Chapter 29- Interlude- The Immediate Aftermath
"Forgive me for letting you down….
Forgive me for letting you down… again.
I guess I'm not strong enough… right now…"
David sang softly to himself as he worked his fingers along the strings of the guitar, his headset on his head.
This was one of the last days he would be staying in this apartment. All the memories he had of his mom flowed through him as he came to terms with that inevitability. How, for as long as he could remember, they shared the only bed the damn place had, except for those times when his mom practically collapsed on the couch after multiple shifts. All those times that she just had him get her a burrito instead of being able to make a proper meal.
Or at least as proper as it could get on an EMTs pay scale.
The nights spent watching a bad movie, with her arms around him. How she'd ruffle his hair and he'd pretend to be annoyed. How they could both quote the 4th Bushido movie (the most underrated of them) from beginning to end.
He didn't want to go.
David swallowed as he shook his head as he messed with the chords on the instrument. It didn't sound right. Not how he needed it to sound.
(A little sharp. Not a lot.)
I know.
(Sure you should write a song yourself? Just started playing less than 2 months ago.)
Maybe. Maybe not. But… these thoughts. These feelings. I need to get them out somehow. And… I don't know. Feels like maybe if I can get a song out. If I can put this pain to music… maybe it'll feel better.
(Still worried about Lucy?)
It had been a few days since the fateful blow up. The reveal that Sandy was in fact a person. An SI that had its own thoughts, feelings… emotions.
And in those days, things had been… rough, with Lucy.
A little. She's been… distant. Not entirely but she definitely doesn't trust you. And I'm not sure she's totally forgiven me for hiding you for so long. If she didn't love me as much as she did…
(But does. Wish… wish Sandy could talk to her. Try to show… but… don't want to make worse. Rebecca more open. Not trust. Not fully, but giving chance. )
He nodded, heartened a little at how Becca was taking it. It was Interesting though… Rebecca had been more… attentive to Lucy the last couple of days. Not that she hadn't been before, but now it was like she'd been… huh… Maybe something had changed between the two of them.
But regardless, he had been surprised that they were still fully on board with moving in together, and on such short notice.
__
The day before
__
"... You both still want us all to move in together?"
He asked them curiously, Rebecca sitting on the couch a few feet away from Lucy who was curled up slightly, not quite looking directly at him. Rebecca snorted and gave him a baleful stare.
"Well yeah. Dummy. Look, I'm not gonna pretend that we're back to where we were before the big reveal, but… shit. It's not like we're actually arguing or looking at breaking up right?"
She looked like saying the words physically pained her, and she wasn't the only one. David felt like he'd been punched in the damn gut while Lucy's hand reached up to the back of her head, her expression filled with an agony he was all too familiar with.
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His jaw clenched enough for him to feel it creak, before he let out a shaky exhale.
"... No. I don't want that."
Lucy was the next to speak, having stayed quiet, but was now more fully present in the conversation, her hand slowly dropping from the back of her head.
"... I'm not leaving you David. Not unless you want me gone."
David's heart throbbed as it felt like he could finally breathe again as he shook his head."Never. Just… never."
Rebecca nodded emphatically, and a bit shyly spoke her piece as well.
"And I know I'm the new addition… but fuck. David I liked you from the moment I met you. And Lucy… being here has made me wonder how I ever missed how amazing you were too. I don't…" The short woman sniffed roughly, her eyes getting shiny as she angrily swiped at her eyes.
"I don't want us to go! I want us to live happily ok!? I want all that stupid fairytale bullshit that doesn't get to happen in NC. Ok…?" She finished her question, her request really with a shy drop of her eyes down to her lap.
David moved to her left side, his stride sure and expedient, wrapping an arm around her as Lucy moved to do the same.
"...I think we can do that Becca." He whispered softly, pressing a kiss to her temple as Rebecca's arms wrapped tightly around the both of them, her eyes closed as tears flowed. It was then that David looked up to see Lucy looking at the both of them with a gaze of pure longing and affection that it almost floored him. She was still skittish… but when he gripped her hand in a gesture of love and support… she grabbed back, squeezing with the desperation of someone who was sure that what they were holding was about to be ripped out of their hand.
__
Present Day
__
His ruminations were cut off by a call.
Lucy: "Hey… you awake?"
His heart began to race. He hadn't expected her to be the one to reach out. Hell, he'd been trying to figure out how much time he should give her before he reached out to try and apologize or… something. He wasn't sure.
David: "Hey-Hey. Yeah, I'm up."
He hesitated for a moment, before saying fuck it.
David:"... I missed you."
Lucy: "I missed you too… so much. Wanted… wanted to ask if we could talk. Before we move into the new place in a few days. Becca is finishing up her packing at her and Pilar's place. Can… I come by?"
