Chapter 1 - Pagnanasang Bilad

I HAVE A SECRET, a dirty little secret. I am but an ordinary high school girl, a virgin and I am secretly but concededly addicted to watching pornographies. Walang pwedeng makaalam ng sikreto ko. Hindi ang pamilya ko, hindi ang mga kaibigan ko, wala, walang sino man. Or I will lose everything - all that I am.

Or so I thought..

I have another secret, and I want to tell you about it.

❧ ❧ ❧

Tiningnan ko ang imahe ko sa salamin pagkalabas ko sa shower tub, I sneered. "Hmf! The good girl," bulong ko sa sarili.

Iyan din ang bansag sa akin ng lahat. Maamo ang mukha, hindi maarte sa katawan, magalang at mahinahon magsalita, simple lang. Pero sa likod ng mala-anghel na imahe na yan, may mga mapaglarong imahinasyon ng kalibugan. Hindi lang nila alam.

My eyes flickered at my body's reflection in the mirror; my lashes batted in seduction. I was naked, still wet, warm and just, very naked. I lifted my chin up, pouted my lips into a meaningful grin, masked my face into a full-on seduction. The innocence of my cheeks turned crimson. I wasn't me.

My hair was damp; from its strands, I felt sensations from the drops of water flowing through my young but full and delicate breasts.

"Nice," I whispered looking at my breasts. My areolas tingled as the cold few drops of water covered it wet.

I bit my lip, feeling aroused and a little proud. For my age, I was well endowed with a perky, slightly pointy, bouncy and just a nice handful pair of breasts. I felt hot looking at it.

Nai-imagine ko iyung isang eksena sa porn kung saan dahan-dahang naglakbay ang dila nung lalake sa masaganang dibdib nung babae. Hindi ko napigilan at marahan ko rin hinimas ang kaliwa kong suso at nilaro-laro ko ang basa ko pang mga utong.

Pleasures.

Ahh. Saglit akong napaungol, napakagat-labi at napangiti sa nakikita ko sa salamin.

"Touch yourself, Cece," ang bulong ko sa babae sa salamin. I sucked the corner of my lower lip then curved it to the dirtiest smile I could express.

Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang init at sarap na ipinakita nung babae sa porn. Ang isa kong kamay ay dahan-dahang kong pinaglakbay mula sa batok ko; malambing kong minasahe ng kaunti ang aking ulo; pinaikot-ikot ko ang mga daliri ko mula sa tenga, sa pisngi hanggang sa labi.

Nagpatuloy ang aking kanang kamay sa paglamas ng malaman at malambot kong dibdib, habang dahan-dahan namang kumiliti ang kaliwa kong mga daliri pababa sa manipis kong baywang, patungo sa puson at nagpatuloy hanggang sa aking namamasang hiwa.

Ahh. Nakaramdam ako ng kaunting paninikip ng aking laman. Sariwa pa sa isipan ko ang eksena sa porn na pinanood ko pagkagising ko. Ang mga matipid na halik at nakakapang-init na mga kagat nung porn actor sa katawan nung blonde na babaeng porn star hanggang sa makarating ito sa kanyang namamasa at mapulang pagkababae.

Hindi na isang dalagang mahinhin ang nakikita ko sa salamin. Instead, I saw the woman in that porn video as she enjoyed every little bit of pleasure she was getting, that woman became me. Very vividly, I imagined na may mala adonis na lalaki rin ang nagpapaikot ng mundo ko, nilalasap ang matamis at sariwa kong katawan.

Napanganga ako. Napatingkayad ang ulo. Nalilibugan. Nasasarapan akong nakikita ang sarili kong nasasarapan din.

Ahhhhh. Napaungol ako ng mahina. Pinisil-pisil ko ang tirik kong mga utong, while my other hand remained busy as my clever little fingers continued to rub on my virgin pussy. My clit was full and becoming extra sensitive. Paminsa'y ipinapasok ko sa aking butas ang dulong parte ng aking hinlalato. May kaunting hapdi akong nararamdaman na siyang nagdulot naman ng nakakabaliw na kasarapan.

Paulit-ulit. Taas-baba. Paikot-ikot. Eksperto na ang mga kamay ko sa pagpapaligaya ng dalaga kong katawan.

Ahhhhh. In my head, I hear the rising excitement of the porn star from the video I just watched earlier, they were soft and delicate but an all consuming moans. Ahh - ahhh - ahhhh - ah.

