1 Preface

My name is Kieran Blain. My mum's Irish but my dad's Italian. I know this because my mum told me (that's because I've never met my dad). Mum raised us- us being me, my younger sister, Arlene who's fifteen and Aidan, my younger brother who's sixteen.

I'm the kind of person whom you can describe as drop dead gorgeous, blindingly beautiful, maliciously stunning. Don't get me wrong, I'm not praising myself or anything. If you saw me, you would agree. The adjectives I've just used are very familiar to me. People give me those complements everyday and sometimes I don't know if I should smile and thank them or shudder and flee.

I'm a guy not a girl. But people keep calling me pretty.

Everyone thinks I'm as pretty as an angel. They see my outward beauty as a blessing but I see it as a curse.

Everywhere I go, I attract people like a fucking magnet. At school, I attract the nerds, the jocks, the QB players, the hotties, the uglies, the teachers, the queers, everyone! It's horrible.

I know, I know.

You might see me as being ungrateful, but I'm not. I just don't want the attention. It's TOO MUCH.

But I don't complain. I just want to make everyone happy even though I end up hurting myself. That's just me.

And I hate that.

I hate that I can't stand being criticized.

I hate that I'm in the spotlight.

I hate that most people believe that I'm perfect. But believe me, I'm far from that.

If I would describe my life on a canvas, I would smear the whole canvas with every shade of red that exists.

Beneath the vibrant gold everyone sees, the real 'me' lies unacknowledged and unnoticed.

Because that's what my life is.

It's painted RED.

My life can't be described by using one word because over the years, it has become very complex. If it were up to me, one of the many words I would call it would be 'labyrinth' because I'm yet to make sense of it.

When I thought things can't be any worse than it already was, fate proved me wrong.

But it didn't matter much though; because fate didn't change the color of my life.

It just gave me an entirely different shade of red.