Powerful techniques and equipment make it fun and easy to progress

On the Saturday I went out with Hinami and the following Sunday, I had

diligently memorized conversation topics and practiced reacting with actual

intonation like she'd taught me, in addition to continuing my expression and

posture training.

To memorize the topics, I used one of my standard study techniques,

which is to write with a red pen and then use a red translucent sheet to block

out the answers. I'd managed to come up with ten, and I committed them all

to memory. Response practice was a little harder, since there's no one I really

talk to, and my mom and dad…well, we don't talk much, either. I had to

resort to turning on the TV and reacting alongside the guests on talk shows. It

was pretty sad.

While I was doing that, I noticed something. I thought my reactions were

exaggerated because I could use only vowels, but there wasn't much

difference between my tone and that of the guests on the shows. And yet

when I watched TV as a passive spectator, their responses didn't seem

overdone. Meaning what I considered too much would probably seem natural

to people around me. Man, I must have come across really gloomy before.

"Whoo boy, I sure got a lot to learn!!" I declared as cheerfully as I could,

sticking my chest out and holding my mouth in a semblance of a smile. I felt

so unlike myself I couldn't help laughing.

I was sure I'd be able to achieve all sorts of things the old me hadn't been

able to.

Monday in class:

"Hey, Izumi-san, did you do the English translation?"

The question may have sounded off-the-cuff and confident—and I hope

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more than anything that it did—but in reality, my heart was pounding. The

whole way from Sewing Room #2 to the classroom I'd been psyching myself

up and repeating, "Gonna say it, gonna say it, gonna say it," so when I sat

down in class I was able to say it without a weird long pause first. Of course,

the English translation was one of the topics I'd memorized in advance.

"Huh? Tomozaki-kun? What, did you not?"

The response revealed her surprise, but since I'd started a conversation,

she didn't have much choice aside from answering.

"No, I did."

Izumi-san looked at me blankly. No, today was going to be different!

"So…what?"

She had shrunk back in her seat a little, staring at me. Her guard was

going up. Uh-oh, am I in trouble? No, everything's still fine. That's just one

life down; I have more topics!

"Didn't you think the weird English names were funny? Like, where did

'Marcus Purdy' come from?" I said, calling upon the most natural tone and

expression I could muster.

"Marcus…? Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. I mean, I

haven't even started the translation yet…"

…Um. What do I do now? What were the other topics I memorized? Wait

a second. What? Um. I should still have more than ten left. Huh? My mind

was a complete blank.

The vast assurance of a moment earlier had been swept away without a

trace, leaving only my strangely distant heartbeat.

"Oh really?" I chirped desperately. I was so upset I have no idea how it

came out.

"Yeah. But why'd you bring it up all of a sudden? Was that it?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry," I said, suspecting that this time I'd completely failed to

maintain the cheerful tone.

"It's fine, but…are you done?"

"Um, well…"

"What?"

"Um…oh, never mind."

After I gave her a wimpy excuse for a "yes," Izumi-san tilted her head

quizzically, then headed over to the spot by the back windows where the

normies always hung out.

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I'd thought I might be able to pull this off after all my efforts, but it was a

total failure. Ha-ha-ha. What the heck? No, you should have expected this.

This is you we're talking about. What were you thinking? Don't forget who

you are. This is how you've always been. No way can you pull this off.

I wasn't ready for field trials yet, Hinami.

With my fighting spirit and confidence totally wiped out, I didn't hear a

word the teacher said. All I could think about was what Hinami would say to

me during the review session after school, and how I would defend myself.

But during the break between second and third period, when I got back from

the bathroom, there was a note written on the worksheet I'd left out on my

desk, letting me know she didn't give a damn.

"Twice every day," it read.

Are you serious…? Hinami, come on. You're telling me to go through that

hell one more time…?

"Whew—!"

My broken confidence had led me astray momentarily, but Atafami and

other games had instilled in me a hatred of losing. I spurred that side of

myself into action, manually reigniting my fighting spirit. If I gave up now,

I'd be losing to myself. Smack! I slapped both my cheeks. You decided to do

this, so do it. You decided to do this, so do it. The time to drop the game is

when you decide the whole thing is garbage, and not before. Keep going until

then.

Anyway, Izumi-san wasn't my main love interest, and we hadn't

interacted much to start with. Doesn't matter! Everything's fine! Even if

things did get weird, it was just one embarrassing hiccup! No worries!

I gave myself a little pep talk as I waited for the right moment to talk to

her again, but somehow I failed after third period, and again during lunch,

and again after fifth period.

It would have been one thing if there were no opportunities, but running

scared from perfectly good chances was nonsense. Argh, this isn't gonna

work! Somehow, I had to find the willpower to make this happen.

It was after school, right after the teacher finished the last class. If I let

this chance go, Yuzu Izumi would probably go over to the back windows

again to meet up with the other normies and go home from there. This was

really and truly my final chance. I still had a stock of memorized

conversation topics on hand. It wouldn't be too weird. You're fine!

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I took a deep breath and squeezed out a couple of words.

"Um, Izumi-san?"

My voice was so quiet only I could hear it.

Naturally, she didn't notice I'd spoken to her. As always, she joined her

usual group and headed home.

"I commend you for even showing up here."

Hinami and I were in Sewing Room #2 after school. It was like she could

see straight into my soul.

"…I'm sorry."

The apology came out naturally. I really did feel awful. Depressed, even,

and that's no exaggeration.

"If I were your friend, I'd probably try to comfort you," Hinami said. My

head was lowered, so she couldn't see my face. "But I'm your instructor. If I

am your friend, I'm a war buddy. So I'll stick to instructing you." Every word

she said was true. "Today's review meeting will be short. I have two things to

say."

"Just two?"

"Yes. First, if you look to me for comfort, it's over. If you make excuses,

it's over. I want you to think long and hard about what went wrong."

Her eyes flashed severely.

"…Y-yes, ma'am!"

Her words echoed forcefully in my mind.

"Second, I want you to keep it up with the same attitude tomorrow."

"…Huh?"

"What you did today was nothing I didn't foresee. I knew there was a

chance this would happen when I gave you the assignment. It's not a

problem; you're still learning. But you're to make every effort to meet the

quota of two times per day. That's all. Understand?"

"Nothing you didn't foresee?"

"Yes. So you absolutely must continue tomorrow."

"But…honestly speaking, I don't know if I have the confidence to talk to

her again…and my topic was dead in the water."

"Today was a coincidence. Yuzu happened to have not done the

translation, so the conversation was over before it began. But the topic itself

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wasn't that bad, and your tone and expression were passable. Barely."

"R-really?"

"Yes."

"But I don't know if my other topics are any good…"

"You're worrying too much. You can start a conversation about pretty

much anything. If you're out of ideas, the other person can be the topic, like

their expression or hairstyle. Seriously, anything is fine."

"R-really…?"

"Yes. If you continue with the same attitude tomorrow, it's highly likely

that a normal conversation will take place."

"…But…"

"Oh, come on, stop it with the buts! Listen to me. But isn't a word for

making excuses and running away from your problems. It's a word you use

to get compromises and move in a better direction. Did I say anything that

wasn't true? Just shut up and do it."

Then out of nowhere, she grabbed my butt.

"Aieee?!"

"You're working on your posture even while I'm lecturing you, and that's

the best proof of all that you're making a genuine effort. Okay? I'm not

saying that all effort pays off, but this kind, the kind aimed at a reasonable

goal, will pay off for anyone as long as they do it right."

"Hinami…"

You're actually…

"…What? No, don't say anything. You're probably worrying about

something irrelevant again, right? If you have time for that, then spend it

thinking back on what you've done so far and thinking ahead to what you

should do from here on out. You've got more problems than you know.

You're a poisoned, confused blockhead wearing cursed equipment."

