Chapter 6

Staring at the ceiling, being moved around and a lot of muffled voices. The searing pain that took over next, I felt like I touched the red book again. I was immediately prevented from touching myself, people to act quickly at keeping my arms to my sides. Muffled questions and loud over arching voice trying to talk to me. Light in my eyes, they were checking for my awareness. I am am stuck in a primal fear caused from vast pain and confusion. I must be in some sort of emergency care. So much pain.

"I was trying to stop her." I heard that clear as anything and it made my scream. Yet now I was looking around in a panic, a sort of flight response in trying to get out of my pain. I was jabbed with force and held down. Dazed and sleepy.

"We can't prevent things that have to happen. No matter how much we meddled." The chilling voice spoke their reply, "She is bound to stay alive, regardless of what would have happened. Something that doesn't make sense, no mortal is immune from dying. She shouldn't be any different." the close of the book, "But yet, no matter how close her thread bares. We can not sever it. Now more then it has in her whole life, this event was always the trigger. The goddess of time is unable to make sense of why the patterns disrupted with those that keep tomes. Even we death gods are treated different due to our mutual share of the tomes guarantee." A last sigh, "I pity a soul like her. I shouldn't do so, because I am a god of death. Yet, I do. I know that her soul grow stronger from every fall she makes. This makes the first of many, I see them all." the voice finds it harder to speak as they struggled to find it, "But we need someone. There has to be some soul to do the task she is meant to do." they sigh, "Broken in such a way to allow her to be both her sides."

"What do you mean?" Curiosity sounded almost cheery about asking.

"Halve a soul is living and the other half was always dead. She is the most broken of her family, the best suited to the other title that she is. Not only a keeper of the core but the protector of the known. She has sway for what is known and unknown, the most then anyone but the least able to make a change."

I am meant to be half living and half dead? Or that I had always been since birth? My mom did struggle to have me, she had nearly lost me when I was born - something happened that caused my soul to break in two? Can't I fix that, heal my soul? Why would a god of death pity me? What happened to me? Why am I strained from moving? Who will look after my dogs and cats while I am away? What happened to me?

Given I am unable to act in my living body, I guess my focus into being will have to be in my mask. Currently it stares listless over what they were doing over me, to me. I watched my own surgery form behind the doctors and nurses. Preforming what has to be done, removing large shards of shrapnel from me. I looked like I been impaled in my front lower stomach area - bend warped plastic and glass shards. My legs are totally broken but that is not the biggest concern it seems. It was that parts could impale through my lower lungs or that there was potential for my heart to be at risk. It's to... strange for a car crash. or that a car crash was used to cover up what really happened to me. Demons who meddle to much have used lesser means to cover their doing. It's no closer to answering what actually happened.

I managed to notice a police officer talking to the ambulance crew. The officer had asked if I was conscious but that were the list of injuries I missed out on hearing about. The crew had gave a lot of detailed discovery of my injuries. Yet I seemed to joined into the talk as they spoke of how I was found partly impaled through by a motorcycle. The driver of the motor has long left the scene and refused help for any medical trauma. The bike was custom make, which made the ambulance guy side track into his side hobby about motor bikes. The officer reminds that details about me was more important. Given I had a bag on me, my stuff was with me. They have recovered it and brought it with me. The crew member showing where my things were and they went through it. My paperwork, wallet and phone was found. Importantly was my name and address - the termination of my previous job has benefit.

Everything had photos taken, the officer seemed off now that I was paying more focus with everything. Easing in and out of shock and into trying track my understanding of it all. I recall that I had my goodbye with Curiosity. I just heard him, but was that near me or was that my abilities to listen through book pages? I told him things I may have shouldn't have, yet to be fair I was being offered a choose between the Undertakers and the mysterious Society my bloodline. I still don't know much of the two nor did the guidebook help me really grasp a full picture. But the guidebook had laws of possessing living humans, this officer seems just that. Someone being borrowed or shared thoughts. Undertakers are pairs, right? Is this a Undertaker borrowing this officer? can they see me in my masked form? I should return my focus back to my living self; because I have feeling of being woke up. Either the meds in me was wearing thin or that the people working on me were trying to wake me. Come to think about it, breathing. Curiosity did say that the longer dead you are, the less habits you remember. Breathing.

