checkmate 012

<< m i s a o >>

"ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS, TOSHIRO?"

How did it go from me trying to hold myself back, to me hovering over Toshiro's body while he's lying on my bed? I remember becoming extremely excited when I felt him hard just as I am. And I remember the expression on his flustered face giving me the consent, telling me that I no longer need to hold myself back.

But is it really alright?

"Saki's right outside…"

Toshiro reached his arms out to me, wrapping them around my neck, pulling my whole body. For a moment, our crotches brushed against each other and I shivered in that brief, unexpected sensation, so does Toshiro.

"S-Saki-san is fast asleep…" Toshiro mumbled pulling back his right arm to cover his face in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. "You don't have to hold back, Misao…"

I'm well aware that he likes facing things head on but I didn't expect even in this kind of situation. Does he have any idea how sex between men works?

I have no idea why I'm starting to be frustrated but I'm sure I don't want to leave Toshiro any unpleasant memories of our first night together. It's not that I'm doubtful with my skills but Toshiro is totally new to this.

I rolled over, releasing a deep sigh as I lay beside Toshiro.

"What's the matter, Misao?" Toshiro sat up, his eyes roamed all over my face, studying my expression.

"Just as I thought, we should take this slow…" Disappointment clearly showed on Toshiro's face. Again, I took a deep breath then I sat up to meet Toshiro's eyes. "Don't get me wrong Toshiro, I've been dreaming for this moment ever since I came to like you but I don't want to suddenly do this when it clearly shows that you don't have the slightest idea how this works… To be clear with you, I'm a top. Are you fine being the bottom?"

"B-Bottom…?"

"Meaning, I'll be the one entering you… Are you okay with that? Do you have any idea where?"

"Of course I know. There's only one hole there where you can enter me."

I was caught off-guard that I snorted. "Really… Do you have any idea how painful it could be if we didn't prepare it enough?"

"Does it hurt that much?"

"Like I've said, we need to prepare you well."

"Then... can I be the top?"

"Do you want to?"

Toshiro was silent for a moment, his mind obviously full of questions and doubts. "I think… I'd rather be embraced by you, Misao.

I took his hand and held it close to my heart. "It's not a matter of position, Toshiro… I just want to make sure that when we do, finally, make love, we'll both enjoy it. Especially you… I don't want you to regret having sex with me."

"That won't happen!"

"I know but… I don't want to make you uncomfortable." I reached for his cheeks next, and then brought our lips together in a quick kiss. "You're already mine, there's no longer need for me to be so anxious."

"Alright, if that's what you think is best. But still, I want you to touch me right now and I want to feel you, Misao."

My shoulders fell in defeat. "Really, Toshiro… If we started I'm afraid I won't be able to hold back…"

Toshiro's lips curved in a small smirk. "Well… I already told you that you don't have to."

---

"M-MISAO… UHHH—" Toshiro quickly covered his mouth with his hands, in an attempt to conceal his moans and panting. "G-Good… Feels good."

"Shit." I said underneath my breath. My body feels so hot, I hardly couldn't hold my own moans.

Staring at Toshiro's flustered face as I rub my throbbing dick against Toshiro's could make me cum in that very second but I have to try my hardest to hold back so we could cum together. My chest has been pounding like crazy while my mind was filled with lustful thoughts of doing everything I want to Toshiro.

Seeing him feeling good and hearing his muffled moans, I can't help but desire to pleasure him more and have my way with him.

"M-Misao… comin—"

My rubbing grew faster and more aggressive as we're about to reach our climax. Toshiro, once again, wrapped his arms around my neck and brought my face closer to his until our lips were almost brushing against each other. His moans laced with his warm breath caressed my lips in the most erotic way I could ever imagine, even more than that deep kiss we shared a little while ago.

"I like you, Toshiro…" I whispered as I continue to rub our dicks together, immense pleasure kept building up, thrust after thrust.

Our bodies shivered at the same time, our dicks, and my hand, were now soaked with each other's cum. The climax only lasted for a few seconds but the pleasure and happiness in my heart will surely last for a lifetime. And I swear I will never let anyone take this happiness away from me, again. I will never let go of Toshiro.

"Misao… Are you okay?"

I felt a hand gently cupped my left cheek and when I opened my eyes, I instantly met Toshiro's worried look along with his still flustered face. I lay down beside him, pulling him into my arms

"Misao?"

"Thank you, Toshiro…" I whispered. "This is the best gift I've ever received…"

"Best gift? Are you sure you're contented with just doing this? I mean…" He paused for a second, "I can give you a better gift… we can 'really' go all the way."

I chuckled, "No that's not what I meant. 'You' are the best gift, Toshiro."

Toshiro stiffened a bit in my arms before wrapping his arms around my body and burying his face into my chest. "I'm not used with you talking like that…"

"Talking like what?"

"…Sweet. I used to wonder why women like those kinds of words even though they seemed so cringey. But why when it came from you, my heart won't stop pounding so fast."

I couldn't believe I'm hearing those words from Toshiro himself when it's my chest that was starting to ache from the unceasing thumping beat of my heart just from him being this close to me.

"If that's the case then, I will constantly make your heart beats fast."

He instantly let go from the hug and pulled himself back just to look at me with suspecting eyes. "Are you trying to kill me?"

One corner of my lips curved up into a smirk, "Next time. But with pleasure."

His eyes widened as he sucked in his breath.

I averted my eyes, even I got embarrassed of what I've said, "I was just kidding, Toshiro."

"T-Then, I'm looking forward dying in your arms Misao."

I shook my head thinking I really can't win against this guy.