His heart felt like it had damn near jumped out of his chest and Into his throat. Grinning like a lunatic, he eagerly sent her another message.
David: "Always Lucy. You are always welcome. "
Lucy: "... That's good to know David. I… look… I want to talk about things. I'm… I'm trying to face things head on and-."
She seemed to cut herself off for a moment, before finishing her statement.
Lucy: "I'll see you when I get there ok? I love you."
David: "I'll be waiting. I love you too."
It seemed so.. simple yeah? People would hear the words, and just say them back. A reflex. But not for him. Not for her. Everytime they said those three words, every single bit of emotion that could be mustered in a gentle declaration, an affirmation of love was there.
As the message connection dropped, he took the moment to go over to his Mom's Urn, the beautiful colorful patterns all over the cheap material. Maine had done an amazing job with the designs. If this was Maine after years of no practice, he couldn't Imagine just how beautiful it could have been if he'd been in practice.
But that didn't matter. It was from the heart. It was beautiful.
He'd lately begun leaving his Mom's jacket next to her urn, taking Pilar's advice to leave the EMT jacket at home until they managed to make the outerwear tough enough so that he didn't have to worry about it being destroyed. That of course had left him… feeling edgy. Off balance. He knew that couldn't be a good thing. Probably some… dependency shit that a therapist would advise against.
But he couldn't afford a therapist now could he? He picked up the fabric then, breathing in deep of the piece of clothing, his eyes watering as he could almost smell her again. Like… like it was right there.
"God I'm fucked up aren't I?"
He mused softly, placing the fabric down again, carefully and neatly placing it down.
(David… worrying Sandy. Episodes are increasing.)
I know. But what can I do? I'm trying to do better, but it's… it's so hard Sandy. I can't… I just… I want her back so much. I feel like a spoiled fucking brat. But I just want my mamá back so much. She made everything better. And I just… I failed. So many things I fucked up with. And it just feels like it's getting worse.
I've got all this previous experience, and here we are… fuck. It's almost like it's getting worse for Maine. He wasn't this fucked up last time. He didn't start getting like this until the Tanaka Job. When we got that son of a Bitch Jimmy Kurosaki, and he threw me in that fucking torture BD. Maine got zapped, and it just seemed to make everything worse. All the things he had been pulling back on, all the little neuroses… they'd begun to break free.
David was swallowing heavily as he sat down on the couch, his arms wrapping around himself.
"Then… then that fucking apartment. The building. That fucking shit hole."
He murmured as his breathing began to accelerate into something… not conducive to proper respiration.
Maine…. God… coming to find that Kiwi had gotten fucked up, Falco refusing to talk, and Maine… Maine fucking turning into a hulking assholish mess while Dorio struggled just to keep us all together. To finish this job and get us out of there. And then…
He grimaced.
I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I don't even know why I hesitated. Because I vaguely knew him? I just… fuck I don't know. But he was awake. I should have fucking tranqued him. But hell maybe it didn't even matter.
His throat clenched as he swallowed harder, his fingers digging into his arms.
And… and then…
(Stop.) Came the gentle but firm voice of Sandy, paired with an odd sensation.. like a hand on his shoulder. Squeezing gently.
(David…Maine is not as bad as he had been last time. My records, my … memory is not flawless of the time Before. But Maine was abusing the Immunoboosters to an incredibly unhealthy degree. Even before that job, he was using his pens too often. Based on increased presence this time around, overall use of Immunoboosters has dropped by 47%.)
David wanted to believe that. Shit he wanted to believe that badly . But it was hard to believe when… well.
Then why does he seem so much angrier? Why is he… I…
(I do not know my Host. I'm sorry.)
He chuckled roughly,shaking his head as he helplessly looked out the window into the mess that was Night City. He was fidgety again. The pain eating away at his chest, his heart aching. He… he needed to play again. Needed to work on the song.
In jerky almost desperate motion, he retrieved the guitar, automatically going through the tuning process regardless of having just played it moments ago. It was something to consume his movements and blank his brain if only for a few moments.
Feel the rhythm… of the streets…
Neon lights… and neon dreams…
It was wrong. It was all wrong.
The words were right. The lyrics were right. But the music itself… the notes… they just weren't right.
(David… you're shaking.)
He blinked and looked down at his hands, seeing them tremble, and his heart began to race.
No… no not again. I can't! I haven't eve-
(David. Breathe. In…. out…)
He tried to listen. To follow Sandy's instructions, but fuck it was just so damn hard. The ragged breaths that entered and exited his lungs tore at him, until finally the tightness in his chest eased off.
(David. You are not experiencing Cyber Psychosis. You are traumatized . I do not say this in a belittling way, or in a coddling way. You are hurt, and that will not go away so quickly.)
