72 Chapter 5 Part IV

After returning to my dorm, I lay in my bed and absentmindedly watched TV. My mind was kind of a blank, as I let myself relax. Then, I got an email from Sakura.

"If I was absent from school tomorrow, what do you think would happen?"

"What do you mean?"

Even though my reply had been short, I waited a while for her response.

"What are you doing right now?"

That was her answer. I replied that I was in my room by myself.

"If it's okay with you, could we meet right now? I'm in room 1106."

"If you could keep this a secret from everyone… That would really help me out."

I received two messages from her in quick succession. It was more like texting than email. What exactly was she getting at, I wondered? I thought about asking her why, but then stopped typing. If I bungled this, she might keep messaging me, but it would probably get more difficult to pay her a visit. I had the gut feeling that it would be better for us to meet directly, so I started rewriting my response.

"I'll head over there in about five minutes."

After sending my reply, I reached for my coat, but stopped. Since we were in the same dorm, going out with just a jersey on was probably fine. I headed towards Sakura's room. The upper level…in other words, where the girls lived. This was my first time setting foot there. The school didn't necessarily prohibit boys from entering. Even if someone saw me going there, it wouldn't be a problem. In fact, the popular guys often headed up there to hang out and have fun.

Although we were allowed a relative degree of freedom, entry was prohibited after 8:00 PM. Naturally, going to the girls' floor in the middle of the night was prohibited.

I pushed the elevator's call button. When the doors slid open, Horikita was standing there. What horrible timing.

"......"

For some reason, I was completely unable to move. I just stood there. Was this good luck or bad? In the case of bumping into an acquaintance, I had to wonder.

"What? You're not getting on?" she asked.

While she stared at me, she tried to close the doors.

"Ah, yeah. I'm getting on…"

While I felt like this was probably a bad idea, I hopped in and pushed the button for the eleventh floor. I saw that the button for the thirteenth floor was also lit. That must've been Horikita's floor. For some reason, I got the strange feeling that she was watching me from behind.

"You're…heading home late tonight, huh?" I asked, without looking at her. The silence was unbearable.

"I was out shopping. Did you not see?"

I heard the rustle of vinyl bags.

"That reminds me. You cook for yourself, don't you?"

It felt like the elevator was going more slowly than usual. We were still only on the sixth floor. Being stealthily invited over by a girl was a stressful situation. My unease meant I had to say something.

"This isn't the tenth floor. Is that okay?"

Why in the world was she asking me about the tenth floor? What was her intention?

"For someone who dislikes trouble, you've been extremely proactive in involving yourself with this case. Or perhaps you have ulterior motives?" Horikita was clearly probing.

"If you have something to say, why not come out and say it?"

"You're going to meet with Sakura-san, aren't you?" she asked.

"No, I'm not." I immediately denied it, but wondered if Horikita could see the truth.

"Well. I suppose where you go is none of my business."

In that case, don't ask me about it! Well, that was what I wanted to say, but I spoke the words only in my head.

After a long time, we finally arrived at the eleventh floor in complete silence. I stepped off the elevator, trying to remain calm. I didn't look back.

"Pardon me for intruding…" I said at Sakura's door.

"Come on in." She greeted me wearing casual clothes.

"So. What did you need from me?"

"Umm… Ayanokouji-kun, do you remember what you said before? You said I wasn't obligated to step forward, even though I was the witness. You also said it was meaningless to force me to testify."

That was back when I'd met Sakura by accident. I gave a slight nod.

"I…just don't have any self-confidence after all."

"Is this about speaking in front of other people?"

"I've been terrible at it for so long… I'm not good at speaking in front of others. If I'm asked to testify in front of the teachers tomorrow, I don't think I'll have the confidence to answer properly. So…"

"So you're considering taking the day off from school?"

Sakura gave a slight nod before collapsing and laying her forehead onto the table.

"Ahhhhh. Jeez, why am I so completely useless?!" She shrank into herself, clearly ashamed. It was the first time I'd seen her like that.

"Sakura, you're surprisingly high-strung, huh?"

I felt the gap between the person I saw now and her usual behavior, and was a little taken aback. Or rather, I was shocked.

"Huh?!"

Sakura, realizing she'd let me see this side of her, blushed and shook her head. "N-no! I'm not like that at all."

So she could be animated. I'd had no idea, considering her usually depressed look.

"Hey, can I ask you just one thing? Why did you call me?" Kushida or somebody else would've been friendlier, easier to talk to.

"That's because I'm not afraid of your eyes, Ayanokouji-kun…"

Huh? What did that mean? I certainly didn't have scary eyes or anything, but…

"If you're looking for someone to talk to, Kushida is a much warmer, more outgoing person. She has a lot of friends, too."

