1 ~1~

Today was the 4th of June. The weather was so hot and harsh against my pale skin. I dragged my feet on the dry floor with scattered dry leaves on it, my throat was so dry and hurting.

I was feeling uncomfortable and was seriously sweating but I knew I'd get home soon. I had just visited the orphanage and was on my way home.

I and Alexandria would always go to the orphanage every Thursday, and on Friday, we'd go to the nearby park eating ice cream and talking about school stuffs because we never want to be far away from each other but now that she's gone and we've moved to a new place, I'm going on my own because it makes me feel like she's with me and also makes me feel alive, somehow.

I had no friends or no I didn't want to have any friends. I could see my house a few blocks away and with that I started jogging. I panted with my hands on my knees when I got to the door.

A front door that couldn't accommodate myself and my mom together only if we walked in one after the other. I unlocked the door, I have a spare key, same with my mom. I got in, my mom wasn't home because she was at work but she would be back soon and Bliss, my cat, was sitting at a corner in the living room. She was always playful when she was younger but now she's just so quiet.

I sighed, furnishings were cheap, the walls were cream-painted, a 45 inch tv staring at me, surrounded by three mustard yellow couch. I turned to Bliss and walked into the kitchen where I placed my brown bag on the counter. I quickly opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of cold water, uncorking it before emptying it content in my mouth. I glanced at Bliss and she meowed immediately

"Hey" I dropped the empty bottle on the counter and carried her "I'm so sorry I left you alone, you missed me?"

I scratched her fur gently and she purrs. I smiled and dropped her before going to get her milk. I poured it for her and she started licking. I went upstairs after seeing Bliss was happy.

My dad brought Bliss home on my fifteenth birthday. She was so cute and adorable. I loved to talk to her and carry her about then but now I feel I'm distancing myself away from her and since she's getting mature, she's always on her sit spot staring. She's not the noisy Bliss I knew anymore.

I dashed in my room, small with clean white walls, white plastic window frame and thin green shap carpet. The green curtains drawn to it sides and a hanging basket with bags beside my window. The twin bed by the wall near the door, a desk beside my bed with my books, laptop and chargeable lamp on it and a sliding closets opposite my bed with a large mirror in front of the closet door. I removed my clothes before entering the bathroom. The bathroom door was four steps away from my closet.

The bathroom could be described as somewhat dilapidated. The walls cream paint were peeling off, the floors were made of dull brown tiles . There was no bath but instead a shower. A mirror opposite my shower and toilet with two sinks having my bathroom soap, brush, paste and my face moisturizers on it.

I stared at the scar on my left arm, it was like a tattoo, ever since the unforgettable incident were I had burnt my left arm. The burnt part had already healed and now it has left a scar. A scar I wasn't ready to show anyone. I switched on the shower and stayed in it for a while before coming out. I was still hot so I went back to shower again. I was feeling much better after I had showered for the second time.

I stepped out of the shower after feeling better and dried myself before wearing a bubble vest with baggy sport jacket and a harem pant, my reason for wearing a jacket was because of my scar, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I sat on my bed and brought out my diary from my drawer. I opened it to a blank page and positioned my pen as I started writing

"Hello Alexandria, alot has happened and I'm sorry for not always updating you. As you know I'm done with high school and I'd be starting college soon. But for the main time that I'd be at home, my mom suggested I start attending dance classes, so I am. I just came back from the orphanage and guess what, remember Charlotte, the girl I wrote that she looks like you has been adopted. I'm so happy for her, she always wanted a family and now she has found one. So many new faces at the orphanage but they are fond of me. I'm starting to love little kids and I can now endure it when they cry. I miss you. I need to go now, my dance class starts by 5 and it's ten minutes to 5. I love you.