I'd been on the verge of thinking she was actually a kind person. Very

dangerous.

The next day arrived. If Hinami said so, then maybe I really did have a

good chance of getting a conversation going, just by doing the same thing as

before. I mean, it basically made sense. Starting a conversation shouldn't in

itself be so hard. Even I could manage conversations with my family, and

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with Hinami. And I'd gotten by with Mimimi, too. I should be okay as long

as I had a topic and decent presentation. Beyond that, all I needed was

courage…right?

After returning home yesterday in a funk, I got an e-mail from Hinami

with some information about Yuzu Izumi's friends and stuff. I used that to

prepare another ten topics, which I memorized perfectly. I was extra thorough

so I'd be able to remember them even if I got nervous and panicked. I was in

good shape…at least, that was the impression I was hoping to create.

I didn't have any chances to talk to her in homeroom, but after first period

ended, an opportunity rolled around.

Here goes nothing!

"Hey, Izumi-san."

Yuzu Izumi looked back at me. Very dramatically—well, dramatically for

me, anyway—I lowered my voice and continued.

"Um, do you think Nakamura is still mad at me?"

"What?"

She seemed briefly confused, but then she lowered her voice like me and

smiled a little.

"Ha-ha-ha, why are you asking me?"

Her natural, happy smile melted some of my nervousness, and I answered

without any awkward pauses.

"Well…I heard you two are good friends."

"What? Who said that?"

"Um…"

Might as well be honest. "Hinami."

We were whispering back and forth. I couldn't do much with tone at this

volume, so I concentrated on my facial expressions.

"Oh. You and Aoi sure are friendly these days, aren't you, Tomozakikun? Is something going on?!"

"No way, nothing's going on!"

"Really…?" she asked suspiciously. "Okay, fine. What were we talking

about? Oh yeah, about Shuji being mad?"

"Yeah."

"He's not really mad, just frustrated. As far as I can tell, anyway."

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"Frustrated?" I questioned, drawing my eyebrows together to make my

feelings clear.

"Yeah. He's been practicing Atafami nonstop. Like, so much it's kinda

freaky."

I was surprised—and hurt that she'd said practicing Atafami was "freaky."

"Really?" I said. Then I remembered another one of my topics. "After I

beat Nakamura, I was sure he was gonna bully me in class."

"What? Why?" Izumi-san whispered. She was kind enough to smile.

"Geez."

"Yeah, I'm still worried about it."

"You worry too much! I doubt that'll happen. I'm sure you'll be fine."

"Really? That's a relief," I sighed.

"Ha-ha-ha, good."

"Yeah."

Yes! Done! I survived! The conversation seemed over, so I figured I'd

better quit while I was ahead for now so it didn't keep on going and reveal

my lack of preparation. I had to do this twice a day until Friday, which meant

seven more times. Don't force it! Don't force it!

After that, I got through all seven times, sometimes in a confused muddle,

sometimes awkwardly, but I always pushed ahead with pure will. To be

honest, the conversation about Nakamura was the longest one, and all the

others were just barely enough to count as conversation. Frankly speaking, all

seven were pretty close to a failing grade, and I'd say three or four were

actual failures. Maybe only three, if you count this conversation as a pass:

"Oh, Izumi-san, are you wearing a different cardigan from yesterday?" "No,

it's the same one…" "Oh, guess I'm imagining things." "Yeah." "…" "…"

Yeah, I'm sure I passed. Ha-ha-ha. Ha. I hate everything.

"You passed."

"Seriously?"

We were in Sewing Room #2. I genuinely believed I must have failed, so

this was a surprise.

"Yes. You completed the assignment of talking to her twice a day, so you

passed."

"…Really? You mean it wasn't a problem that some of the conversations

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were terrible?"

"Nope."

An idea struck me. "So the point was to practice getting the nerve up to

talk to someone!"

"Wrong."

"Huh…? So then, what?"

Hinami held up her fingers in a peace sign. "Do you know the two kinds

of game overs?"

"That's a little random. Two types of game overs? …What are you talking

about? I have no idea."

"It's like this," she said, turning first her right then her left palm upward.

"The kind where you go back to a save point and do it all over, or the kind

where you do a retry starting from where you messed up."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, it varies depending on the game… So?"

"This week, you talked to Yuzu. These were like your 'battles.' You

messed up, you were defeated, and then game over, right?"

"So I did fail."

"Obviously. A conversation that ends after three exchanges doesn't count

as a conversation."

"…Oh r-right."

"So if you get a game over in a conversation battle, which kind do you

think it is?"

"…I guess the kind where you do a retry."

"Correct. There are no save points in real life. On the other hand, even if

you lose, you're not gonna lose half the money you have on you or anything.

So there's no minus to losing a battle. Fighting as much as you can will

benefit you. And with enough battles, you just might get lucky and win,

right?"

"…Well, if you put it like that, I guess so."

"But that's not the really important point. Listen. There's one thing about

failure in the game of life that's different from all other games… Do you

know what it is?"

She grinned and peered into my eyes.

"Uh…that's so broad. Maybe…?"

Hinami interrupted my mental search. "I'll tell you," she said, then slowly

explained. "In life, you get EXP for losing battles, not winning them."

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"…Hmm."

I liked the sound of that.

"This week, you relentlessly fought Yuzu Izumi, a strong opponent, and

lost repeatedly. But each loss became an experience point, and those points

are building up inside you. You were thinking about the best way to go about

it the whole time, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." I was a little happy she'd trusted that I'd done that.

"Honestly speaking, I think she got the impression that you're the weird

guy who always talks to her."

"Really? I thought so."

"But you gained a lot, too. Didn't you notice it yourself? The further

along you went, the more your tension dissolved and the mellower you got."

"Uh…I guess."

It was true. The conversations themselves were short, but especially the

last two times, it was like…I don't know, like the weird vibe I've been

emitting since I emerged from the womb had mostly disappeared. I mean,

I'm not the one to judge, but anyway.

"Okay, so this week's exercise is over, now that you've practiced gaining

experience points through defeat… Was there anything else you wanted to

bring up?"

"Oh, um, yeah." Actually, there was. "You said Kikuchi-san liked me or

something, right?"

"Yes, I did. And?"

"Well, I wouldn't say she likes me, exactly, but…I found out why."

Hinami stepped right up next to me. Super close. Stop already, my heart is

bad.

"What do you mean?"

She was frowning, but her eyes were glittering with something like hope.

* * *

It was fourth period on Friday. I had one more conversation with Yuzu Izumi

to go before I reached my quota. Since I'd already talked to her so many

times, I'd gotten kind of used to it—or numb, maybe—so that whenever a

conversation ended quickly, I figured whatever, I'd just try again. I'd been

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freed from my anxiety over the endeavor.

So I was fairly relaxed, thinking I'd be able to find some easy opportunity

to make casual conversation, and I went to follow my usual routine before

changing classrooms—that is, going to the library to kill time and then

showing up in class just before it started. The only difference was where I

usually pretended to read a book while I came up with strategies for Atafami,

this time I was planning to review the conversation topics I'd memorized.

That's when it happened.

"Tomozaki-kun."

"Whoa?!"

I suddenly heard my name in a frighteningly clear voice. I turned toward

the sound, and there, holding a book in both hands and peering at my face,

was an angel of light—er, Fuka Kikuchi.

"…Oh, Kikuchi-san? What are you doing here?"

"Um, I'm always here…?"

"…Always?"

What did she mean? What was she talking about? A smell like a field of

flowers in paradise was wafting from her and softly smothering my brain,

making it difficult to think.

"You know…it's always just you and me in here when we have to change

classes…"

"Um…always?"

"Yes…I mean…you never noticed?"

