RABBIT 20: In Defence of Choice

At that moment, I thought only the threads sowed within would be left holding my body together. Asking a question, while knowing the answer… is there anything more difficult and humiliating?

Kobayashi Amano: "...What do we do now?"

Kuro: "You know what." he quickly replied, sparing no time for arguing.

Kobayashi Amano: "Itogaya-san…" I'd call, hoping to turn the situation around with his input. But before he could even answer-

Kuro: "They made their choice."

It wasn't like I could dispute his words… because he wasn't wrong. I understood that - I understood that, and yet…

Itogaya: "I agree, with Kuro-kun." sighed the tired doctor. "If we weren't able to convince them, then there isn't anything we can do now."

Kobayashi Amano: "Ishimasu-san's just a child… of course we're not going to convince her. But that doesn't mean we can just leave her-"

Itogaya-san pulled back the apartment door, the noisy creaking overtaking my own thoughts.

Itogaya: "I understand, Kobayashi-kun… but we're running out of choices to make. We can't continue like this."

Kobayashi Amano: "And if I go after them, you'll still leave?"

That question too should have been met with an obvious answer, but in spite of his dismissive behaviour, I was confident Itogaya-san could change his mind.

If the altercation with the fox is evidence, then maybe I can convince him through my actions, not my words.

Itogaya: "It won't end like before." he stated with near indifference. "It won't."

yet he added, emphasising his disdain towards my thoughts.

Kobayashi Amano: "So come with me, Itogaya-san. Don't leave it to me, just like before."

His eyes closed shut, as he stood within the door's frame. Behind those closed eyelids, what could he see besides utter darkness?

Kobayashi Amano: "...I get it. I understand. You don't want to die." that much was obvious; I didn't need to spell it out for them, but… "neither do they." that much should have been clear, too. "They're just selfless, or maybe stupid enough to think about others before themselves."

Kobayashi Amano: "I'm not saying their way of thinking is right, but… I don't want anyone else to die, either."

Kuro: "So you'll die for them?" interjected the dejected boy.

Kobayashi Amano: "I don't… I don't plan on dying."

Kuro: "It's a possibility. A higher possibility than if you were to leave this town now."

Kuro-san began leaning against the apartment wall, likely realising we weren't leaving anytime soon. He too couldn't afford to leave with the way things were going.

Kobayashi Amano: "Are you asking why?"

Kuro: "Not understanding isn't the issue. The issue is; are you fine with putting their lives above your own?" he spoke without interest, a cold air exiting his mouth as he did so.

Kobayashi Amano: "That's not what I'm doing." I argued, "if we can escape this town with higher numbers, that'll be to our advantage."

Kuro: "That's if you can convince them to leave, or even find them. They could be dead, already."

Kobayashi Amano: "I get that you haven't any faith in them, but if we can come to an agreement, I'm sure they'll join us."

Itogaya: "Yes, maybe." Itogaya-san suddenly re-entered, "but you're missing the point, Kobayashi-kun."

Kobayashi Amano: "Then explain the point."

Itogaya: "We have only one chance. It's the end if we choose wrong."

Ah, yeah… that's right. I mean, I did say it myself… we're all scared of dying, but… if we die again, that really is it, isn't it? We don't get a second chance.

"They made their choice."

They did. They chose to push that final chance aside for someone else.

"We're running out of choices."

But why do you think that? Is it because you're now understanding just how scary death is? That, as you said; it's the end.

The end… if this is our final chance; if the wrong choice leads us to that end… then what can we do?

'Kuro-san and Itogaya-san are separate from everyone else, because they aren't willing to push that final chance aside.'

…That's wrong.

There is someone; someone who's the same as them.

Someone who, despite all refusal to, puts his life on the line for others.

Ishimasu Kanana: "Daikubara-san? Daikubara-san!" The small girl cried out again and again, desperately clinging to a response from the motionless man.

Michifuku: "He keeps slipping in and out of consciousness… I, I don't know… what to do." Those words were forced out of her mouth, through the coughing and tears. "I can't get him out… I can't leave him."

