Chapter XXX: Memories Haunt Me

You know... To be honest, my childhood wasn't easy. I'm referring to my life in the 15th century, but also to my life in the 21st century. I've always been alone, and I believed I would always remain that way. Perhaps on this occasion, I can share some memories from my life.

Let's start with Antonio from the 15th century, as that is important now. As for the one from the 21st century, I might talk about him later...

I was born into a simple family, not noble or royal, that's for sure. As I mentioned when I arrived here, I have memories from the 15th century, so it's a bit strange... At the age of 4, I lost my father. I say "lost" because my father remarried a woman much younger than him. Even from a young age, I lacked that male role model, having only my mother and grandmother as role models. The only thing that took me away from the daily life of a rural family was my closeness to the Church.

I was just 9 years old when I became an altar boy at the local church. However, people seemed to like me, especially the elderly ladies who visited the church almost daily. There weren't many children attending church except during Easter, so I learned not to rely on my peers but on adults. The priest, who was quite old at 60 years old at that time, always took me aside and helped me with various things. Sometimes he would give me sweets, other times he would teach me to sing, and he also taught me how to assist with various tasks for the Church, among other things.

One day in August, the priest came to me and asked if I wanted to go to the seminary. I really wanted that. I had been reading the Bible and other theological books since the age of 10, so that wasn't a problem. With my mother and grandmother's consent and support, I entered the seminary. A few days before entering the seminary, my priest was replaced, which saddened me deeply because I was losing the only male role model I had in my life.

At the age of 14, I entered the minor seminary and learned the foundations of faith and theology. I can say that I was quite antisocial with my classmates, which didn't give me much chance to make close friends. However, considering that most of my classmates followed me to university, I can say that I formed some sort of friendship with them only then.

The only thing I remember from my time in high school, the seminary where I studied until the age of 18, is that I was the librarian and it was there that my love for books and culture grew. However, something usually happened during my time as a librarian... Something not very pleasant, if I may say.

Usually, despite being somewhat antisocial, I enjoyed doing various services for my classmates, so that's what I did, especially during my time as a librarian...

Let me tell you just one of the incidents: It was a beautiful day in May, and the heat was overwhelming. My classmates had gone outside to do various tasks while I had to stay in the library and study.

On days like these, usually Saturdays, even though I was exempted from physical work, I still had to clean up the library. At least that's what I called it, my workplace.

As I approached the library door, I heard muffled moans and different voices from inside.

"Wait a minute..."

"If you don't be quiet, someone will hear us..."

"Who would hear us? Antonio? Plus, everyone else is working outside..."

I entered with a certain fear of what I would see, but I couldn't leave my task unfinished. To my surprise, two of my classmates were "having fun" together, while one of them was performing oral sex on the other.

"Um, excuse the interruption, but what are you doing here?"

"Antonio, can't you see what we're doing here? Are you really that inexperienced?"

"Um, I've never seen anything like this before... Especially, what is Michael doing there?"

"What is he doing... He's getting his daily dose of calcium..."

Then an idea came to me... Such things were unacceptable, but only the class president and I had the key to the library, both being librarians. So, I thought of making the class president an offer he couldn't refuse.

"You know, even though it's against the rules, I could cover for you... You know... I would need a favor from you in return..."

"R-Really? I wouldn't have thought you were so protective. Probably because you've never talked to us, even though we've known each other for over a year... So, do you want to join, or-"

"No way. Although I don't agree with this, if you promise to clean up after you're done, I'll pretend nothing happened..."

"Seriously, well... That sounds promising... What do you say, Michael?"

Michael, considering he was occupied with the lower part of the class president's body, named Joseph, only nodded, which made Joseph slightly uncomfortable.

"Well, it's done... How much time do you need? An hour, two hours? Please factor in the cleaning time as well..."

"An hour and a half would be fine. Thank you, Antonio!"

"You're welcome... Actually, thank you..."

Michael tried to thank me, but all he did was smile, looking into my eyes. M-My body must have a problem... I hope it's nothing serious, though.

I guess a description of the two of them would be quite fitting. Joseph was 17 years old at that time, and he was in the 10th grade, so he was a year older than me. He was one of the tallest in the class, standing around 6'1" (1.85m). With coal-black hair and eyes as blue as the ocean, he had captured the hearts of everyone in our seminary...almost everyone. I was the only one who wasn't in love with him because I had only felt that kind of love for my mother, grandmother, and my priest, whom I held filial affection for.

On the other hand, Michael was a bit different from Joseph. He was quite short for his age, also 17, with a height of 5'7" (1.70m), which made him much shorter than Joseph. With his blond hair and green eyes, he also had a certain level of popularity in school. He was more of the cute type, compared to Joseph who was more of the handsome type, attracting everyone's attention. The way he knew what he was doing made me feel embarrassed, especially since Michael wasn't the type of person who seemed to have such thoughts... However, this didn't happen just once.