So… "…Oh, you mean…"

"You're always in here when we have to change classrooms, aren't

you…?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"I always do the same thing, so I thought, Oh, there he is again…"

"Oh really? I'm sorry, I was probably distracted…"

…thinking about strategies for Atafami. When I glanced at Kikuchi-san, I

noticed she was looking at the open book in my hands.

"…You like Michael Andi…?"

"Huh?"

"Huh…? Do you not? You're always reading his books…"

Oh right, the book I was pretending to read. I pretty much always sat in

the same seat at the library and took a book from the end of the nearest shelf,

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so it would always be the same one… But I had no idea if I should tell her

that, so instead I went and said, "Oh yeah, right. I mean, he's okay…"

What to do? Realizing I wouldn't be able to survive this conversation

without understanding the gist of the book, I glanced down at its pages for the

first time, only to find a string of words so undecipherable they must have

been some kind of secret code. "Ebi daite!" was followed by "Mozun

lekuku!" and then the same set of words once more. A shallow dip into this

book would get me nowhere, unfortunately.

"I thought so…!" Kikuchi-san's eyes always had that magic sparkle to

them, but now they were glittering especially bright. "I love Andi's books,

too…!"

"Oh, y-you do?" Crap, what do I do now? "Wh-what a coincidence…"

"I know, it's amazing!" Kikuchi-san brought her hands together softly in

front of her mouth. "It's just like The Poppols and Raptor Island, isn't it?"

"Uh, The Poppols…?"

"You know, Andi's book…oh, you haven't read it yet…? Makes sense,

they don't have it at the library…"

"Huh? …Oh, right! Um, I mean, I really want to but it's hard, you know,

to…," I said, trying to fudge my way through. Kikuchi-san's eyes sparkled

brighter, like Spirit Droplet had doubled their magical powers or something.

"Right! It's so hard to find that one!"

"Huh?"

"That book hasn't been reprinted since it was translated twenty years ago,

so not many places have it. You'd think they would, considering it's one of

his most important books…! I wish it was easier to find!"

She even latched onto the fact that I hadn't read it yet, wiping out my last

escape route.

"Huh? Oh, right, yeah! I totally agree, ha-ha…"

"Uh, um…," Kikuchi-san began, apparently mustering her resolve. "I'm

sure…I'm sure I can tell you," she whispered, like she was persuading herself

of something.

Oh…uh-oh. I suspected she was about to reveal an important secret. I

mean, that was definitely what would happen if this was a light novel or a

porn game. I definitely sensed a flag, but in this case, it was connected to our

relationship as Andi-whatever reading buddies. Meaning I'd better stop her

now…but by the time that thought entered my head, Kikuchi-san was already

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continuing.

"Actually, I'm…writing a novel… It's very much influenced by Andi's

work… If you're interested, do you think you could read it for me?"

"What?! A novel?! You're writing a novel?!"

The mental attack came from an unexpected angle, made especially

powerful by a pair of eyes misty with the morning fog around a sacred tree.

"Yes… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked… It was such a sudden

request… Sorry to trouble you…"

"No, not at all! I-it's no problem at all! I'd be happy to, very happy! That

is, if you think I'm qualified!"

The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them, and Kikuchisan lit up with a sunny smile. "R-really? Thank you! I'll bring it to you

soon…!"

"Yeah, okay! Uh…thank you."

"Of course!" she replied in her clear and bubbly voice. "…I haven't

shown it to anyone yet."

"Oh, you…haven't? Are you sure it's okay for me to read it…?"

As warm light filled Kikuchi-san's eyes, my spine shivered with guilty

sweat. "Oh yes! I mean…you, of all people…oh no…um…it's a…secret,

okay?"

Faced with the almost spellbinding way she presented the question, I

found my head bobbing up and down in agreement as if I'd been

brainwashed.

"Got it, of course. A secret."

"Well, see you," Kikuchi-san said simply, standing up. Just before she left

the library, she turned toward me, and called back to me with a playful

expression.

"Ebi daite!"

Ha-ha. I'm dead. No turning back now. Who cares? In for a penny, in for

a pound.

"Mozun lekuku!"

When she heard my response, an unimaginable smile like a fountain of

light rose to Kikuchi-san's delicate forest-elf face and illuminated the library.

Then she delicately trotted out of the room.

I still had a few minutes before class started. I was in almost the same

frame of mind as a few days earlier, when I ran away from Yuzu Izumi after

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our conversation to avoid revealing my true incompetence. All I could do was

escape into my analysis in shock. I've really gotten myself in trouble now.

What do I do?

* * *

"So that's what happened…"

I made sure to keep the part about the novel secret, but otherwise I

explained the whole encounter to Hinami.

"Hello?! There is an insane amount of potential right there. You'll be

reaching your mid-range goal in like a week."

She sounded bored. Nuh-uh, no way.

"Just wait a second. It's not like we're going to start dating because of this

or something. I'd be tricking her. Anyway, she's not gonna want to date me

just because we happen to like the same author. I don't even like her."

"I can't believe you would trick a girl into liking you and then say

something like that."

"Hey, that's misleading."

"Not at all. There's a guy she's been noticing in the library for a while.

She drums up the courage to talk to him, and the conversation goes

unexpectedly well. She's having a really good time. What's more, at the end

of the conversation, she exchanges the secret greeting from that book with

him… Look, if she's not experienced with men, I wouldn't be surprised if

she's fallen for you."

"Hold on, don't cherry-pick. I also made a fool out of myself blowing my

nose in front of her."

"Could that be a secret just between the two of you?"

"Get serious, please."

"…Okay, that was a joke, but I'm serious. It might be an exaggeration to

say she's fallen for you, but chances are that she now has a minor crush on

you. I'm not certain yet, of course." Hinami's eyes were deadly serious.

"Considering the situation, it would be much more unfair to her if you tried to

run from the reality. You can't get away from this by beating yourself up and

saying she'd never fall for someone like you."

…Honestly, it seemed totally impossible, which made it hard to think

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about this in realistic terms. But if Hinami was right, running away would be

a crappy thing to do. Plus, there was the novel, which Hinami didn't know

about. Taking that into consideration, the likelihood was even higher, wasn't

it? But what was I supposed to do now? How should I approach this?

"Assuming, for the moment, that you're right…I'm an ass, aren't I?"

"Huh? Why?"

"For not admitting right then and there that I hadn't read the book."

"…What's so bad about that? You didn't intend to mislead her, did you?"

"No, but I ended up lying to her…"

"In that case, no need to worry about it. Obsessing over something

unavoidable won't get you anywhere. That's what wimps do. The important

question is what to do next."

"…Right. I guess I should fess up."

"Take her on a date."

"Huh?"

"I think you should ask Fuka-chan on a date."

"Uh, that's a really crappy thing to do."

"What's crappy about it? Listen. The fact that you both like the same

author is just an opportunity. Human emotions are complex; that one thing

isn't enough to make her fall for you. It's about how you talk, how you

understand each other, how you create memories together. Even if there was

a slight misunderstanding involved in how you met, that's not the core of the

relationship. If you go on a date and end up having fun, and the author has

nothing to do with it, that's a true sign of your compatibility, don't you

think?"

"Uh…I—I guess."

"There aren't many opportunities for people to truly get to know one

another. So even if it starts out with a lie, shouldn't you dive in if you're

fortunate enough to find one?"

"I understand your logic, but…it seems insincere."

"If you understand my logic, then you can see I'm right, can't you? You

sound like such a virgin."

"Shut up. That's because I am a virgin."

…I did understand what she was trying to say. Still, if you didn't think so

logically for a moment, it felt insincere.

"…Fine. You don't want to fight with the strongest sword; you want to

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fight with the one you've been upgrading the whole time. I get that. The most

logical choice isn't necessarily the correct one. In the end, I'm just your

strategy book. You're the one who makes the final decision."

