8 Conflicted emotions
Chapter 8
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It came again after years of trying to hide it, of trying to tame himself from the fear and the hazards that come with his health being affected.
His Lycan has also done a great job hiding this demonic seizure attack that happens to him too but this night was difficult and different. He felt as if heavy bags of stones were dumped in his chest and were dragged everywhere in him.
His throat burned, his eyes watered and his breath was beginning to get blocked.
This was the same feeling he had eleven years ago as he watched his parents being massacred before him, all because of the Lycan's throne in Crescent Star Pack. They wanted to claim it with force and render him useless but the Moon goddess had better plans for him.
But it didn't stop him from getting into this shameful act.
He was in his office with Zane, tapping his feet endlessly and impatiently. He needed to act fast but he didn't know what to stay anymore. It was easier initially but after discovering that sweet healing scent that dragged his entire existence out of the world he was lost in, he knew his word was split Into two.
He felt pain, something raw and primal with a mixture of happiness he had been seeking for a long time.
He finally found his mate, how his beast was growling within in happiness and sending sparks of tingling sensation around his body. But the mere thought of acknowledging Kaylan as that one for him makes it suffocating.
Why give him a wolf? He wanted to scream so loudly.
The promises he had kept for his mate were countless, he wanted to scold her for hiding and taking too long, he was going to cherish and protect her so that no harm would come near her, not even her skin would be affected. He was going to make her his golden Luna and give her all the pleasures of this world, making sure she craved him now and then.
But right now, he wanted to puke so badly. He took back all the words he said and tried to scold his beast so as not to push him into doing something stupid.
"If you won't answer me, let me know our next line of action. The Clan is on my neck and the full moon is coming! What's wrong with you?" Zane seethed angrily, he knew he was being insultive right now and his next words could either land him in the dungeon or punishment but he didn't care.
He was just too strange in the space of a few hours, becoming scarier with his silent attitude.
"We need to go to the Council hall." Cypher breathed out as if it was the most painful word ever, his thoughts were jumbled. His mind was guilt-tripping him so badly making him hate himself.
How could he treat his mate like that? He swallowed hard as if sharp pins sliced his throat and he could remember the fear in her eyes, she even rejected herself before he could say a word!
"No!" He suddenly shook his head in disapproval.
He can't do this, this girl was a castigated wolf he had treated like trash all his day of living. How could he look her in the eye to say soothing words to her?
He couldn't imagine himself saying soft words to her, he would never do that. He should reject her as she's requested.
"Get me, Mia." He blurted out and Zane gasped in surprise, gritting his teeth.
"Like I should go to Green Oak Pack right now and call that bitch? Lord! Are you underestimating Gareth?"
"Are you questioning my order, Zane, I need Mia now!" He fired at him, trying to ignore the fact that he was right. He needs to step up or his brother will take over, his brother was a stubborn wicked goat and would do all it takes to see him perish as long as he has the throne. He often wonders if Gareth was his blood brother, or if he was switched from birth to display his ruthless traits over seeking what does not belong to him. He couldn't blame him though, Crescent Star's throne was like heaven.
A powerful sanctuary to make one's life elevated and different and If the wolf's pack could interfere, how much more of him?
"I would never question you Alpha '' Zane's voice toned down with worry." Are you okay?" He asked Cypher who twitched his jaw and sighed.
"Don't ask me shit and get Mia! Now!" He growled and Zane sighed. He needed a distraction, he couldn't believe he would stoop this low to ask for a lady he had practically almost killed when she had tried to sleep with him. He never dated a soul, he didn't give a damn about the opposite gender not because he didn't have the urge to have the pleasure but because he was just burned and buried with hatred over what had happened in the past, in the dark and God help any woman to come near him, he would kill without thinking twice.
But right now, it's different. His body was on fire, he needed to quench this feeling. Fuck!
He needed to be with someone he had treated like a curse all this while. He wanted to hug her instead but he shook his head at that thought. It's suicidal, he can't be with a wolf. No one would acknowledge that even though he has full power over that.
"You should check on these letters sent, it sounds like a threat," Zane said tapping on papers on the table but he didn't take a glance.
"Get the hell out, Zane " He sighed.
The scent he had been avoiding all this while hits his nose like a volcano swirling around him.
How could someone smell so fucking good, it affected him so much that with that scent alone he wished to pump, he wished to thrust, he wanted to fuck, he just wanted to dwell in forever and he felt his cock harden in his pants.
This was bad, too bad that he was nothing but a web of a confused mess until he felt her presence and the hairs on his neck stood, washing his skin with goose pimples and his breath became shaky.
Slowly, he turned his back to face her and he cursed so loudly at her hearing.
"What the hell are you staring at?" He yelled heavily at her and she shuddered.
"I.." Kaylan swallowed, not knowing what to say. Cypher looked okay, in fact, angry, and was the total opposite of how Zane had described his state earlier.
"I thought you would need my help, I came to confirm that. I'm sorry- I should go." She stuttered, feeling stupid for adhering to her wolf.
"Don't you dare!" He growled and left his current position. She looked dirty, from the clothes she wore which were stained with what he couldn't describe and her hair looked so tangled but for the first time in his years of knowing Kaylan, he just discovered that she had the most beautiful hazel eyes he had ever seen.
"Arrange every damn file in this office and scrub this floor till dawn!" He blurted out harshly, flickering off from his confused mode. He just wanted to see her.
He would never give her the impression he was affected by her presence because he was fucking affected. He wanted to rip the dirty clothes off her body and wrap his shirt around him, he wanted to see every inch of her and heal every scar he had inflicted on her.
"SHIT!!" He growled out suddenly in pain but Kaylan was already on the files that may scattered on the table, set to work.
He felt pained, so hurt that she had to be treated this way and he had to face the harsh reality that they can never be in terms. He felt so guilty and he knew he couldn't justify his actions, he destroyed her to no repair and he needs to continue in that manner.
Be the cold-hearted Alpha he had always been to her, maybe that way he could punish himself more and feel better.
Because trying to act nice towards her would be the most disgusting thing ever. It already made him feel like a hypocrite and would feel worse if he dared show his affection.
Kaylan was fast, her heart thumped hard, her skin burned with need and her heart squeezed in pain that she couldn't explain. She needed to leave this place immediately, away from him, away from Crescent Star Pack, and away from everything that ever existed in the Lycan Kingdom.
And she was going to do that before the full moon whether the moon goddess approved of that or not.
However, when she was done arranging the files and stacking the books in the appropriate order in the office, taking time to admire the simplicity and powerful state of the Modern office with the classiest tools around, she felt herself being thrown roughly to the book stack and all her hours of hard efforts was thrown over her to the ground like she never started it.
Her hair was pulled upwards and she screamed in pain, the next yell that emanated from her lips alerted her that Gareth was going to kill her for wasting his time.
