Becoming a 'man'

A quarter of an hour later...

We were inside a square room, surrounded by an incompetent and stinky group of old men. Hmm, not just old men. Quite a number of promising young 'boys' had also made this room their office of debauchery.

Still, men or boys, they were of the same breed. They did little work, other than helping the mistress of this establishment run her business. It was because of them, that she could put food on her table and let her sons pursue the way of cultivation. And, it was indeed because of them, that she could keep HER incompetent and stinky man alive all this while.

Yes, for a group of good-for-nothing alcoholics, they had done a great work by helping her. For this help, she would kindly repay them with more cheap alcohol, turning them all the more incompetent and stinky.

So why was I here? What was my purpose at such a place?

Well, I certainly didn't plan on being the same as these men. However, I did plan on turning someone sitting opposite to me into a temporary alcoholic. I wouldn't be able to bear seeing this handsome clerk go astray.

After leaving the Yellow Rocks Mansion for a 'private discussion', I deliberately chose this cheap saloon. Strictly saying, 'saloon' wasn't the right word for it. There were a lot of cultural differences between earth and this world. However, it was the word closest to describing this place.

In the name of friendliness and favour, I immediately ordered the best wine this place could offer and got him drunk. The boy (considering my age) at first shied away from even touching the bottle of wine. He hadn't drunk a drop of alcohol in his 19 years of life. That's why, he was not a 'man' yet.

Even so, it was no great challenge getting him to sip a little bit. I just pretended to be 'hurt' after he refused my generous gesture. So he took a sip, just a sip. I pretended to looked 'unsatisfied'.

The next thing, he picked up the bottle, poured himself a full cup and down it went his throat. Like all first-timers, his face morphed into an indescribable state.

He told me that he felt like throwing up and I assured him that he will soon do so. He looked incredulous but I kept nodding.

"No need to hasten things up. Here, have another cup. You can postpone throwing up for later," I said.

With that, the boy took the cup and emptied it again. After this, the usual happened. A sip gave way for a drink which in turn, led him to grab the whole bottle, and empty the alluring yet dangerous liquid inside.

In a while, he looked red like a tomato. It was evident that the wine was earnestly doing it's magic.

So, I ordered some light meal and very discreetly asked for a bottle of water. I made sure the water bottle was identical to the wine bottle.

"Waat iz diz?" he asked and I casually lied, "Oh this? Another bottle of wine, for me."

I poured a cup of 'wine' for myself and drank it in one go. Making exaggerated sounds of clearing throat, I said, "Ahhh, nothing beats a good wine after a morning of training."

And that's how our conversation started.

We talked about about a lot of things for another good hour. I learned a lot about the lifestyle of people (common people) here in Shang desert, and he learned how to put more words between his occasional hiccups.

After he finished another bottle of real wine, I switched to ordering cheap ale. The boy would be paying for all of this. If I mercilessly ordered expensive drinks, then he would be permanently employed here as a dishwasher.

Of course, the already drunk clerk didn't notice when or if I even changed drinks.

After that, I started making him laugh at times, saying something amusing while he chattered. Slowly but intentionally, I went on cajoling him.

I listened to him like a student facing his teacher. I poured wine for him, as if he was my tired husband after a long day of work, and I his loyal wife.

Soon, our conversation reached a point where I felt like he was ready to spill his tightly held beans.

"Ahahaha, Brother Fan is truly gifted at telling jokes. Ahhh, being in such a good mood hic- is rare for me nowadays. I'm telling you brother Fan, working as a clerk is such a dif...dilf... err..," he trailed off.

"Hic- It...it's a difficult job I mean!" he slammed his empty porcelain cup on the table.

"Aye, brother Shuo, you needn't say anymore. I know your pain, this Fan knows," with an agreeing tone that would have left Chunu shocked beyond words, I again poured the cheap ale in his cup.

The chariness and discomfort he had around me had long left him. The clerk and I became "buddies" since the minute he became drunk.

"If only we could be like young master Chai. I heard he got a very generous mission," in a casual tone, I prompted.