…I…

I left the sewing room that day still mulling over the question, which was

anything but easy to answer. After Hinami and I split up, I was getting my

shoes in the front hall when I saw Yuzu Izumi trudging toward me from the

opposite direction. Uh, what to do? I'd already met the day's quota, so I

didn't especially need to talk to her… But was only doing what I was told

really the best gaming strategy? As the guy who prided himself on being

Japan's top gamer, it bothered me. I didn't like the thought of leaving

everything up to Hinami.

Okay then, I'm going for it: a self-motivated level-up.

Paying attention to my posture, expression, and tone, I called out to her as

naturally as possible.

"Izumi-san?"

She flinched as if she'd been pricked and turned toward me.

"…Tomozaki…?" She sounded half disappointed, half reassured…not her

usual self. Like she was spitting out my name. Speaking of which, I didn't

recall her dropping the "kun" from my name before.

But all that aside… Shit. I'd memorized a bunch of topics, but none of

them was urgent enough to justify calling out to her after school. God this

was awkward. Once again, my mind was a blank. So awkward. Think! I've

practiced so much; I should be able to find a way out. Something among all

the strategies Hinami had taught me and all the effort I'd put in on my own.

If you can't think of anything, the other person can be the topic, like their

expression or hairstyle.

Flashback. Right. That's what Hinami said during out review meeting at

the beginning of the week. She'd told me to do that when I couldn't come up

with any other topics. Maybe it would work right now. And her expression

was…

"…Izumi-san, you look gloomy."

Oh come on, what did I just say? If one of the cool crowd had been here,

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they'd probably have come up with something like "What's wrong?" or "You

can talk to me." Unfortunately, this was me. And I couldn't do that.

"What?! No, I'm not! What are you talking about?!"

"Oh sorry."

She was super-pissed. "…What are you looking at?"

"Nothing."

"…"

"…"

Did it again. Well, that's the end of that. I might as well give up on taking

the initiative. Nothing's ever worked out when I took the initiative. I haven't

even made it to beginner level. Of course not.

"…Um."

"Huh?"

"…Tomozaki, you're good at Atafami, right?"

"Huh?" Why's she bringing that up now?

"…me?" She was mumbling something as she stared at her shoes.

"…Huh? What did you say?"

"…me!"

"Sorry, what?"

"Oh, come on!" she shouted. When she raised her head to glare at me, I

saw big tears pooled in her eyes. What?!

"I said, teach me to play Atafami!"

What on earth is going on?!

* * *

Here's the short version of Yuzu Izumi's story.

Until recently, she and Nakamura had been good friends and often left

together after school. But recently, Nakamura had started setting up camp in

an empty classroom every day after school to practice Atafami. Even when

she went to the room and invited him to walk home with her, he told her,

"Shut up and leave me alone." She offered to help him practice, but after he

crushed her in their first game, he rejected her completely. ("Playing you isn't

even practice. Anyway, you're annoying. Just stop following me around!")

Or so she said.

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"Huh. Fair enough."

Well, it's true, he wouldn't get much practice playing some random girl.

After all, he wasn't bad.

"That's, um…that's rough."

"…I wasn't asking for your opinion!" she fired back, her cheeks flushed.

"Anyway, are you going to teach me or not?!"

She seemed defiant, trying to make sure I knew she didn't care what I

thought of this other side of her.

"I mean, I can, but…"

"What? You can?! Really?!"

She swiveled toward me, eyes flashing. She was super in my face. Why

did Hanami and the other normies always get so close to people? Like,

lethally close for us not part of that social class.

"But do you own Atafami?"

"Huh? Can't I use yours? I have a console."

"…Okay, that's fine, but…"

There was one major problem.

"…Where would we do it?"

"…!"

Yuzu Izumi opened her eyes wide and blushed. What was with the naive

reaction? Very surprising.

"Yeah, we don't have a spot, do we?" she said. Indeed we didn't. If she

had the game, we could have played online, but since she didn't, we'd either

have to play at her house or mine. Just the two of us, a guy and a girl.

"…But…!" Her expression was both pleading and determined.

"I mean, if we went to one of our houses, it would be…," I said.

"…Fine. No problem."

Her gaze was determined, but when I looked closely, I saw tears welling

in her eyes. This wasn't easy for her. She hates the idea of being alone with

me that much, huh? That really hurts.

"…That's fine, but…" I decided to ask her the question on my mind.

"Why do you want to do it so badly?"

She turned on me angrily, or maybe she was just surprised. "Huh? You're

really asking me that? Isn't it obvious?!"

"Obvious…?"

"Are you an idiot?! You really are dense! Ugh, freak!"

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This generation really does like the word "freak."

"Dense…?" Wait, I see what this is all about. "…Oh."

"Huh? What?"

I finally got it, and the sudden rush of understanding escaped through my

mouth, too. "So you have a thing for Nakamura!"

When I looked over at Yuzu Izumi, her face was so red I expected steam

to come out of her ears any second.

"You really are a freak! It's unbelievable!!"

She whirled around, her necktie and skirt flying as she landed a clean hit

on my face with her school bag.

"…Ow… So, um…"

"Oh, s-sorry…but you say such weird stuff! …Are you okay?"

Yuzu Izumi craned her neck around to peer worriedly at my downturned

face.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I assured her automatically, leaning backward. My

voice was weirdly tense due to the extreme proximity of such a cute face.

"Are you sure? Um…but anyway! Shuji really doesn't get it. You know

Erika? She told Shuji she liked him, but he turned her down. Erika! But he

hangs out with me a lot…so I thought he might like me, but no! Apparently

not. But anyone would assume he did, right? And then he suddenly goes and

tells me to 'shut up' and 'not hang around him'… What the hell?! What do

you think?!"

"Wh-what do I think? It…doesn't make sense?"

"Right! And on top of that…"

…He had her wrapped around his finger! Just like a character in some

teen drama! Honestly, girls will gripe to anyone.

I thought about the situation as I sniffled through my throbbing nose.

Yuzu Izumi kept on indignantly reeling off extremely personal complaints,

but I didn't hear a single one. Instead, I was thinking about how much trouble

I was in now. This girl was a genuine normie, no exaggeration. She was even

friends with the one and only Nakamura, which gave her an extra strong

claim to the title. Plus, she was cute and had big boobs. And the two of us

were going together, alone, to one of our houses? What is going on? This is

so weird. Hey, Hinami, sorry for insulting you all the time, but what do I do

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here?

"Um…which house should we go to?" I said.

"Uh… Can we go to your house? My house is…not great for this."

"Oh, my place…? Yours won't work?"

"Clearly! What would I tell my parents? …Sorry."

"…Okay."

After getting angry for a second, Yuzu Izumi looked down and

apologized. She wasn't so bad after all.

…Hey, wait… Parents? …Uh-oh. That was when I realized something

terrible.

"Oh wait. We can't go to my house. It has to be yours."

"What?! Why? You already said it was okay!"

"I did, but…Izumi-san, you play badminton, right?"

"Huh? Me? Yeah, but…"

"You know there's a first-year named Tomozaki, right? I mean, you two

are friends, I think." I'd heard my sister mention Izumi-san a couple times.

"Uh, yeah, Zakki, right? I know her, but…wait. Tomozaki?"

"Yeah. She's my sister."

"…Whaaaaaaat?!" I tried to tell her she didn't have to act so surprised, but

she talked right over me. "Wait a second! You guys are nothing alike!

Especially your personalities! What?! I don't get it!"

"I know, I know. I feel like it's impossible for us to be related, too."

"I mean, Zakki is so cheerful and great! And you're so gloomy! What?!

No way! That's so weird!"

"I already said I know! Stop talking about it already! I'm gonna get

depressed!"

"…Oh s-sorry." As she calmed down, the problem dawned on her. "…

Yeah, that wouldn't work."

"…Right?"

Of course it was. It would be way harder to explain the situation to a

younger team member than to her parents.

