Ch.13

It was dark outside, and Ivi found herself walking in the gardens alone. She sat on one of the benches, staring off at the moon floating in the night sky. The breeze cooled the sweat on her forehead, but the heat inside of her still burned fiercely.

She jumped when Evander"s voice drifted from the tower entrance. "What are you doing out here?" he called. "Come inside!"

She stood, her feet stepping lightly on the planks of wood beneath her. Her breath came out in little puffs of steam. "I ran out of air," she explained.

He chuckled lightly. "Are you cold? I can bring you blankets if—"

"No, that is quite all right. I will be fine. Thank you."

She turned to go. Evander stopped her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She must have flinched, for his grip tightened, but only slightly.

"My lady, I know you are troubled," he said, glancing down at her. "So am I. Please, come sit with me in front of the fire."

"I"m fine, Evander. Really. It doesn't matter what we do or don't do; it won't change the outcome. I can't keep the elf from leaving, and I can't ask him to stay. We can talk about anything—anything—else instead, but this cannot happen."

He sighed, shaking his head slightly. He let go of her shoulder. "That may be true, but think about how you will feel if he does leave."

"Why do you say that?" she asked. "Because we have both been tested? Because there have already been signs?" She laughed in a desperate attempt to hide her real feelings. "It's not as though he"s dying or anything like that."

"Of course not, my lady. I did not mean it to sound that way. If nothing else, there"s comfort to be found in knowing that you were faithful to one another despite the difficult situation. You might find that reassuring."

She star stared at the moon, her thoughts elsewhere. "Perhaps," she murmured. "But now the problem lies in the fact that he is going to be leaving before either of us reads how things are between us. We need something more than just a kiss and a promise. What good will it do me if he leaves the city for Denerim while I still don't know if I"ll have his heart? I need a bit more tor the elf has seen that I like him. I can't deny the truth of the matter; I showed him. He knows how I feel."

She leaned forward, her forehead resting against the side of the bench. "You must believe me when I say that I would love nothing more than to give him my heart. It will be a chance at happiness, and I could never ask for anything else. But I cannot follow after him with only the knowledge that I want him in my life. He must love me to come here, to work in Celene. He has to be certain of his feelings for me. This is how it will always be. A little romance, and then goodbye—and if he doesn't love me as much as I think, we"ve wasted time that could have been better spent elsewhere. At least he won't be angry with me, though. That's one small thing to be thankful for."

Evander stood. "You had best go, my lady."

Ivi nodded, turning back around. Evander started to follow her inside, but she stopped him. She stepped away from the door and turned.

"I should probably tell you something," she said quietly. "Before you go inside."

He paused, looking at her in surprise. She waited for him to speak, but he made no move. Instead, he raised an eyebrow. "Go on. What is it?"

She swallowed thickly. "The night I received your message about the fire mage, Evander . .. well, I wanted to see what would happen if I pressed up against the wall. And I did, and I did it for some time. I don't regret it."

His eyebrows shot up. "Well, well, well," he murmured, as if to himself. He watched her intently. "Did it not give you pleasure?"

Ivi laughed lightly, looking down. "I suppose."

"Good. Tell me the rest, then. Did you touch yourself?"

She squirmed slightly. "No," she said. Her cheeks flushed. "Only when I wasn't thinking about anything else."

Evander chuckled softly. "Why did you stop doing that, then? Just curious."

She looked up at him, her eyes pleading with him to understand. "Because," she stammered. "I couldn't be sure that you didn't see anything."

There was a long moment of silence between them, punctuated only by the wind. The sound of Evander"s retreating footsteps brought the noise level of the night back into focus, as though there was suddenly less space in the garden than there had been before.

***

Ivi paced the hallway until Evander came through the door, his heart beating loudly in his chest. He felt like an idiot, standing there like a fool, waiting to catch her attention. It would be more convincing if she had to find him, rather than him having to look for her. Then she could give him the reaction he expected, one of surprise and shock. He doubted he would get anything as meaningful from her as that, however.

When he finally spied her standing outside the entrance, he approached slowly. Her hair was still loose, spilling out over the shoulder of her robe. She did not appear to have any qualms about the way he had left her yesterday. But she looked lovely. There was something different about her in the evening light. Something softer. His gaze drifted downward, fixated on her full, pink lips. How many times did he dream of kissing those lips?

She caught sight of him, her eyes widening momentarily. She drew a deep breath in, and her eyes snapped shut. When she opened them, Evander thought he might collapse. They were wide. Wide, beautiful, green eyes stared into his own, filled with desire and curiosity.

Ivi grinned slowly at him, lifting a finger. "Then come inside."