How do you know? How do you know I'm not going psycho again?
(Are you hallucinating?)
David blinked.
… no.
(In the Before, when experiencing the onset of cyberpsychosis, do you remember what you kept seeing?)
It was hard to forget. He'd see himself and other people turning… well. Turning into guns. Weapons.
(Exactly. Even early in your abuse of cyberware, you began to acquire hallucinations of a similar kind. I have my theories as to… why it presented itself like that, but that's not the point. You are trembling due to trauma not a return to where you were before… before you were sent back. You have been eating more. Exercising healthily, opening up to your lovers and friends. )
He took a deep breath, his thoughts slowly began to order themselves as he went through a couple of scales on his guitar, before strumming a familiar and comforting tune.
"So… get away…-"
The mechanical sliding of the apartments door opened as he plucked his strings, causing him to turn, and…
It was like seeing her for the first time. It always was. Quite tall, beautiful eyes, the little marks under her eyes applied so symmetrically that they could almost be mistaken for tattoos. Her hair was as pastel colored as always, though it was longer now, reaching to her shoulders ever since their conversation about her hair.
"Hey…" She said a little awkwardly, before crossing the space, looking around at the boxes in the apartment, before settling back on him.
"Hey." He replied, setting the guitar down, clearing a space for her to sit down, which she gladly took, instinctively rubbing her leg up against his. And almost like they'd both been administered something the moment they touched, it was like they both just…. Melted. Relaxed.
"You were playing our song. Weren't you?" Lucy spoke after a moment, a touch of fondness in her voice as she pressed her leg against his own, neither of them looking at each other.
David blushed just a bit. Just enough to heat his cheeks before laughing softly.
"Yeah. The lyrics might be kinda messed up, but all I can think of when I hear it is… well. You."
She smiled softly, still looking forward.
"I know. I'm the same."
Silence reigned for a little bit, and while it wasn't exactly… comfortable, it also wasn't agonizing.
But the silence had to come to an end eventually as she breathed in deeply, and turned to face him.
"I don't like that you didn't tell me about this. But I accept why you did. I've… got my own problems with A.I. and it's not something I want to get deep into at the moment. But I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me if there's anything else you're not telling me."
Fuck.
"I…-"
"David…I love you so much. But I need to be able to trust you. If it's something you don't want to talk about that's ok. But I need to know."
Even admitting things in such a… tangential way felt… he wasnt sure. Dangerous? Too early?
But I can't lie to her.
"...yeah. There's something else."
Lucy eyes narrowed briefly before nodding.
"Are you going to tell me about it eventually?"
"Of course. I never intended to hide it forever. I just… I need a little time. Ok?" He asked her, his voice holding just a touch of a plea to it.
Her eyes eased up from their narrowed position before she reached over gently and caressed his bottom lip with her thumb.
"Okay Davey…. Ok. Now…. The other thing. This… AI. What did you call it?" She said as she pulled away, her eyes narrowed as she directed her fierce glare at the chrome on his back.
(This…. unexpected)
"Sandy. I've been calling it Sandy."
Lucy hummed and her eyes lit up as she gazed at it.
(Scanning. Protections keep from success. Can… drop?)
Lucy interjected before he could formulate a response.
"Did you tell anyone about this? Or did you keep it a secret from everyone."
He hesitated but nodded his head.
"I told Vik. Vik was actually one to let me know that it looked like I had an AI in my chrome. Ever since, it's been part of our weekly appointments. He was making sure that nothing went wrong."
Her jaw clenched at that, but she seemed… approving if nothing else..
"Good… if nothing else your ripper needed to know. So I'm feeling better about this. Viktor really thinks that this thing is on the up and up?"
(.... Not thing…)
The SI seemed a little wounded then, but pushed on.
"Vik has been keeping an eye on Sandy ever since I thought something was weird that I started feeling… sensations. Turns out Sandy had been giving it's equivalent of hugs when it thought I needed them."
(David needed hugs.)
Still really glad you provided them.
Lucy seemed a little perplexed but let it pass.
".... I want to talk to it. Not in a call. I don't want its systems anywhere near me. It can hear me… right?"
David looked a little sheepish.
"Sandy… Sandy can see or hear anything I do. So yeah,it heard you this whole time."
She stood up then, beginning to pace back and forth, her hands clenched and tensing as she did.
"Let it take over you, or whatever fucked up thing it does."
(Take over?! Sandy NEVER!!!) The SI seemed absolutely livid at the sheer concept of just casually taking over David's body. So much so that David felt the need to soothe it's ruffled feathers.
Shhhh… I know… I know choombatta. But she doesn't.
(.... Permission to connect to speakers?)
Of course my friend.