Daikubara-san lay firmly against the basement's colourless wall, his shirt bagging over the bandages cloaked around his waist. The decision to stuff them in her pocket had clearly paid off.

But even from afar, it was obvious his injuries were unapproachable.

Konsako Akihi: "We need to get him to Itogaya-sensei, right now!" I yelled as I fought for balance, painfully rushing down the steps.

Michifuku: "K-Konsako-kun?"

Konsako Akihi: "He's still alive, he's still breathing, isn't he? So we can save him- we can save him, can't we?!"

Michifuku: "Mm, right!" she abruptly shouted back to me, finally being dragged back to the fray.

Ishimasu Kanana: "Aniki, you came…?"

I'm not intelligent. I'm not a smart person. There's frighteningly little I know about a lot of things. I could only add basic first-aid to that growing list. But having watched those guys over the last few hours, I think I'll at least be able to wing it. At the very least, at the very very least… I have to do something, and I will do something.

Konsako Akihi: "Where was he hurt?" I demanded from the shivering Michifuku-san.

Michifuku: "Um, he was… stabbed, in the stomach or side, and the back too. And I think his leg's broken." she stuttered over her words.

Konsako Akihi: "With what?"

Michifuku: "A knife - the rabbit did it…"

Konsako Akihi: "T-The rabbit?" I could only let out; because if this was the rabbit, then… was I… did I-

Michifuku: "Konsako-kun?!"

Konsako Akihi: "S-Sorry, um… okay. I'll get Itogaya-sensei."

Ishimasu Kanana: "Eh? I can do that, aniki! You stay here-"

Konsako Akihi: "No, you shouldn't be here in the first place… it's too risky." I said without hesitation, in an attempt to shut down her pleading.

Ishimasu Kanana: "You can't!" she cried in frustration. "Your leg's all messed up!"

But that doesn't matter, because… because-

Michifuku: "I'll go, Konsako-kun. We don't have time to argue." she spoke, seemingly coming down from the pressure she had felt moments before.

Almost hysterically, I begged her to wait for even a moment.

Konsako Akihi: "I don't want you to get hurt either."

Michifuku: "I don't care… I couldn't leave before, even though I wanted to. So please, don't try to stop me."

And without another word, she sprinted up the steps carelessly, and swung around the corner towards the apartment's exit.

Konsako Akihi: "Damnit… okay, okay… Ishimasu-chan…" I panted and panted. "Help keep pressure on the wounds. I'm sure the blood has stopped, but… just in case-"

Ishimasu-chan grabbed the loose, soft fabric of my longcoat and tugged on it, demanding my attention. But I couldn't focus.

Why did I even argue? Why did I let them convince me otherwise? If I had gotten here sooner. If Itogaya-sensei or Kuro-san got here sooner. Then maybe… maybe he'd be okay-

Daikubara: "Kid… shut up. You're doing my head in." he deeply groaned.

Konsako Akihi: "Daikubara-san… you-"

Daikubara: "Uhuh…" miserable sounds left his body as he battled to stay awake.

Konsako Akihi: "Just… hold on." I said without caution, "we're getting you help."

Ishimasu Kanana: "Daikubara-san, I'm here too! Daikubara-san!"

Daikubara: "I can tell…"

In these two hours, what had he been exposed to? How deep were his wounds? Did they hit any organs?

The rabbit… why was it even here? No, when was it here?

Because if I had any part to play in this… if the rabbit was here because of me…

Then how could I ever forgive myself?

…

Ishimasu Kanana: "Why did you come… Akihi-aniki?" my thoughts were interrupted.

Konsako Akihi: "I… just had to make sure you were safe."

Ishimasu Kanana: "Okay…"

I stood still, looking down at the unmoving Daikubara-san, who was tended to by the small girl.

Ishimasu Kanana: "Not cus' you wanted to stop me?" she asked slowly. "Cus' you didn't believe in me?"

Konsako Akihi: "No… I don't know."

Ishimasu Kanana: "You were gonna stop me, weren't you?"