Bianca

Charlotte was this little girl I barely know, we didn't get along well at first but later we became friends and all she ever wanted was a family to cherish, adore and care for her, now that she has gotten it. I'm happy for her

I dropped my pen and kept my diary in the drawer. I stood up and started looking for my sneakers

"Bianca" my mom called out

"Mom, I'm in my room"

"Oh! Okay, can you come downstairs, please"

I sighed before heading downstairs

"What?"

"Come on, sit" she held me and forced me to sit as she sat

She sighed before she began

"Bianca, you really need to stop visiting the orphanage"

"Why?" I asked

"Because you need to move on, that was why we changed our location, if you continue I fear someone might find out everything"

I was silent for a while

"But you know the reason why I go?" I asked and she started crying

"I know, but you really need to move on, you are my only child and me seeing you alone makes me happy but my once jovial daughter isn't jovial anymore"

"She was my best friend" I cried out

"I know, I know dear and I know if she was here, she'd tell you to move on. Now you need to move on and focus on college. No one knows us here, we need to live happily. Melinda loaned me some money"

"What did you do mom?"

"Baby it's for your studies, I'm willing to go any length for you"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I said in a whisper

"Because you'd not allow me, you've been the one sending yourself to school and I did nothing, now I'm taking my responsibility back from you as a mother. I shall provide all your needs from now on"

"Mom this is gonna be the second year we've been living here and we barely know her and the amount she loaned you, how are we going to pay her back?"

"Don't worry dear, just go prepare for your dance class, we'd talk when you're back and remember try to be nice to people" she pecked my forehead before going upstairs

I checked my time and saw I was two minutes late. I ran upstairs and couldn't find my sneakers, where did I drop it was what I asked myself

"Mom did you see my sneakers?" I shouted

"It's downstairs by the door" she shouted back

I ran downstairs and wore my sneakers

"Mom I'm gone" I shouted

"Be good"

"Love you" I said and didn't bother to hear her reply before running off

I was already five minutes late, I've never been late ever since I started going for dance classes. I waited for the bus and I rushed in, immediately the monitor beeped, I went to sit at an empty space. I was continually tapping my legs on the floor until we got to the second bus stop. I dropped and started running, I was good at running though so it wasn't a problem to me. My favourite subject back at high school was Physical Education. I just loved it and I didn't know why, I was already 15 minutes late.

I passed the first building which was a coffee shop, the second which was a mini supermarket and the third which was where my dance class was. I dashed in and went to the reception desk, wrote my name and checked in. I could start to hear music from the second floor. I opened the door and tried to join the crowd but the music stopped

"Late" the dance instructor said

" I-I'm so-I'm so sorry" I stammered

Everyone was staring at me and I looked away shyly. Normally I'm a very shy person but I don't want people to know so I sometimes act bold and actually end up regretting it

"Don't be late again" he smiled and I nodded

I went to stand beside a girl, her eyes were hazel coloured like and her full, pouty lips were painted nude, her long hair was light brown colored and fell in waves over her back and shoulder stopping at her hips, she was dressed in a hot pink bikini shirt and dark fitted jean ripped in the front with a black sneakers. Although she looked new in the dance class but she was beautiful. I looked away when she turned to look at me with a smiling face.

The song was back on and the two who were dancing when I walked in started again. The song we were dancing to was "worth it" by "fifth harmony". We had practiced for weeks and today we were dancing to it while our dance instructor watched. The girls were so good and we all started hailing, normally I don't hail but my mom's words made me do so, I didn't want to disappointed her so I started hailing too

"Wow!" the girl beside me exclaimed

I looked at her and looked away, thinking she was referring to those who were dancing

"I've never seen you like this" she shouted since the music was so loud

I wanted to ignore her but my mom's words

"Let's just say I'm happy" I smiled

"I've been attending this class for a week now and to be honest I was scared of you" the British accent in her voice made me jealous because I thought I spoke it better than anyone so far, foolish me

"Why would you be? I'm human right?"

"Right" she smiled "By the way I'm Jada, you?"