"Um, well…that leaves my place…"

"…Yeah…guess we should just forge—"

"No, it's fine. Come over."

She looked at me with the peaceful expression of a girl ready to drink the

poison. Yeah, women in love were strong, willing to suffer any hardship for

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the one they loved. Of course, I'd rather ignore the fact that this particular

hardship was having me over to her house.

"…Oh."

"But are you sure you're okay with it, Tomozaki?"

I guess she was more sensitive to my mood than I'd thought. Ducking out

was apparently a real option.

…What should I do? The only weapons I knew how to wield to some

degree at this point were expression, posture, tone, and memorized topics.

Would that be enough to clear the insanely difficult dungeon of Yuzu Izumi's

house? Chances were slim to none. All that awaited me was a disgraceful

defeat. In which case, I should escape. Escape. That's what I'd always done

in the past. Fled from enemies I couldn't defeat, and fought again once I was

better prepared. It was a tried and true tactic for video games.

"In life, you get EXP for losing battles, not winning them."

Another flashback.

Oh yeah, she did say that. Right. I didn't blindly believe her, but the fact

was, at this very moment I was having a somewhat normal conversation with

Yuzu Izumi. The old me could never even have imagined this. Maybe it was

too early to conclude that the EXP and levels I'd gained by losing had led me

to this outcome, but it sure seemed like a natural conclusion to reach. Oh,

geez. I get it already. I am a gamer after all.

Hey, Hinami! Watch this. I'm about to test out your claim that losing

results in experience points. I'm stepping right into a crushing defeat. Don't

come crying to me when it happens!

"Yeah, it's fine. I'll go," I said, indifferent now that I'd decided to do it.

"Where's your house?"

For some reason, Yuzu Izumi acted disgruntled. "…Tomozaki, why are

you so calm? What? You've been to a girl's house before?"

"Uh, n…" I was about to say I hadn't, when Hinami's face floated before

my mind's eye. "Oh yeah, I guess I have."

"Huh?! What? But you're…Tomozaki! Even I…even though…"

What was that supposed to mean, "You're Tomozaki"? Was she trying to

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say that because I failed so hard at life, I couldn't possibly have been to a

girl's house, and if I had, it was gross? Okay, so I wasn't a normie, but that

didn't give her the right to say something like that. And that's exactly what I

told her.

"You keep using that weird tone of voice. It's freaking me out… Anyway,

let's go. This way," she said.

"Wait, I have to go get the game."

"Oh right."

We went to my house, where I picked up Atafami and a couple of other

things and went right back out.

"Okay, this way."

With that, she beckoned me toward the deadly dungeon. Just watch me

Hinami. I'm gonna get my butt kicked.

* * *

Since Hinami's room was my only point of reference, I was naturally going

to compare Yuzu Izumi's room to hers.

My first impression was that it was more cluttered. It wasn't especially

messy, but there were a bunch of character plushies on her bed, and her

desktop was packed with rows of what looked like fashion magazines

featuring someone popular on the cover. Everywhere I looked was crowded,

bright, and showy. Even I knew the names of the characters and magazines

lying around, all of which seemed designed to attract buyers on the basis of

fads. The walls were decorated with corkboards overloaded with carelessly

pinned-up photos—both from photo booths and regular cameras—of our

normie classmates. Must be her "BFFs," as they say.

"Tomozaki, you're staring."

"Oh sorry."

Yuzu Izumi came in carrying a cute mug and a regular paper cup on a

round tray.

I stared at it. "…"

"Shut up! Don't complain!"

I wasn't complaining…

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"So…what do I do?" Izumi said, gripping the controller, straightening her

posture, and facing the start screen on the TV with laser focus. Her big, round

eyes reflected the screen.

"Well, for now…," I began, sitting down far enough away that I wouldn't

be suffocated by the normie aura and picking up the other controller, "should

we have a match?"

"What?! No way! I mean, you're even better than Shuji, right?! No way

can I play you!"

"I know, but…if I don't know what level you're starting out at, Izumi…"

I realized I'd naturally dropped the "san" from her name. I have no idea if

it was because I'd grown through so many defeats, or because we were

playing Atafami, or because she'd whacked me with her school bag and I just

didn't care anymore.

"Oh, so that's how it works…? I guess it's okay, then…"

She looked very timid and nervous. Her shoulders were all scrunched up,

her mouth was pulled tight, and her eyebrows were furrowed intensely.

Strangely enough, it was a good look for her.

On the character selection page, I chose Nakamura's standby, Foxy, and

Izumi chose a cute swordswoman, the showiest option available.

"Oh, hold on."

"What? Is this character not good?"

If Izumi's goal had simply been to master Atafami for fun, then using a

character she liked would have been best. But her goal right now was to

become Nakamura's practice partner. In which case…

"Use this one," I said, pointing the cursor at Found. "He's the one I

usually use."

"Huh? Yours? Is it better?"

"No, but Nakamura's practicing so he can beat me, right? He probably

wants to get ready to face my character. So…"

"Oh…I see." Izumi nodded gravely. "You're so smart, Tomozaki."

"Uh, r-really…?" I answered, embarrassed by the compliment. "…

Anyway, are you ready?"

"Yeah!"

The mood was gradually becoming friendlier. Here I was in a girl's room,

playing my favorite game, a situation in which only normies found

themselves. I was overwhelmed by emotion at the thought of how far I'd

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come.

"…No way…"

Izumi was astonished.

"All right, I've got a basic idea now… First, what you need to work on

is…"

"…Forget what I need to work on! What did you just do?! Your moves

were super-freaky!"

We'd each started with four stocks, and the match ended without me

taking any damage at all, let alone losing a single stock. As a result, the

friendly mood of earlier had vanished. How far I've come, huh? As if!

"Well, you're doing the typical beginner moves. You blindly use

techniques that leave you wide open, and you're not watching what I'm

doing. I can take advantage of those openings to whale on you without even

thinking about strats," I said, adjusting my imaginary glasses as I coolly

enumerated her mistakes.

"Huh? What? Whatever you're saying, it's freaking me out."

Izumi was inching away from me, but I ignored her and continued with

my analysis in a low voice.

"You did a surprisingly decent job with the most basic fundamentals, like

the inputs for your specials and edge recovery, so…the problem is with your

neutral game… You used too many specials, so if you use normal attacks

more…"

"Hey, what are you talking about? You really are so weird!"

"Izumi!"

"Y-yes?!"

She gave a start, then switched from sitting cross-legged to tucking her

legs under her, her back ramrod straight. She was very athletic.

"For now, I've figured out what I want you to do."

"Really?! What?!"

She leaned toward me, her eyes sparkling. Her face was super-cute, and

her boobs were huge, and she smelled good. Shit. But I didn't see any of that

when it came to Atafami. (Well, I was still aware of the nice smell.)

I selected training mode and showed her how to control her character.

"When you do a normal jump with the character you were just using, this

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is what happens."

Found leaped into the air. Izumi's deep black eyes followed him intently.

"But if you tap the button really lightly, this happens."

"…Oh, he doesn't jump as high."

Found had jumped about a third as high as he had before.

"This is called a short hop. When you really get into Atafami, it's about

paying attention to your opponents timing and moves, then fine-tuning when

to leave yourself open and competing to see who can attack with the least

risk. With the technique I just showed you, you can get your timing really

precise, so it's essential to perfect it."

"W-wait a second!"

Izumi sprang up and trotted over to her desk, stumbling a little.

"Ouch! Pins and needles!"

She pulled open the drawer, took out a pen and notebook, and came back

to her spot.

"…And?"

She jotted down what I'd just said, then looked up at me with an anxious

but intent expression. She was definitely serious about this. She was sitting

formally on her knees again, ready for instruction, which worried me slightly.

"Try it."

"O-okay…" She picked up the controller with extreme caution and tapped

the jump button.

