The fear

"You are late." The voice belonged to the one I was so scared of. My uncle. "Why are you late? Speak!" I trembled at his voice. Then I said while lowering my eyes,

"The teacher has assigned us a group project work. Hence why I got delayed,"

"So group project work, hmm? That means you will be talking with other students as well?" I nodded in response. "Keep it in mind, you only talk with them for the project. And no friend making. Is that clear?"

"Yes, uncle," I responded, knowing very well that I was not going to follow a single word he had said. Because I was not ready to loose my friends from my life. Annie, Samantha, William, Derek, and Neil of course. I was not ready to loose them.

"Good. You can go now." He said and I nodded in response. Then I disappeared from his sight.

.....

Usually it was my brother who came to my room, but today I broke the pattern by going to his room. He was oddly quiet, and looked troubled. I informed him about my project work. He in response, just hummed and said something like 'Yeah, good. Do well.' and that's it, he dismissed me.

It was very strange. I felt there was something going on in my house which everyone was aware of, but I wasn't. I hated to be in the dark, but then again, most of the time I was left in darkness of secrets. Hence, I decided not to pay attention to it.

.....

I went earlier to the school as we had decided so that we could discuss about the project work. Derek and Bobby was already there. However, Neil wasn't there yet.

Derek waved his hand to me. While Bobby didn't even look at me. In fact, he didn't even make any noise or any sarcastic comment.

"Hey!" I greeted Derek, then I asked, "Where is he?" Derek pretended not to understand what I asked.

"Who is the 'he' you are talking about?" He questioned while making a saint like face.

"I...well...Neil? That's right! Where is he?"

"Oh...so you wanted to know about him? You should have told so earlier!" Derek then said, "He is busy with some stuff. You know he...the president, a busy man with lots of responsibility I would say." He said as he expressionlessly looked at my blank face. After a few seconds of silence, we both burst into laughter.

Then I quietly asked him, "Did Bobby complained to anyone regarding yesterday's incident?"

"What would he complain? That he not only verbally abused a girl but also slapped her?" He tsked as he looked at Bobby. "Bobby is smart enough to know what to speak and what not to. Isn't that right, little Bobby?"

Bobby scornfully looked at us but he said nothing. And when Neil came, he almost immediately started to look outside the window as if he was a good child in front of bunch of the rowdies.

"Oh look who graced us with his presence, Raine," Derek once again was back to his extremely happy self. "It's Neil!" Neil just rolled his eyes and then he looked at me.

"Hi, president," said I and he just smiled lazily. Right, he was mature guy in our group who wouldn't involve himself in our childish jokes. I looked down at my hands, not knowing what to do next.

"Hi, guitar girl," and suddenly I found Neil in front of me. Standing very close to me with that ever so captivating smile on his lips. I looked at him for merely 3 seconds and started to look down again. I was scared. I was scared that he might end up seeing something in my eyes which I was not supposed to show him. The newly found admiration for him...

His charisma held a dangerous effect on me. Not only he was good looking but he was righteous too. In fact, he was everything my family could never be. He was everything that I wanted in my life. He had made me feel protected and safe. His heroic qualities had started to give me a fear that I might end up being distracted from my goal.

I was scared because I had started to respect and admire him to the extent I was not supposed to.

My brain Mini was right. I shouldn't fantasize about the things which would only mess up with my head. There was a very thin line between love and admiration. And before my admiration could take the form of love, I needed to distance myself away from him. Because I came from a family where even my smile was prohibited. So there was no ways my love would be welcomed.

Besides, I admired him, and that doesn't meant he also admired me. Why would he even involve himself with me once he would figure out about my messy life.

"You okay, Raine?" Neil snapped his fingers in front of my face to pull me back from the world where my thoughts echoed louder than thousands of musical instruments.

"Yes, I am." I responded. Then I said in a serious tone, "So we were about to discuss about the project, right?" For a moment, he seemed to be taken aback by my sudden change of behaviour. But he recovered very quickly. Then he said,

"That's right." Neil then said, "I think we should divide us into the team of two. One team will go and collect the references and details, while the other team will work on making a simple but effective business plan." He then asked, "How does that sound?"

"Sounds good," I and Derek said at the same time. As for Bobby, he just quietly nodded his head in response.

"Cool. So we should discuss about who will collect the details and who will work on the business plan," Said Neil and Derek stood up from his seat.

"I, as the self appointed leader of our little group, have already decided that." Derek said with an air of authority as he tried not to burst into laughter in the middle. "I and Bobby will work on the business plan. And you guys –Raine and Neil shall go to the nearby local villages and try collecting the samples of the things of cultural values." So I was again about to venture with Neil?

I was wondering what should I do when Bobby all of sudden spoke up. "Who the hell appointed you as the team leader?" His question was directed to Derek. Derek sighed, then he looked at Bobby as if Bobby was so stupid.

"You are so silly, Bobby." Derek said. "Self appointed. It means I myself have appointed me as the leader of our group. Simple!"