"Oh, no. I don't mean the eyes that you've seen me with. I mean the pupils, way back in the eyes… If you look someone deep in their eyes, you'll understand. I'm sorry, I can't really explain it well."

So, was it like insight into a person's true self? When someone looked at me, would they see that I was insubstantial and lack ambition? This was kind of complicated.

"Well, it's just… When I see a man…even if he seems kind…I suddenly get afraid."

Perhaps that came with a woman's point of view. It might have been natural for her to be uncomfortable around men, but Sakura had an abnormally terrified expression. Speaking of which, I recalled the day we'd gone to get her digital camera repaired…

It was certainly true that men and women generally differed in physical strength and stamina. However, some girls were overly mindful of that fact, and lived in abnormal degrees of fear. I wondered if something had happened in Sakura's past to cause her intense fear of men.

Why the heck was I arbitrarily analyzing her? I felt a little disgusted with myself, as usual.

"I know it would be good to simply say what it is I saw. But no matter what I do, I can't seem to imagine it… How can I speak that assertively?"

She was so worried that she'd asked a student like me for help. She'd probably been agonizing over it for the past few days. Even with a helping hand from me, she appeared to be suffering.

"If you want to quit, would you like me to talk?"

"You're not going to get mad?"

"I told you before, didn't I? If we forced you to testify, it would be meaningless."

Sakura was an invaluable witness, but her evidence wasn't automatically reliable. She might not have any influence on the outcome. However, if she were absent, Sudou might get angry. I should probably try to coax her into participating, but I had no idea how to do it.

"Umm… What do you think would be best to do, Ayanokouji-kun?"

"I think you should do what you want, Sakura."

She probably wanted more concrete guidance, but unfortunately this was the best I could do. I wasn't an outstanding person, and certainly not qualified to guide anyone. I wasn't suited for that job.

"I see. Well, I suppose it's probably bothersome to ask you for help like that… I'm just no good. It's probably why I can't even make a single friend myself."

Sakura shrugged and smiled bitterly. She seemed disgusted with herself.

"Sakura, I think you'll be able to make friends with someone in no time."

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to best say what I feel… You seem to get along really well with a lot of people, Ayanokouji-kun. I'm a bit envious."

"No, I don't."

Apparently Sakura believed that I had many friends and lots of fun.

"It might be presumptuous for me to say this, but I think that we're like friends. We are," I said.

Sakura and I stared at each other.

"We're friends? Really?" she whispered.

"If you don't think so, Sakura, then that's different."

"No… It does make me happy…to hear you say that," replied Sakura, while still looking somewhat perplexed.

I began to realize that if people didn't talk face to face, they wouldn't get a feel for what the other person was really like. I was surprised by the discovery of Sakura's unexpected side. If she let this part of her out more, she'd probably make friends right away. Honestly, even a minor adjustment would do wonders. But for her, I supposed making even a minor adjustment would be difficult. What might seem trivial to one person could be quite difficult for another, depending on their issues.

"Thank you for coming to see me today," Sakura said.

"It's no big deal. You can call me anytime."

If I could ease Sakura's burdens even slightly, then it was worth it. I'd leave it up to Sakura herself to decide whether or not she'd come to school tomorrow. Thinking that our conversation was over, I stood and started to leave, but Sakura looked like she still wasn't feeling well.

"Do you have any plans for tonight? For right now?" I asked.

"Right now? No, I don't have anything planned. Or rather, I didn't make any plans."

Hmm. Even I felt a little sad when I heard someone say that.

"Well, why not go out with me for a while? If it's not a bother, of course."

I decided to be daring and invite Sakura. She stiffened, almost like she had forgotten the time and realized she had to be somewhere important. She looked like she couldn't understand what I'd meant. Then, without any hesitation, she shot up out of her seat.

"Huh?!" As she leapt up, she banged her knees against the table and doubled over in agony. Her glasses flew off her face.

"That looked like it really hurt just now. Are you okay?" I asked.

"I…I'm perfectly fine!"

She wasn't very convincing; the pain was so intense that she was on the verge of tears. I picked up her glasses. Just as I'd thought, there were no lenses. I handed her glasses back. Her hands trembled when she took them, and she thanked me. Sakura wrestled with her pain for about a minute before she finally calmed down and quieted.

"Wh-where do you want to go?" she asked.

She was on her guard, but I didn't understand why. Maybe she believed I was some kind of pick-up artist trying to smooth talk her. If that were the case, it was bad.

"I haven't really decided. Just kind of felt like wandering around, you know? Ah, but I hate being in hot places…"

Sakura responded cautiously, as if worried about what to say. "If you don't mind…there is someplace I'd like to go. Is that all right?"

"Huh? Yeah, sure, I don't mind. Please lead the way."

I didn't really care about the location; I just wanted to get a change of scenery and talk. If Sakura had a place she preferred, then everything would be going according to plan.