18 Chapter 13 ( Un-edited translation)

Chapter 13

Drunken Tree Guards vs Shroom Nose. 

In the team locker room, the dwarves were acting strangely. Increased sweating, eyes that twitched in a nervous tic, slight tremors in their hands and tailbone area. 

From the outside it might look like they were nervous, but in fact they were in an extreme state of agitation. The cause? 

Simple enough. Because their opponents will be goblins, longtime enemies of the Davi people. Yes, the Dwarves have other races they hate and despise. Orcs, whom the dwarves regard as stupid destroyers, beasts with whom they can only speak in the language of violence. Their distant kin, who betrayed their faith in their ancestors and gave themselves to Chaos thereby deserving contempt and worthy of only the cruelest execution. But the goblins. They were at the top of their list of hated enemies, for so much grief to the people of the dwarves was not brought by any other race. 

So at every practice before this match, the dwarves worked incredibly hard. Even when the coach announced the end of practice none of the dwarves left the field and continued to practice until they fell exhausted to the ground. 

Such perseverance and dedication encouraged me as well. So on the third day I stayed with them and continued to train. It may seem silly from the outside, for I could have gotten hurt or injured, but I didn't care for some reason. At times like this, my fighting spirit only grew. For some reason I sometimes felt that I was not on the training field, but on a real battlefield. I guess I was so influenced by the dwarf's fighting spirit. 

On the fifth day Korhil joined us, yes he was not strong enough to withstand such a hard training until the end, but he stubbornly continued to work. Yes, by the end of the day he was so exhausted that he couldn't even hold the ball or just run to the end of the field, but he still practiced until he fainted from exhaustion. The most interesting thing was that not one of the dwarves even thought to joke or throw mocking comments that could be heard at every practice. Even though he was weak, he kept going, which added more points of respect from the dwarves. 

The human part of the team saw us and joined us too, though with much less success. They didn't have the athleticism of an elf or my peculiar experience and endurance, so by the second week of intense training many of them started to get injured or just dead tired. I had to almost order them to slow down and train normally, although they still continued to stay for additional training, albeit not often. 

But now the hell month as I called this training rush is over. The last preparations are over, everyone is armored and ready for battle. It's time for the coach to say a word before the game. 

- Guys. I'm gonna say one thing. Fucking kill the motherfuckers! Hit 'em! Tear it up! Destroy! - Kazran roared loudly, and the whole team supported him with a roar so loud that the walls shook. 

Pumped with frenzied energy, we ran to the field, where we tried to form a more or less even formation. But Kazran's words like adrenaline did not let us calm down. And when the enemy team came onto the field, the dwarves' hatred for the dwarves only intensified, so that Korhil and I had to pile on Bron, who started to go into a Troll Slayer rage when he saw the trolls. 

Our aura of bloodlust made many of the goblins nervous, but among them there were some that only grinned back. The fanatic with the big steel orb was almost starting to foam, the psycho with the chainsaw was pulling the activator of his chainsaw nonstop, making it roar like a beast on a leash, and the bastard with a bunch of bombs in a bag behind his back was just giggling and tossing a grenade. 

The only ones who didn't care were the trolls and the referees. Trolls, because they were stupid, and referees...because they had seen it many times before and only thought about how much bribes they could get in case of trouble. Greedy bastards. 

The referee's whistle forces us into position. Korhil and I, being the special blitzers we are, took one flank. On the other were the dwarves. In the center stood our wooden alkie, Bron and Rook. They would have the toughest confrontation, because they had two psycho trolls against them. 

Here comes the ball and the ref flips a coin. Phew, lucky, we're up first. We have to make the most of this opportunity. The plan so far is that if we start with the attack, Korhil and I have to either catch the ball on the breakout or get the ball from ours and only then go on the breakout. After the breakout, we'll have to hold the ball in the enemy half as long as possible while our guys break down the opposition. No I'm not kidding, Kazran said we're going to break them down so the dwarves will be interested in maximizing the damage even if it means losing the chance to score a touchdown. A fairly common tactic of the dwarves is to knock out as many opponents as possible and only then start getting balls into the zone. 

Against Korhil and I, there were only four goblins. Easy job. I even got a little discouraged, but then another psycho with a chainsaw and some goblin with such a nasty face ran onto the field that even the other goblins seemed like champions of moral honor. 

Just as I was about to call the ref to ask what the hell was going on, the goblin handed him a fat wallet. 

- You green bitches. Korhil, get ready for it to be tough. I got these two assholes on me, and you got regular goblins. And just in case, watch your back, I don't like that sneaky-ass motherfucker. - I said to the elf who just nodded and adjusted his helmet.

