Epiphany

V came back home two days later, she was relieved to finally be here. After such a long stressful journey, relief is only a part of what a person would feel, especially when plans don't bend to our will.

It's amusing how poor life treats us, with so much disrespect, yet things sort of end up in our favor, somehow. There's always a big picture we can't see.

Al and I went to the airport to pick her up. He knew it would lighten the day, and it did. She smiled the whole trip to her favorite Italian place in town.

I suggested going home first so she could freshen up a bit, and we could be luggage-free, but since pasta was implicated no one would listen.

V's favorite spot was empty, something that cheered her up even more, It was a table next to the window, with a view she liked, but I find it very mundane. It was very simple and normal, we can see the natural flow of life through it, and maybe realize how complicated simplicity can get.

It was a few small buildings, The one in front had this little French coffee shop where couples have cute dates, sometimes fight, sometimes it's just an old man reading a journal, or maybe watching ladies walk by. The one on the left was a tiny art gallery, where new artists hold exhibitions, and sometimes our colleagues hold their first exhibitions. I've never been invited to one before, but I can say Al did. On the right, there was a cute little park with students on the grass having picnics, others reading the rest kissing or displaying affection.

V took the booth, it had the best view of the park and the coffee shop, and she preferred it to chairs, If she ever became a queen she'd change the throne seat into a booth, I'm sure of it.

The vibe I got from Al this evening was a bit off, but not too awkward, but just enough that V wouldn't notice. He also refrained from touching me the way he used to, but he kept teasing me, so it's not like he's distancing himself entirely.

However, I went along with this stiffness, hoping that this was just a phase and it would pass.

V was telling us with her exciting voice about her overwhelming adventure in LA. The city of Angels, as she likes to call it,

" Los Angeles, can't be a normal place, the beaches are too pretty and the weather is too nice, Angels must be living there." V declares

She always complained about the cold winter here, but in the warm LA, "cold weather" is not a valid expression.

V is a very proud Chinese girl, she may have visited China maybe twice. But I bet her ancestors are looking down at her with pride.

And to keep herself in touch with the culture she takes it upon herself to visit Chinatown as frequently as she can. Hence, when she was there she made an appearance and loved it.

She even met some guy there, who was significant enough to make it to her conversation. So now, I understand what she meant when she described the vacation as adventurous and fun. She didn't deny that she liked him, he asked her on a date and now they're in the talking phase.

I never thought things could happen this simple and easily in relationships, I don't know If I can even let things just go with the flow like she does, I honestly would like it to be less tense about things happening. But I shouldn't let Rose be the one in control, maybe let feelings lead me for once.

"You know, this vacation made me realize that people make places home," V declares.

"Oh! What made you say that, was it us or Matthew?" I said teasingly.

Matthew is the guy she met in LA, and he keeps texting her

Al gave me a gaze I hoped he wouldn't give me, a gaze of a refugee seeking asylum, a soul asking for an embrace, a home. His eyes were full of hope and faith, it felt like he believed we were each other's home and his eyes wanted to convince me.

And the truth is that he is, along with V, they are people to whom I belong, in many ways but not in the way his eyes dictated.

I held both their hands as tight as I could, to show them how much I couldn't imagine a life without them, my home.

"Guys, I want you to know that whatever happens, you're going to be my people and home," I said

V looked at me with her teasing stare "Are you dying? Al is she doing drugs ?"

"V, c'mon do you have to ruin emotional moments" I said

"Who are you? And what have you done to my friend?" she said sarcastically

"C'mon V, it's just a teardrop "

"No, Rose wasn't this emotional creature, whose tears were ready to come out"

"Well if you didn't notice, my best friend was away and I missed her"

"She became this version of herself when she met Sam," Al declared.

I hit him on his arm with my elbow, he exaggerated the pain he claimed I caused. But I know that it wasn't different from a pat on the back.

V's eyes widened, I could now see her Iris getting smaller, and her face was flushing with surprise, I hadn't told her updates about the Sam case. I guess I'm forced to do it here. Around strangers.