Konsako Akihi: "...Yeah."

Ishimasu Kanana: "Why?"

Konsako Akihi: "Because I didn't want you to get hurt."

Ishimasu Kanana: "You won't let me do anything… I can't even be useful, cus' you'll just stop me."

Konsako Akihi: "...Yeah."

It's selfish. It's far too selfish. But… I'll continue being this way. Even if she hates me for it, even if she feels suffocated… it's fine. Because she can't die, not again. None of them can.

I'll just keep doing my best, no matter what… because this is our final chance.

There are those who act purely on instinct, and those who act on logic. Those who move before thinking, and those who think before moving. Those who hesitate, and those who don't.

Konsako-san is undoubtedly someone who'll act on instinct; without thinking, without hesitating. On the other hand, Kuro-san is someone who'll act on logic; thinking, hesitating.

Or, is that right?

Maybe at first glance, that's what you'd expect from them; that's what you'd expect from anyone. To be one or the other; to be someone who thinks and someone who moves.

But it isn't that simple. It isn't black and white.

Our situation demands adaptation through change. If you fail to change, you'll fall behind. They just haven't realised it yet, or rather, they might not want to. But I've realised it.

What Daikubara-san, Itogaya-san and Kuro-san have in common… is that given the right time, the right situation, the right purpose… they too won't hesitate to risk everything.

So, when will it happen?

Kuro: "We need to leave." he said, stepping out of the room.

Itogaya: "Kobayashi-kun."

Kobayashi Amano: "Wait," I demanded, "we aren't done talking yet."

Kuro: "I am."

In his attempt to shut me down, Kuro-san headed towards the stairs, his feet knocking against the steps.

Itogaya: "This isn't up for debate anymore. We won't get so lucky this time."

Kobayashi Amano: "It wasn't luck that saved me. It was your choice to come back."

Itogaya: "Maybe so, or maybe I decided that losing another person wouldn't benefit us."

Kobayashi Amano: "Isn't that enough? If you can understand that, then-"

Itogaya: "I know." the doctor calmly spoke. "I know. I understand, but I can't. Not anymore."

Kobayashi Amano: "...If so, are you planning on stopping me?"

He stood, silent, unblinking.

Itogaya: "Even if I tried, what good could this battered body do?"

It's expected from you, doctor… but it's not what I want to hear.

Almost there, seconds from leaving-

Kuro: "...Are you coming or not?"

Kobayashi Amano: "I just want to talk, just for one minute at least."

I moved past him, planting my feet at the final step leading to the door. But he wasn't interested. He walked past me, and I hadn't the energy to keep up.

Kobayashi Amano: "Wait." I pleaded.

Kuro: "Wait for what?" his callous voice asked. "What are you waiting for?"

Searching for the answers in my mind, I spoke.

Kobayashi Amano: "We don't know when this game will end. We don't know where the exit is, or how far we'll have to go to find it."

Kobayashi Amano: "If it's just us three… if we have to face obstacles far more difficult than we already have, how can we expect to survive?"

Kobayashi Amano: "It isn't about saving them. It isn't about adhering to their stupid naivety."

Kobayashi Amano: "We can't survive without them, whether you want to accept that or not."

Kuro: "I never asked them to die." he replied, in his own way of confirming he knew - he knew exactly what I meant.

Kobayashi Amano: "I know." I said, placing my tired feet on the hall floor.

Kobayashi Amano: "So let's make sure they don't, that way they can still be useful."

He held strongly onto the door handle, hesitant to let go.

Itogaya: "Mm, well… we'd have to make sure they don't get carried away this time." the voice behind me spoke.

Kuro: "..." and, his grip let go the slightest amount, before pulling the handle down and the door towards him.

Kuro: "I'm not going to die for them."

Kobayashi Amano: "They won't ask you to."

That's right; none of us has the right to, anyway. We're here because we died, we can't expect others to die because of that.

But there are some of us stupid enough to think the opposite for themselves.

"I'll protect them, even if I die."

In this situation, what could be more ironic than fighting to die?