11 Me, Myself and, I.

Have always wonder who I am, not that I don't know my name but I like to think there must be something more, something missing.

Everyone at some point in their lives has wished they were more than what they are, perhaps someone rich, or happy, more handsome and good looking but most times our wishes do not come true.

Sometimes I feel happy and content, that's if I remain myself, but I wonder how one can get serious all of a sudden like his instinct to protect or attack is activated once they detect something or someone dangerous. I, on the other hand, I've come to love the thrilling danger gives, it's like I want to be happy but I emit danger, I believe in my dream of becoming someone more, at least someone with wealth and respect but another part of me is scared of change. It's like 'I', loves the life of danger and, 'Me', just want something more but 'Myself ' is the guy who thinks, who wants to love but can't because of 'I', the guy who wants to feel every moment of life but 'Me' won't let him for it will not look good in the eyes of others.

I feel trapped in my own body like, Me, Myself and, I, are three different beings living at the same time in one body. I constantly contradict every decision I make. Sometimes I can't predict my own moves and decisions like I am a bomb waiting to explode given the chance.

Today is a good day, I can feel it in my bones. I've decided to meet the big boss today even if he has the intent to kill me, at least I believe I have something he would be very interested in.

I took my bath and went straight to the big bosses mansion. It's funny how the mind of a person who is on death row thinks and sometimes I wonder what they think about. They say if only the dead saw the bullet then they wouldn't have died but in this case, I know the possibility of me coming out of this mansion are very slim but I have to before the "Order" officially declares me as a fugitive, which means every executioner known and unknown will be hunting me.

I was immediately sent to the hall where I first met the big boss. There was a chill in the air as expected, but there was something I could not put my hand on, if I was going to be killed today there would have been a lot of guys here but the guys in the building are fewer than expected. Everywhere was quiet, the sound of my breath echoed in the hall, I sat there for some time waiting but I had the feeling I was being watched. I started hearing footsteps and it was approaching the hall, I knew it was him but the look on his face was different from the first time. He looked worried, desperate but the same as usual, he never let anyone knows. He always have that look of death on his face and that was one of the reasons why he was respected and feared. He approached me and sat on the chair opposite me, I could tell he has been drinking from the smell of his body.

You must know I want you dead, it's no secret, at least to both of us here. I see no reason you being here or am I wrong?

I am here because of my money and I believe that's enough reason to come here, I said calmly.

And what made you believe I am going to give you the money?

I believe it's in your best interest sir.

And what do you think you have to offer?

If you'd ask me I will tell you it depends on what grounds you have to execute me?

From what I heard about you, they say you are not the type of guy that talks much, you see, I don't blame you, people tend to say anything when they are about to die.

It is very much true I don't talk much, the only time you see me talking this much is when am on a mission, so the question you should be asking yourself is, the whiskey I drank before coming down from the stairs, was it poison?

Everywhere was silent for some seconds, the boss looked at the facial expression on the face of 88 trying to tell if he was telling the truth, he stood up from his seat and pulled out his gun from his back and pointed it on 88's forehead.

And what makes you think I will not blow your head off before the poison takes effect? who put you up to this? Get up now he shouted.

Now we are on the same page, just as you feel you are capable of killing me very easily, so am I, we are all killers after all. It's best you remove the gun from my head sir I believe we are both civilised men and we can work out our differences, I said again in a calm tone which he found unusual.

They say you never lose your cool, at least this part is true but at this time there is no longer use for your services.

You and I know that is just rubbish, there is always a kill order, you are the one who wants me dead no one else.

You see, the killer was supposed to die on the job then there will be no loose ends if the case was to be investigated or do you think because you are the best that's why they pick you? No, don't flatter yourself, man you are already a dead man, it's either I kill you or the Order will just send somebody else to do it.

You are the one holding a gun to my head now, and I've been asking why am I still alive when I've not given you a reason to not kill me.

You don't have to, now sit we have a few things to talk about.

He walked to the small bar by the side and opened a bottle of whiskey, he poured two drinks and handed me one and continued. I want you to work for me in return I will protect you.

And why would you do that sir?

Because you are a very cold killer and you are adaptable, creative, intelligent and most of all you are undetectable.

I see myself as a free agent and I would very much like it to remain like that.

Do you really want to die? he asked.

I've come to see death is inevitable but today however is definitely not the day I die and if I am to die today it won't be from your hands.

So your answer is no? he asked again.

My answer is, I would think about it, but in the end, it often comes back as a fem no.

He got up and pointed the gun to my head again, get up and say your last prayers, I don't want your brain to be in my rug so let's go to the back, now move he shouted with all seriousness. It's a waste of my time thinking you can be reasoned with but no, you are just as useless as the rest of the guys. Now move.

Rumour has it that the back of this building is a graveyard for traitors, things go on here that most people do not know and from what I know and heard, very few people enter and return alive. if I were to survive, this would be the perfect time to play my card.

I use to want a brother but never got the chance to experience the feeling on till now, however, things have changed, the first time I came here to see you, do you remember what you called me? let me remind you, you called me nephew and believe me I very much like the sound of it even if I knew it wasn't true. I also saw someone leaving just immediately as I entered, I didn't see them enough to identify them but as they say, curiosity kills the cat. I did some digging and you can't begin to imagine what I found out.

It is very clear you don't want to die so not to worry, I will make it quick, we are almost there just keep walking, don't make any funny moves, I can just blow your head from behind he said.

I see you don't like when I talk but I talk most of the time to keep my mind off things, Oh, do you know a boss in a legion is not advised to have a family? they say it's too dangerous and it's a weakness. I for one agree with this fact but I don't believe you do sir. I stopped on my trail and waited for his comment without looking behind.

It appears we are both playing the game survival of the fittest but one of us is withholding very sensitive information and sad to say it could be the only thing keeping him alive, so I urge you for the last time, spill the deans.