[The Heavenly Donkey]

"Oy! I only know one sister-fucker with an axe so large! It's that bastard dwarf, he's still alive!"

A guard called out to Goren from the walls of Nornenheim.

"Shut yer goddamn mouth, Illic! You've had too much to drink! Pass that over here!" A second yelled from above.

"No way!"

"Shhhh!!!!"

"Why are they getting drunk on duty?" Neto ogled at the strange scene.

"First time in Nornenheim, huh?" Goren chuckled. "Well, allow me to teach you about his city! And how to bribe its guards..."

With a mischievous smile, Goren took out another stimulant potion and chugged it. Then another.

"Why do we need to bribe the guards?" Neto asked. Was Goren smuggling something?

"We don't. I'm teaching you for later..."

"..."

"Drink your stamina as well, tonight's going to be long!"

Neto thought about SUNs contract. Technically, all he had to do was get a room and log out.

'glug.'

[System]: [Store]:[Stamina Potion]:{3/5}-{?} -----[Confimed]

[Inventory]--{3.8/10 lbs}

'Screw the contract.'

Neto was curious about this city, plus he wanted to have some fun. Not like anyone was waiting for him in the real world.

"Atta boy," Goren smiled, pulling something new from his inventory. "Wait until I throw this to walk."

"Alcohol?" Neto eyed Goren's silver flask with a sparkle in his eyes. Intricate tree carvings decorated its center.

Without answering him, Goren walked over to Illic. Neto stayed put.

The two talked for a few minutes, but eventually Goren offered his flask. Before Illic could reach it however, the dwarf flicked his wrist towards the moon, where the second guard caught it.

"Remember to share, boys..."

"Pass that here! You've already got a whole barrel up there!" Illic yelled.

"I told you, I drank it already!"

'glug', 'glug', 'glug'.

Since those idiots started arguing, Neto was free to walk past them without so much as a sideways glance.

"That was easy, huh?" Goren beamed at him. "One for them, one for us."

He pulled out another flask.

"Seriously, man... how many fluids are in your inventory?"

'Glug,'' Glug.'

"Not enough apparently.... Didn't bring enough HP pots to that damned dungeon. Then, I underestimated the journey back... Stupid mistake."

Goren led Neto across Nornenheim's main street, through clouds of savory-smelling steam, toward the busiest tavern in town:

[The Heavenly Donkey]

Rows of tables spilling with fresh cooked lamb, pork, ales, jams, and loaves of bread bigger than a human leg. Neto gulped, remembering his hunger. Never had his belly felt so empty.

"Goren!" a gorgeous elf called out to him.

One of their servers. Her butt was a perfect half-circle and her breasts would fit in the palm of any hand. Cream-colored hair cascaded to her waist. A little tag above her bosom read 'Tessa'.

Goren immediately turned into a radish.

"Lets go." He gulped, leading the way.

Neto had always been a fan of fantasy novels, and like most, wondered what it would be like to feast with hobbits, dwarves, and elves. Well, he was about to have this question answered.

Goren seemed to be rather popular around here. His name drifted around the tavern like a new transfer student in a highschool rom-com.

"That's Goren?!!"

"The demon of the forge..."

"One of the few people who can take on a dungeon by themselves? That Goren???"

Tessa led them to the last empty table, which had a little piece of paper toting Goren's name.

'How often does this guy come here?' Neto wondered.

"ALRIGHT!" Goren yelled.

The entire tavern went silent.

Neto looked at the spot Goren had been, but only a polished wood-floor met his eyes.

Then he looked up.

The dwarf had climbed onto their table.

"I'd like everyone to meet my friend, Neto! He's new in town, so be nice!!!"

'No. Nonononono..'

If Neto knew Goren was going to embarrass him like this, he definitely would've run for the hills...

At least Tessa was standing close. Most of the men would look at her.

"I recently had a close brush with death, but this quiet virgi- I mean nice young boy saved me!!!"

It was Neto's turn to be a radish.

"In addition, this recent reminder of my mortality has given me a fresh perspective!"

Goren turned to face Tessa, who traded spots with Neto as the new radish.

"Tessa, how many years have we known each other? Ive loved you for all of them. The moment I walked through the walls of this city..."

He trailed off.

Diamonds welled in Tessa's eyes. Neto thought HE was embarrassed. Goren was taking this joke too far...

"...Will you marry me?" Goren pulled out a ring with an undoubtedly rare gemstone.

Even the Chefs in the back stopped working to watch this Trainwreck..

Everyone looked at Goren, the dwarf with the smashed nose and crooked eyes. Blood and dirt still smeared over his face.

Then, everyone looked at Tessa, the exotic beauty who could pick any man she wanted.

An audible 'gulp' passed through the tavern. There was only one way this could go...

"You idiot!" Tessa screamed, whipping her hands out towards Góren cheeks.

Everyone in the tavern cringed. Some couldn't even watch. It was as if someone was giving birth right on the table...

"Of course Ill marry you!!!"

"..."

When Neto opened his eyes, Tessa's hands were caressing Goren's stubby neck. She didn't seem to care about the filth. Their tongues met, then entwined, drowning the tavern in pungent arousal.

Then, as if awoken from an alien dream, the tavern cheered!

"HAHHAHAHA!!! Good going brother!"

Neto found himself cheering along.

"Oh, And I forgot to say," Goren said after an eternal kiss, "Buy everything on the sister-fucking menu, drinks and all! Its on me tonight!"

Out of Goren's inventory came a sack full of hefty gold coins, which he promptly slammed onto their hardwood table.

Their night of mayhem was just beginning.