"Bianca" I said

The second set of people came out and also danced to worth it. I always danced alone so I wasn't expecting much when it was my turn. I stepped out facing the large mirror when I noticed Jada behind me

"I'm your new partner" she giggled

The music started and I danced so well not focusing on Jada but myself, she was good too but I wanted to prove it to her that I was better than her. I guess she noticed 'cause she also started making some crazy moves. Everyone started hailing but I didn't know who it was for. The dance instructor was smiling as we danced then the impossible happened, everyone started hailing my name, some Jada but majority was "Bianca". I was so happy that I didn't want to stop but I had no choice when the music stopped. Everyone hailed and I think for the first time in that class I smiled back genuinely to everyone.

The day was far spent as I walked home alone. Jada's driver came to pick her. I guess she's one of those spoilt kids that get whatever they want at anytime. I also got what I wanted once so I wasn't bothered.

I thought of Alexandria and felt how nice it would have been if we were going together, she didn't like dancing but she has gotten the perfect voice, sometimes when she sings I stare looking speechless. I missed her so much, she had this smile that would always make me happy whenever I'm sad.

I got home and removed my sneakers before heading to the table. My mom had prepared dinner and had served it on the table. I grabbed my fork and started working on my steaming bowl of smashed garlic potatoes as my mom started the conversation

"How was today?" she asked

"Good" I swallowed

"Made new friends?"

"Yeah, maybe" I stared at my bowl, my mom laughed

"You find it strange?"

"Strange?" I looked at her

"Yes, since it's been long you've had the chance to talk to someone, doesn't it seems strange?"

"Indeed" I ate some green beans

"Mrs Melinda brought us the potatoes"

I dropped my fork

"What!" I exclaimed

"She's a nice woman"

"Mom we barely know her, why are you accommodating strangers? Because she willing to help us doesn't mean we can trust her"

"I'm not accommodating her, she's just been nice that's all, she has a daughter too, you don't know if we're been given a second chance, she's your age mate and you two might end up being best friends"

"Just stop it" I stood up as the chair fell "it's my life I choose who I want to be with and not you, don't you feel, my best friend died and it hasn't been more than three years and you're telling me to move on, she loved you like a mother but you don't care about my feelings, how I feel about this, if I want this or not, you just take matters into your own hands, why? Just please stop ruining everything like you always do" I shouted as I ran up to my room and closed my door

I sat on my bed and started crying, not because I missed my friend but because my mom is trying so hard to make me be the old Bianca she use to know. I know she loves me and would never hurt me but she needs to know that losing someone close to you also takes something away from you. I also want to move on but what about Alexandria's parents, they already left a month after their daughter's death. They hate me so much and curse me each time I try to see them. They can never forgive me for what I did, I wish my mom could understand but she doesn't.

I changed into my pajamas and laid down on my bed. I thought of Alexandria before I slept off, was she happy? Did she miss me? I didn't know

~

"Bianca please don't leave me, save me, I don't want to die, please it hurts. Bianca, Bianca, Bianca, Bianca, Bianca!!!"

I woke up, sweat dripping from my forehead, I looked around shaking visibly as someone dashed in my room

"Mom" I said with a shaking voice

She came over to me and hugged me

"It's okay love, I'm here for you"

"Mom" I sobbed

"You screamed again" she stroked my hair

"Mom I saw Alexandria, this time she doesn't look happy, it's like she's in pain"

"It's only a dream, nothing but a dream, I'm here now, no one can harm you" she held me tight as I did

"Mom, what I saw felt real, like she's alive somewhere"

"Bianca, I know how you feel, I felt that same way when Henry died"

Henry was my dad, he was someone I loved dearly, I could remember when I learnt I was never going to see him again. It was the saddest day of my life, same as my mom. We still suffer from the loss till now and anytime my mom talks about him, I could feel the pain in her voice. I looked at her and she pecked my forehead

"Common go to sleep" she said as I laid down

"Goodnight sweetheart" she said as she left

"Goodnight mom" I whispered as I slowly closed my eyes