Napakagat labi ako at napasandal sa pader, pero nakikita ko pa rin ang sarili ko sa salamin, hubad at nasasarapan. Sa imahinasyon ko, may lalaking nakaluhod sa harapan ko, nakasubsub ang ulo sa bukana ko at hinihimod, sinisipsip at sinisimot ang aking buong katamisan.

Paulit-ulit. Taas-baba. Paikot-ikot. I was getting breathless, heading to a burgeoning frenzy. Mas madiin, mas mabilis, sagad at sukdulan na sa kasarapan.

Ahhhhhhhh. Nagsukob ang init at lamig sa aking katawan. Sumisikip na ang puson ko't kaibuturan. Tila ba sumasabay sa isang classical opera na may kasamang pagputok ng mga fireworks habang patungo ako sa rurok ng aking orgasmo.

Paulit-ulit. Taas-baba. Paikot-ikot. Paulit-ulit. Taas-baba. Paikot-ikot. Papigil-pigil na ang hinga ko. Madiin, mabilis, paikot-ikot.

AH - AAHHH - AH - AH - AHH - AHHHHHH. Napapikit ako, napaungol ng husto, naghabol ng hininga - maligaya.

My eyes slid shot in ecstasy as I hit my climax, they were some tight pulsing of virgin juices; it took me awhile to recover.

I looked at myself in the mirror again, I was flushed; my face, horny. I could no longer see the saintly, studious, virgin high school girl that everyone saw me to be. Instead, I saw a girl, similar to a closing scene in a porn video after a wild and dirty sex with a huge porn guy - a dirty, dirty girl with a very wet mouth - thankful for the morning lust.

My body glistened against the mirror. The bathroom seemed brighter but misty and blurry. I felt smoother, lighter and definitely wetter. I went back to the tub to take a quick rinse, and when I came out, I couldn't keep my eyes off of myself in the mirror.

I sighed. "Cece," I whispered soft, then I shook my head. I gaped on my body's reflection, my eyes full of questions.

Paglabas ko ng shower saka naman paakyat ng hagdan si kuya Jared, halata ang pagkainip sa kanyang mukha na balak na sigurong katukin ako sa bathroom.

"Bakit ba sobrang tagal maligo n'yong mga babae? Sobrang dumi niyo ba at todo-todo kayo maligo?" pagreklamo niya na may diin sa 'tagal', 'dumi' at 'maligo'.

"Sorry naman. Medyo uncomfortable kasi magshower sa tub," mahinhing palusot ko.

Dahil napagtripan kong baguhin ang disenyo ng bathroom ko sa kwarto na hindi ko matapos-tapos, nagtiya-tiyaga akong maligo sa guest bathroom na nasa kabilang dulo ng hallway mula sa room ko, na siya ring kinaiinis ni kuya Jared dahil may pagka-sloppy ako kung maglakad pabalik sa room ko na nakatapis lamang ng tuwalya ang katawan ko.

Typical of kuya Jared, may pagka-exaggerated ang pagka-conservative niya pagdating sa'kin. He started fidgeting awkwardly so I dashed straight into my bedroom.

"Cece, bilisan mo magbihis ha. Ihatid na daw kita tuwing papasok sabi ni mama. Puro rape ang laman daw ng balita. Tsk. Baka malate pa ako sa school nito eh!" masungit niyang sambit pagsara ko ng pinto. Nai-imagine kong mala asong galit na naman ang nguso niya. Siya 'yung protective na kuya pero puro reklamo sa pagprotect.

I grew up with four older brothers. 'Yung tatlo graduate na at may mga trabaho na. Si kuya Jared na lang na nasa kolehiyo pa ang madalas bantay sarado sa akin. Lahat naman sila kasama ko pa sa bahay, halos sila nga lang din ang madalas kong kasama sa bahay. Being the only girl has its perks but has lots of downsides din.

I am in a princess case. May mga kuyang they treat their sisters as one of them, pero ako, they all treat me like a precious, fragile, little princess. They would always keep me out of the dark, and in the dark. Rated SPG agad ang conversations nila kapag nariyan ang presensya ko. Pero alam ko namang alagad din sila ng kalibugan. Boys will be boys ika nga.

❧ ❧ ❧

It was my first day in senior high. Magkahalong kaba at excitement ang nararamdaman ko. Marami kasi ang nagsasabi na mahirap na daw ang senior high school life. Dito daw, para kang college student na hindi pa graduate sa high school. Parang dalawang taong hangover sa high school life.