And with only a fraction of a second spent, it took over the electronics of the TV, repurposing it to work as a mouthpiece for the conversation.
"I do not… take over David's body Lucy. I have only ever communicated mentally with him, and through external speakers when in contact with others such as Dr. Vektor or Maine."
David had expected a lot of things when Sandy spoke. For Lucy to be terrified still. To look utterly uncomfortable. To be angry.
He hadn't expected the dark look of pure hatred that he'd only once seen when she was staring down Jimmy Kurosaki.
"I'm gonna make things really clear, and I'm only going to say it once . If it turns out you're doing anything to hurt him? Anything to try and control him or condition him? I will destroy you. I will let loose every single failsafe and safety measure I have to make sure that you're not even fit to be a SCSM. Do you understand me?!"
There was silence for a moment,cut off only by the heavy and savage breathing of Lucy.
(Lucy…. Scary.)
I'm sorry sh-
(No apology. Lucy love David. Sandy want David happy and safe. Good that she like this.)
Sandy spoke calmly and measuredly, the smooth cadence not easing Lucy's glare.
"I…understand Lucy. You will not believe me, but I don't want to hurt David. I have done nothing that he has not approved. His happiness and safety is my highest priority. Which means that your happiness and safety is also my highest priorities."
That at least seemed to catch Lucy off guard, looking at David who couldn't help but smile as his cheeks reddened.
"Well… it's true. You and Becca… our crew. If you guys aren't happy and ok, I'm not happy or ok. And I'm not gonna try and tell you that you need to get along with Sandy. You've obviously got your own reasons for why you don't like AI, but… they really have been helping me. And they've been insistent whenever I get too deep in my head that I talk with you and Becca. It's not trying to isolate. Shit… they won't stop trying to convince me to socialize sometimes." He was rambling. Fuck he knew he was rambling but he hadn't meant to.
He opened his mouth again to apologize, before finding a soft slender finger placed against his lips, Lucy's face contorted in a reluctant smile of amusement.
"... No promises My Love… but… I'll try. For now… kiss me?"
She asked quietly, mounting his lap gingerly, setting her weight up on him,her fingers cupping his cheeks with such love and such need that it left him breathless as he moved his hands up her back, reaching upward with his mouth to capture her lips.
It was always like sparks were lit when he kissed her. Not fireworks, but a long low burn that could so easily turn into a bonfire. But not this day. The both of them made sure not to let their lusts and affections run too hot. They kept things at a low simmer, soft lips and steady breathing. Unfortunately, something seemed to have triggered Lucy's thought process, and she pulled back, looking sick.
"Lucy? What's wrong?" He asked her confused, as she seemed to wrestle with something mentally.
"... It's been watching all our moments hasn't it? Our kisses, sex, all of it."
Ah. Shit.
(Technically true. Am aware, but not focused. Private moment.)
"... Sort of. It's… you know how you walk into a place, and a TV is playing? It's… sort of like that. Sandy knows it's happening but doesn't really pay much attention unless I say something. And when I'm with you… how could I think about anything but you?"
His words seemed to satisfy her discomfort, as she moved closer again but this time only to hug him tight.
"...this is gonna be kinda hard to get used to David." She said eventually, her mouth next to his ear, the words quiet, caressing the tender flesh with her lips sending shivers of pleasure down his spine.
Making sure to keep his hands only at her back and her hips, he buried his face in her neck, slowly inhaling her scent. Something… slightly sweet. Something very much Lucy.
"Mmm… I know… I know. And I'm so sorry that I've made it so that you have to deal with this. I'm… shit. Thank you… for still staying. For not leaving."
She laughed sharply, her breasts squishing pleasantly against his chest as she squeezed against him tighter.
"I'm not going anywhere… not ever. I'm yours, forever and always. Just… give me time."
He swallowed, his throat feeling like there was a lump stuck there as his eyes misted up, his hand on her back gently caressing her longer hair.
"Take as much time as you want my love. An hour, a day, a month, a year, it doesn't matter."
She simply kissed his forehead in response as he felt almost as if their bodies were so tightly and earnestly pressed against one another that they might be one singular being instead of a pair of lovers. Silence once more reigned, but it was a warm and comfortable thing that lasted for a good long while. Eventually however, Lucy once more broke the silence with a question.
"Could I ask just… one more thing David?"
"Anything."
She pulled back a little, her weight focused on his thighs as she looked downward, her face rosey with a blush.
"... Could you brush my hair?"
She asked shyly, the roseyness beginning to glow with the heat of her embarrassment.
His face broke into a wide, joyous grin.
"I'd love to."
___
"I'm serious Maine. You need to start pulling back on how much cyberware you're using or at least slow down your installations." Dorio said with a tone of frustrated worry. She'd known that he was doing better than he had been with regards to the immunoboosters, but she'd thought it was because he was finally stopping adding new pieces.