"Huh?"

"…Yup."

Found had jumped high into the air.

"W-wait! Let me try again!"

Boooing! Boooing! Boing! Boooing! Boing! She was getting it right about

30 or 40 percent of the time.

"Yeah, it's pretty hard. But if you can't do it, you probably won't be good

enough to play Nakamura…"

"Not good enough…? Okay then, I'll practice!"

"Yes, but that won't work, Izumi."

"Huh?"

I wasn't stumbling over my words any more. This was my battlefield.

"Here, you can actually practice playing Atafami. You shouldn't be

wasting your time on short hops. Practice the real deal, because you'll get

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more out of that."

"O-oh, really? …But what about the short hops?"

"Well, you do need to practice those. But when you're playing the actual

game, it's more effective to practice in a real match. So what do you do? …

There's only one answer."

I visualized a very familiar proud face and tried to mimic it.

"You should practice when you're not playing Atafami."

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Well," I said, pulling something I'd made sure to bring along from my

pocket. "You use this."

"…A stopwatch?" Izumi became even more confused.

"Yeah. Watch this." I pressed the button to start the timer running, then I

clicked it again. "Look."

"…Huh? The timer didn't stop… But it definitely sounded like you

clicked it…"

"…Now you try, Izumi."

"O-okay."

She took the watch from me delicately, as if she were handling a precision

instrument. She pushed the start button, leaning her whole body into the

motion, and then pressed it again.

"…Huh? …It stopped."

"Yep… This stopwatch is slightly broken."

I took it back and started the timer, then clicked the button again, showing

Izumi the face of the watch. Click, click, click, click, over and over.

"Huh? It's not stopping."

"Right. If you don't press the button for long enough, it won't stop, even

if it makes the clicking sound."

"Huh. Really? …But what do I use it for?"

"It's simple," I said, holding up one finger like a certain someone. "From

now on, whenever you're going to school, moving between classes, or

watching TV—in other words, whenever you're not with other people—I

want you to practice pressing the button too quick for it to stop! Pretty soon

you'll be able to do the short hops in no time at all!"

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"Really?!"

She looked surprised, probably as much by my tone as by what I was

saying. Whoops, I'd emulated Hinami's style a little too much.

"When you're doing other things, practice with the stopwatch. When

you're at home where you can practice Atafami, practice actually playing.

That's the most effective way to improve."

"That makes sense…! But why are you acting like you're my big sister?!"

she said, carefully writing down my instructions in her notebook. She looked

so silly I couldn't help wondering if she'd really understood, but she also

seemed so totally convinced that I almost started laughing. About my tone, I

simply hand-waved it with a "Don't worry about it, it was a mistake," and

she nodded, satisfied. Excellent. Disciples who listen make the best progress.

"And as for practicing with real matches…that's easy, too."

Izumi gulped.

"It's all about memorization."

"M-memorization?"

"Yeah. Here, look."

I switched the game mode to replay, chose a game from the memory card

I'd stuck into the slot, and started it up.

"This is a game between two top players that I saved."

"Um, nanashi? And NO—"

"Don't worry about the names. Usually both of them use Found, but in

this game, nanashi was trying out Foxy, and the other player was using

Found."

Izumi watched in shock, frowning intently.

"…Whoa. Their moves are as freaky as yours were earlier."

"Yeah, Found is a top-tier, no-BS kind of character. The player

controlling him isn't going by feel like I—I think this guy nanashi does.

They've used logic to refine their moves. That's why they make a good

model to learn from."

"…So I'm supposed to watch this over and over and, like, remember it?"

"Close, but not quite." I handed Izumi the controller.

"Not 'like.' I want you to perfectly memorize this game from start to

finish until you can use the controller along with it as you watch."

"…Are you serious?"

Dead serious.

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"This match starts with four stocks for both players. Neither of the players

gives the other many opportunities to attack, so it lasts over ten minutes.

Memorizing it will be tough, but if you do, you'll have a feel for all the

important techniques you need to play this game. I…um, I mean, nanashi

tries out all kinds of fighting methods to explore what Foxy can do, and

Found's responses are also really varied."

"O-oh."

I could practically hear Izumi's brain short-circuiting, but I hadn't

completely lost her yet, so I continued.

"Once you've memorized all of Found's moves, move on to Foxy. Once

you've memorized both, I think you'll be ready to play Nakamura."

"R-really?"

Her face broke into a truly joyful smile. So this is the smile of a maiden in

love. I nodded.

"…But," Izumi said, her face clouding over, "I won't know how to use

the controller just from watching the recording. Like, I won't know how to

make them do the techniques…"

She was right. Even if she wanted to copy the moves, she wouldn't

necessarily be able to… But the solution was simple.

"That's why I said 'memorize.'"

"Huh?"

Ignoring her confusion, I pulled some paper and a pencil box out of my

bag and drew a simple diagram and table.

"…You're going to memorize this."

"What is it? …A table of techniques?"

"Yeah," I replied, filling in the boxes. "This column that says 'Command'

tells you what button presses you do to deploy the technique. This stick

figure shows the position the character will be in when you do it. The area

inside the blue line shows about how far the attack reaches, and the red line

shows where you're invincible. The 'Start-Up' column shows how long it

takes after inputting the command for the first hitbox to appear."

"Um…"

Right from the start, she seemed lost.

"What does this 'F' mean…?"

"It means 'Frames.' In Atafami, the frames are 1/60th of a second. Just

remember that the shorter it is, the sooner the technique starts. The 'Damage'

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column shows how much damage you'll do to your opponent. The

'Knockback' column shows how far they'll go flying. Pay close attention to

that column because with some techniques more damage leads to more

knockback, and with others it leads to less."

"Uh…okay!"

She sounded enthusiastic, but her face revealed that she was totally lost.

"Anyway, you don't have to understand it all right now. If you just

memorize the game and this table together, you'll gradually get a sense of

each technique and why the players used them when they did. Actually, you

should be thinking about that while you're memorizing the match… But even

if you just physically remember what to do, your level will go way up, so

that's good enough."

"G-got it…," Izumi replied, finishing up her notes. "…But, like,

Tomozaki, did you memorize everything in this table? You wrote it all out so

smoothly. You didn't look at anything…"

"Huh? Oh yeah, of course."

Izumi seemed surprised by my answer, but I kept talking.

"I've perfectly memorized all the techniques for all thirty-eight characters,

not just Foxy and Found."

"…S-seriously?"

"Yeah. Want me to write them down?"

Izumi's surprise turned to revulsion, and then to interest.

"It's amazing," she said, a curious look in her eyes.

"What is?"

"It's like…okay. I'm impressed, but…you've done all that, and you don't

get anything in return, right? I mean, why put so much into it?"

What was she saying all of a sudden? Was this her way of putting me

down for my geekiness?

"Huh? You're asking me why? I don't do it to make friends or get

compliments, that's for sure."

To me, that much was obvious, but Izumi widened her eyes in surprise.

"Really?! But it's a game!"

"Of course. What do you think games are about, anyway?"

On second thought, our generation does play games to make friends.

"I mean, if you're that good, people avoid you. No one stands a chance

against you, and it kinda put me off earlier, too. If you're just a really flashy

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player, people might act impressed. But if you go too far, they're gonna say

you'd have to be a freak to be that good. I bet that sucks."

She looked strangely earnest. Right then, I remembered a similar recent

conversation—the one I had with Mimimi when we walked home together. I

think she was getting at the same thing.

"Well, it does kinda suck… But I set myself a goal to master the game. I'd

hate to fail way more than I hate being avoided by everyone."

"Huh…really?"

I decided to ask her a question and confirm my suspicions. "You're asking

if I don't care what other people think?"

"R-right!"

Just like I thought. Mimimi had said that she would bend for the sake of

the mood or keeping things fun. As far as I could tell from our current

conversation, Izumi seemed to be the same type of person. It was like a habit,

part of her personality. Of course she'd approach gaming the same way.