I took a moment to breathe it all in. But it wasn't just about me transitioning to the senior high school life. There I was, standing in front of our campus gate, knowing full well that inside this school lies all of my secrets. I sighed thinking it will be another school year of pretending and hiding.

"Cece! Antayin mo ah-ko sabay na tah-yo!" tawag sa akin ni Balong habang pababa siya ng jeep at ako'y papasok na sa gate ng school.

I shook my head in annoyance. Paano kasi, he walked like he has no care in the world; he had this unique blend of confidence and arrogance, something you either tolerate or deeply despise. Then, he bit his lower lip and let out a somewhat lascivious smirk, which was very consistent of his trademark smile. I sighed heavy. What could have been a few steps for a normal walk, it took him forever.

I rolled my eyes. "Balong life is short. I'm not gonna waste another second on you," I barked at him and continued my entry to the gate; just then, he decided to rush towards me.

"Ugh! You're such a tease."

He softly bumped his shoulder against mine, but I tried to ignore. Madalas na niyang asar sa akin na nakakalibog daw ako kung magpakipot and he was always brutally loud when he makes those kind of remarks.

While we were walking, heading to the main building, I felt irritated at the sound of him chewing a gum loudly. I glared at him, twisted my face in disgust. But before I could express it in words, something else caught my attention.

"Ano ba naman yang suot mo Balong, bawal sa school yan ah. Kaya ka palaging nasisita eh," I sighed in disbelief. Nakastatement t-shirt kasi siya na may nakasulat na 'I f**k hard'.

"Then, silah ang green minded. Pu-we-deh naman Funk o Fork ang meaning ni-toh noh."

Ignoring my alarmed face, he plastered a smile on his face, his lips pursed on one side and waggled his eyebrows na may isang guhit na pilat ang kaliwa. He had this devil-may-care face na mukhang palaging makikipagaway.

"You fork hard? Seriously?"

"Yeah, why not? Or I funk hard. De bah?"

Binigyan lang ako ni Balong ng isang malokong ngiti at dalawang nota na tawa.

Si Balong, whose real name is Archibald Dickinson, ang amboy kong classmate since junior high. Kinaiinisan siya sa school dahil sa mga kalokohan niya. Isa siyang proud malibog. I know marami rin naman talaga ang mga bastos ang utak sa school, pero si Balong, ibang level siya. May sarili siyang kategorya ng kalibugan. Mukha pa lang kasi niya, manyak na.

Ako lang talaga ang nagtitiyaga sa kaniya. Wala kasi siyang friend. Mabait naman siya, gwapo, matangkad; kaedaran ko lang siya pero may tikas na ang katawan, may angas ang dating, tipikal na bad boy pero 'yung mukhang mabangong bad boy naman. Higit sa lahat, at least para sa akin, nakakaaliw din 'yung tagalog accent niya. Iyun nga lang, walang makatiis sa kalibugan niya. Parte na ng bokabularyo niya ang mga pahapyaw na kabastusan.

"Laters, babe. Stay wet for me!" paalam ni Balong when we parted ways sa main lobby. Napalingo-lingo na lang ako.

Pagpasok ko sa classroom, isang mahigpit na akap agad ang bumungad sa akin. "Cece! Namiss kita baby girl!" paglalambing ni ate Juris. Isang taon lang naman ang tanda niya sa akin pero nakasanayan ko nang tawagin siyang Ate.

"O ate, first day pa lang ng class ah, naitayo mo na agad yang salon mo?" biro ko sa kaniya.

I surveyed the room quickly to look for a better seat. Definitely not in the back where ate Juris had permanently established her salon club since junior high.

Gamit ang dalawang daliri, marahang hinawi ni ate Juris ang buhok niya mula sa harapan ng kanyang balikat papunta sa likod. "Cece, seniors na tayo. Dapat ang ayos, pang seniors na den," sopistikadang sambit niya.

"Seniors, lola, ganon?" patawa kong sambit.

"Excuse me! Mukha ba akong lola?"

We both giggled. "Joke lang, ate," pagbawi ko.