Seeing him return once more with an obvious piece of new chrome for his Gorilla arms/Impact launcher Hybrid… well.
It had set things into the current argument.
She was watching Maine pace in front of the couch of their place, a nice larger apartment that they'd pooled their Eddie's together years ago to afford.
They'd even painted this shit together, laughing and flicking each other with paint spray, before fucking on the floor in the kitchen there.
Fuck there were so many memories there that just made all of this hurt so much more.
"I said I'm fucking fine! Where the fuck is this coming from? You were fine with it before!"
Her jaw clenched as she stares up at him defiantly, her chest aching and her stomach feeling hollow from the arguing.
"Oh that's bullshit and you know it Maine! I've been asking you to pull back on chrome for almost a year now, and you just keep pushing me off and adding more! That isn't how shit is supposed to work between us! That's never been how it was before."
And it wasn't. The kind of life they led, along with the kind of sex life they had…they had to be able to trust each other and work things out. They had to because otherwise they'd be on the path to a nasty and irreparable breakup. And for 7 years they'd done so fucking well, but now… it was just accelerating. What was causing this??
"Well maybe if you just fucking trusted me, then we wouldn't be fucking arguing! What changed? I've been getting new pieces for the entire time we've been together. You never started complaining before!"
Dorio's eyes closed as she tried to just… focus her breathing, and keep her body relaxed.
"What changed was the amount and how quickly you started adding pieces babe. You're going. Too. Fast. Your body has limits and you're pushing them farther and faster than you should. I'm only telling you that you should stop now because you wouldn't listen when I suggested you slow down."
That seemed to hit him square in the chest with how he hesitated.
"... I can't stop Dorio. I have to be able to lead this crew. That means I have to be strong enough to protect them if they get in a bad situation. I have to be the strongest person in the crew."
Dorio's brow furrowed in confusion, not understanding things.
"What's that supposed to mean Maine? You are the strongest person in the crew."
"No I'm NOT!" Maine retorted loudly, almost angry enough that he was yelling at her. And that was part of what was causing this sinking feeling in her stomach. They hadn't fought like this In a long time.
Maine also seemed to have realized he was yelling and seemed to collapse on himself as he heavily sank into the couch, his weight causing the couch to shift noticeably.
"... I'm not the strongest. Not anymore." He said quietly, no emotion in his voice. And that honestly scared her the most at the moment. Maine was a passionate man. Hearing him dull and lifeless like this was… fuck. She almost wished he was yelling at her again.
"Maine… what are you talking about?"
Dorio's eyes softened in concern as she reached out to touch his arm,her fingers feeling the powerful metal of his gorilla arms, stuffed to the brim with more and more large synth muscle.
"I'm not the strongest anymore Dorio. I haven't been for months."
And suddenly it all made sense.
"You mean… David?" She whispered gently, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion and understanding both.
"Come on Dorio… look at him. Kid is only 17 and he's got a piece of chrome that even without the fucking A.I. would make him dangerous on a level I can't even begin to describe. Top that off with the fact he's got instincts and the learning capacity of what feels like a fucking supercomputer, I… I can't fucking keep up . I'm not fast enough. Strong enough."
Dorio's heart ached as she could almost hear the unspoken words forming.
What if everything I've done and sacrificed for was for nothing?
"Are you jealous of him, Maine?" She asked simply, her voice neutral. Non-judgemental.
She could see her massive Mainline struggle with her words as she used her powerful fingers to reach over and gently massage his neck.
It wasn't the exact same sensation as if she was massaging his flesh and bone neck, but it was still a comforting and relaxing sensation. Eventually, Maine finally closed his eyes under her ministrations as he spoke.
"... Yeah. Yeah. I'm fucking jealous. This kid is already developing a reputation that took me ages to build. The only way we managed to build up our rep the way we did with Falkins and now the others? The higher level fixers? Him. Him and that fucking Sandevistan that's been making whispers all over the underworld."
Dorio's heart broke as she reached to cup his cheek, her metallic fingers gently caressing his jawline.
"Babe… I'm sure that's no-"
He cut her off, gripping her hand softly, his eyes never opening.
"Dorio, I burnt my bridges with Wakako when we lost… when Sasha died. I screamed at her, insulted her, her operation and her family. The only reason that deadly ass woman didn't have my ass murdered was that I was a loose fucking cannon, and nobody else witnessed it but her. I tried to apologize months later and she told me that there was nothing I could do to mitigate the disrespect I'd shown her. Then, fast forward to us picking up David and Falkins talking us up, here comes Wakako again, willing to let my old private disrespect go so that she could get access to him. Feels like he's just… replacing me. New model, brand new features. Upgrade now. "
He said with a bitter, and yet… proud tone. It wasn't something she was used to seeing on his face.