She was surprised at how I've handled things, and surely she had opinions about it. She's team Sam for now. But she doesn't know about Allen yet, so I can't tell her here. Not in front of him.

"You should apologize to him and ask him out," she said confidently.

" Is that the only thing you picked from all of this?" I replied

"Oh! Totally " Al added

"I think you should call him now," V announces

"No, I don't think it's a good idea. Plus, I've done nothing wrong" I said

"I agree with her, Rose," Al added.

"You guys know how to push my buttons," I replied, then added, "I did nothing wrong."

"Oh! You do it big time. You've accused him of stalking you just to get in your pants " V accused me. Honestly, she's right. I only had suspicions but nothing close to proof.

" Now he's just my boss, I can't just call him for personal things "

"You never know," V said with a playful smile.

My phone was on the table, flipped it, and unlocked it. Then, I looked for him on my contacts list. Once his number was on my screen I couldn't press call.

The man has been ignoring my existence from the moment we had the infamous call. He will probably ignore this call as well.

Hesitation didn't wear off, I couldn't bring myself to call him.

Al took my phone out of my hands, it was so quick I didn't have a chance to stop him. And of course, he called before I could take my phone back.

V kept looking at us like we were babies fighting over candy.

But the moment I could hear the ringing sound, my heart stopped. I looked at V begging for reassurance but I didn't find any.

My anxiety level was as high as it could be, and the moment my call went straight to voicemail, my pride crashed into pieces.

My face turned pale as if every blood drop was squeezed out of it. I was nervous, due to this response he'd give me, a silent one.

This moment, made me realize what I wanted, what I hoped for, when it was ringing it was like I flipped a nickel, and I hopped for him to answer playfully ' Hey lady Stark' or something, but he didn't. And I only wanted to hear his voice, more than anything.

This realization was anything but foreseen, and most importantly it was too late. I think it's helpless now, the situation is critical, and whatever I do won't easily change his mind, probably never.

I feel life come back to my face as the epiphany finally hit me, V and Al squeezed my hands trying to show me some compassion.

But that's what I need now, I have a lot of breaks to fix, and if I wait, the cracks will only get deeper.

"Guys, I think I have to go," I said as I got up, pushing my chair and straight to the door.

V and Al were puzzled, Al tried to follow me but V stopped him.

I didn't have time to wait for an Uber or a Taxi, so I went back to the restaurant and found V still trying to stop Al from following me.

"Can I borrow your car? " I told Al

"Now? Why? I can drive you "

Yes now

"But why? Did something happen?"

"Kinda, can you please stop this interrogation mode, now is not the time," I said firmly.

"Alright! Here you go!"

V didn't interfere, she knew nothing would stop me, and I won't be giving any justification, not now. As long as I have a goal in front of me, it means I'm not stopping.

Once the keys were in my hands, all I could think about was getting to the car and then the office.

I rushed there, my driving was a bit rusty. it had been some time since I'd been behind the wheel.

If I told my past self about this moment, I think it's ridiculous, me running to find Sam, would only happen in a dream and I'd call it a nightmare. But no it's real, as real as my feelings.

I rushed to catch the elevator, but the damned thing closed and went up to the 10th floor, And thanks to my luck, the other one was out of service. So the stairs were the quickest way to get there, not the brightest idea I ever had, but this whole situation wasn't bright.

I climbed these everlasting stairs. At last, I arrived at the office, I guess Mike was the only one left, his office was the only one with lights on.

I walked steadily to Mike's office as if I were not soaking in sweat. Well, hopefully, he won't notice my sweating or my trepidation.

Mike was drowning in paper and he was out of this planet, My invasion didn't seem to phase him, he kept his attention on whatever he was doing.

When he finally noticed me I was in the middle of the room next to his desk, he lifted his head and his eyes were on my face.

His lips curled with a soft, light smile on his face, I smiled back keeping the same energy;

"Hello Rose, Did you miss working ?"

"Hello, I do sometimes but not today"

"So why are you here?"

"Well, is Sam here? I mean Mr. Rogers"

"No, as you can see he left me alone! Why do you ask ?"