Si Juris Claire E. Contrata ay isa sa mga sikat-sikatan sa school. Stand out kasi talaga ang ganda niya. She has this long wavy hair na may dagdag volume ang mga curls, mala-porselana ang kutis niya, trendy at stylish palagi ang pananamit niya, distinct ang bango niya and she looked wiser than her age. She didn't neccessarily aimed for fame, or at least, that's what she's been saying to everyone, but I know she has always pegged Princess Diana and she was obvious about it. She was sort of the school's people's princess too, and she loves animals. She promotes dog adoption, she volunteers to a care center for stray dogs, and she also volunteers to a home for the elderlies every weekend. It's all in her instagram account. It was clear to me that her heart is in the right places. Pero, she also love talking about make-up, shopping and the Kardashians a lot.

"Naku, ate, ayokoooh," nahihiya akong tumanggi nang inusisa niya ang mga kuko ko, gets ko na agad kung ano naiisip niya.

"Come, tara, sige na."

"Eee, no thanks ate. Err, next time siguro?"

Hinila niya ako patungo sa upuan niya kung saan naroon din ang grupo niya na kasalukuyang naglalagay ng nail polish. Balak pa sana ako lagyan ni ate Juris ng lip shimmer, pero kalaunay sumang-ayon din siya sa mga pagtangi ko.

There is a sophisticated tone in her voice yet she has always sounded sincere. "Cece, it's time na you at least try to use a little make up naman no. Teka, have you started using the face wash and the honey-oatmeal moisturizer I gave you?"

I simpered. "Err, sorry ate. Hindi pa eh. But I wash my face naman every night eh."

She rolled her eyes. "Sure, with your milk bath!" With her two fingers, she brushed her hair with finesse and flipped it back again. "Look.. Fine.. You have the skin of a baby, and, I love you, pero seriously? Inggit talaga ako sayo. Look at your skin, para kang baby angel. So not fair!"

I forced a smile, a little embarrassed and awkward from the compliments. "'Yun pala eh, edi working yung milk bath as face wash."

She just nudged my humor comment at umiling-iling. "Are you sure you don't want some shimmer? This. This would look perfect on your lips. Seriously, how do you keep those lips.. so, plush?"

"Ate naman e, kung maka-dissect ka sa mukha ko."

Ate Juris has always been the persistent type; the thing about her, she doesn't take no for an answer. But sometimes, I do get away with it. I vehememently shook my head to say no to her make-over attempts on me, I smiled in thank you and subtly escaped to the seat on the second row in front.

"Ay! Cece. Tabi ulit tayo?"

Tumango, ngumiti at umupo ako sa tabi ni Mecky. First year high school ko pang seat mate itong si Mecky Elisabeth Herher. Mahilig kasi siya magaral kaya gusto ko siya katabi at nahahawa akong magbasa ng libro o magreview ng mga notes.

"Sana walang seating arrangements no, para tabi na nga tayo," tugon ko. She smiled in agreement.

Si Mecky ang pinaka close kong kaibigan sa school. Halos parehas din kasi kami ng image; maaral, simple, mahinahon, 'yung tipong walang kaaway. Mas introvert nga lang 'tong si Mecky kaysa sa akin, pero may anghang din paminsan-minsan.

"Kinakabahan ka ba Cece?" tanong ni Mecky na siyang bahagyang ikinagulat ko.

Alam ko sa loob-loob ko, hindi na talaga ako mapakali, nasa jeep pa lang kami ni kuya Jared, namamawis na ang kili-kili ko. Mabuti na lang at absorbent ang polo shirt na suot ko.

"Huh? Hindi no," I retracted. It sounded defensive kaya't napabiglang tingin sakin si Mecky.

I continued my defense. "Nyee. Hindi nga. Ba't naman ako kakabahan? Hindi ako kinakabahan, ano ka ba."

I tried to be less defensive, but obviously, I failed.

"Chill," mahinahon niyang tugon. "First day kasi diba. Parang we don't know what to expect. Tapos magiging teacher na naman natin pala si Mr. Severus."

"Ok nga yun eh. At least hindi na tayo manghuhula kung anong klaseng teacher siya. Mas worried ako sa mga bagong teachers talaga at sa mga luma pero never pa natin naging teacher."

Kumalma ako ng bahagya at mukhang dedma lang din naman si Mecky sa medyo exaggerated kong reaksyon. One thing I liked about Mecky, she never complicates things. She's, cool.

"Sir!" - "Ayyyyy!" - "Hi Teacher Kim!" - "OH! EM! GEE!" - "Omg, omg, omg!" - Teacher Kim, Hi!" - "Good morning sir!" - "Ay! Pak! Papa Kim!" - "Papa Kim! I love you po!"

