Burglar, blue menace's fault, and muda muda!

A weird clicking noise came from the corridor. I absentmindedly opened my eyes and saw only darkness. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was still night and obviously it is dark without the sun in the sky.

I got out of the bed immediately when my brain finally turned on the operating system and assessed that there is a more pressing matter than a lack of vision at that moment. Someone was definitely fiddling with a lock but without the actual key.

'Don't tell me someone is here for revenge!' A grim thought surfaced in my mind.

But as I was reaching out for my bow I heard a feminine "Yesh!" and the lock finally opened. My body relaxed since I knew the owner of the voice.

While breathing deeply through the nose Chris walked into the house. She stumbled slightly but quickly caught herself on the door frame.

I didn't need to hear her speak to realize what was happening with her.

"Did I wake you up? Sorry, I couldn't find a... key in my pocket sho..."

As she was saying this she patted her shorts' pockets and suddenly exclaimed:

"Oh. It was inside the other one. Ehehe~"

Chris in front of me was happily wasted and waved a key which she took from her left pocket. I could smell an alcohol aroma coming from her from a couple of meters away. With her, in that state, I was extremely surprised by the fact that she somehow managed to open the door with a picklock in just a few seconds.

Although Chris didn't seem to have any problems with breaking in, she was struggling to walk two straight steps so I came up to her to assist. I put her arm around my shoulder and with a smile, I have said:

"You could've just knocked, I would open it."

"Where's the fun in that? I wanted to give you a surprise."

"You surprised me alright. You've got some serious skills to pick a lock like… that."

Chris just laughed happily to my remark and I steadily walked her towards the inside of the house. We had to turn right to head towards Chris's room but although I tried to make Chris change direction she kept going straight - to my room.

When I tried to push her a little bit more to the right I noticed that Chris was shifting her weight slightly to the left as if to counteract to my efforts.

"Chris-san, your room is in another direction."

I lightly reminded but Chris just answered:

"Ehhhhh~ That's too far away. Can't I sleep... in your room tonight?"

…

My brain cells shorted a little and I fumbled for words:

"Ummm...Yes… I mean, you probably wouldn't-"

But that just elicited a hearty laugh from Chris as she started moving slowly correctly towards her own room as soon as she heard my reaction. Chris seemed to be happy … and mischevious type of drunk.

"How was your night out?" I awkwardly asked Chris when she stopped giggling.

"Ah, you know… same old. Senpai always either complains or boasts about something. She also tried to recruit me for some of her schemes but I used the bottle to make her forget about it all. I poured her so much and fast that she fell asleep after an hour, hehe~"

Chris also seemed to be a type that was speaking all she had on mind when drunk.

"Darkness was so cute worrying about me at the party. 'Chris, please mind your drinking' she said and then ten minutes later 'How can you drink so much?!'. Ehehe~ '"

Another round of laugh came from Chris as we reached the end of the corridor. On the right was Chris's room and on the left, there was a kitchen. The situation from one minute ago repeated itself where I tried to walk Chris to the right and she pushed me to the left. This time however she said:

"Let's go to the kitchen first, okay? I wanna drink some water."

"Sure, let's." As per her request, we changed the course towards the kitchen. While on the quest for drinkable water Chris started:

"I've also heard about how Kazuma has used Steal that I've taught him. His expression when I looked at him with angry eyes was priceless! Darkness wasn't mad at him so I only teased him a little bit."

I released a light chuckle and helped Chris sit down on the chair. I took out a mug, filled it with water and gave it to her. She took it from my hand, gulped its contents down and then she looked at me with fake-suspicious eyes and said:

"Now I wonder if I should teach you Steal too. How do I know you won't go around stealing girls' panties with the luck Eris-sama gave you. Wouldn't that make me an accomplice~?"

I wouldn't be caught off guard twice! I already knew she was joking so I was about to laugh but she then tried to stand up and almost fell down instantly.

I realized that although she sounded sober-ish she was dead drunk inside.

I managed to catch her before she collided with the floor and helped her stand up. She looked as if she didn't register that fall at all and continued:

"I'm sorry, that was mean... even as a joke. Of course, you wouldn't do that."

I was surprised by the sudden change in Chris's demeanor so I didn't manage to interject before she added:

"You saved Megumin three times already, helped Darkness without her asking and even Senpai said today that you are 'an okay guy'! That's really something!"

My mind was instantly blown away by Aqua's 'high praise'. I mentally struggled to decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing and Chris used this moment to start our walk towards her room out of her own initiative.

