Chapter XXII: Rome is much lonelier without you
Cesare's POV:
I don't know what has happened to me... Ever since last night when I made love to Antonio, I feel strange... Extremely strange.
"Cesare, it's time to pay!" a voice echoed.
"Wait, what? I haven't done anything... Who are you?"
"I am Azazel... Well, since I cannot possess Antonio, I will possess you, his weakness..."
Why is this happening to me? I love Antonio... No... I adore him... I can't wait to tell him that I am Cardinal Cesare, make him my secretary, and keep him by my side until the end. No, it can't be. I feel something taking control of my body...
(Meanwhile, the events from Chapters XVI and XVII unfolded).
I finally woke up... Wait, where is Antonio?
"Sister Caterina, where is Antonio? Have you seen him today?"
"Your Eminence, I hope you don't get upset, but Father Antonio has gone to Wallachia..."
"How?! It can't be... Catch up with him. Bring him back to me... It can't be... Antonio..."
I will go to my father and tell him everything and beg him to do something. I hope this time he will help me find Antonio and bring him back to the Vatican.
"Father... I need your help!"
"You need my help? Consider yourself an orphan for what you did to Antonio..."
"Wait, what did I do? What have I done?"
"You fucked him like the last prostitute in a brothel, and when he wanted to leave, you threatened to burn him at the stake... Cesare, Antonio is in danger with you..."
"No... It's not true. Father, I love him-"
I can't believe my father just hit me. I can't believe I hurt Antonio... I don't deserve to live for this. I can't live without him. Two weeks ago, I was different, and he changed me for the better. I was planning to give up my whole previous life and make everything go back to normal... Now all I can do is mourn his departure... However, I was able to talk to one of Rome's painters to have his portrait made. It's the only thing I have left of him now...
Antonio, why did you leave? Why did you leave me alone? Rome is so lonely without you... The only thing that reminds me of you is this painting, the icon of my soul that has now disappeared.
I tried to fall asleep, but it seems futile. I can't sleep alone now... I can only try not to think about anything, but it's all in vain... Antonio! Antonio! I think it would be best to end my life, so I won't be so heartbroken over losing him...
That's what I decided to do. I decided to take my own life, and the next day, I headed to the seaside. At least the sea would carry my body, and no one would hear my screams in the night anymore...
I was about to jump when someone from behind stopped me.
"Antonio, is that you?"
"N-No... Brother, snap out of it... You've never tried to commit suicide after any past relationship of yours. Why would you do it now?"
"Juan, it's none of your business... You'll never understand..."
"Brother, here's what... I will try to talk to some of the young ladies at tonight's ball to meet with you. Come on, Cesare, snap out of it!"
"No... I can't live without him!"
"Oh, it's a 'him'? Well, that changes things... I'll talk to some of the boys who serve at the Pope's altar, and everything will be sorted. Just tell me what he looks like..."
"Juan, won't you even let me kill myself?"
"No, I can't let my older brother, the pride of our family, become a drifting corpse. Come on, snap out of it..."
In the end, the suicide thing was too simple, and it would have been cowardly of me to do it, so I gave up... For now. However, for a week, I couldn't fulfill my daily duties, including celebrating the Mass or other ecclesiastical responsibilities.
"Cesare, snap out of it! If you don't, at least don't sadden the whole family. Come on, go to a monastery, stay until you recover, and then come back to work. You're a cardinal, for heaven's sake..." my father, Pope Alexander, told me.
"But, father... Antonio..."
"Antonio is fine... He became an ecclesiastical judge in his country, and the bishop reconciled with him, and they are friends... Is there anything else you want to know?"
"Really... I'm glad that Antonio finally has a rank in the Church. By the way, how do you know all this?"
"How? From the bishop's secretary, Marcus, my former student..."
"I see... Alright... Oh, tomorrow is Sunday, so..."
"So you need to snap out of it and lead the ceremony..."
I fell asleep happily, thinking that Antonio is better off without me or the doors I would have opened for him in Rome. What matters is that he has a rank in the Church now and is no longer just a priest, as he used to call himself.
The next day, I officiated the Mass alongside the Pope, and afterward, I went to have a meal at my favorite restaurant. I remember the last time I ate here with Antonio... How good I felt back then, before... It doesn't matter anymore. I ordered my usual meal, some pasta with sauce, and after paying, I went for a walk in Rome. Rome seemed so lonely, even though it was crowded with people. The bustling squares filled with cheerful people dancing and singing made me nervous and agitated. I quickened my pace toward home and tried to forget everything I saw in the city. Everything went fine until I received a visit from my father.
"Father, what's going on?"
"I received a letter from Marcus... It seems that Antonio's bishop was killed by a vampire..."
"A vampire? Father, those things only exist in myths, not in reality..."
"I know that, but it seems to be true... He also told me that he saved Antonio from death... Or rather... he resurrected Antonio."
"Wait... Are you saying that Antonio..."
"He's fine now... Anyway, he has forgotten about you and doesn't want to see you ever again..."
"But it's not my fault for that... It was..."
"He doesn't hate you for that. He hates you because you didn't tell him who you are..."
"If I had told him, do you think he wouldn't have hated me? It was inevitable to happen, don't you think?"
"Cesare, do you still care about Antonio?"
"Of course I do... Yesterday, I wanted to commit suicide, but Juan stopped me..."
"Wait, what? Have you gone mad? Anyway... The bishop's funeral is on Thursday, so I'm sending you as my delegate. You will celebrate the Funeral Mass, and you will see Antonio again..."
"C-Can I send a letter to Antonio?"
"Of course, you can, and believe me... When Rome sends something, it is almost guaranteed to arrive within a day..."
Alright... Paper, check. Ink, check. Quill, check. Envelope, check. So, let's begin.
"My dear Antonio... No. Scratch that. My beloved from afar... No! I think it's better if I remain objective, right?"
"Cardinal Cesare to Priest Antonio...
I hope you are well and haven't forgotten about me yet. My soul longs for you like a freshwater fountain in the desert. Loneliness overwhelms me, along with the fear that something might happen to you. I have heard, as has the entire Church, about the death of Bishop Ignatius, your bishop, and I believe his death is retribution for the dishonor he brought upon you. I have also heard that you have been appointed as an ecclesiastical judge, bringing divine justice to the people of your country. I wish to inform you that I have been sent by my father, Pope Alexander, to be present at Bishop Ignatius' funeral, and I can't wait to see you.
With love, a lonely soul, Cesare Cardinal Borgia.
P.S. I hope you don't forget how much I love you, okay?"
I feel so foolish that I don't even want to send it... It doesn't even matter. I'll go to the bathroom, and maybe then I'll send it.
After I finished in the bathroom, I looked for the envelope with the letter, but... it was gone...
"Sister Caterina, have you seen a sealed envelope on the table?"
"Yes, I already sent it to the responsible person to send it..."
"What? What have you done?"
"What's wrong? Wasn't I supposed to?"
"W-Well, yes... I don't know... Oh, it doesn't matter anymore... The important thing is for it to reach the recipient and for the recipient not to hate me as much as I think he will..."
On Tuesday morning, I decided to leave for Wallachia... I don't know what will happen with Antonio when he sees me, so... I'll just have to wait and see what unfolds...