5.1 - Don't Let Me Go
Celeste's POV
The wind was whipping through my fur as I ran, the sun shining through the tree tops and bringing a physical warmth to accompany the happy warmth I was feeling internally. I looked to my left to see Mom running beside me. She gave me a toothy grin and looked over my shoulder, her eyes the brightest I'd ever seen. I follow her gaze to my other side to see a somewhat familiar figure running beside me there. He's also in wolf form, standing taller than Mom and I. His fur is a light brown, sprinkled with darker streaks. His eyes are the most familiar part about him, a deep swirling brown. I realize upon looking into them that they're much like my own. Dad. Dad's here. . . Running with Mom and I. My chest fills with the happiest feeling I've ever felt.
Clouds quickly fill the sky but we keep running, our path losing its light and clarity. The woods are no longer beautiful and cheerful but instead dreary and frightening. Mom and Dad stop their running, I skid to a stop as I too take in the sight in front of us. Three rogues face us, their fur matted and drool dripping down their canines. They're also familiar. A sinking feeling hits my stomach as I realize these are the rogues that killed Mom. But . . . Mom is right here. She can't be dead. She's right here! Mom and Dad move to stand in front of me, growling at the rogues. Dad will get us out of this. I know he will. And then we'll all go home. We'll be a happy family. I know it.
The rogues lunge and so does Dad. Two of the rogues lock with Dad; teeth snapping, claws swiping, spit flying. The other rogue goes to Mom. In an instant, Mom is on the ground. The rogue lunges towards her, snaps his teeth into her neck and rips itself away. I watch, frozen in horror as blood sprays him and Mom goes limp. I hear a large howl and look at Dad. The rogues have him down on the ground as he struggles against them. Dad looks at Mom's limp body and howls again. As he does so, the rogues holding him both snap their jaws around his throat. Blood doesn't spray but he too goes limp and his eyes go cold. I beg my feet to move. To go to Mom or Dad or to run away, I have no clue. I just know I need to move.
Wind whistles around me as thunder cracks through the air. All three rogues look up at me, blood dripping down their jaws. All that moves is my head, snapping between my dead parents and the rogues slowly approaching me. My feet feel glued to the ground. They're less than a foot away when they all lunge at me. I feel teeth sink into my neck and I scream.
"Celeste! Hey Celeste! You're okay, you're safe." My scream dies down as I feel tears streaming down my cheeks. Soft hands are firmly holding my arms down. Everything is blurry for a second as I come to a better sense of what's going on. "Celeste?" I look up and see blue eyes. Zay? Yes, her name is Zay. She's a healer. Xavier's friend. I'm okay. There's no rogues here besides me. I look around her office, desperately trying to find a pair of green eyes. Where is he? "I already mind-linked Xavier, he's on his way." Xavier. My mate. He's an Alpha, which usually would scare the shit out of me but for some reason that only makes me feel safer. "Can you look at me?" I bring my eyes back to Zay, her own full of worry and determination. "Breathe with me okay?" I nod a little too frantically, my chest still heaving up and down. "In," Zay takes an exaggerated breath in through her nose, "out," she lets out a large steady breath through her mouth. She continues this dramatized breathing, encouraging me to follow along every now and then. Hiccups occasionally make their way out of my mouth but I try my best to follow along.
His smell hits me first as he enters the room. He sits on the bed behind me, wrapping an arm around my middle. "Hey," he whispers. I look up to him and Zay lets go of my arms.
"H-hi." My breathing still isn't quite steady but the hiccups have stopped. My face feels hot but I don't think I'm crying anymore.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up, something came up." He brings his free hand up to brush my hair away from my face. "Zay said you had a nightmare?" The faded horror slips back into my mind. Mom. Dad. The rogues. My lips wobbles as I nod. I lean into Xavier, the sparks bringing comfort as well as his scent. I try to move to face him, a heavy feeling on my leg stopping me. I look down, noting that not only was I wearing some sort of gown but that my leg was also covered in some sort of purple bandage. "It's a cast. Your leg is injured and you're not healing normally right now. Zay thought this would be best until your healing returns to normal." I nod. He helps me turn towards him. I'm sure I could have managed on my own but I really appreciate his obvious care for me. He barely even knows me yet. I barely even know him. But for now I'm happy to receive his affection.
"Don't let me go?" He wraps both arms around me as I lean into his chest, refusing to close my eyes lest my nightmare hides behind my eyelids. I pick at the fabric of his shirt, noting the slight tremble in my hands.