"Oh thank god." My surgeon sighed, "She really is cutting it close." Yes, that was it. I have to breath. I should be careful to not ignore myself totally. Was someone else standing around me and can they see me? In this from I am a ghost, I can walk through living people and they can't see me. I suspected that much is normal. I should be aware of what my hands are... ugh. I am cloth and mask. my limbs aren't forms that touch or cast. Then again, I wasn't trying to a prayer, cruse or hex. I still haven't figured out if anyone can see me. I am a floating sheet with a clay face, very odd. Breathing. Seeing. Can I see or is the way I am looking at these folks not the same as I as a living person does? Was I being avoided because they can see me and I am the blind one? Maybe I should stand stand still and try that. How do they see or is this why spirit linger in semi shadow? Oh wait, maybe I am stood somewhere to bright. That makes sense. Only guy I seen was possessing a person, they do that to avoid the light. How can I tell when it is dark or not? Well I can't in this form. Mmm...

Should I try? Were they finished with my surgery yet? Yes... they were cleaning up the wounds and stitching things closed. So many wounds, long and deep. Stab wounds that were covered up with glass and plastic. Was I unfortune to get into a knife fight with a demon or something? I should try to ask the undertakers that attempted to stop me. Breathing... Maybe I should attempt to wake up. Even a little. I sort of dislike being floaty creepy. I would get plenty from being talked at by the living. I just have to make myself wear my mask, I have always had less headaches that way.

My sight in being alive is blurry. Everything is muffled. Numb, that be the meds working against my pain. Textures of bandages. Hands on my arms still. I feel wet and tangling in strange spots. My legs are completely pins an needles. I may be blinking a lot, but my sight of looking anything is wave patterns. My view of being spirit aligning to my living sight, started making sense of things. Monitors. People, a lot of people. Which were living? All of them, the entire team is working on me. Sheesh so much.

'Are you awake?' I lip read because I can't quiet hear well.

"I am awake." my voice is echoed in my head, really loud. Did I just shout? It seems that everyone around me was happy about me waking up at least. Even the cop came in and celebrated too. I try to move my neck to look but someone is holding my head down.

'Keep still. You're really hurt.'

"Is that so?" I try to mutter that but it was still really loud for me, "I can't hear much. Blurry sight." I tell them and they still smile.

'Lucky to be alive.' I am so injured that I am not allowed to move, 'You feel anything?'

"Numb. I feel tingly and wet all over. My legs are pins and needles." I trying to think more but they seemed quick in moving me about now, Maybe what I said had warned them. They took a bunch of wires off for now. My rings and necklace was taken off - just the everyday stuff I have always wear for no attachment reasons. I was pillowed up and asked to stay really still. Lifted off this bed and into a MRI. Loud as hell, and I feel the beams of magnetic force pushing me.

My mask couldn't stand it. It left the room and into the monitor area with the specialist controlling it from the computer. Breathing. Remembering to be breathing. They were checking my spine and skull. I have a lot of pressure in my ear canals. Something about force of impact knocking me about in there. This has to be Intensive care emergency. You don't skip the MRI queue unless you were on the thread. Breathing. Yes.

They don't find anything much to bad about my arms and upper half. My ribs are plenty broken from getting me breathing and the impact. Lungs managed to be intact, bones are likely to puncture again now that they did the work. They removed a few in places. Breathing. Lower half... sheesh, going by what is said. I maybe paralyzed the hips down. Legs shattered but mendable. Not sure about walking in the next several years or ever again. My stomach was closed nicely and caught in time. I have some removal of a lot of my lower organs, some had to be stitched to the best ability and some were out right replaced. Breathing... yup. No rejections but its early yet. I just got them and I have had no instant reactions so far. There is a nice clear break in one of the lower discs. Pinning was a option. Best chance to walk again too. They write up all of it on a paper and someone runs it to my surgeons. The machine is stopped, a muffled something.

"I don't quiet get that." I reply at least, "I assume you asked if I am ok." I think about it and wanted to nod, "I guess I am for how I am. Is it bad? Actually don't answer that." the muffled and sharpe cut of the speaker turned off a moment, "You really worried about my spine or something, I could tell that." I make my own conversation, "I feel a little nauseous from this. Might be the meds you have me under." I just barely make out that I am stared down at. It isn't a living. I tried to blink a few times to see them but its hard, "My sights really blurry. Sheesh."

