1 Ch 1

I aware….i'm just a character. A side character for other. But for myself, i'm a real protagonist. To lead my story ahead…..it depends on me, on my decision, on my work.

The thing what i'm thinking cannot be told or felt by other. It is inside me.

Even it's my life, even i have a right to become the master of my own density but sometime… something cannot let me be. And becomes inverse. And plays with me, controls me as i am his puppet. He erases what i have written and coercion me to write what he wants.

It hurts but i need to keep my mouth shut, i can't express it apperently. Same time, it dulating inside.

Whether i do wrong or not, they do not judge it. They skip it and directly punish me. I am feeble. I am dumb. I am idiot. Cannot speak out for own. I just know to tremble, scare, obey and stay under their palm. It presses me.

"You should not have leave me that soon." I lift my right hand up and place it on. "I need you mamma." Along with, a tear drips.

"It's been ten years you left." I gaze at her grave. "I still have a good memory of you singing a birthday song for me." My tone is changing in weeping sound.

"I will turn eighteen tomorrow." I sob with runny nose. "You don't have to worry. I'm adult now."

"This world is vast." The tear is blurring my vista. It is dulled. "But i cannot breathe out thorough." Again my voice cracks with emotion and tear, becoming a small whisper. "I miss you mamma."

I feel a buzz on my bag which is sitting on my lap. So i do to check inside it and find a message on a phone.

I wipe my tear. Then get up from the ground. "I have to go now... If they know i am here, they will hurt me again." Waving the hand on air, i leave her and that place.

I am walking on a street. On left side of the road. The night falls really fast i guess. My feets are determined to reach home as soon as i can. But my body is in hurt. The pain is felt in every part of my body. As i attemp to fly my feet fast, it produces a burning sensation especially in my left arm and left leg.

"Ah.." I unable to endure anymore. Therefore i take a rest on the sided bench which is made for public. I bent down for a clear examination of the condition of my wound.

"Will it bleed again?" I ask myself whereas i see the wound is opened a bit.

I should not delay. I have to go home. He is alone in the house. I think and clench my fist. And begin the feet stepping ahead.

I become more tense while my legs are loosing its balance. I fear of getting punishment. The last time punishment had wounded me badly and still has not healed yet. I am afraid of suffering.

When you are afraid, the thing which frightened you the most, spin overall on your mind. It is also occuring with me.

Before they went out from town cause of their work, the day before they left, i was punished.

"Why you come home late?" Dad stroke me by his belt. Without pausing three times in a row and in a same place. My leg had became numb and kneeled down infront of an aggressive man. From the man all that escaped its throat was a guttural growl.

Left leg was bleeding. I was bowed. I was kneeling mute. I did not dare though. Meanwhile an woman yelled from behind. "What shit did you buy this?" She threw and it hit on my back head. I prevented myself from hitting my head on the floor through left hand.

"All you know is to spend money." She growled again.

"It is needed for my study." I said from an inner voice.

"Now you learns to mouthing too. You shit." Again he hit in forceful evicted and deliberately. Pain. I was in pain. My eyes were drolling tears unconciously. But was no gut to fight back. The sob was passing down the throat typacilly in an attemped to restrain my horrable condition and made no sound. Because it was not going to work out on him.

"You should thankful to her that she has been tolerating you these all years." Dad shouted in hoarse wisphered. "And has not thrown you out yet unlike other's step mother."

His mean, i should be happy…..to have her as mother. I rouse my eyes a bit and saw a boy was staring at me. His eyes were filled by anger, it seemed. He surely hate me. After all, i am his step brother. Why dad loves him while i am his biological son but not he.