Hindi magkandamayaw ang tilian sa hallways. It was always like this during the first week of the new school year. Hindi maitago ang kilig ng mga estudyante sa mga katabing classrooms.

Padating na siya..

Hindi na din maitago ang excitement ng mga classmates kong babae at mga beki. At iyung mga lalaki naman, umaarteng kinikilig din sila at malokong nagsisitilian.

Bumilis naman ang tibok ng puso ko. Pilit akong nagpapanggap na hindi excited at parang normal lang ang lahat. Pero sa loob-loob ko, para akong kinakabahan, natatae at hindi mapakali.

Hinawi ko ang buhok ko at inipit sa kaliwa kong tenga. Tapos hinawi ko ulit, sinuklay ko ng mga daliri ko, tapos napagdesisyunan ko nang ipony-tail na agad na kadalasan sa tanghali ko pa ginagawa. Hindi na talaga ako mapakali.

"Good morning, class," ang unang tatlong salita niya pagpasok ng classroom na paniguradong tatatak na sa memorya ko - Good morning, class.

Pagkalapag niya ng gamit niya sa kanyang lamesa, tumingin siya sa buong klase at sinserong ngumiti. "Hello. I'm, uh, quite honored, to be the first to welcome you to the senior class."

Ngumiti ulit siya - ngiting nakakatunaw.

"I'm.. quite sure, this will be an exciting two years ahead of you," patuloy pa niya. His voice was deep but light; it had round vibrations; it's icy, pero may dalang kakaibang init sa katawan. His british accent was distinct and precise.

"Christ! Kah-yoh na-namahn. But I'm glad, you three took this acadamic track, eh?"

His attention was directed to the three familiar students in class. I remember, they were in Teacher Kim's 10th grade Math class. He, then, continued to take notice of his other former students, gave them nods and few other comments that I could care less. I was too busy admiring his magnificent Herculean beauty. I couldn't believe it, he was actually right in front of me.

Biglang nagtagpo ang mga mata namin. I froze and stopped breathing for like several seconds. Not quite certain if I saw it right, but his eyes lit up, like he saw something for the first time. Then he smiled, but it was a smile na parang ako lang ang nakakita.

Dinig na dinig ko sa klase ang mga pinipigilang kilig ng mga natutunaw sa mga ngiti ni Teacher Kim. Pero iba ang nararamdaman ko, higit pa sa kilig.

"I'm quite excited for this new batch of seniors. I see that we have several new comers here. I most certainly hope you'd enjoy our campus, and, uh, well, to the originals, be good."

With his subtle humour, the girls in class, of course, gave their sweetest laugh.

He was aware. Alam niya ang epekto niya sa mga tao sa paligid niya. I have always noticed, he consistently tries to be as proper as possible. Kadalasan sir, mam, Mr o Ms o Mrs ang tawag sa mga teacher dito sa school, but he opted to be called Teacher Kim. Para daw verbal reminder sa lahat na he's a teacher and he wanted to be treated as such.

Pero as have been proven many times too, mahirap pigilan ang hindi magnasa sa kaniya. He commands lust. He is a walking sexual fantasy. Dapat modelo siya, o artista, o para sa akin, porn star. Pero teacher siya at siya nga'y nagtuturo sa mga sexually charged-new breed-rabid racing hormones-libidinous teenagers.

Tumayo at sumandal siya sa harap ng teacher's desk. Noon, hanggang sulyap lamang ako, but finally, I got to see him in his full glory. He was even way perfect than I used to imagine him.

I was in total awe of his strikingly angular face; his chiseled jaw, his Herculean cheekbones, his deep-set and steely eyes, his sweeping eyelashes, and his sensously sculpted nose na para bang isang obra maestro ni Michaelangelo - aquiline, elegant, and very Roman-esque - everything in his face was intimidatingly perfect. He was like a direct descendant of a Greek God or Superman.

Hindi dapat naging legal na hayaan may isang katulad niya na nagtuturo sa eskwelahan. He is a crime anyone would happily commit, a perfect but dangerously attractive role model and influence to teenagers. Odd. Perfectly mismatched. Makasalanan.

"So... I, uh, I supposed, introductions are still in order," he continued. His thick brows arched in the most endearing way.

It felt like time slowed down. The way his head tilt or nod and the subtle movements of his hands, there was this elegant confidence in him, like he was humble but very sure of himself.

