SECOND THOUGHTS

JAPANESE WORDS USED IN THIS CHAPTER AND THEIR MEANINGS

Shuah. - King (Persian Meaning)

Kami. - God

Shimin. - Citizen

Taiyō. - Sun

Caulifla never expected his words to have such a great impact on her. It feels like a thousand beings kept saying those words he had said over and over. She could see the innocence in his eyes.

The fire.

The passion. 

His eyes were like two rare emerald gems, each time looked at becomes more beautiful with every shimmer. His touch on her hands were like soothing notes, making her feel like a ballerina in every dance. Being with him felt more like a princess story, charming, elegant and full of romance.

It felt so awkward but she felt he was telling her the truth by barely looking into his eyes. Truth can be a strange notion, for it always relies on perspective. 

Truth is treason in an empire of lies.

She looked into his eyes and she could tell he meant every word he said.

She did not know what to do or what to say. The person she had sworn to kill just declared his love for her and all she could just do was stare into his eyes and wish this was not happening.

It makes it all the more difficult to fulfill her mission. Yes, although her own father killed his own mother, she still had to kill him because of her swear, but something makes her to hesitate. She could not just wipe the only child of his deceased parents.

She did not have the nerve to, it was against her beliefs in her Kami. 

But yet, something other than that makes her not to harm him. Some strong force makes her not to. Even if she had planned earlier to push a sword she had hid under her garment into his chest, the plan had failed. 

She did not have the courage to pierce a sword through his heart. 

She had to sort this either way.

She had to give him reasons why he should not love her.

Because she was going to kill him. She will be responsible for his death. And the last thing she wanted this man to do was to love her, a thing that she does not believe it does exist.

"Love is nothing but a mere fairytale My Lord. A King of your status is not meant to believe in myths and legends. It is not possible under the Taiyō and it has never been heard of before so i believe My King jokes"

"A normal King of my rank does not joke around Caulifla. Yes, love reigns in our the myths and legends we believe in but it was never stated that it was not impossible. This way i feel for you i have never felt for any other woman and that is why my heart says it is love. The heart never lies"

"The King does not mean what he says. It is better he withdraws his statement because it is not at all possible to love the King's servant" Caulifla said as she tries to push the King away but proved futile.

"I know Caulifla, but there is a force that pulls me closer to you. There is this feeling i get when i see you and this restlessness that sets in when i do not. For the two days you were unconscious i was worried about you. 

"It felt so weird to me but i just felt all worried because it seemed i was going to lose the first person that had taken my heart away. I never could imagine being worried about someone but when you came to my chamber not long ago, i felt calm. 

"If i do not have you by my side i will be restless for the whole of my life. I want you to rule beside me as my Queen. I want you to be mine and no one else.

"You are mine and mine alone" The King whispered as he came closer to her neck, using his nose to tease her neck. She felt a hot breath on her neck, then the tender brush of lips, burning as they make contact with her neck. 

A hand runs through her hair, as the kisses become harder and more urgent. Another hand slides around her waist, and pulls her close to his pine scented body. His kisses are now on her shoulders and in her hair.

Caulifla closed her eyes as she felt his touch.

It felt so relaxing.

It felt so romantic.

It took every power in her to push him away from her.

"You are so selfish My King. All you want is to use and dump any maiden that comes your way or falls for you. Are you not content with the wives and numerous concubines you have? Here you claim i am yours and yours alone. Don't you care how i feel about all these? Does my feelings not matter My King?"

Caulifla said, her eyes staring into his.

"There are days I wonder if my mind is an engine or an exhaust. Am I the master of what I think or are my ideas the result of deep thinking I'm only loosely aware of? There is a third possibility of course, that it is both, and it depends on my feelings at the time. 

"I feel most clear thinking and in control when I am calm and happy, more driven by impulses when I am fearful and anxious. So I made a vow never to make choices that matter when I am feeling afraid, perhaps then my life can make a turn for the better. 

"I'm sure I won't always make the right choices, but if only the balance of good to bad shifts in my favour the results will be awesome. And there is no doubt about this feeling i have for you"

"I do not care if i am sounding rude or possessive but i want you and you only. I know i have a lot of wives and different concubines but i will divorce them if it is only to have you. 

"I will make you happy my dear, fulfill all your desires and you can do anything you wish. I just want you to always be with me because i need you" He said as he came closer, his eyes staring so deep into her eyes.

As if he could see right straight into her soul.

"You say it so plainly that you will divorce your wives. You married them My King and so their feelings matter. They should not be as a used commodity just to be later casted away. I am so sorry My King but i am ok with being your loyal servant"

"Caulifla why do you refuse me? It is every woman's dream to be a wife of the Persian King. Why let your pride rule you?"

"Because i am not a commodity that will bend to your will. I cannot be your Queen My King. I will and always remain a Shimin of the Tsumago Empire. Your Queens can give you everything you want. 

"I am nothing but a poor servant under you. I will take my leave now. Salaam alaykum Shuah" (May peace be upon you King)" She had said as she hastily made her way out of the King's chambers, leaving the King in a shocked state.

