Panic Attacks

'I hate myself,I hate this world' I thought to myself as I felt myself shivering. It felt as though, the world was turning in circles as I crouched down with my hands to my ear as I tried to block out the voices of my parents arguing but,obviously it wasn't working. I was having another severe panic attack, It felt as though I was I was about to die with my heart beating in an unusual rhythm.

It wasn't always like this,we were a happy and peaceful Nigerian family, with most of my friends whose parents were divorced were envious of. I remembered when this started was when, my maternal grandparents investigated some suspicious fund transactions and found out that dad was involved in it. Later on,my mum began stay out late only to come haggard. At the point when I turned fifteen, it got to the point when mum and dad began avoiding each other and even intentionally ignoring my existence and my birthdays which we usually celebrated in a grand manner.

At first,I thought I was the cause of their problems but, it got worse from days to months to years and I gradually developed panic and anxiety attacks because I felt guilty. You might ask why I am feeling guilty ;it's because,I am the reason for them not getting a divorce. We Nigerians see divorce as a very bad situation to do,a divorcee is rare and unheard of in Nigeria. Also,I am the sole heir to my family's conglomerate and my parents act as a beacon in guiding me. By the time they finished their argument,I already felt myself drifting ,falling unconscious and that was in my mind at that moment was that,my parents should have divorced.