Chapter 6 No Time for Idiots

Jason jolted up from his slumber, "What the fuck was that?" He oriented himself to his surroundings. He was in Mark's living room. Mark sat in a big arm chair with Penny across his lap. Asterial was nowhere to be seen.

"What was wait?" Penny asked.

Jason eyed her suspiciously, "Were you two just making out?"

Penny got off Mark's lap and straightened her shirt, "no."

"Yes, you were. You were totally making out. That didn't take very fucking long, did it."

"Relax dumbass," It was Asterial, I have been keeping an eye on her and she wasn't making out. Mark was trying to get the whatever it is out of her eye. She was lying across him so he could see what he was doing close up."

"Bullshit!"

"It's none of your business anyway," Penny said. "If I were banging him, I wouldn't give you another thought and I certainly wouldn't lie about it."

"Good point, "Jason acknowledged. "What happened? My head is pounding.' He rummaged around in his pocket. "I wish I had some aspirin. Do you have any aspirin, Mark?"

Penny rushed to Jason's side and pulled his hand out of his pocket. The Saeton tinkled as it bound on the floor. Jason had been clutching it.

"Oh my good God!" She shook her head.

"What?"

"Check your pockets. I'm sure you do have aspirins now."

Jason picked up the Saeton and then felt in his pockets and pulled out a bottle labeled aspirin. "Oh, I do have some."

Asterial sat in front of Penny looking directly at Jason, "We have got to find a place for you to carry that thing besides your front pocket."

"Oh, shit. How long have I been asleep?"

"About twenty- seven hours. It's tomorrow for you and a new wish day." Asterial said. "Apparently, if you get too drunk your powers have side effects."

"They do?"

"I had to drag you back in here and bless you to get you back to normal," Mark said, "You tried to hump one of the dead demons."

He looked at Penny who had a disgusted look on her face. "Oh, like you haven't done worse!"

"I do draw the line somewhere, Jason." Penny started rubbing her left eye, "It still feels like I have something in this eye."

"Now that you're awake," Mark began, "I'll tell you my observations. Those demons were cannon fodder. They were just nobody in the demon world. Not even the big ones. You are being tested."

"Tested by whom," Jason asked.

"They must have a leader. A big guy with the demon hierarchy. Someone who will probably try to contact you very soon. Also, they have seen Firecrotch, they know she is shielding you now."

"Hey, I don't like think I like that nickname." Penny protested.

"Well then, you will probably hate this more. The longer you are away from your debauchery the easier Jason and the Saeton will be to detect. You need to get busy getting busy again, somehow."

"Oh, here we go. Minister Sinister is looking to get laid." Jason said. "I knew it! I suppose you want her to just jump in bed with you."

"Well, it does make a lot of sense. I am a minister so doing me is worse than usual, especially if she seduces me."

"What a load of crap," Jason said.

"Haven't you ever read any Gothic literature? Priests and clergy are always losing their faith and fighting demons, whether it be real demons or demons of the soul."

Jason rolled his eyes.

"We don't have time for your boyish crushes and jealousy," Asterial said. "If the minister says it, I believe him. Take your clothes off, Penny."

Penny backed away, "Wait just one damn minute. I know my profession makes me seem like I would just jump in the sack with anyone, but you guys have to understand it's all pure fantasy. Porn is not real life. It's an acting job."

The three others looked at each other and then burst out laughing.

"And men buy playboy strictly for the articles," Asterial said. They all burst out into laughter again.

Penny's face turned a bright red, not with embarrassment, but with anger. Jason curbed his laughter, "We are just having some fun with you, Penny. No one is going to force you to do anything you don't want to do."

"That isn't strictly true," a voice from behind Jason said. He tried to turn and see who was speaking but he couldn't. He was frozen in place except for the movement of his eyes. He looked at Asterial, who was turned the other way and who could see who was behind him. The cat and parademon had a shocked expression frozen in place. Mark was also not moving. The only one with full motion was Penny.

"Who the hell are you?" Penny asked. "And what did you do to them?"

The person of interest finally stepped into Jason's view. He was a tall man with a back, short, cropped beard wearing a black suit and tie. His dress shirt was the only contrast as it was a dark red. His hair was perfectly cut and styled. Jason knew immediately he was a demon boss. The cliché in tv shows and movies was always a handsome, well-groomed, well-dressed man in a black suit. He glanced at Jason with his piercing dark eyes. "I'll take that." He raised his hand and the Saeton rose out of his front pocket and floated to the demon's hand. "I should have come myself long ago. Lesser demons are as incompetent as lesser humans." He looked intently at Jason.

"Yeah, it's easy to steal from someone you have frozen. Why don't you try taking it from us without the magical chains keeping us from fighting back?" She began to ignite her midsection and the flames began to circle her waist.

"Seriously, you are going to try to fight me with your meager fire powers. I am Meztaz-"He didn't finish his grandstanding as Penny's fire roared forth and knocked the demon into the back wall, literally into the wall.

"Impossible! You should not be able to do that!" He pulled himself out of the drywall and dusted himself off. In the moment he lost concentration of the spell he had cast over the men.

Jason quickly scanned the table behind him for alcohol but there was none. He glanced up to Mark who must have been reading his mind because he was removing a liquor bottle from the freezer. He tossed the bottle to Jason as the demon realized what was happening. Jason felt himself freeze again and the bottle slammed hard into his face since he was no longer able to catch it. The pain was excruciating. Penny took the opportunity to blast the guy again and Jason ignored the pain long enough to grab the bottle. It was vodka. He screwed off the cap and downed a big gulp. He coughed at the burn of the stuff as it made its way down his throat. He suddenly felt the shivers the cold liquid gave him. He wasn't sure what was about to happen, but he shook violently to ward off the cold. He noticed the ice leaving his body in spikes. The demon boss righted himself just in time to get a face full of ice crystal spikes. He screeched in pain. The ice burned as it imbedded into his flesh. He reached and pulled the ice shards from his face. Jason scoured the floor for the Saeton but the demon must have pocketed it before the attack.

"Enough of this!" The demon shouted. I am Meztaziel, first disciple of Beelzebub!

"Shut up asshole!" Jason said. He fired off shards of ice again but this time the demon blocked them. The demon raced forth and grabbed Penny before she could discharge the circle of fire she had building around her waist and he poofed away with her in a puff of putrid smelling yellow cloud. Jason went to where Penny had stood and glanced at Mark. Asterial was nowhere to be seen, which meant he was hiding somewhere. Mark joined him.

"What was that? Where did he take her?" Jason asked.

Mark put his hand on his shoulder in comfort.

Jason was not comforted. Penny and the Grievous Saeton were gone.