The Wolf in Sheeps Clothing

Mr. Micheals hated the fact I had a boyfriend. He would watch me closely and I chalked it up to him being a protective father. That was until on day he touched my ass and told me one day I would call him "daddy". I freaked out and the case workers were involved and told them I needed a break. They put me in a respite home in Salamanca with the Ryans. They had two children of their own. I met Mrs. Ryan first and her children seemed nice. I felt welcomed instantly. Mr. Ryan came in and he seemed kind but judgemental at the same time.

Mrs. Ryan gave me a phone so I could contact the Micheals. That was a mistake. Mr. Micheal would call 15 times in a two minute time frame. Mrs. Ryan allowed my boyfriend to take me to the Fresburg fair. We walked to the creek where we started kissing and not even a few moments of being there Mrs. Ryan called me asking where I was. I told her at the creek and she told me I was suppose to be at the fair. I informed her the creek was right next to the consession stand at the fair. She said Mr. Micheal called her and told her I was no where near the fair.

I ended up having to send her a photo of where I was to prove that I wasnt lying. She told me to enjoy myself and to be home before 8pm. I was angry this man had the nerve to stalk me. I didn't want to go back to them after that. I didn't. The Ryans said I could stay and I was part of the "Ryan crew" For the first time in a long time i felt accepted. Little did I know I wouldn't feel that for long.

Reece was always coming to the Ryans on the weekends. We were together for 11 months at that time. I felt he was being distant since he just turned 18 and I turned 16 that year. The distance started to become a problem and I wouldn't answer his texted because that year I ended up in Summer school. It was hard juggling a academics and a boyfriend. Mrs. Ryan was a gym teacher for another children's home so she was not one who played with grades.

She was understanding if I tried and failed but wasn't when I didn't apply myself. Reece was seeing another girl behind my back and I found out from the summer school student that knew him. I was angry and met another guy who was just a summer school fling. It meant nothing and that was the first time I dated out of spite to hurt someone else. Mrs. Ryan didnt know because that would mean they'd hate Reece and I just wanted Reece to see what he did was hurtful and I wanted him to hurt the same way. Immature I know.

Time went on and we were coming to our two-year-anniversary and we had sex for the first time in his car. I missed my period and I was so scared I was pregnant. He ended up breaking up with me a week later. My period came three days after. He satrted dating the girl he cheated on me with and I started dating an older guy. He was 23 and I was only 16. I didn't turn 17 until 6 months later but it was still very much illegal. Mrs. Ryan had no idea. I kept a lot hidden. I didn't like letting people in.

Reece found out about the 23 year old and dumped his girlfriend and we got beack together. I was stupid but I thought he was the one. We worked on our relationship, or so I thought, and he started coming around a lot more. One day I went to the library and seen a girl i went to RCH with and her and I dated for a short time. No one knew my sexuality because even I didnt understand it. I was taught "It's Adam and Eve not Adams and Steve", ignorant homphobes. The girl and I ended up making out at the soccer field behind the library and she left hickeys on my neck.

I tried to hide them the best I could but Mrs. Ryan seen and flipped. She called Reece cussing him out thats when she found out it wasn't him. She took my phone so I couldnt explain to Reece what had happened. Not like it would make it any better. I told Mrs. Ryan it was a girl and she didnt believe me. She had a lesbian sister she disowned because she was gay. I felt defeated. I never was able to be myself after that. I had to lie and say it was from a guy and apologize for saying it was from a girl. They were hypocrites because their son got hickeys that next week and they congradulated him.

Months went by and I havent spoken to Reece since the incident. One afternoon Mrs. Ryan told me to go to the door and there he was. He didn't look happy but he didn't look sad either. We ended up going for a walk and I apologized for what I did. I tried my best to tell him everything. He said he understood but I knew things between us changed. We dated until the morning of my 17th birthday. I was in summer school and I asked him if he was coming to my party. "I'll try my best" he said. "What does that even mean? You're not going to come? Why? Why wouldn't you come to my birthday?!" I texted back. He ignored me for an hour. I called him on break and he ignored my called. "I'm not coming, sorry</3" is the text i got. "Are you breaking up with me on my fucking birthday?" I was in tears. His reply was "Its just not working out".

I called Mrs. Ryan hysterical. I knew I wasnt perfect but on my birthday? He cheated first! I am not saying what I did was okay but I thought we were going to work it out and that we were fine. I just seen him that weekend and he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me! LIAR! Again, I felt the pain I felt when Sadie left. He knew everything, he knew Sadie tried to be a part of my life again and sat with me at MCD's waiting for her like i did when I was a kid just for her not to show up. He knew how my parents both bio and the ones who raised me abandoned me and he knew that birthdays were the worst for me. He knew and he decided that was the day he was breaking up with me.

I cried in the bathroom until it was time to go home. I did my best to enjoy my party. Pretend I was fine. I would end up crying through out the day. For weeks I cried. I shouldn't have been so upset honestly I hurt him too. The day after my birthday he started dating the girl he cheated on me with again. I would text him here and there. NEVER TEXT WHEN YOU ARE HURTING. You will say things you will regret later.

That was the last time we dated. I started dating girls in my school. I couldn't tell Mrs. Ryan for the simple fact of how she would react. I texted her when I was angry. "I want you to know I am bisexual, I didnt lie about the hickeys and I know you dont want someone like me in your family" she responded " I dont know how you could send something like this through text instead of talking to me in person". That was the end of that conversation. I was a coward.

We got a foster brother who I knew from the childrens home and a little girl. She was evil. She wasnt there long but the little boy ended up getting adopted years later by Mrs. Ryan. There was another girl my age that came. She had CF but she was a snake. She smoked and smoked in my room and blamed me for it. Bought cigs at school and had me hold on to them, that was my fault because I was niave on the severity of CF. It wasnt until she stole from the the family that I had enough. Mr. Ryan was driving us home from school and she kept talking shit and I told her I was going to beat her ass. *JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE CF DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN TALK SHIT WITHOUT CONSEQUENCE* She called me a cunt as she got out of the truck and I kicked her and ran after her in the house.

I beat her up in her room and Mr. Ryans daughter says "KAT STOP! SHES NOT EVEN WORTH IT!". For weeks I begged them to get her out. There was no open foster homes. She went to school and told the entire school I had an abortion so after school we went to the foster granparents house and my friend was with me and I had enough of her mouth and I fought her again. I broke my fake nails that day. I didnt feel bad, still don't. She was a snake and stole pills from the foster grand parents. Fighting doesnt solve anything but it sure the hell made me feel better. I was young and stupid, I know. I've calmed down quite a bit.

The case worker FINALLY took the hint that this was not a good fit and picked her up from the foster granparents house. I asked if I was getting arrested because I lumped her up pretty good. I was asked if I used any weapons and I didnt, so the worker told me I wasnt going to jail. I did lose my phone privleges but Mrs. Ryan knew this was coming. She warned the workers that I was getting sick of the girl that I was becoming hostile and couldnt control my anger with the shit she was doing.

I feel bad thats who I was back then. I don't like the person I was. Looking back I hated that person.