CHAPTER FIFTEEN

'I can’t stop the tears if I want to,

I can’t stop the tears if I want to,

I can’t stop the tears if I want to…

But tonight I’ll be, the happiest girl in the world, you’ll see,

Like it never happened…’

After crying for one whole hour that night, Rayna finally managed to put herself to sleep at 12:45 a.m. Why was she crying? Well, she wasn't entirely sure of the particular reason, if there was one. Upset about her father, the situation of the family in general, sad about how Maeve’s attitude and the usual teenage girl mood swings, she couldn’t decide which one outweighed the others. She went to the bathroom and washed her face to get rid of the salty liquid remains, then returned, took a deep breath and fell face-first onto her bed. She found sleep immediately…

Of course, by 7:15 a.m., she woke up. With swollen eye-bags. Painful eyes. Rayna stared at her face in the mirror and groaned.

“Really?”

She dragged herself to the bathroom to lessen the damage. After a fifteen-minute bath (which was longer than her usual bath time), she finally came out. She lazily scanned her wardrobe for an outfit for school, and eventually came up with an equally lazy one. Big sweatpants and a long-sleeved T-shirt, with converses. Underwear first of course, then she threw her clothes on. The T-shirt over her head, about to be brought down, she stopped for some seconds. She stared at her tummy in the mirror. Sadness, wistfulness, her hidden inferiority complex and all her insecurities began to rage within her. Tears came to her eyes immediately.

“Ow”, she said softly. Her eyes hurt.

Her heart hurt.

She wore the shirt, and put on the converses. She blow-dried her hair and brushed it. I could do this much, right? she thought. She did her hair up into a ponytail and brushed the edges back. Rayna had brown hair. Slightly wavy. Her hair stopped at the middle of her back.

I guess I like my hair, she thought.

She arranged her school bag. Her pens, her pencils, eraser and sharpener. Her ruler. Her big jotter. She didn’t feel like taking her journal today. It was a great time to write, but she had a feeling she’d cry while doing that, and her eyes hurt too much, so she didn’t bother. Her headphones. Her purse. Her notes and textbooks were in her locker. A small bottle of perfume, and other female essentials, check. She wore her trusty brown leather wristwatch, and she was good to go. She wore a reasonable amount of her lovely scented mist and twirled around.

“Who am I kidding? Off to school, you.”

After grabbing breakfast and saying bye to Dylan and Kamila (Her mother was already gone, and even her father was home, she wasn’t going to say anything to him), she obeyed herself; she went to school.

“Ray!”, Kyle called out in the hallway. She turned around to find the owner of the voice, although she probably knew. She smiled at him. Even though things were awkward, Kyle was a good friend of hers, and she missed goofing around with him. You’re being ridiculous, Rayna, she told herself, and walked up to him. She saw that he was returning her smile. She smiled even more.

“Hello, Roberts. How’ve you been?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Roberts? Okay then, Peters. I’ve been well, you?”

Rayna chuckled softly. “You’re doing pretty well for someone who just got rejected. Well, I’m alright too, thank you.”

“Hey, that was uncalled for! I thought we agreed on pretending it didn’t happen?”, he said, flustered. Man, this girl…

Ray lifted her hands in mock surrender.

“Did I? Okay, fine. I’ll… try.” She glanced at the clock on the wall in the middle of the hallway. “I wouldn’t like to be late to class. See you around, Roberts.”

She punched his shoulder and jogged to her first class. I’m okay. I’m strong. I can do this, she told herself. She braced herself to enter her first class of the day; Math. Yay, Camarillo. She came to class early, thankfully. She took her usual seat by the window, beside David. He was in her Math class. He didn’t come to class the day Neil bullied his friend, in case you’re wondering where he was. She didn’t tell him about it either.

Now, the students in her class knew that Mr. Neil didn’t like her, so whenever he did things like that, they sympathized with her, in their minds. Rayna didn’t like it being brought up; she knew she’d burst into tears, and she didn’t want that. Thankfully, they understood that. Well, most of them did. Kirsten and Ellen were also in her class, and they made it a point of duty to discuss it to her hearing. Of course, she didn’t care. They eventually reduced it, and sometimes they didn’t discuss it at all. Rayna adjusted her glasses. The door opened, and David walked in.

“Oh, you’re present today. Something good happen?”, Larry called out, and some members of the class laughed, Rayna inclusive.

“I know, right?”, he smugly replied, and took his seat beside Ray. “Hey.”