"I understand, you must have done this at every first day of your entire school life. But, to keep this long tradition going, I'd like everyone to introduce yourselves. I'd be happy to start, my name is Christopher Octavo Cawkwell-Kim. Mix bits of british, filipino, korean, and, I don't know what else. But, please, call me Teacher Kim. I know, I know, that sounds rather too kindergarten, but I prefer the obvious," patuloy niya. Again, uttered with a hint of humor, so the class sweetly laughed.

He uttered few other jokes that made the class chuckle, giggle and laugh. But none of it registered to me, especially, when he started wetting his lips; I instantaneously dazed off, lost in my wonderland.

His lips was his most domineering feature - a dreamy, lusty, soft pink lips that glistens whenever he wets it. It's lush but masculine - thin, heart-curved upper lip but plump and full lower lip. It was appetizing.

Kakatitig ko sa mukha ni Teacher Kim, may kakaiba pero masarap na tensyon akong nararamdaman sa gitna ng aking dalawang hita. I wanted to touch myself again so badly. Hindi ko mapigilang ma-imagine naman 'yung paborito kong eksena sa porn kung saan si Teacher Kim ang male lead ko.

In that scene, I was playing with myself. My fingers softly fondled on my throbbing virginity. I was just intentionally teasing Teacher Kim but keeping him in a distance. Takam na takam lang siya. Like a hungry lion preying on a lamb. It was hot, he was freaking hot. He was vicious, predatory, and I knew for sure I will not be able to tease him for long, he would ravage me eventually.

Flipping out of my daydream, I came back in real time. Teacher Kim continued talking in front of the class, introducing more about himself, as if any of us didn't know already. Pero parang isang sensual music lang ang naririnig ko. His words were like whispers - careless, animalistic, arousing whispers.

Dazing off into my hornyland again, I hear the sound of him sniffing my vanilla-cinnamon scented pussy. He would hiss, like a snake, and then sniff me in for more, slowly but intense. I've always taken pride of how good I must smell, thanks to the feminine wash from Swiss Alps that my aunt bought me. I wished, one day, or soon enough, Teacher Kim will have a good sniff of me for real.

I was utterly lost in my imagination. I could feel his lips gently rubbing on the delicate inner face of my thigh; tapos ang dulo ng kanyang mga daliri ay masarap na kumikiliti sa aking hiwa; and his tongue - I can't even comprehend the feeling - his tongue was busy doing the greatest work of art and my sweet little pussy was his canvas. I knew my dirty train of thoughts was moving too fast, I could hardly even catch my breath.

"Uy. Cece, ikaw na! Introduction mo."

Makailang beses ako kinalabit ni Mecky bago ako nakabalik sa wisyo. May ilan pang nagtawanan sa paligid.

I was flustered, flushed even, and my throat dried up like summer. Naramdaman ko ang pamumutla ko at nakaramdam ako ng makapanindig-balahibong hiya sa itinakbo ng isip ko.

"Ha. Uh. Yes. Hi."

Napatayo na lang ako bigla, hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. To make it worst, my eyes locked with Teacher Kim again. I suddenly felt naked. Something cold blasted into my skin.

Not quite sure with what I saw again, but his eyes scanned my body, which, strangely, it made me feel, proudly naked.

I wanted him. I wanted him to own me, use me, abuse me. I wanted him to treat me like a lamb, not a princess, not the good daughter, and definitely not the naive teenager that everybody think I am.

"Nice one, Cece! Hindi ka masyadong halata!" hiyaw ng isa kong classmate at nagtawan ang lahat.

In a flash, I felt naked na din sa harapan ng buong klase. A sudden breeze of freezing cold air brushed on my nape. I burped silently and swallowed dry.

"I noticed.. we are both Kims. We might be related, eh?" tanong ni Teacher Kim. Nakakunot-noo niya at nagsalubong ang mga kilay niya. His face. That face. I felt my nipples pressed against my bra. The sensual spots in my body became extra sensitive.

I realised, he knew me! He knows I'm Cece Kim! But then, I quickly snapped out of the thought. Of course, he knew me. Four generations of Kims graduated in this school; my grandparents and great grandparents graduated from this university, my parents started their scandalous love affair in the high school cafeteria, and my brothers have been a regular in the Disciplinary Office. I was the only decent Kim who had set foot in this school and haven't been in any scandal.