"I did warn you." I can at least smirk with them.

"I still don't mind." I softly try to whisper as I didn't want to be loud replying and then worried about other things and picked my voice louder again, "Are my dogs ok? The cats would have tipped the place in protest of not being fed. I wonder how long they been without me. I hope I can get someone to check on them." There is a opening of a door and people coming in having me lifted, "Would someone make sure my pets are ok?"

I asked in the of chances that one them would. My mask returns back to me to help with sort of better guessing at what I am seeing. Wheeling me back around to some sort of operation room, and this time rolled to my back with the most gentle of care. Add more needles through there, really taking away that tingling of my feet. Very puffy, I feel puffy. A loud drill that I can hear in me, would be them putting a pin in there. Breathing at least. Poking, must be them sewing. A lot of work on me. Out and have me laying flat on my back with a brace to prevent me moving it. It also forced the curve of my back to straighten for now.

I do believe I waved a little out focus, because there isn't much to see and hard to hear. Focus on my breathing, I remember some meditation methods. I may not be able to be comfortable and sleeping might just sort of happen. They say babies breath with all their lung compacity, but as we get older we stop doing so. Musicians tend to when playing, wind interments are about controlling your breathing.

"Still with us?" I try to look that way and pay mind with areas around me, I can flutter my fingers at least. I use my left as always, "Great!" he sounds odd about that, "Now, you still interested in the offer?" I had to think a while about this, because I didn't want to assume who was this is.

"I can hardly see who I am talking to, so take no rudeness of me being wary." I hear a shuffled foot and the lean of the police guy. His high yellow jacket is very recognizable in spite of blur sight, "Can you go check my dogs and cats for me?" A sort of muffle asking me back, "I really can't hear you well."

They took a different approach. A long silence and eventually there is a paper at my hand. It was bumpy... but not braille. 'How many pets?' 'What do you remember?' I muttered the words as I read them in feeling them. I couldn't feel anything else.

"I have ugh... two dogs. My third one just passed away. I have three cats. One fluffy white one. Two black ones. One the two black cats are a shy sort and will attack you if your not careful. He sort of part of the house, he wasn't mine before. My fat black cat is a softie but he would break everything for food." I laugh a little at the thought, "It's going to be a mess. I am so sorry." I clear my throat a little, "I just got fired from my job. They thought I stole from some gentlemen I was helping. I think there was a investigation about it. I was going to sue them for unreasonable termination." I clear my throat again. The paper is moved away, "How long have I been like this? I remember leaving work, finishing my half ate lunch. Sat a bench nearby the place for a short bit. I was walking to my bus." I scrunched my nose as the tape is itchy. I can't reach with my arms as they are.

"That was yesterday, you have been in Intensive care for the last 9 hours." I would assume its curiosity. Paper back too. 'You here since yesterday. We will check your house for you. Do you have someone to look after them?'

"I could call that boarding place I used before." I answered that question immediately, "The number was on my phone as 'pet sitter service'."

'Was there anything about what happened you remember?'

"Not at the moment. I have been worried about so many other things. I was walking to my bus and my mind sort of hazed from there." Someone finally move the tape off my nose, "Thank you. That was annoying. Before then I had one headphone in, I was going to put some music on but didn't." that seemed important, "Damn, it was expensive too, it the same make as my phone which was why I got them. Oh, if there still battery life, you can track it with my phone."

"That is handy." Someone keeps poking my arms.

"Please stop touching my arms, if you are." they did stop, "They are really itchy but I think it be wise not to move my bandages about." There a new paper but the surface left different, "Fancy paper. I can't read on it and I don't have anything to give."

"But those marks are a curse." I don't have the mood to correct them. My mask lifted and buzzed them away from me, "Wow." It sits up for now while I stay in this brace. Paper moved away, "Wait, I see that mask before but there wasn't a creak through it before." I titled with it feeling its own mask and indeed there is. There is a sense of touch I can have... its different to living. Breathing, good to remember. the cloth surface checked too, I have holes. Where is my book? Book... book... Book. Here. I have it. It isn't damaged, no changes. No surface altered. I can have that relief at least.

'Are you ok?' paper at my living hand.