"... And what am I supposed to do with that, you know? Especially when this kid still looks at me like I'm his hero. If he was an arrogant little fuck, I'd kick him out, Gloria or no Gloria. But the kid listens. Offers his own thoughts, but still waits for me to give the order. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if the Kid even needs us."
Dorio's heart ached for Maine as he finally started to explain his thoughts. Everything that he'd been holding onto, finally being released.
"But… it doesn't matter how I feel . He's part of the crew, and he deserves better than how I've been treating him." He eventually said quietly, as Dorio chewed on a thought that had been rolling around her head.
"I think that it's good that you're recognizing that. He does deserve better than how you treated him the other day. And... I think I'm not gonna go after David anymore.
She said finally, even if an ache of regret filled her stomach.
Maine turned to face her surprised, and confused, her chastisement looked past for the moment.
"... What? I thought you liked him? Something come up?"
She rolled her eyes and punched him firmly in the shoulder with exasperation.
"You're dealing with some major insecurity issues babe. I'm not gonna jump into bed with the person that's the source of all these mixed emotions, ok?" She said, her voice soft as she caressed his cheek with love in her eyes as she gave him a little smile.
The unconscious relief in his eyes buoyed her for making that choice, before he frowned and shook his head.
"Dorio… no. No you don't need to do that."
Dorio raised an eyebrow before refuting his statement.
"I really think I do. Do I think David is cute, and I'd like to see how he could handle me? Yes. Have my feelings progressed to the point where I wanted to see about actually starting a relationship? Also yes. But baby… you're my priority right now. And I'm not going to make things harder for you. Ok?"
Maine's face softened as he placed his forehead against hers, the familiar hardness and coolness of the metal being comforting against her warmer flesh.
"... I love you Dorio…"
"And I love you Maine."
They stayed like that for a moment before he pulled back, and caressed her jaw and cheek softly.
"But I'm serious. If you still want to start something with him, I'm fine with it. Even if it's not right now, we've talked about it so if you see the opportunity… do it. If you want to. Ok?"
She couldn't deny the gratification she had that he was insisting on it… but she still resolved to only push it further when Maine started to do better.
"... Alright. I won't give up on fucking David and dating him. Happy?" She said playfully pushing him roughly, making him reel back, before a flicker of lust in Maine's eyes got her heart racing.
"Mmm… very. But I'll be a lot more happy in a moment." He growled as he captured her lips and Dorio sighed in satisfaction,melting into his arms as she ground herself against him.
"What are you waiting for then Boss?~"
They'd be ok.
They had to be.
___
It was never a good feeling when you were in the wrong with people. When you made a mistake and it ended up hurting people. Especially when it was due to your own paranoia.
When Kiwi had said to David that the girls hated her now, she hadn't… really been joking. Rebecca had been furious, Dorio had been shocked and disappointed and Lucy… Lucy's reaction had hurt the most.
–
Soon after David was taken to Viktor's clinic
–
"What the hell was that about Kiwi?"
Lucy's voice was calm. Deceptively so as she watched Rebecca head off towards David's apartment to pick up his mom's jacket. They'd both apparently had a feeling that he'd be needing it when he woke up.
Kiwi felt… almost chastised just from her words, but she didn't let it show. One of the few benefits to having this damned metal wall of a mask was that she was able to look incredibly impassive.
"He didn't add up. He hasn't been adding up this entire time, so when he was suspicious in a way I could prove, I brought it up."
Lucy still didn't look at her, and it made her stomach tighten further, and feeling the phantom sensation of… wanting to clench her jaw. No teeth. No jaw. It always reminded her of all she lost. All that was taken because she didn't realize something was wrong.
"People just aren't like him, Lucy. He was obviously hiding something, so I did what I had to do. " She didn't mention how sick it had made her. The guilt that had almost suffocated her when she'd contacted Maine and given him her suspicions. She didn't even know why she felt so guilty.
Except for the fact that even though I've been an asshole to him, he's been trying to be nicer to me.
She sure as shit couldn't forget the fact that when she'd had one of her episodes, he hadn't… he hadn't left her behind to deal with it on her own.
And… something else. Whenever he looked at her with that disappointed frown, she felt like she'd failed horribly. And she knew it wasn't because of a kink or some shit. He was cute, but quite frankly she didn't trust anyone at the moment to get involved. Her vibrators and toys were more than enough to satisfy her.
But there was something else that made her feel bad whenever she started considering David as an obstacle. Or that she should keep everyone at an arm's length.
"So what's your prevailing theory then, hmm? David is a plant? How could he be a plant Kiwi? He's been with me or Becca or someone every single day since I found him on that train. He is never alone for longer than a few hours nowadays. When the hell was he supposed to report in? Who did you even think he might be part of?"