"Uhm. Ahhh. uhm," napalunok-laway ako. "Nn-no sir. I'm pure filipino po. The Kim line in my family are all born and raised here in the Philippines. I never knew how we got Kim as a surname tho."

Napakunot noo ako, it was as if I was talking randomly, parang sarili ko lang kinakausap ko. Madalas mangyari sa'kin 'to, 'yung parang nauuna ang bibig ko sa takbo ng utak ko.

"That's uh... quite a good start for an introduction. I would like to hear more of you."

More. Of. Me?!

I tried to gain back my consciousness. Nakaka-ilang na rin ang mga tingin sa'kin ng mga kaklase ko, 'yung iba, hindi ko pa nga kilala.

"Err, Frey Uriella Cecelia Kim-Menendez, Cece for short, ss-sir," napalagok ulit ako ng isang tipon ng laway. "And uh..er, ahmmm ---"

"Why did you choose STEM as your academic track?" pagdugtong ni Teacher Kim, he sounded a little impatient.

Umalis siya sa pagkakasandal niya sa harap ng desk niya, tumungo sa likod nito at umupo. Parang naiirita siya sa pagkalutang ko, o masyado akong obvious sa pagnanasa sa kaniya. Hindi ko na alam.

"I want to be a research scientist sir. I, uh, someday, I want to develop and create solutions to some of the major scientific inconsistencies, or maybe find cures to diseases. I also wanted to understand the mathematical truth to the creation of the great pyramids of Giza. I think everything we know now about the pyramids aren't completely congruent and only few facts are substantial. I am deeply fascinated with the mathematical knowledge, discovery and mystery of the ancient world. I, uh, consider myself, a very curious person, sir. I thought, taking STEM would be the right first step to do so."

Nagpalakpakan ang mga classmates ko. Humiyaw pa ng cheer si ate Juris. Hindi ko rin alam kung saan ko biglang nahugot ang sagot ko dahil ang tanging rason ko lang naman ay para maging teacher kita, Teacher Kim.

Hindi ko mawari kung naiinis nga siya. It was subtle, but I noticed, he clenched his fist at nagseryoso ang mukha niya.

"Very well, Cece. Hold on to that, I am sure you are capable of many great things.. Cece."

Inurong niya papalapit sa desk niya ang upuan niya at pinisil ng kaliwa niyang kamay ang kanyang kanang braso, tapos ay minasahe niya ang kanyang leeg.

Nang matapos ang lahat sa mga introductions, tumayo muli si Teacher Kim para magsulat sa board.

And oh! That perfect ass!

It was the longest 90 minutes in the history of time. I was faintly quiet after that painful first impression. He was making jokes, nakikipagsabayan din siya sa mga double meaning na reactions at comments ng mga kaklase ko. But he remained proper and decent, the hottest respectable teacher ever existed.

Napansin kong he was avoiding to direct his gaze sa area ng kinauupuan ko. I was probably terribly awkward in that unintentional tensions during my introduction. Dama ko rin na may mga matang sumusulyap-sulyap sa akin mula sa mga classmates ko.

I've never been out of control. I was almost always flawlessly proper, honest, polite and innocent.

Did I just outed myself?

I started to worry if I just revealed clues to my secret. Surely, hindi lang ako ang nanonood ng porn sa classroom na ito or nagnanasa kay Teacher Kim. But I'm Cece, I was supposed to be naive and incapable of having dirty thoughts. I got worried, baka unti-unti nang ma-reveal ang mga itinatago-tago kong katotohanan.

The first bell rang. I felt a sudden jolt of freedom. Makakahinga na din ako ng normal.

Bago lumabas si Teacher Kim ng classrom, tumingin siya sa akin. Finally. Isang malaman na tingin, pero hindi ko mawari ang ibig sabihin. It was a deep, penetrating stare. But then, he cut it, stared at the floor briefly and continued collecting his things, wet his lips again, just as he did 69 times the entire class period. Oh yes, I counted it because everytime he did so, I felt an internal explosion of pleasure.

While collecting his things back into his leather briefcase, he let out a smile. It was subtle, indirect. But I felt it was meant for me. It went straight to the unexplored depth of my virginity. It was a spiking, tingling pain of pleasure.

It was somewhat mischievous tho, and was kindda familiar too, it was how I imagined him smiling in my pornographic fantasy. And just right before he head out the door, he gave me one last look. He was evil.