"I was just worrying about things. I know it seems silly." My left hands taps about, "Could I have my phone?" Standing and someone putting it to my right hand, "Thanks..." I felt around my screen and manage to unlock it, I also adjust the volume, "Hey Bix, call house." I can hear my phone and it rings a long time. Goes into voice machine, "Good Girls. No barking." I tap the screen to end that call, "I have a speaker at home for my dogs." I tell the living person at least, "Where was I? Oh..." I thought about it, "Ugh..."

Paper returned with new message, 'Something wrong that I can help with?'

"Affording the house sitter really. I just lost my job. I am no in state to do my side business, which candle making. But... I do worry." The muffled sound of someone talking to another. My mask lays back down with me because all of me felt the same way, that sort of washed out and dazed. I can sense meds wearing out too. The stinging inside and outside. Very puffy, maybe that the swelling getting worse. They say it gets bad before it gets better. The deeper the colours too. My phone beeps, low battery, "Hey Bix, where is my headphones?" it beeps and then the ai says a bunch of things. It seems helpful for the everyone to be silent to listen to it. Muffle of someone saying stuff loud on a radio. My phone taken off me but returned, plugged in someone found my charger then.

'The police will be back another time.' paper at my hand. I gave a thumbs up in understanding, it being my left hand. My right hand dances the surface of my phone I lost track of what my screen is doing without looking at it.

"Hey Bix change accessibility settings. Turn on screen reading recognition." it blips and now I can sort of hear the entire list of things on my screen and even my notifications. Something from my brother, Picture messages with I can't see at the moment. Double finger screen navigation, it reads it where I am. I cleared my notifications for now, "Worry about it later." I sigh and cough a little. My mask side buzzed off someone being close to me again. But they are a living person, so I went through them. They took the paper from under my left hand, "This a pain killer or something else? I am pretty wishy washy enough." the living person backed off from me. Maybe they aren't part of veil that is visible, "If you're not a nurse or a doctor, best you leave me alone." They shivered in returning to touch me again. So I used my living hand and pulled their shirt, "What did I just say?" They pulled out of my hand and for sure there was a scuffle, someone other living poeple came in and this person is take out the room.

"That was quiet a lucky miss." The undertakers are still here, "We can't interfere with living affairs." I hummed about this. I found a needle loosely around my arm. I put it on my stomach for now, hard to get it anywhere else.

"She was able to tell where they were when other living couldn't." So there is a pair here, watching me. One male and this is the female, "She removed their hexing."

"Or that mask did. Curiosity said its part of her." I sighed at hearing them above everything else happening in this room. A new paper under my hand. it was hear to read but I managed it, 'you ok? what happened?'

"Some stranger was playing with my arm. I pulled them off me. The sharp thing is on my stomach was theirs." it was now taken off me, "I could not see who it was." the new writer is much clearer to read, "I am ok. The pain killers are wearing off but I can tolerate the pain at the moment. I am feeling a little sick, but I have always reacted to strong meds like this." some change and reading, "No, i am not hungry or thirsty at the moment. I just wouldn't retain it." The paper moved away for now. A remote of the bed put near my hands. I have a panic button on both sides. My phone unmoved. It blips with saying something about a message. New message from 'boss'. I click it and it was a long message with court dates soon. I huffed in annoyance, "I don't have the time for this right now."

I backed out the messages for now. I am for the most part alone, I have a living watch. Two undertakers that seems chatty about random living things. My phone with random notifications. It stays this way a long time, eventually being sat up to each jelly with added vitamins. I had a bunch of pills. The adjusted bandages before I sleep. I wake when they do blood tests or change of bandages.

I posted on Facebook with the help of a nurse on my wall about my situation as a whole. Three posts. First with being the video and nothing about it. Then a post about being fired because of something I did in that video. The third is my selfie of being in hospital and not apology to not attend a court in short notice. I stopped hearing and seeing with being unable to send a fourth one, explaining how I ended up in Hospital. I did get told that someone was checking my dogs and feeding them. My normal house sitter was hired for me. I wasn't able to tell if I was paying for this.

From there it be a while before I can see or hear, waiting for swelling to decrease. Very puffy. I was told (someone wrote on paper) most my crash injuries might take 6 to 8 weeks recovery (slower since I was having swelling issues) but my back is a 6 month issue. Walking might depend on my nerves of my spine. My hearing and sight will be the quick return when the swelling lowers.