It wasn't a coincidence; this seemed like proof of what Hinami had said—

that most people were this way. They had no solid set of values, so they were

constantly questioning their unstable selves.

"It's not that I don't care…it's just that other things are more important,

or…"

"But isn't it rough being an outsider? You must not have fun during

breaks, or really at all. Actually, I've never seen you having fun at school."

"Aw, leave me alone!"

"Ha-ha-ha!"

For a second, the mood relaxed. Still, this could be a serious problem. I

think.

"But laughing with your friends isn't all there is to life…"

Going along with everyone else, getting their approval, being part of the

group, not being avoided… People went along with the values someone else

created—in other words, with what Hinami called the "mood"—just to keep

from being excluded, just to be part of something. For Izumi, it was probably

her current definition of happiness.

"Huh. Wow… I could never have that thought. Why not, I wonder? I've

been like I am forever, and even if I wanted to change, I couldn't… Argh,

I'm sorry! What am I saying?! Forget it, forget everything I said! The point

is, everyone is different! To each their own!"

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She flapped her hands like she was trying to turn it all into a joke. She was

smiling, but I could see tears in her eyes as she avoided looking at me. It was

probably partly embarrassment, but there was something else in her

expression, too, something that suggested this was a very significant problem

for her.

That's when I started to wonder about something. Mimimi and Izumi both

had the same problem, so why was only Izumi so upset about it? With

Mimimi, everything seemed light, like, "I'm Tama's guardian angel!" or

"Life's better when it's fun, so I'm happy with how things are!" But right

now, Izumi seemed so lost and serious.

What in the world explained the difference?

Was Mimimi just better at hiding it?

Suddenly, I remembered something. After my conversation with Mimimi,

something had felt off. I couldn't have explained why, but it had occurred to

me that Mimimi seemed like the one who was being supported. Now I felt

like I was starting to understand the reason for that intuition.

I think Mimimi really was getting more support from Tama-chan than the

reverse.

I remembered their conversation in home ec.

"Thanks for earlier, Minmi."

"…What for? I didn't do anything."

That relationship.

"Hanabi's heart is always laid bare, which means it's poorly defended.

Someone has to act as her armor. Someone has to come swooping in and fend

off the attacks, or else her heart will get all torn up…"

That was Hinami's analysis, but it matched up with my own guess.

Tama-chan was definitely being supported by Mimimi. But more than

that…

I think Mimimi found meaning in protecting Tama-chan—in the person

she was rescuing. It was like a goal inside her, just like continuing to play

Atafami for me, and aiming to be the best at a variety of things for Hinami.

She found real meaning in that goal, and in its results. And that was why she

didn't feel lost.

Izumi didn't seem to have anything similar. For her, there was no

meaning in swallowing her feelings to accommodate other people. Without

any goal of her own, she was simply swept along. She probably had lots of

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friends, but I was certain none of them filled the place that Tama-chan did for

Mimimi—of the person who gave real meaning to her act of bending. That

was why she felt unsteady and lost and questioned herself.

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Sure, this was the analysis of a novice founded on the events of a mere

week, but it's what my experiences were telling me.

And those experiences led me to another thought. The point wasn't to get

other people to compensate for what you lacked, or to dole out what you had

in surplus. It was to use your own strength to compensate yourself for your

own shortcomings, all by yourself.

"I think you can change."

"What?"

"I mean, if you still want to."

"What? Change my personality? No way, I can't do that! What are you

talking about? I'm about to turn seventeen! It's too late! I'm done talking

about this!"

To ease the tension, Izumi gave a fake smile so perfect you couldn't even

tell it was fake. Without even seeing it in action, I knew it was the expression

she used to fight her way through the battlefield of the classroom.

And then—I don't know how to explain it, but I put together my

conversation with Mimimi the other day, what Hinami had told me about

Tama-chan's strengths and weaknesses, and Izumi's attempt to hide her

feelings that actually ended up revealing them, and then I considered all of it

in my own way. I also remembered two things Hinami had said.

"Conversation essentially consists of telling another person what you're

thinking."

"Apparently, you're good at saying what's on your mind."

If that was true, and that's what genuine conversations were, why not try

telling Izumi what I was thinking? If I'm gonna fight my way through this

super-hard dungeon, I might as well get annihilated giving it everything I

have. That was more or less my attitude anyway.

"…I was like that, too. From the day I was born until now, actually. I had

a personality that never changed. Or maybe more like a worldview."

"What?"

My suddenly serious tone must have caught Izumi off guard because her

fake smile wavered a little. I'd consciously tried to make my voice sound as

intent as possible, and I was surprised that it had worked, even slightly,

especially with a normie. I continued my line of thought.

"To me, life is the worst kind of game. Life is absurd. High-tier characters

profit, and low-tier characters are exploited. There are no principles worth

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mastering. It's just a game of chance. There's no point in pouring my time

and energy into something like that, and there's no need to. That was my way

of thinking."

"O-okay…"

Izumi's smile was steadily turning to shock.

"So even if I lost at the game of life—for example, people ignoring me in

class, not having a girlfriend or even regular friends, having a low social

status—none of that mattered. 'Cause the game was shit to begin with. On the

other hand, Atafami was a great game, so it was way more meaningful to win

at Atafami than at life. It was awesome, and most of all, it made me genuinely

happy. My whole life, that's what I thought."

Izumi stared at me silently.

"But recently, I met another gamer who's kind of insufferable, but also

just about as good as me. According to them, life's one of the best games of

all time. To tell you the truth, at first I was like, What are you talking about?

If you're a gamer like me and you haven't even noticed how shitty the game

of life is, we have nothing to talk about. But in the end, they said a bunch of

stuff that convinced me. I still don't fully believe it, but they do know their

stuff when it comes to games, so for now I've decided to test it out. In other

words, I'm trying to take the game of life more seriously."

Izumi blinked in surprise.

"I've been learning strategies and ways to practice, and putting in as much

effort as I can, and along the way, something clicked… I hate to say it, but

I'm almost sure it's true now."

The next thing I said wasn't directed at Izumi so much as at the gamer

with the best work ethic, the most confidence, and the worst personality in

the world.

"As a game, I don't know if life's god-tier, but at the very least, it's good!

That's what I think."

Izumi opened her mouth wide and smiled.

"So it's not one of the best, then, huh?"

I smiled, too, naturally this time instead of consciously making an

expression.

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"Yeah, I'm not that convinced yet. And I don't say something if I don't

think it's true."

"…Wow."

"…Anyway, I'd been thinking life was a shitty game for more than

sixteen years, but given just a small opportunity, I've come this far. Pretty

amazing transformation, huh?"

"Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, it is, isn't it? Ha-ha, you're funny."

No, don't "ha-ha-ha." I'm not done talking.

"Point is, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if your personality hasn't

changed for years and years."

Maybe she realized what I was getting at, because she gazed into my eyes

with surprise.

"So Izumi, if you want to change, I think you can."

I forced myself to return her gaze.

"…Even now. I'm positive."

And that's how my attempt to clear the super-hard dungeon ended: not in

victory and not in defeat, but in an unexpected outcome—persuasion.

* * *

"Y-you really think so…?"

Izumi's eyes were shining. I'd finished saying everything on my mind, so

I was back to my old self, the one who couldn't ad-lib conversations.

"Yeah, well, maybe."

Izumi burst out laughing. "Ha-ha, what's that supposed to mean? You're

not very reassuring!"

"…Sorry."

Since I'd managed to have such a long, natural conversation here at

Izumi's house, I figured my skills must have improved subconsciously or

something. Nope. It was just my regular abilities: talking about Atafami and

saying what I was thinking.

"…But…yeah…I think I'll give it a try."

"Huh?"