"And you also helped me so many times already."

"I haven't done much. You have done so much more for me and-" I answered with great favor but Chris interjected silently:

"Have I really, though?"

Her voice sounded doubtful.

"Yes!"

I answered confidently but Chris just fell silent. I wondered what she meant by those words as we came into her room. That was the first time I walked into her room since we moved in and I noticed, with some light coming in from the street below, that her new room was decorated in pretty much the same way her inn room was.

However, it seemed that her collection of lucky items had one more that I haven't seen before. It was a single feather. It was hard to mistake it for something else than an owl feather when I pretty much was covered in them when I used my favorite form.

I didn't comment on it though, because Chris looked like she dozed off.

I walked towards the bed while having Chris's arm around my shoulder. With how many times I have helped Megumin just like this I considered myself a pro at handling unresponsive people.

So imagine my surprise when I suddenly felt my back falling down straight onto Chris's bed. I blinked in confusion, not understanding what had just transpired.

I realized that Chris would probably fall straight on her face without my assist so I tried standing up to recover from my mistake but then … I saw Chris standing up straight, right in front of the bed.

"Wha-"

"Aqua-senpai gave me an idea…"

As Chris was saying that she moved forward.

"... on how to repay you for the troubles I've caused you."

This definitely didn't sound good.

She crawled onto the bed with my leg between hers. Her face got so close to mine that I could see every detail in her eyes' irises.

My heart began beating like crazy and it felt like it would pop out at any given second.

"Wait! Chris, you should know better than to believe what Aqua says!" I tried talking some sense into her but she just pushed me back.

This was too sudden of a change so I tried moving out of the way but to my surprise, I couldn't move at all with Chris's hand firmly placed on my shoulder. It took my brain a moment to realize that stats were a thing in this world and Chris probably had way more Strength than me.

"Do you hate me… or my body…?"

She suddenly asked me while looking very sad.

"I don't hate you at all and I find you very beautiful, but-"

"But what?"

I definitely felt something towards Chris but this wasn't an acceptable idea at all.

"You aren't thinking straight! You are completely drunk! Listen, you neither need to 'repay' me nor do you owe me for anything. All I did was to help my dear friend in need. Everyone would do the same in my place. A friend that helps only if benefits are on the line is no friend at all."

Chris lost the sad expression but she didn't smile either. She kept unmoving for a few seconds until she slowly released a grip on my shoulder. I still couldn't roll out since her legs were wrapped around my left one.

She stopped kneeling on the bed and sat down so that meant she was then sitting on my leg.

"You are so considerate of me when I've been lying to you the entire time."

Chris suddenly said in a grave tone while hanging her head down. She looked extremely distressed at that moment.

"You mean the fact that you are goddess Eris herself?"

"Yes… I am-"

I asked in matter-of-fact voice and Chris nodded to that before realizing what I just said and her eyes opened wide like a pair of saucers.

"How- When…?"

"I was thinking about that possibility a few times. But mainly it was just seeing your 'older' version in heaven and the fact that 'Eris' didn't seem even tiny bit scared of my face. And there was also your disappearance while I was being revived. There are other tidbits as well like you calling Aqua "senpai" for example."

Chris became silent for a moment and then asked:

"And you are still not angry at me?"

To which I just calmly answered:

"What does it matter that you are a goddess in disguise?"

Chris finally released a smile that I knew so well. Her body seemed to relax and she breathed a relieved sigh.

And then she collapsed straight at me.

"Hey-"

I wondered what brought that about but I noticed that Chris just simply fell asleep. It was my turn to finally breathe a sigh of relief.

After a few minutes of calming down and thinking I decided that it would be better if Chris didn't wake up while lying on me. If she forgot what we have talked about it would probably end in disaster as well.

So I transformed into a mouse and found myself directly under Chris's stomach.

Fortunately, I wasn't squashed or anything. With no problems at all, I managed to get out from under her belly and wandered down the bed. Then I transformed back into my human form. After fixing Chris's sleeping position I covered her with a blanket and then I left her room quietly.

I went to the toilet and washed my face to get some sort of a refresh.

When I came back to my room I noticed that it was still night. The last half an hour definitely felt like it was longer.

I tried falling asleep.

I tried.

And tried.

But every time I almost fell asleep, my brain played the scene of Chris being on top of me… It was a futile effort.

So... the next morning I had massive dark circles under my eyes.