Goblins took positions and now we were outnumbered 11 to 13. But I think it will only last until the first skid or two. 

- Fyuuuuuuuuuuuuuut! - the referee whistled loudly and the goblin scorer kicked the ball in our direction. 

The clever asshole managed to send the ball into the last third of our half of the field. But Korhil and I had no time for that. A goblin with a chainsaw rushed at me, which I dodged and ran into his cunning colleague. He realized at the last moment that he was my main target and pulled out a spike smeared with some kind of crap and tried to poke me in one of the parts of my body not protected by armor. 

Knowing the sneaky nature of goblins, I turned my body so that the spike hit my breastplate instead of my Rook. The spike was knocked out of the goblin's Rook, and he was confused for a brief moment. That was enough time for me to grab him in a wrestling hold and give him a suplex. Unfortunately, the goblin was as slippery as an eel, so I didn't manage to stamp him into the ground and break his neck or just break his bones. 

- Whee! - The goblin shrieked, shaking its head and half-broken nose. 

My foot was already rising to deliver the killing blow, but the roar of the chainsaw made me jump back. The chainsaw came down to where I was standing, ripping the ground and sinking deeply into it. 

The chainsaw-wielding goblin poured some strange power and like a windmill began to swing his weapon without stopping. Dodging his attacks I had to get dangerously close to the edge of the field, where the spectators were raging. 

- All right, let's take our chances. And whatever happens. - I tilt my body like a bull in a bullfight, provoking the goblin to lunge at me. 

The goblin's eyes were bloodshot from the excitement and desire to kill, and a scream came out of his mouth. He practically jumped at me, raising the chainsaw above his head. When there was less than a meter between us, he lowered his weapon and the teeth of his chainsaw almost touched me, when I made a roll to the side and the goblin due to inertia flew behind the field. 

There the crowd jumped on him and wanted to beat him up for fun, but judging by the infernal roar of the chainsaw the goblin was against it and wanted to get back to the field as soon as possible. 

Quickly looking towards Korhil who was holding back three goblins at once as best he could, the fourth was sitting on the ground and clutching his groin. 

Huh, the lessons of dwarven hand-to-hand combat are paying off. Just because a dwarf is short doesn't mean he can't armor-pierce you in the balls if he can't reach your head. - I think out loud and rush to Korhil's aid. 

Together with him, we take down the goblins quickly enough. But we don't have time to take a break or look around the field, one of our guys runs to our flank with a ball. 

- Baha! Korhil catch! - He tries to make a short pass, and Korhil and I shorten the distance to reduce the chance of a mistake. 

But at the last moment, the tricky goblin I almost blew his nose off intercepts the ball. 

- Korhil! Get him! - I shout, realizing that the bastard can get away from our unlucky comrade-in-arms. 

Korhil sprints toward the goblin, but the distance between them is too great for a guaranteed interception. I sharply pick up the goblin under my feet and throw it toward the tricky freak with the ball. 

No matter how cunning the goblin was, but the sight of a fellow teammate screaming in fear and flying into yours made him confused for a couple of seconds. 

That was enough for Korhil to make a roll and knock him down. Standing up abruptly, he tries to snatch the ball, but because the goblin was in his blind spot due to his missing eye instead of the ball he grabs his half torn off nose and rushes running towards the enemy touchdown zone. 

The sight of the running elf with a screaming and crying in pain goblin clutched by his nose made the spectators' jaws drop. And I was busy keeping a clear corridor for Korhil, three goblins weren't much of a problem, good thing they hadn't recovered from the previous beating. 

Except that we'd forgotten about one of the other green buggers who'd broken free of the fans and lunged with a chainsaw at Korhil, who was too close to the edge of the field. 

Hearing the roar of the chainsaw, Korhil tried to dodge, but the trapped goblin was the factor that ruined everything. I was about to run to save Korhil from getting too close to the chainsaw, but instead of the elf's Rook, it sliced off the goblin's already half severed nose. 

- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!- loudly shouted the cunning goblin, who finally lost his nose, dropping the ball he clutched the bleeding stump. 

His chainsaw-wielding colleague on the other hand apparently didn't have any problem with the fact that he had accidentally cut off the nose of his comrade-in-arms. He tried to tear to pieces the elf lying in front of him, who was rolling around on the ground dodging with all his might. 

Realizing that Korhil's armor might not be able to withstand even a single blow I rushed to his aid. 

- Fuck! Korhil, just hold on for a few more seconds! Э?! What?! - Behind the chainsaw-wielding madman came his colleague, who had his nose cut off and was stabbing him. 