"I mean, practicing Atafami, and…seeing if I can stop worrying so much

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about what other people think… Like you said, you don't know until you

try."

"…Really?"

"Yeah…oh, that reminds me," Izumi added, taking out her cell phone.

"Give me your number. I want to have it in case I have questions."

"What?! It's not like I'm some expert on what other people think!"

"Not that! Questions about Atafami!"

"Oh right…"

We exchanged numbers as Izumi gave me a look like, What is this idiot

saying?

"Okay!"

"Uh, um, well…I'd better get going." After all, I'd taught her what I could

about Atafami.

"Okay—oh, don't forget the game!"

"Oh, no worries, that's a spare. The memory card is a backup, too."

"Spare? Backup?"

"…Never mind. It means I have another one at home."

"Really? But…if you'd lent me this to start with, couldn't we have played

online…?"

"Oh yeah! That's true…sorry."

"Ha-ha. Right! But this way let us talk about a lot of stuff, so it's fine!"

"Ha-ha." It was nice enough of her to say that. "Okay, bye."

"Okay, take care! Oh, wait…um, uh—"

"What's up?"

"Oh…nothing. See you later!"

I left her house wondering what she had wanted to say. Less than five

minutes later, a short text arrived from her.

"Thank you."

Just those two simple words, no emojis or anything. I guess that's what

she had wanted to say when I was leaving. Huh. She was a normie, but in

some ways she was easy for me to connect with.

Right away, I sent a message of my own.

A message to Hinami, that is, asking her how to reply.

* * *

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"The sword you were carrying just happened to work against the boss's

elemental weakness, and the shield you had just happened to resist the

elements she used. A miracle, I'd say."

It was Saturday. I'd sent Hinami an e-mail briefly describing my

encounter with Izumi, to which she'd replied by telling me to report to her in

person. Thus our emergency weekend meeting.

"A pretty amazing one, too," I said, already tired of the huge parfait on the

table in front of me. "Actually, I've been thinking about it, and it feels like

things are going a little too well lately. There was the thing with Izumi, and

the thing with Kikuchi-san, too. Are you sure you're not laying any

groundwork behind the scenes, Hinami?"

Incidentally, for some reason we were meeting at a famous parfait place in

Tokyo, instead of in Saitama. Hinami was calmly eating an weapons-grade

sugary concoction made up of strawberries, banana, and melon drenched in

whipped cream and condensed milk.

"What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything. You're the one

who's laying the groundwork."

"Huh? Me?"

"Yes, you. I mean, if you didn't always go to the library between classes,

and if you hadn't talked to Yuzu and borrowed a tissue from Fuka-chan, she

wouldn't have talked to you in the library. If you hadn't crushed Shuji

Nakamura in Atafami, and if you hadn't been talking to Yuzu Izumi every

day for a week, then bumping into her when she was feeling down yesterday

wouldn't have ended up with you going to her house. You've summoned all

of this yourself through your own actions," Hinami explained, working her

way through 80 percent of the parfait we had agreed to split half and half

after she made me order it. She did have a good appetite. I had already had

enough after my 20 percent. By the way, it was called a Peach and Whipped

Cream Cheesecake Parfait, or something like that.

"Okay, that's true, but…"

"You're so stoic. You can give yourself a little more credit for your hard

work, you know. I mean, of course you don't have to. As long as you can

stay motivated."

I wondered how she managed to speak so clearly with her mouth full.

"Well…I do give myself some credit."

Hinami stopped eating. "…Really?"

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She looked pleased, but maybe it was just because of the parfait.

"That's fine, then. So what do you think? Isn't improving your life

through your own hard work a beautiful thing?"

She grinned and peered into my eyes. I didn't know what to do, so I

looked away.

"…I guess."

"Huh. So you're shy about that kind of thing."

"Shut up."

"Whatever. Anyway, your mid-range goal just got a little closer."

"…Did you even hear what I just told you? The reason Izumi is doing all

this is because she likes Nakamura."

"All the same, I doubt she's ever had a deep conversation with Shuji like

she did with you yesterday. Plus, you have something she doesn't. Okay,

that's probably not enough to make her fall for you. At least, not this you."

"This me?"

"You may have grown a little, but you still have a lot to work on. In the

long run, though, if you keep up the hard work and move forward step by

step, it's not at all out of the question that something would happen this

year."

"Seriously…?"

With Yuzu Izumi? The normie? Well, the fragile normie, that is.

"Yeah," Hinami said, polishing off the parfait. "I'm talking possibilities,

of course."

"I can't believe you ate that whole thing…"

"Anyway, have you decided yet? About Fuka-chan?"

"Uh, I'm still going back and forth. But I'm almost there."

"…Huh. Well, I won't ask what you've decided. Tell me after you do it,"

she said, taking out her wallet. "If you do decide to ask her out, use these."

"…Movie tickets?"

"Yes. They're for a premiere of the new Mari Joan film next Sunday."

"A premiere? …You think I should invite her to a movie?"

"Yeah, that's part of it. But the bigger thing is the first time you ask her

out, you shouldn't come on too strong. With these tickets, you can act like

someone gave them to you and you don't have anyone to go with. Since

they're for a specific day, she can say she already has plans if she doesn't

want to go. Plus, if you do end up going together, you don't have to talk as

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much, and afterward you'll have something in common to talk about, right?"

"Oh, okay…"

"Also, if she's really into you and she genuinely can't make it that day,

it's very likely she'll suggest that you go out another time. All in all, it's a

low-risk proposition."

"Huh… Well, I haven't made up my mind yet, but I'll go ahead and take

them. Thanks."

"Sure," she said, standing up with her wallet in hand. "Sorry, I have to get

going. I have a lot to do today. Since I ate most of the food and you had to

pay to come all the way into the city to meet me, I'll get the bill."

I thought about protesting, but I knew that once she'd made up her mind

she hardly ever changed it, so instead I thanked her meekly and left it at that.

* * *

That night, I was using the recorder Hinami had given me to tape my voice,

play it back, and practice my tone, as I always did. But as I was trying to play

it back, I accidentally pressed the wrong button.

"Oh shit, what's going on? Did I just switch folders?"

The file number should have read 63, but instead it read 781.

Uh-oh, how do I get back?

Suddenly, as I started pushing a bunch of buttons, a file started playing.

Shit! I probably shouldn't be listening to this without her permission! As that

thought ran through my head, I started to press the STOP button, when my

hand froze. The first thing I heard caught me off guard.

"That's why Shimano dumped you! She's like…Younger guys are so…

No, that's not right."

What the…?

"Younger guys…shoot! You just…aaah! …Younger guys are soo…

damn!"

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It's what she'd said when she came to rescue me and Mimimi and Tamachan in home ec.

"That's why Shimano dumped you! She's like…Younger guys are sooo

immature…there! Younger guys are sooo immature! Younger guys are sooo

immature! …Got it!"

The recording ended.

I do have some respect for people's privacy, so I didn't consider listening

to another file. But what I'd heard was enough. More than enough. Why was

this girl amazing? I'd sensed it vaguely before, but now I knew without a

doubt.

The amazing thing about her was how hard she worked to make herself

that way.

* * *

The following week, on Monday and Tuesday I chatted casually with Izumi

about Atafami during all our breaks. Nothing much happened aside from a

few surprised looks from other people. Izumi was memorizing the techniques

way faster than I'd expected. At this pace, she'd probably be able to play

Nakamura before the week was out. When I told her as much, she seemed

extremely happy. I'd found myself a good student. Plus, talking to her was

easy since she sat next to me.

Hinami and I didn't talk about much in our strategy meetings. She just

told me to keep diligently working on my posture, facial expressions, tone,

and topic memorization, along with talking to Izumi and Kikuchi-san as often

as possible.

And then Wednesday came—the most momentous day since I first met

Hinami.