"Nice to meet you."
Hopefully the first female tenant that isn't married could end up my girlfriend. HAHAHA like that's gonna happen! Cliche's never work.
Now I can finally get my butt out of here and go for a DIP! Woo!
"I'm walking like a crip, in my favorite pile of s***. Zooming in a crutch. Do these suckers mind much? Walking more, getting ready to explore, nothing at all. Crippled white guy." My cousin sent me this song in English and translated it to me. He wrote it for me. Do I understand what I'm saying? Yes, because he told me and I love it.
People that say being crippled isn't so bad are the ones that are missing an arm or are blind or deaf and don't think they can process all of that information.
Believe me, missing a leg SUCKS regardless if you've never had it. Without my crutches, I'm crawling on the ground and I look stupid, sometimes I wish I was missing both legs so I could be like those chad cripples that walk on their hands.
I still have a leg and I'm 6 foot 5, being tall is a blessing if you HAVE BOTH LEGS.
Krplunk!
I get into the pool.
That pretty Busaba girl was swimming in there and uh 0.0
"Took you long enough." she says.
"What do you expect?"
"Eh true."
"Were you singing a parody of Giga Einsteins?"
"My cousin wrote it for me and I thought it was funny."
"So you do understand English."
"Goggle Translate exists."
"Ah."
"You gonna be a freshman or are you transferring?" I ask her.
"Freshman."
"Enjoy the suffering!"
"I will indeed. Did you go to college?"
"8th grade education. Also, HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?"
"Like 30? So you've been living here doing nothing since?"
"I'M 23! And do I have a choice? There's no strawberry fields that I could sit and work at and I tried the rice paddy, and I can't work remotely for an office since my internet is meh."
"Okay that's fair."
"How about you? You working?"
"Tech support."
"Enjoy the meh internet."
"Is it really that bad?"
"Depends on the carrier. I have Sgfg uh sbahcusbcisbcobe dudv cjsvci sjs ** x BB."
"What?"
"Small company that I could barely afford without raising the rent, since half my tenants can't pay more than what they already have. Do you know anyone that needs an apartment?"
"Wow, you want me to spread word of mouth that there's decently priced beach apartments nearby?"
"Yeah."
"This is a pretty sweet complex. I'll think about it if it comes up."
I just chill for a bit in the pool.
"So do you always just chill and prune rather than actually swim?"
"Yep."
"How are you not fat?"
"I eat once a day."
"That explains a lot."
"Remember you're talking to someone with special needs."
"Just un-special yourself."
"I'd love a prosthetic, I'd take a new prosthetic as part of the rent payment."
"I'm majoring in robotic engineering."
"You go girl! We need more women in STEM! A lot of women don't wanna join for whatever reason."
"I dunno either. But yeah, if it comes to it, maybe I can make you a robotic leg if it's like a project or something."
My eyes light up.
"I mean I'm gonna have to make a robot anyway and we get funded by the school for research and stuff."
"That's cool."
"This is a weird topic to talk to my landlord to at a pool."
"Eh, I've had weirder conversations at a pool."
"Like what?"
"Try talking to an old man in a pool."
"I don't wanna know."
"It's not disgusting."
"Now I wanna know."
"Durian farming. Very interesting."
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Dear Diary,
I made a new friend today and she pays me to be her friend! Oh what am I kidding she's my tenant. She's pretty. I'm tired. I'm gonna call it a day.
With Joy and Sadness,
Niran Haskins
