1 A Rant

One way to sum up the Deity of Calamity, he is a walking catastrophe of clumsiness. Zaixing is the name which others and I call him by. It merely means 'the Star of Calamity'.

If you wanted something to go really wrong - that's Zaixing you pray to. One piece of advice - do wish your enemy the best. This particular deity will grant it with disastrous results. Wish your enemy wealth? Your enemy will be bankrupt in no time in a series of disastrous results. 100% Satisfaction guaranteed. No refunds necessary.

He is not an entirely bad friend to have. Zaixing can appear as a very handsome man - an eye candy if you are a young single desperado. He did save me from death a few times (a disaster to death itself).

However, this resulted in my ridiculous transmigration - a woman in her mid-30s into a 13-year-old third prince in an entirely screwed up world where magic is visibly in existence. Long story short, if Zaixing tries to make you his friend, sprint about 1000 kilometres away. Take it from my personal experience.

The Japanese Kami avoid him like the plague. The three Primordial Sages of Taoism try to keep a far, far, far distance from him. Heck, the deities and immortals of the Chinese Nine Heavens fled the scene when they spot him approaching. Those are 'gods' on Earth in the 21st century. This is not an assumption. Only a confirmation of what was witnessed.

Oh, I forgot to mention a key detail. The tiny bit about reincarnation. Most humans have past lives as humans and some don't. According to Zaixing, I don't but he won't tell me more. Honestly, Zaixing is involved in my past, present and probably future lives. I just subtly drop hints of them, then watch him try desperately to make it up with cataclysmic results. Yeah, Deities can feel guilt. It is only if they wish to. If not, good luck.

What can I say about this new world? Other than the supernatural powers of qi reign supreme. Oddly, the yin and yang system is still applied. This new world is a copy of ancient China circa after the Han dynasty in terms of culture (still the same patriarchal crap), clothing, words and the all encompassing use of Yin and Yang system. Even celestials were divided into that system.

The problems will be initially insurmountable to a person used to Earth's technologies. First, no modern toilets or showers. Fortunately in a world where magic is used, dumps can be taken into pots which make your bodily output crap disappear. No smell.

Second, you need to possess a desired quantity of qi, or be sentenced to live as a common starving peasant at the bottom rung of the society.

Third, no mobile phones - why bother when you can communicate telepathically.

Buses, trains, airlines? Why bother when most can fly through the air, except over the vast expanse of their oceans. Sounds like a dream when it really isn't. The only comfort is that somehow the people spoke a similar language to modern Mandarin. Thank goodness for those torturous Chinese lessons in my youth. I finally found out the meaning of wonangfei. It merely means that utterly hopeless and beyond redemption of a useless 'vegetable'.

Zaixing started off with a smooth, convincing impression on earthly me. From memories as a child, he would frequently appear in my dreams, reciting the following poem in Classical Chinese (English translation below):

"Calamity star is my fate,

Rivers of blood become the ocean.

Disasters arise from mankind,

Shatter the world for renewal."

He first came in a form of a young tall handsome man, standing placidly below a bloodied weeping willow tree. Not his created form, but a borrowed one. This is another story for another day. Incidentally, deities are not subjected to intellectual property rights. That includes copying your face and/or body.

Billowing silky ebony black hair tied in a waist length ponytail highlighted his snow white skin with a glowing aura. His natural beauty of the sharp features was profoundly stunning, even compared to the best looking models I had seen in ancient Chinese dramas.

Neatly arched eyebrows above the large phoenix-shaped eyes with lids gently slanting in a curve, and black seductive lush eyelashes - all perfectly matching a straight edged nose and an oval face. Pale lips delicately curved and framed by sharp strong jawline.

His skin was flawlessly smooth, like imperial white jade. Even the dark circles under those eyes enhanced his looks. A regal gold embroidered tunic adorned his well-built frame with a perfect fit. His slender fingers were holding a Chinese fan with such an elegant, graceful poise.

The white tunic worn was unstained. Against the dimming orange glow of dusk where flights of birds were taking off to find their restful roosts, the whole background looked like a peaceful looking piece of scenic Chinese painting.

Any girl or woman would swoon over his (borrowed) form. Except me.

In my dreams, those idyllic images with his dashing pose would suddenly turn into a hellish infernal pit of death, decomposing bodies with rivers of blood flowing, bloated corpses floating down. Horrific screams of agony filling the gory sight.

Alright, I admit - I gawked a few times at that borrowed image of his. Who can resist eye candy even if it is the dashing devil himself with a pen and book in hand. His eyes are extremely expressive. Any flash of malice or mirth could be easily read.

Fleeing from him is another problem. He can freeze a mortal in place, especially in the dreamscape. Bullshit to all the novels of how the hero or heroine can control their own dreams. The authors have never met him yet.

Like his kind. As I soon learnt, Zaixing could understand all languages. Why not? He is a deity. Across the worlds, beyond time and space. Heck, Most humans on Earth, myself included, used to think that my world was the only living planet in the entire galaxy, if not the universe.

That thought was also regrettably wrong when Zaixing dumped me in another. At least, it isn't only me having the fun at his expense. Take my advice - it pays to kiss the arse … respect all religions. You never know when a deity of a particular temple or shrine, which you have shown great respect, will reciprocate by stepping in. Some won't. Whether it is the extent of the belief system or they can't simply be bothered. But some will.