"Uhm Misao… Now that I'm your boyfriend, you can tell me if something's bothering you or if you have a problem. I really want to be the first one to help you when you needed help. I want to be the person you rely on. And if it's okay with you and if you're comfortable, you can tell me things about you. I want to know you better, Misao. When Saki-san came, I only realized that I knew nothing about you even though we've been friends for quite some time."

Suddenly, what Toshiro said earlier came to mind.

'I'm jealous of Saki-san because he knows things about you that I haven't had the slightest idea about. I'm jealous of Saki-san because he can always come to your rescue and you rely on him. I'm jealous of Saki-san because even though you've been away with each other for so long, he could still say he likes you…'

"Wait a second Toshiro, about what you said earlier… what do you mean with Saki could still say he likes me?"

Toshiro's brows suddenly drawn together as he frowned, "W-Well, He told me, you two dated back in high school then I asked him if he wanted to get back together with you because I could see he still have feelings for you."

"And he said he wanted to be with me again?"

Toshiro shook his head, "He didn't exactly said yes but he admitted he still likes you…"

I sighed, "Don't worry about Saki. I bet he noticed that I like you and he's just trying to find out what you feel about me."

"You guys are really best friends…" he mumbled, "I am seriously jealous of Saki-san."

There it was again. I don't want Toshiro to feel that way about Saki because Saki naturally knew things about me, especially about my past, just because he was part of it. I met Toshiro when I was trying to live a new life of my own, without the prying eyes of the people who know about my family background and I intended to live that way. I want to detach myself from my past so badly that I don't even want to talk about it anymore.

I just wanted to be the ordinary college student Misao and not the Misao who's a disgraceful homosexual son of a businessman and government official. When I moved to this town, only then I realized what freedom was – nobody knows a thing about me and my past, no one's trying to stop me from doing what I want, I was finally able to make friends and I fell in love again.

I wonder… what will Toshiro think of me after I tell him about my past, about my family. Will he be frightened to know that he liked a person with such disgusting background?

I'm scared to find out.

"What happened earlier at the pub…" Toshiro traced his words as he buried his face into my chest once again, embracing me so tightly as if I'll disappear if he let go. "I was so scared. I wanted to help you but I felt so useless with Saki-san there by your side. That's when I realized that I want to protect you but I have no idea from what? You seemed so far from me. It's like anytime… you can just disappear."

His body seemed so small in my arms and yet I could make a home with his warmth. And then I thought, for sure, if it's this person, then it's alright to tell him. A person with such kindness and straightforwardness that held no malice will never be shaken by something like a 'past'. It won't be easy recalling what happened but I know I have to try because at the back of my mind, I want him to know.

"I… have a terrible fear of broken glasses…" My hands started shivering as I held Toshiro's body, "After Saki left, I was always alone. I couldn't have male friends without my father suspecting that I was fooling around with them. Female friends were out of the question, I'm uncomfortable being with a girl. In the past, girls approached me, as well as Saki, because of our family background. Besides, I'm scared my father will force me to marry someone if I ever get close to them."

My body's starting to tremble and Toshiro could definitely feel it. I felt his hand gently caressing my back along with the soft comforting kisses he's been planting on the skin of my chest which slowly calms the storm building up in my heart.

"M-My father and I had a massive argument that day, he was furious that a rumour about me being gay reached his office. I tried to defend myself and he snapped hard when I told him that was the truth anyway. He pushed me so hard my body hit a cabinet full of wine bottles. My back hurts and, suddenly, something came crashing down to my head and then my whole body. I felt something dripping from my head, at first it was the smell of liquor and then I felt a sharp pain all over my head. I saw my mom rushing towards me, while cursing my father. My ears were ringing and when I looked around me… I was surrounded with shards of glass. I was soaked and sitting in a puddle of wine as if it was my own blood. B-But something doesn't felt right, I reached to touch the top of my head and when I looked at my hand it was, no doubt, blood. I remember glancing at my mother's worried face before I lost consciousness."

Toshiro glanced up at me with his eyes welling up, "Misao… I'm sorry…"

I gave him a faint smile, "It's alright. I want you to know."

He let go from the hug and reached to touch the top of my head ever so gently, as if the wound was still there and he's afraid he'll hurt me. "It must have hurt so bad…"

I chuckled, "For sure. But now, I couldn't even remember. I woke up in a hospital bed with my head wrapped with bandages. Ah yeah, I remember it was painful when the pain killer was wearing off. And they have to inject me some more. My whole body was just… numb during my whole stay in the hospital. That was also the reason why I was held back at school for a year.

"It never occurred to me, and to every one, that I would have such trauma until my father became mad again when Saki came back for a while and he saw us together. He grabbed something and threw it towards me, that thing hit the window beside me and when I saw the shattered glasses on the floor I just…" I took a deep breath, whole body is trembling again just from remembering that time. "Just… hyperventilated and panicked and I can't even remember what happened after. I just heard Saki calling my name over and over."

This time, Toshiro's tears came running down his cheeks and he's sobbing against my chest, "I'm sorry Misao… I promise you as long as you're with me you won't experience those things again. I will definitely protect you, Misao. Please rely on me."

I ran my hand along his back to calm him down, as well as to relieve the sadness I caused him just from hearing about my past, "I will…"

I'm scared I've never been this happy in my life before. I might have used all my luck this year… no, might as well my whole life.

"Ah! Toshiro I have something to give you…"

We let go of each other as I sat up to reach the bottom drawer of my cabinet and pulled out a small box in a navy-coloured wrapper.

Toshiro's eyes were fixed on the box as I placed it on top of his palms. "This is…"