"I would never dream of it," he assures me, placing a kiss on my head. "Your fever is breaking, that's good." At first I'm confused and then I recall what's happened to get me back to Zay's office. I was in the bath when I got extremely dizzy. I barely even remember the words Xavier said to me as he pulled me out of the bath and brought me back here. I remember being scared of something but what I can't quite recall. Next thing I know is the nightmare. I feel like it consumed me. I don't even remember going to sleep. "Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" I didn't. I want it to go away. I want to burn it away from my mind. I feel him nod against my head, "That's okay, you don't have to." He strokes a hand up and down my back; we sit like that for several moments. "Can I ask you something, little one?" I don't know how I feel about that nickname. It's strange but. . oddly comforting? I have a feeling that Xavier could call me most anything he wants to and I'd still be okay with it. I nod softly. "How did you end up on the pack grounds?" I stiffen. Mom. . .
"I-" I hesitate. What can I say without breaking out into tears? "I was running and I tripped. I-" Ancillary, I recall. I still haven't heard from her. 'Ancillary?' I try to reach out to her but there's still no response.
"Were you with anyone?" Oh Goddess, how does he know? Did I say something in my sleep? What did Zay hear? I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to remember it. I don't want it to have happened. "Celeste, I'm sorry but I need to know. Are there more rogues coming?" The words sound strained and almost bitter. He keeps moving his hand up and down my back. I shake my head. "Celeste, I-" he hesitates too, "I want to believe you. I really do." I'm confused now. Mom is dead, right? I heard. . . Nausea hits me as I recall the loud yelp after I left Mom. It was her against three rogues. There's no way. . . "I was called off to deal with a group of rogues at the same border we found you near. They were looking for you." I stiffen. What? Rogues? Looking for me? I push myself away from Xavier, grabbing a small trash can by Zay's desk as I feel what little is in my stomach coming back up. Xavier is quickly beside me, pulling my hair away from my throat. I end up coughing up bile, nothing else having been in my stomach. Xavier hands me a bottle of water; it's cold in my hands. I find myself wondering where he grabbed it from. My hands tremble but I manage to bring it up to my lips, downing half the bottle in one go. "Celeste, I'm sorry. This is clearly troubling you but for the safety of my pack and your own safety, I need to know. Were you with three rogues? They're all men," there's a growl at the end of his sentence.
I sit back. The floor is cold beneath me. I refuse to meet Xavier's eyes. "I-" a tear falls down my cheek, "I've been a rogue since I was little. My pack was attacked. A lot of us escaped, women and children mostly. Eventually," my voice breaks, "it was just my mom and I." More tears fall down my face. Xavier brushes some of my hair away from where it's sticking to my cheek. "Yesterday, we were attacked by a group of rogues." A sob threatens to break from my lips. "She sacrificed herself so I could li-" the sob escapes me, "I didn't want to leave her but my wolf forced me to." My breathing picks up again. "I-"
Xavier wraps an arm around me, pulling me back into the comfort of his hold. "That's all I needed to know. You don't have to keep talking if you don't want to." I nodded, trying to steady my breaths like I did with Zay a couple of minutes ago. "Was that what you were dreaming of?" I nodded even though that's not the full nightmare. It was still those rogues that came after Mom and I. I never knew exactly how Dad died. I didn't need to. We waited for them, everyone, to come find us when our pack was attacked all those years ago. No one ever came. And we never went back. Why would we? To see the brutal sight that we already know happened? "I'm sorry. . . For everything you've been through. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through all of that; being a rogue for so long, losing a parent as harshly as you did. But I am glad that you're here now." I tightly gripped his arm, stroking his skin with my thumb. "I don't expect you to be happy or anything anytime soon. But I want you to know that you're safe here. This is a very strong pack and I'm a very powerful Alpha. You're my Luna now. And we'll protect you until the end of time." That. . . That was wild to think about. I know Xavier is an Alpha but I'm supposed to be a Luna now? Is that something I can do? "I'll handle the rogues that hurt you so. I promise. And then, if you want, you don't ever have to think about them again. But no matter what, you'll still be safe here with me." He's too good. I let my eyes close as I tried to get my mind and heart to simmer. "We'll give you new memories. Ones full of love, adventure, and happiness." My heart rate picked up for a different reason. "I can't wait to build a life with you." I looked up to his eyes at that. "You and I? We have a beautiful future ahead." My face heated up again as a blush took over me. He brushed hair out of my eyes I had barely noticed was there. "How are you feeling? You gave me quite a scare earlier?"
"I-" I felt okay. I was still pretty sore but my head wasn't pounding, I wasn't dizzy. My leg felt heavy but it was no longer throbbing. But. . . 'Ancillary?' I closed my eyes. I think this worried Xavier because he put both his hands on either side of my face. 'Ancillary, talk to me. Please.' "I can't reach my wolf." His brows furrowed at that. "I feel okay physically but I haven't heard from her since I got hurt."