11.2: Training and Lesa

Celeste's POV

"Lesa!" Xavier gives her a big hug, my stomach continuing to tighten. "This," he grabs her hand which even Ancillary growls at, and takes her towards me, "is Celeste, my mate." His smile calms me down, bright as ever and full of care. "Celeste, this is Lesa. My sister."

My shoulders sag in relief. This is his sister. Ancillary stops growling.

"It's so nice to meet you, Celeste."

I pat down my hair, sure it's a frizzy mess from our outings today. "It's nice to meet you too, I'm so sorry I don't. . . look nicer?" I look down at Xavier's large sweater that swallows me and my gray leggings.

"You look beautiful, little one." Xavier puts an arm around my waist and I fight the urge to fall into him.

"You really do! You look so cute in his sweater!" I blush at her gushing. "And look at you two together, so adorable. The Moon Goddess sure does know what she's doing." I give her a smile. "Why don't you come inside? I'll get you something to eat."

"Maybe just a light snack?" I look up at Xavier as he speaks. His voice haunts my dreams. "I want to make Celeste lunch when we get back to the pack house." He smiles down at me. "I think you'll like what I have in mind." I give him a nod, although I'm unsure what he has in mind.

Lesa walks ahead of us and holds open the door, showing the inside of her cute house. The inside is a similar shade of blue to the outside of the house, with tan trims and yellow decorations finding their way into several spots of the room. Something about the house feels. . off. A smell lingering in the air that I can't quite make sense of yet seems somewhat familiar. Ancillary starts whining.

'What is it?'

'Something is wrong. You need to go,' she insists.

'We can't just go,' I try to reason with her. 'We're meeting Xavier's family. This is important to him.' She whines again but says nothing more.

Lesa leads us to a little table with four chairs and gestures for us to sit. Xavier pulls a chair out for me, I thank him softly. He pulls another chair to be right beside me, putting a hand on my back. I try to relax but my shoulders are tense to a point of hurting. "I'll go put something together," Lesa leaves us to go to an open kitchen not fifteen feet away.

Nonetheless, Xavier leans closer to me, "Are you okay?" I furrow my brows, nodding. "We can go back to the pack house after this." That sounds nice, safe. He brings his hand up to my neck and rubs circles with a soft pressure. My shoulders finally relax.

"Thank you," I tell him in a voice as quiet as he spoke. I'm sure Lesa can hear us regardless. She comes back with a gorgeous looking platter of fruits, cheeses, crackers, and meats. I thank her quietly and reach for a piece of cheese. It melts in my mouth, a tangy taste to it.

"So Celeste, I hear you've probably traveled a lot?" I feel my shoulders sag in relief at the light hearted question. I've been so anxious of meeting people and having to ramble about my sad upbringing. I nod, grabbing more of the treats as Xavier puts a few on a small plate in front of me. He puts certain cheeses next to different fruits and meats. I guess his sister's hobby has rubbed off on him as well. "What places did you like the best?"

"I don't know what was where," I reply honestly. I cough, letting my voice grow a bit stronger, "I didn't always have the recognition to know the places I was at but I've seen lots." Xavier casually scoots closer to me, leaning an arm over the back of my chair. "I've seen canyons and waterfalls, forests and cities. We tried to avoid more desert areas due to heat, shelter, and food but we made do with where we were and what we had." Lesa takes a few bites of food herself, leaning her head onto her hand. "I remember a beach. . . We had climbed over a rocky hillside and came across this expanse of water. It seems like it never ended. We played in the water that day, it was warm. . ." I trail off, remembering the sun that sparkled off the water. The smell of salt that lingered for a week. The seashells mom used to decorate a sandcastle we had made. It was more like a decorated lump of sand. . .

"I love beaches! We have one a few hours from here, Christopher and I were just there!" Christopher. . No, it's a common name.

"Is that your mate?" I ask, being polite although Ancillary is pacing.

Lesa gets a faraway look on her face, "Yes. He's just wonderful."

"Where's he at?" Xavier looks around and I feel the hair on the back of my neck rise, as if the oncoming presence is one of the ones I've been dreading for years. The years have not been kind to me. Time and again giving me difficulties that I haven't known how to endure. Nonetheless, I persist. Just going forward with every day as best as I can. Right now, I feel several years in the past. Waiting for a punch I know is coming, ducking from a kick I can expect several of.

"In the shower, he should be out soon." I smile, trying to hide my nerves. I desperately try to grasp onto the smell that hit me when I first stepped into the house. Over the smell of the meat in front of me, I have trouble distinguishing it again. It was familiar, too familiar. Oh Goddess, my stomach clenches.

Xavier and Lesa continue to talk for an amount of time I don't process. I know I've gone silent. I don't know if questions are directed at me. I don't know anything other than the bruises that I used to hide so carefully from my mom, the screams that used to break through my lips that I had bit holes into, the taunts and the pleas, the cries and the laughs. I can't. I can't. I won't go back there.

Xavier grabs my hand in his and starts tracing patterns on my palm.