After I returned after an hour and a half, everything was clean. Cleaner than I would have done myself. However, Michael was still there.

"Antonio, did you enjoy what you saw?"

"I-I'm not the type to be moved by such scenes, so I don't think so... Anyway, as a future priest, I have to get used to solitude, you know?"

"Oh, come on... Don't be ridiculous... By the way, I think that just cleaning up isn't enough since you let us have fun in the library, right?"

"Well, yes... Now, if you excuse me-"

"No, don't excuse yourself... Antonio, why are you different from the others?"

"I-I'm not, it's just that-"

I couldn't finish my sentence because Michael pushed me, causing me to hit the back of the library desk. Well, he tried to "help" me as he did with Joseph, but I completely refused and started crying.

"Hm, it seems like you're not ready yet, huh? Well, if you ever get ready, you know where to find me, right?"

"Y-Yes... Anyway, I think you should leave. You know, our classmates will get suspicious if they don't see you outside..."

"It's all done outside... Anyway, see you around... And thanks for covering for us..."

"I-It's nothing. Really..."

However, the incidents repeated themselves, and I always covered for them... Most of the time, they were the actors, but sometimes there were others whom I covered for, thus gaining the trust of my classmates. Honestly, the library was always clean without me lifting a finger.

Time continued its course until the 11th grade when I found out that the priest who had raised me... had passed away. I was so devastated that I became even more depressed than before... But there's nothing I can do... I can't bring him back. That's how it is...

Time passed, and we graduated, with me being second in the class. Joseph was first, and Michael was third. Well, it seems like we all graduated at the top of the class. Amidst everyone's applause, we delivered our farewell speeches, promising to see each other again at the university.

Some went their separate ways, but one thing is certain... The three of us remained classmates at university. However, things changed there...

My mother found her soulmate and left me, leaving me in the care of my aunt and grandmother. At some point, though, due to the high costs demanded by the school, my aunt abandoned me, and I ended up sleeping in the church or in the homes of people who adored me since I was a child.

The new priest had so much trust in me that he allowed me to preach during the Mass, and the people, upon learning of my situation, helped me with money and a roof over my head when they could. The nobles, in particular, were keen on supporting a future priest during that period. Everything went well, but I was becoming increasingly lonely. That is until...

"Antonio, what happened to your face?"

"Hm, it's nothing... My aunt came home drunk last night and beat me... Anyway, the money I receive as a guardian for a nobleman's son is not enough for her, and-"

"Wait, what? That can't happen! Would you like to come to my place? You know, I'm alone with my parents, and-"

"I wouldn't want to bother you. Besides, your noble parents wouldn't welcome someone like me into their house..."

"No, they actually accepted it when I told them last night. Well, what do you say? Do you want to come with me?"

"I-If you want... Anyway, I'm sorry, but I don't even know your name..."

"Oh, my name is Julius, pleased to meet you..."

"S-Sure..."

Joseph and Michael noticed that I was talking to Julius, so they became suspicious...

"Hey, Antonio!"

"What is it, Joseph?"

"Hm, are you talking to nobles now?"

"It's none of your business... Anyway, it's not what you think... I'm not like you or Michael..."

"Too bad... Even though you look amazing with that god-like body of yours and it makes me jealous, still, remember... No noble will ever want to-"

"I wouldn't agree either... I have principles..."

"Says the one who stays in other people's homes and gets beaten by his aunt, right?"

"Joseph, what's your problem with me?"

"I told you... I'm jealous of your body. I feel like punishing and destroying you, but for your help back in high school, I'll let you be..."

"Joseph, what are you doing here?" intervened Julius.

"Nothing... Anyway, I'm leaving..."

In the following years, I stayed in Julius' house until graduation. A few days before graduation, Julius got drunk, especially since his parents weren't home.

"Antonio, I love him..."

"Wait, you're in love with a man?"

"Yes... Do you know Claudius, who is one year younger than us?"

"Yes, why?"

"I love him, but he doesn't even notice me. Plus, he's so puritanical that he won't even touch his penis with his bare hands... He's worse than you..."

"Haha... So, I'm a point of comparison, huh?"

"Yes... You're nothing like your former classmates..."

"I know..."

"Why are you so pure? Don't you know that it doesn't matter anymore?"

"I know, but I'm afraid. Plus, with how I look, no one would want to be with me, don't you think?"

"It's not about looks, Antonio... You're the most handsome guy in the whole university, and everyone here would want you. It's about your personality... You're antisocial, and that's a turn-off... You know that, right?"

A few days later, we were ordained as priests. I will tell you later about my ordination and the events that took place during those days...