She didn't say anything for a moment, until Lucy actually turned to face her, her face screwed up in a mix of betrayal and anger that hurt that place deep inside her that David always managed to get to as well. It felt like guilt but something more. Something… visceral.
"... I thought he might have been a police plant." Maybe she should start voicing her theories out loud. Because she couldn't deny…
She sounded fucking stupid at the moment.
Lucy was silent, before her shoulders started to shake. The tremors became a full throated laugh that didn't hide any of the anger that was on display.
"Are you kidding me?? David. My David? A cop? After all the shit he's done with us? The crimes he's committed while he's been with us? The fact that he's always managed to make sure we never have to deal with the fucking pigs? Kiwi, please tell me you see that this doesn't make sense."
__
Current Day
__
They didn't talk that much after that. Lucy had turned away,and Kiwi had gone with the rest of the crew to Aldo's, where Dorio also had read her the riot act, along with Maine. Falco hadn't said anything especially… harsh, but he had said… something that cut her to the marrow.
"Not everyone's like them Kiwi. I hope you learn that one day."
She wanted to. She wanted to believe that. She was just so tired of being on edge. Of being paranoid and thinking that everyone was out to get her.
But then she would look in a mirror.
And then she would remember what happened the last time that she didn't have a care in the world. That she trusted everyone around her with her life. And it ended up like this.
So she just kept going through, day by day, building her supply of Eddies, and keeping the crew at arms length, trying to teach Lucy to not get attached because Kiwi didn't want her to end up like her.
And everything had seemed fine. She was… content. Then David had come into the picture, and all her control just went completely out the door. She was spending time with the girls more often, only leaving first reluctantly. She was making jokes. Going to the Afterlife and overall just spending time with them all more.
Falco had even noticed.
"You look a lot lighter when you're not weighed down all the time."
She hadn't even gotten testy with him! She'd made a joke about him calling her fat, but that was it.
But… fuck. She didn't want to give this another chance. She was terrified to do so to be honest, but after the whole situation with David, she owed him. So when he said that she could make up for having essentially called the Spanish Inquisition on him for something so far from the truth that it was ridiculous by letting him take her to ArcadeArcade like he'd suggested months ago?
She'd accepted. They hadn't set up a specific day just yet, but it would be happening sooner rather than later, and she didn't know how to feel about it. If it was anyone else, she'd just… get through it and go on about her day. But David… David had a very obvious effect on everyone he interacted with, and frankly she was kind of terrified that… well. That he might see straight through her. No… there was no might about it. She was fucking sure he would see through her.
She especially didn't want to start feeling anything for him. Not platonically and sure as hell not romantically. Like she'd already said, she wasn't ready for anything like that. And with David somehow managing to convince Lucy that they should also date Rebecca? That seemed like a complicated situation that, even if she wanted to date him,(which she didn't) would inevitably end up in some form of tragic fucking breakup.
But she owed him.
She sighed as she lay reclined in her ice tub, still feeling toasty as her entire body had heated up digging through some stiffer ICE than normal.
At least they were making more money. Ever since they'd started to pull away from Faraday and his cheap ass ways, she'd been able to build up an even bigger nest egg with the jobs they'd been acquiring. She was even beginning to wonder just what she would do once she'd acquired her old goal of one million Eurodollars. It wasn't an insubstantial amount of cash, but it definitely wouldn't last her the rest of her life.
There was always just raising her goal from one million to 5 or 10. But something that didn't really feel satisfying…
She hummed as she looked over her possessions from the tub, slowly beginning to feel the chill of the ice.
She had plenty of equipment to handle her face mask, she kept up to date on her quickhacks, unlike Lucy…
She couldn't help but shake her head in amazement at the fact that the younger Netrunner had been able to stay as effective as she had been with lower tier quickhacks for years. Thankfully after the situation wherein she hadn't been able to take down enough people quickly at that scav den, she'd since upgraded heavily. Terrifying shit to go against, that was for sure.
Lucy was a good Runner, but she had always been more of a combat runner than a battlefield controller and stealth operative than she herself was.
Kiwi had prided herself on being able to slip in and out of systems with little issue, grabbing the data and systems she needed without leaving anything that could trace back and make a mess.
Lucy… well. She could go in systems and get the target information sure… but she was much better at just cutting through the ice, leaving it a mangled mess of code. Left a hell of a mess. Yes it was damn near impossible to actually trace it back to her, but it still left an obvious entry wound if you wanted to call it that.
She sighed fondly as she thought of the girl, mixed with some dull pangs of regret. She wasn't able to lie to herself… not about this.
