13 Lights of the counter

"I thought we were going to speak this out," Aki says, holding a hand over Kanae's lips as he tries to kiss him. They had only just entered Kanae's house when Aki got pushed up against the door. He was quick to slap a hand over Kanae to stop him. "Should we at least go to your room instead of doing this in the entrance. What if your mum was to see?"

"She's not coming home today," Kanae explains, peeling Aki's hand off his face. "Why are you avoiding a kiss? Is it because of that guy you met up with."

"Hiroto has nothing to do with this," Aki lies. It wasn't entirely a lie, but he did feel guilty letting someone else kiss him now that he found out he was having a child. After what he had done in the toilets with Hiroto, he figured the alpha wouldn't like him going around meeting different people. On top of that, Aki wants to speak with Kanae, not physically but rather verbally. "I just want to know why you got so upset after seeing me talk to him."

Kanae leads him into the living room and gestures for him to take a seat. "I'm not upset," he says, leaning against the table. His words contradict the way he was acting. Aki was sure that he was upset over some misunderstanding that he had created in his mind. Kanae did that quite often, think up a scenario that wasn't real, but keep remembering it to the point he assumes it's reality. It had happened before when he assumed Aki no longer wanted him around and he cried to his mum. It led to many other issues.

"Then why did you start crying at the café when I reminded you that we weren't dating?" Aki asks, straight to the point. He didn't like the idea of Kanae thinking they were still dating when he was carrying Hiroto's child. It felt wrong. "Haven't we spoken about this already? I told you that I can't bring myself to like you that way. I think of you as my younger brother."

"But would you have sex with your younger brother?" Kanae questions, his voice loud and angry. For a beta, he sure did irritate quickly. "We've spent so many nights tangled up together, so many times we've done it. And you're saying you still can't look at me with romantic interest?"

"That's right," Aki averts his eyes to the ground. He wasn't trying to lead Kanae on. If anything, he was always trying to help Kanae move on. He had already set him up on dates with his friends, but Kanae always came back to him. "I can't look at you like that."

"Why?" Kanae moves forwards and kneels before him, his hands wrapping around Aki's. "Why can you look at others with those same eyes but not me? Am I lacking something? Is it related to the way I look?"

"No, Kanae," Aki tries moving away when Kanae jerks forwards and cages him between his arms.

"Or is it because I'm a beta." His words sting Aki deeply. In the many years Aki had known Kanae, he had never once judged him for his second gender. Beta's were already the most common second gender, but when it came to Kanae, he never seemed happy being one. Something about being a beta seemed wrong for Kanae, he complained about it when he could. But Aki had never thought it was a bad thing.

Aki places a hand on Kanae's cheek and shakes his head. "I've never thought of that. I'd never look at only your second gender, you know this! But I just can't find it in myself to love you the same way you love me."

Kanae's eyes tear up again and he lowers his head. "Hiroto is an alpha, isn't he?"

Aki hums in agreement, not knowing where he was going with that.

"Your previous boyfriend, Daiki, was also an alpha, wasn't he?" Aki's eyes widen and he knows what Kanae's going to say next. He looks up with a bitter smile. "Aki, all the people you've dated so far are alphas, but you're saying you don't look at second genders."

"But I don't!" Aki quickly reassures, sitting up in his seat. Kanae chuckles and moves away. Aki had never asked people before they began dating whether they were an alpha or not. It could be argued that he was attracted to their pheromones but that was highly unlikely. "That's a pure coincidence—"

"Aki," Kanae cuts him off, his eyes piercing into the sofa beside him. "Can you please leave? I can't look at you right now."

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

"For what reason is he showing you so much attitude?" Levi scoffs once Aki finishes telling his story. The bar was practically empty, except for the couple sitting on one of the sofas. Aki takes a sip of the juice Levi had saved for him and shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't know what to say either. Treating Kanae as a kid was his mistake and agreeing to be sex friends with him despite knowing the younger boy had feelings for him was his fault as well. But Kanae was the one who brought it upon himself.

"I feel bad," Aki mutters, playing with the base of his cup. "He's been following me around ever since we met and then suddenly confessed to me one day. I rejected him without thinking and never actually put any thought into it. But now it feels wrong to even give him a chance."

"Because you're pregnant?" Levi asks, filling Aki's glass again when he finishes. "I can see what you mean, but you and that alpha—"

"Hiroto," Aki assists.

"Yeah, Hiroto. The two of you aren't dating, right? After all, you only really just met. So have you thought about giving Kanae a chance."

"I've thought about it," Aki confesses, staring at how the juice in his cup shook every time Levi places a cup on the table. "But the way Kanae sticks to me and the way he looks up at me. It just reminds me of how I act around Haruki. The love I feel towards Haruki is the same as the love I have for Kanae."

Levi sighs before leaning closer and asking, "And what about Hiroto. Have you thought about him?"

"Not really," Aki says, causing Levi to raise an eyebrow in surprise. "I barely know him and he barely knows me. Our families hate each other, Haruki already dislikes him, and the chances of him liking me as very low."

"Why are you worrying about what other people?" Levi pokes Aki's forehead, a frown on his face. "Think about your own feelings first. Do you see Hiroto in that light? Does he treat you well? Do you think you can have a future with him?"

"Honestly?" Aki asks and Levi nods. "I don't think we could have a normal future together. I have this gut feeling that if we try to make it work between us, there will just be something that will come up."

Levi didn't understand what Aki meant. Aki wasn't even sure if Hiroto harboured any feelings for him. Did the alpha even look at him for who he was, or rather just think of him as someone who happened to have his child. Aki couldn't bring himself to ask Hiroto the question. What if he said he didn't like him? And if he did, then what was Aki supposed to think that. Aki knew that he fell in love with people far too quickly, but he had only spoken to Hiroto a select few times, how was he meant to know if the were meant for each other or not.

Aki's ability in picking people wasn't the best either. They always got angry at him over the tiniest things and Aki could never feel happy with someone. Being around Hiroto did bring some emotion to the surface, but Aki didn't know which one is was. Was what he felt towards Hiroto lust rather than affection?

"You never know unless you try," Levi snaps him back to reality. "Forget about Kanae, forget about your dad, forget about how Haruki would react if he was to find out you like him. Just think about what Hiroto has done for you and how he treats you. Do you want to be with him or not?"

Aki stares back at Levi as the sound of the quiet music becomes louder in his ears, ringing constantly as he thinks. Hiroto was nice to him ever since they had met. He kissed him gently, held his hand softly, spoken to him quietly. Hiroto didn't say any of the words people often used towards omegas against him. He actually respected him.

After a few moments of silence, Aki looks back at Levi and smiles. "I really don't know."