All this laying here bored, I have a grasp of my other self a bit better. Getting used to the rules it follows while also remembering to be alive. Practicing deep meditation breathing and waking on cue regardless of my mask being nearby or not. Nothing bothers my masks side, the undertaker's avoid it. I find myself at the rooms with babies, a sort of intensive care for those born to early. I seem to hover about enjoying their company, they seem to notice me. A blank mind isn't sheltered from the veils, no assumptions about anything quiet yet. Practice my blessings, wishing each good luck in the new life. Not everyone of them can make it, I have noticed that no all of these children have souls. Empty shells would invite anything to take inside. I have seen the families visiting. I guess I do pity the fact that we never choose our parents. It's hard to listen to the ones whom can't afford the child, that give up raising someone without a second thought. The nicer lot want everything for their child, the first children gat that a lot. I feel for those that want to keep them and no matter how the cards falls - its no other option. The children are so clueless of it all, blank slates waiting to become someone.

"Miss." My mask was returning back from the ward and was about to enter the room. Most of the swelling has started to subside enough to focus, "While the mask is gone..." My mask hides itself for now close by. Give the two undertakers peer around triple checking, "Is that a being a problem to you?"

"No... the mask is a part of me. There has never been a problem about it." I sigh, "But the fact is cracked and it hasn't fixed... that does worry me." They looked to each other and have a private conversation between them, "Why do I have a lot of stab wounds? I couldn't exactly ask the living about it. I recongize that it was more of attack over my spirit then my physical self." They sighed together at that.

"You don't remember?"

"Fight or flight. I would do anything to protect myself or the things more important then my life. When I say I have a haze, its because because I wasn't using my living side to act. That mask is also me, trying to tell you how it feels wouldn't make any sense. I don't exactly have sight with that side of me." They both seem unable to ask or put to words what they wanted to say, "I am well aware of how scary that I can be. But... I will do what I must." They peer in how I have my mask back to my hand, "No, this doesn't bother me." I looked at my own mask surface, "I bet my fight was harsh."

"You don't know what hit you?" asked in a strange tone. I gestured with trying to work out dimensions.

"A winged type. A silver blade." I pondered with trying to pin point, "Strong muscular build. Taller then my living side. They were cursed and holy. Maybe an angel or high ranking." I stop gesturing, "Short cut hair now. It was long." I tilted with remembering why, "Actually." I sense, "I still have the hair. I don't know why I do." I think about it, "I could summon them here with it."

"No!" the exclaim of begging, "Ugh..." they trying to keep it professional.

"Don't worry. I am as on edge of words as it gets. It has always been about skirting around." They seem doubtful, "I have a section of the books that is important. That's maybe motive enough for anyone to look for me." Which make me consider in fear for the missing page. I am sure the ass hat has it.

"Curiosity mentioned your a tome keeper. You believe that someone is after the section your looking for." they tilted at seem to be stringing something about this together. They write up this conversation. They had a crow fly in, "When you get discharged, would you accept invitation from us?"

"I can try. I have a lot of living attachments to worry about too."

"We can help with those." The both said at the same time.

"We can offer you a lawyer for the bike crash and your previous job issues. We can hire you on in a living team." So there is other living people, "You will have to be taking a few exams." I guess it was bound to happen, "Meet the society that you been avoiding, but at least you will be better prepared for it."

"You don't understand that I never avoided them in the past. But when something was made between my grandparents, I was cut off. So I accepted being exiled." they didn't know, "I am older now. Maybe they want me more now but the olive branch that was once there has withered. They had a chance but now they have to convince me. I am not convinced in trusting them."

One of the pair gets it, nodding and shrugging with me. This brought a sharp glare of the other to remind them about being professional but clearly they have a minor argument. I find it amusing, nice to see folks getting along. I like Undertakers, that much is true. I know it and then there was also knowing that they are muddled souls. Stuck between not raising above or falling bellow. Makes them human, but since I learned of them. I should never forget to mistake them for humans. Because... they are dead people who been changed into the realm they were reborn. You can't assume them for human. They straighten up with a following crow, they took a bow to me and were gone. My mask watched all of the spirit people leaving, stood watching many fade through portals. Counting them in. Curiosity crossed they were happy to see him back. I peer down at my phone, since I am getting some sight back... maybe I should. I need to know.