"Oh! I just need to talk to him about Uhem some personal matters "

Mike put the papers on top of the piled documents on the desk, leaned back on his comfortable chair, and had his eyes on me.

Mike has now given me his undivided attention, something you don't want your boss to give you unless you're presenting ideas.

" Personal huh" Mike started a long speech, I wasn't ready to hear. And maybe I would never be.

He continued " Sam is my best friend, and you broke his heart. I don't know you that well, but I know the man he is, and he'd never play anyone. I was shocked when he accidentally told me that you were the woman who'd been the cause of his heartbreak. I didn't think you'd be a player, but here we are. So if you're planning to mess with him, please don't; your games are the last thing he needs in his life right now"

" I didn't mean to harm him in any way, I was protecting myself "

"From whom? He likes you god-dammit"

"I need to talk to him,–– to apologize "

" I think you've done enough "

" Mike, please, I have to make this right "

" Rose, leave the man alone, let him move on"

" Mike, please, I need to tell him how I feel "

He went back to his prior business on the computer, ignored my presence for a sweet moment, and without looking at me he said" You'll find him in the Chess club "

I thanked him quickly and tried to get out of the building as fast as I could, This time the elevator worked, it's not that it wasn't working the last time but it wasn't there for me when I needed it.

It felt like it took an eternity to finally get to the car, a blue Honda Civic, not a fancy piece but it gets the job done.

The Buddok club wasn't far, the funny thing is Mike called it a Chess club, and yet he calls himself Sam's best friend, the audacity.

Before I could start the car, my phone started ringing. Astonishment was the only feeling I could feel when I saw who was calling. It was Sam blasting my phone.

I hesitated, I didn't know what to say I knew I wanted to apologize and then maybe confess to him, the latter was pretty hard for me to imagine, maybe impossible.

I ended up replying, I don't think I had it in me to call him back, I answered the call,

" Hi Ms.Smith," Sam said

" Hi, how are you?"

"Sorry my phone was silent, Do you need anything? "

"It's alright, and yes! I need to talk to you"

" Okay talk"

"In person8"

"Why?"

"I want it to be genuine"

"You can present your ideas to Mike and if he agrees to that you can present them to the team, after our weekly meeting"

"No, I need to talk to you, not the team, Jon Snow"

I was getting close to the club, and anxiety was a monster in my head sowing its roots in my body and soul. I thought job interviews caused me an enormous amount of anxiety. Yet, his is a whole new league, a higher one.

This conversation was happening while my body was sweating a worrying amount at a fast pace. I might arrive there dehydrated.

He didn't reply. I thought they hung up on me. "Hello!" I said, my voice shaking, as if I was in a horror movie, entering an empty house.

He immediately answered "Yes Ms Smith"

" I said I need to talk to you"

"I heard that, I just didn't want to answer you. I'm busy right now, so if you have nothing else to say, excuse me! "

"Okay, tell me where are you?"

"I'll see you tomorrow in the office if you have business to discuss. "

He hung up on me this time, I felt as if a door was closed to my face.

I arrived at my destination, I hope Mike didn't play me dirty and told me where I really can find Sam. After I parked the car, I rushed my way to the club.

Searched a few rooms before my eyes caught him, his back was facing the door, his silhouette was a known view to my eyes, and his chuckling was a sweet symphony to my ears. But I don't think my voice is the same to him.

I thought he saw me as a cheap whore, and was just being nice. But Mike said he liked me, and now she was over me. This seeds hope for me and possibilities.

I walked into the room, There were no empty chairs, and everyone had an opponent, so I leaned against the wall facing Sam's side, There tables were between us, and I couldn't care less about who they were or what was happening here. Sam is all I'm seeing and he's not noticing me. He zones out when he plays.

Everyone was startled by a loud voice coming from the door, the source was coming in my direction. When I turned to see what was happening I realized it was Eva. She hugged me " I knew you'd come," she said loudly, She kept hugging me and made a 360-degree turn when I faced Sam's direction. he was looking at us.

He finally noticed my presence, and I knew he did, I smiled at him and he looked away with a plane-empty face.