"Ah, very generous indeed. I don't know why hic- why that mother f*cker always has such good luck!" he cursed, nearly spitting on the table had I not stopped him.

I was shocked. Hu Shuo seemed so respectful earlier in the mansion. I had thought they were in a good relationship, but it seemed that was not the case at all.

"Careful, brother Shuo. People might hear you," I whispered cautiously, taking furtive glances at the talking and shouting men. Fortunately, no one seemed to have heard us yet.

However, Hu Shuo didn't heed my advice and bellowed even loudly.

"I don't care! I don't care if that son of a whor-" I stopped him. This wouldn't work, I had to change my methods.

My palm over his lips, I asked in a very serious tone, "Brother Shuo, look at me. What do you see?"

"Hic- You? You look like a toad, brother Fan. Hehehehehe..." he started laughing, causing me to twitch my eyebrows. He had drunk a lot of alcohol by now. It was a miracle that he hadn't lost consciousness yet. I had to be quick.

"You see me fine, brother Shuo. My true form is that of a toad. I'm actually a divine toad, sent here to secretly investigate that wicked Chai." I used my ultimate technique again, spouting bullshit.

"Rweally?"

"Really! So you should speak in a low voice when telling me what he got. We don't want his lackeys to hear of this now, do we? They could be here, you know."

At my words, he started glancing left and right, suddenly aware that he and I weren't the only ones in this room.

Then, he leaned forward and spoke extremely softly, like when me and Chunu discussed earlier.

"Sss-so it's like thisss, blother Faan. Chai and that pesky Guuuo... got a white mission that paysss 30 GOLD coinsss!"

I didn't speak, hinting him to continue.

With an expression of utter cautiousness, he told me to lean closer and placed his smelly mouth near my left ear.

As if his palm could really block what little sound he was about to make, he covered his mouth with it and murmured, "I hic- checked three times and it... it was just killing some sand-eating spiders. Even a simple man could kill them, much less cultivators."

"They let you see the scroll?" I was starting to understand what use those coloured scrolls had. It seemed white scrolls recorded easy missions and generally had low pay.

"How could they not let me! I am...hic- I am the ONLY clerk Dou Chai trusts. He had to let me read the scroll before I stamped it!" Hu Shuo replied with an expression full of glee.

"Hic- guess what bolotherr Faaan..."

I knew what to ask, so I asked, "What?"

"They've already got the pay! Brother Fan, befol eve-hic even completing the mission!" He winked at me though I didn't understand why he did that. Drunk men are hardly understood. But to be honest, that little info did spark some thoughts... devious thoughts.

'No no, he knows more...' I tried to glean more information out of him.

"So when are they going to subjugate those spiders?" I asked, taking the posture that was both regal and befitting a 'Divine Toad Investigator.'

"Er Guo was suggesting that Chai to head over immediately, but he was rejected. They'll leave the town this evening." his speech was clean without any hiccups this time.

"Where are those spiders then?"

"Not far... not far at all. They... err... hic- a few paces southwest of the town."

I leaned away from him after he finished his sentence. I knew there was nothing else he could tell me now.

"I thank you, brother Shuo. Dou Chai would face Divine Retribution by this Fan's name." Saying that, I lifted my cup full of 'wine' and proposed a toast to Hu Shuo.

"For the downfall of Wicked Chai!"

"For the downfall of Wicked Chai!" He imitated my words.

In a matter of minutes, a new plan formed in my mind. A plan that would make full use of the information I had gained. I found myself smiling.

"Brother Shuo," I said, "Why don't we play a 'manly' game?"

"Ehh, what game is it?" Hu Shuo squinted. He was already showing signs of falling unconscious. I just wanted to speed up that process.

"Let's compete who lasts longer, you or me? Man to man, we drink one cup at a time!" Saying that, I again poured the clean water (the 'wine') in my ceramic cup and drank it in one go.

"Hehe, brother Fan. I really like that idea. I rweally lie-hic it..."