04:14 pm 1608年3月18日 (18th March 1608)

Shāhbāno Abreshmina walked down the beautiful hallway, her hand on her swollen stomach. She was lost in her own world of thoughts,

Just when she had thought that she was the master of her own thoughts and that of others, fate takes a new turn. Emotions come like hands on the wheel of her "carriage," taking her somewhere different to the place she will never have expected. 

The destination may be beautiful, bewitching even, yet she will always be afraid for the consequences and the outcome if she loses the King to another. and her heart beats all the harder. 

All the faster.

Her thoughts are now blank, all her plans and goal she had put in place for the past two years since she had become Queen seems to have been fully wasted. 

What a strange occurrence! Normally her thoughts was twisting and turning; suffocating her with their whispers.

For the first time in two years the King has refused her request, he had supported a lame servant instead of his own favourite wife.

Just then, she hears some whispering voices which was coming from the Queen's quarters. 

Normally, all the Queens of the Shuah have a particular room which is twice as big as the throne room. Abreshmina does not stay with them judging by the fact that she had together Shuah that 'a favourite of the King does not camp with the un favourites'

"I hear the King carried a maiden slave on his own to the guest quarters. She is very beautiful to behold. Although it saddens me that the Shush cares less of us but i am happy that at least the Shush is getting over that wicked Abreshmina's claws" The first wife of the Shush said.

"It is good to hear from my Senior co-wife that the King has started having eyes to see who that woman is. I do not care losing my husband to this maiden, but all i wish is for my King to be rid of that woman that calls herself Abreshmina" Another said.

"We do not have a day in anything and so we wait for what is about to happen. I have heard this rumors about this girl from different places, even in the market and any other place i tread on. I hope this maiden gives us our freedom and pits that wicked witch in her place" Another Queen said.

Shāhbāno Abreshmina clenched her fists as she heard all the Queens had said. She knew there were rumors about the girl but she never thought they were this strong.

Rumors were flying thick. 

She angrily made her way to her room and closed her door forcefully, her heart beating as fast as ever.

"Guards!" She shouted as one of them came in.

"Tell me all about that girl that was carried to the Guest quarters two days ago. You must have heard of the rumors right?"

"Yes My Lady. From what i have heard so far, the girl works in the room of the King. And also, the King has punished one of his chief guard him unbelievable whips just because he had touched her. 

"Rumors say the King will soon have her as Queen and will remove you from your place putting her as his favourite giving the fact that he has captured the King's heart"

Her anger got the best of her as she shouted;

"Shut up! So you dare to rumor against the Queen?"

"No My Queen, it is what i have heard that i have told you. I never have time for gossip and spreading of rumors. I told you because you had asked me My Queen"

"Get out" She said as the guard immediately did as he was told.

Now this same girl works in the King's chambers and she also has the King at her control. Now she will show this useless servant who she was.

She will show her.

07:45 pm 1608年3月19日 (19th March 1608)

Caulifla hugged herself as she walked down the garden. She always walked around the garden back home when she was discouraged or maltreated. Although she must admit that the garden here was thrice bigger than hers back home and the wind more accomodating than what hers always was.

There was a gate of rough wood was as big as a cow and ivy cascaded over the fence, growing tendrils in every direction. The stone path was punctuated with weeds after every stone. The dishevelled, un-manicured lawn was more moss than grass and was over shadowed by huge weeping willow flowing down onto the dank and squishy ground. Clusters of defiant daffodils reared their golden heads amidst the gloom and there were smatters of fuchsia along side the scarlet and saffron hued primroses.

There was a circular lawn with a path around it. There was a central bed of shrubs. Outside of the lawn area were four rose bush beds to fill up the square area.

And the wind is ever so strong, making her feel so good on the inside. It helped her to calm her mind and at least, give her courage.

The wind always blows and sing its songs to stir the emotions, let it bring the sweet memories of times gone and hopes for a good future ahead. The wind always reminds her that she was in this present moment, in the gift of living, and call her to adore those whom are close and give their days to us even though the were so wicked and unjust to her. 

The wind always rustle in the trees and sway the grassy wands, moving the fur of a mouse and the hair of a king all the same. The wind most likely comes as a wall, only to open up and allow her passage through, curling around her as if it were a soft quilt all along. 

The wind always speaks of adventures and rouse her noble heart into the ways of the hero whom is strong for others and willing to take on the unsurety that comes with helping others. 

For the wind is all this; 

Confident and flexible

Changeable and free

She looks at the different garden that is set to be her intentional destination and smell the delicate blooms.

The sweet,almost sickly, smell of flowers cut through the soft scent of the evening's dewy grass as she picked up a rose flower. Smelling it she puts it on her chest, and savours the smell. 

She had tried very hard to get rid of the thoughts of the Shuah. She was trying hard not to think about him. But yet, it seems there is also a force that pushes her closer, closer than she can ever be. All that rings in her head is his beautiful eyes which has captured her heart ever so greatly.

She does not know why the King feels that way for her but she herself does not know why she has started feeling this way. She was very much confused because she had a mission and for some reason she could not fulfill it.

For some reason, she could not kill the King.

Her thoughts were so strong and mighty that she did not notice those green eyes stare on her, for he was staring at her from his window.