"There he is!" I hear the exclamation right as the reality I knew was coming hits true. Christopher walks into the room.

Ancillary starts whimpering.

He looks almost like he does in my nightmares, more mature now. His jaw is more defined, his entire being larger than he was in my realities although that much seems to suit my nightmares.

"Celeste, this is my mate-"

"Christopher," I finish for her.

"Celeste," he says in surprise.

"You two know each other?" There's worry in Xavier's voice, picking up on my nervous demeanor.

"Christopher, were you part of the same pack?" Christopher's eyes hadn't left mine, brown clashing against blue.

"Celeste, I'm so glad you're okay after all these years!" he moved to take a step forward, an arm out with the intention of a hug. I quickily backed away at the same time Xavier took a step between us.

"Xavier?" Asked Lesa, "What's going on?" He remained silent, holding an inquisitive look towards Christopher. "Christopher?" He glanced at me over Xavier's shoulder, not an ounce of regret in his blank stare.

He turned to Lesa, "I knew Celeste in the past, we came from the same pack." He glanced back at Xavier. "I had a crush on her as a kid." Xavier growled. Quickily placing my hand on his arm, I try to soothe him.

"There's more," Xavier insists without needing to ask.

"Xavier," I interrupt. "I- Let's go." I want this to be over. I know I need to tell Xavier. I know he's going to react harshly. I'd rather not have more violence, as much as Ancillary reasons that Christopher deserves whatever's coming to him. Without waiting for him or anyone, I leave the house. Reality seems to smack me in the face along with the burst of fresh air. All the memories come back, my body aching as if the bruises still litter my body. The cries - the pleas. I shut my eyes as I hit the car door, leaning against the chilled metal. A drop of rain hits my hand and I look up, not a cloud in the sky. I bring a shaky hand to my flushed face-i'm crying. Ancillary rambles in my head, I can't make out a word of it. The world around me turns blurry and I struggle to find the handle of the door. Once I do, I throw myself inside. My nails dig into the sides of the seat as breaths struggle to enter my lungs.

Xavier is there before I know it, my door back open as he takes up the expanse of the opening, continuing to shield me from the outside world of terrors and living nightmares.

The world around me blotches in colors, shades of blues and whites, as my breaths become more labored. As more memories attack me. As pain hits my right side at a forced inhale.

"Celeste," Xavier says for what I believe isn't the first time. "You're okay," his assurance is aided by a tug of my body towards his. His all consuming scent invades my nose with heavenly relief. Sparks take over my being as the memories begin to snuffle.

I stare at the floor of the car, letting my breath return to normal. Xavier strokes a hand up and down my back, softly whispering in my ear, "You're safe, it's just me here. I got you" with a series of repeats until my breath was steady. "Do you want to learn something?" I look up into his forest greens and nod, desperate for a distraction. Xavier tilts my chin up, his thumb resting on my lower jaw for a moment longer than necessary. I find my breath catching in my throat. He smiles. "Watch my hands, yea?" I nodded, looking down. His hands are large and calloused, a few small scars decorating his fingers. He proceeds to move his hands in an orchestrated series of movements before stopping. My brows furrow. "again, yea?" I nod and he repeats the movements. "It's a question. Are you okay?" I shake my head, still not recovered from the shock of Christopher. "I know you're not okay now," he surprised me by picking me up and sitting me back down in his lap, still facing the inside of the car. Away from the house. Away from Christopher. "The movements," he repeats them in front of me, they look a little different from this angle but I can still make out the similarities, "are a question in sign language. American sign language, to be specific. Are you okay?" He shows each sign for the short sentence. "It's a way of communicating without speaking." He brings my hands up in front of us, guiding me through the few short movements while repeating the phrasing. "Would you like to learn some responses?" I nod, eager to learn this new thing being introduced to me. "You can sign this," he shows a short movement, "for yes. and this," another, "for no." I copy. "This is 'I need space,'" this one is a few movements and takes me a couple tries. "and this is 'help.'" My hands that started out shakey became more sure and steady. "You have to be careful with how you sign words because slight variations could mean something else." I nod, leaning back into his chest as I repeated the first series of movements again.

Back at the pack house, I laid on the couch in Xavier's office. His office smells like him, and leather. Its a comfortable combination. "Do you want to tell me what happened back there?" I shake my head, although I know it's inevitable.

"I didn't have a nice upbringing," I tell him softly. My head is in his lap as he plays with my hair. "The other kids picked on me." He goes still at this. My hair frozen in the air between his calloused fingers. "It was bad," I reveal. "Christopher used to be my friend," my voice is soft. On the verge of breaking. "He wasn't in the end," with that the tears flow.

"Did he hurt you?" His fingers in my hair are tense, his breathing deep.

"Yes," I reply softly. I feel him moving, my head going up. Ancillary whimpers and I quickly wrap my arms around him. He goes still. "Please don't leave me."

He sits back down, hands continuing to run through my hair. "I won't. Not ever. Not really."