The chainsaw man, having been stabbed in the back, turns around and starts attacking the new enemy. They shout loudly about something, but do not stop fighting among themselves. 

I get behind one of them and ram both of them, making them fly out of the field into the merciless embrace of the spectators. Except that the goblins are locked in a tight clinch and are rolling around on the ground with each other. It was a truly dirty brawl in the best goblin style, bites, scratches, mean kicks and punches. The onlookers surrounding them didn't even think to get into such an interesting brawl themselves and only cheered loudly for the two goblins. 

Waving at them, I run over to Korhil and help him stand up, picking up the ball at the same time. I pass the ball to Korhil, and we run towards the last quarter of the enemy field, waiting for Kazran's command to skid the ball. We calmly fend off a trio of goblins, even as another of their co-commanders runs up to help them. 

So continues for some time, in the center of the field is a real bloodbath. The psycho with the orb has become an unpleasant opponent, but the dwarves have somehow managed to withstand the initial onslaught and are now trying to take him out of the game. The trolls have found their equal opponents in the form of the Treeman alkie and Rook and Bronn. The rest of the dwarves and humans just beat up the goblins trying to draw a good foul as inconspicuously as possible. One goblin was surrounded by about four or five enemies and the famous Piper Perry meme came to me for some reason. 

Korhil and I went into conveyor belt mode beating up the four goblins. It's almost halfway through the match, we're holding our defenses and the dwarves are busy beating up goblins. Apparently this bloody show is the only thing that saves us from the wrath of the crowd for a relatively boring game. Finally Kazran signaled to finish off the goblins and make a touchdown. With a good knee strike to the trapped head I send the goblin into a deep knockout. Just as I was about to straighten up, I heard a scream from behind me. Then there was a sound like a nail through metal, and then a nasty pain in my ass. 

- You asshole! - I made a circular kick with my foot and saw that tricky goblin without a nose flying away from him. 

He had a shiv in his hand and judging by the blood he tried to stab me in the back with it, but the armor saved my back, but I didn't have any protection in the ass area, so sliding down the armor he was able to scratch my buttock. 

- All right, noseless. I'm gonna make you toothless and then armless and legless! - and kick some of his teeth out with a spiked sneaker. 

Resentment for such an unpleasant wound fills me with anger, and I just like a jackhammer start beating the green asshole. Only the roar of the crowd and the referee's loud whistle makes me stop. Apparently, while I was busy venting my anger and resentment, Korhil scored a touchdown. 

- Hey Baha, you okay? - Elf comes running up. 

- I'm fine. You're gonna get your ass kicked by a green punk and you can tell me yourself. Shit, I need to treat the wound, because I don't know what kind of nasty stuff they put on their knives. - I'm writhing in unpleasant pain. 

I cast a glance at the wheezing piece of meat that had been a goblin for only a few minutes. 

- Okay, you've had enough. But for the last time. - I step right over it, making it wheeze and suffer in pain. 

- Phew! Foul! Foul wo... - the halfling referee runs up to me and wants to get a card, but seeing my angry face, which hints that next to the wheezing half-dead goblin may be the same halfling only in a black and white striped shirt decides to shut up and pretend that nothing happened. 

Due to the rather large number of beaten goblins, the enemy team asks for a short timeout. We need to bury one loser and finish off...I mean treat the badly wounded. 

I lie down on the bench and ask them to pour alcohol on my wound. Hissing from the unpleasant pain, I ask the tree to pour a mug of Bugman's pint. He grunts, pours it and hands me the mug. 

- Well, guys, here's to our first touchdown and those rivers of goblin blood! And of course to Korhil! It's his first touchdown! Cheers! - the team supports my toast and begins to fill the cups. 

And so ended the first half. The Goblins have a bunch of players out of the game, but the Trolls are still alive and there's plenty of fresh cannon fodder on the bench. 

And that's a good thing. The dwarves' thirst for revenge doesn't even think about abating. I think Kazran's plan to have no goblins left on the field by the end of the game will be accomplished. And maybe even exceed it, one goblin is definitely dead, and the goblins will not mind to organize his company in the cemetery. 

But what about the trolls? It looks like we can already start creating the first troll barbecue in the style of the Drunken Tree Guards. 

 Judging by the fact that Kazran ordered Rook to light his cigar, I wasn't the only one who thought of cooking a troll in its own juices. 

Heh-heh. Looks like our team will be the creators of a troll fire show. 

Drunken Tree Guards 1 - 0 Shroom-nose.