She cared for Lucy. More than she'd thought possible for a very long time. She'd met her almost 5 years ago. Skinny. Fragile. Scared. Eyes that she recognized. She'd offered her a place to stay and in no time, she'd quietly realized that the girl had become important to her. For fucks sake, she'd played violin for her when she had nightmares. She had been rusty as she hadn't played since… well.
Since them.
But it had helped her sleep.
Lucy didn't stay for very long. 6 months if that, having started taking a few jobs that Kiwi had turned her onto. Soon enough, she gained enough of a rep that she was able to afford her own place, and the two stayed in close contact. Kiwi had originally been brought into Maine's crew a few months before Sasha had died.
Damn that had been a shit show. The feline like Runner had been… personable. Friendly. A bit more of a party gal than was her type, but was free with her Eddie's and a smile.
She lived for the moment.
Losing her had sent Maine down a dark path… but the man was still keeping it together, so she'd recommended Lucy once Sasha was gone. The only thing she hadn't really expected when working with Maine was…
Faraday Calling!
Faraday Calling!
…. Shit..
She didn't want to pick up the call.
But she didn't really have that much choice, did she?
Kiwi: "Yeah-Yeah? What do you-you want?"
Faraday: "You want to rethink what you just said."
She swallowed and felt the urge to clench her non-existent jaw once more. Shit. He was in one of his moods. When he got like this, he got… cruel.
Kiwi: "Is there something you need… sir?"
Faraday: "Better. And yes. I need all the information you can muster on David Martinez."
… what?!
Kiw: "... What kind of information are you talking? Not exactly Chooms."
And to be frank she wasn't at all interested in giving that information out. She was feeling all manner of conflicted when it came to David, but with how the man had started to show his true colors, she wasn't interested in telling him what his favorite food was much less anything more personal.
Faraday: "Everything. Fears, flaws, history. And especially that Sandevistan. Everything I've been acquiring says what he's doing is close to impossible, and I want to know what makes that chrome so special."
She frowned, even as a pit grew in her stomach. She hadn't even considered the wider ramifications about David's Sandevistan and the AI Sandy.
From what she could understand based on his comments at Aldo's, Sandy not only gave him access to a time dilation effect beyond anything ever reported possible, it was also monitoring and encouraging growth in David's natural body.
The tech itself could legitimately cause a war, and Sandy… Kiwi had her own theories about where this AI came from.
All this came up to one very specific thought.
No one can ever know just how ridiculous David and Sandy actually are.
Kiwi: "Not a lot I can tell you. It's a high end Sandevistan. Maybe Arasaka model, I'm not sure. Don't see-see him with his shirt off all that much. Fears, and flaws… that's not something I really know. Why are you asking me?"
Faraday: "Because you owe me … Kiera."
Blood-cutting sharp pain-ithurtsithurts—-
Her breathing picked up heavily, her fingers clenched into fists, her nails digging into her palm. Damn him. Damn him .
Kiwi: "I don't know what you expect me to do Faraday. His public records are tame, and anything else he wouldn't tell me about. It's not like I'm his output."
Faraday: "I don't particularly care how you find this information. Hack into his systems, stalk him, fuck him, it does not matter what you have to do. Do. It. Do this for me… and I'll consider us paid in full.
That made her pause. Faraday had a large hold on her, if only due to her own sense of obligation. If he hadn't made the effort… she would have died in that Scav Den, slowly and meticulously.
So yeah. She owed him. And he never let her forget that. Fucker.
But the chance to finally get out from under the obligation to this asshole and cut him out of her life?
That wasn't nothing.
And if he'd told her to do this months ago, maybe she would have decided to go through with it. But now… Faraday always made her feel sick when she spoke with him. On top of the fact that he was getting more and more aggressive due to Maine deciding to get out from under his thumb? She was not feeling the urge to indulge his control issues.
Kiwi:"I can't guarantee anything. His output is a very very good Netrunner, and he's incredibly loyal to her. I'd have to try and get in a relationship with him for him to tell me the kind of things you're wanting to know."
Faraday:"Like I said Kiera, I don't care how you do it. Just do it. "
She had to focus her breathing to not feel the knife, the blood, the cacophony of sound.
Kiwi: "As you say… sir."
Fucker.
Faraday: "Good. And Kiwi… if you ever disrespect me like that again… well. I'm sure you could reprise the role I pulled you away from. Am I understood?"
Real terror filled her heart as she realized what he was saying. He'd never threatened her with this before, and frankly it scared the shit out of her.
Kiwi: "Yes Sir."
Faraday: "Good. Contact me when you have information."
And just like that, the call dropped as she was made painfully aware of just how cold she was now.
Getting out of the tub, she shuddered as she wrapped a blanket around herself and huddled on her couch, trying not to cry.
Oh Kiwi…
What have you gotten yourself into now?