“Hey. Why weren’t you in class last week Wednesday?”, she placed her glasses properly on the bridge of her nose.

“I’m not sure. What’d I miss?”

“Your glasses, they’re fixed”, Esther remarked.

“Yeah, you’re right”, Larry replied.

“It was broken?”, David asked, surprised. “I thought you took great care of them.”

“Camarillo, grown up baby”, Larry sighed and shook his head. David raised an eyebrow.

“Exactly how much did I miss last week? What did Mr. Neil do to you?”, David looked at Rayna.

“She came to class five minutes after him, and he bullied her for it. Someone else came after her, but he let her off. After telling her to wait behind to clean the classroom, on her way to her seat, he tripped her ‘accidentally’, she fell over and her specs broke”, Esther explained in Rayna’s stead, to David.

David began massaging his forehead with his right hand, to keep his temper at bay. “Why on earth, Rayna, are you condoning his nonsense? You’re better than that.”

Rayna laughed softly and shook her head. “No, I shouldn’t respond to his antics. I’m better than that.”

“Now, that’s just crap you’re giving, Rayna”, Larry rolled his eyes. “You don’t take shit from anyone in our grade, well, anyone even, but you’ll ‘tolerate’ Neil? You sound ridiculous.”

She sighed. “It’s bad enough that I’m not good at his subject. I shouldn’t do things that’ll mess it up even more, right?”

“I’m with Rayna on this one. She should ignore him, really. I think that’s going to annoy him even more”, Esther put in.

Larry shrugged. “Whatever.”

David didn’t say anything more. Just as Larry and Esther returned to their seats, Neil entered the classroom.

“Good morning, boys and girls.”

The class responded in unison. “Good morning, Mr. Camarillo.”

“Rayna, cat got your tongue?”, Neil walked over to her table. “I said, good morning.”

“And I responded, but, good morning to you too”, Rayna stared hard at the man that irritated her soul and body, standing in front of her. Neil eyed her down, and all the way up again. He walked back to the front of the class.

“Okay, then. Let’s get started…”

The class was over in a heartbeat, and the other classes went by just as fast, and soon it was time for lunch. Rayna met Isa on the way to the cafeteria and they went in together. Isa spotted David standing in a corner of the cafeteria and called out to him. He didn’t hear her, so she called again. He heard, this time, and he walked up to them.

“LaCroix, what’s the matter?”, he said, looking bored.

Isabelle made a face at him. David scrunched up his nose, and Rayna laughed. The three of them went ahead to search for a table to sit at. They didn’t search for long because Kyle had already saved some extra seats for any of his friends he’d come across. He waved Isa over, and she pulled David and Rayna with her. Rayna looked around to see where she was taking them. She felt fuzzy inside all of a sudden, but her eyes still hurt anyway.

“Yo, Kyle”, David slapped his friend’s back.

“Hendren”, Kyle sneered, and glared at one of his closest boys. David was in Kyle’s group of friends. Jack, David, Evan and Kyle grew up together. His friends were friendly with Rayna and her friends, and some were close, for example, David and Rayna. Maeve and Evan, too.

“Hehe.”

Rayna slapped David’s back too.

“What. For?”, he dramatically turned to look at her.

“Why’d you hit him? Troublemaker.”

He scoffed. “Wha—Oh, wow. I didn’t know you were his guardian angel.”

“Oh, please”, she rolled her eyes.

Kyle called on all the forces in the universe to stop him from turning an embarrassing shade of red. What the heck? Please, Kyle. Please.

“You’ll be fine”, Rayna patted his shoulder. “Okay, so what are we having today? I’m going to have--“

“Where’s Maeve?”, Evan asked. He’d been there the whole time, but he’d been busy with his phone. Evan, not a boy of many words. His friendship with them kind of evened things out. In a group like theirs, someone has to maintain the balance, you know? That’s what Evan’s existence is for. Rayna sometimes wondered how things would be like without him.

Evan looked up from his phone and scanned the little crowd around him. He’d recognized everyone’s voices alright, but he didn’t hear Maeve’s or Chris’s. Even Ashton’s.

“Hey, that’s right. Where are Chris and Ashton?”, Kyle remarked. He finally turned to say something to Rayna. “Aren’t you supposed to answer those?”

“Sure, because I’m their human GPS”, she rolled her eyes. Well, she’d normally know where Chris was anyway, but she wasn’t always aware of Maeve’s whereabouts. And she didn’t text first last night, so Ray did. She opened her phone to check if she’d replied to her messages.

Wednesday, November 4

Me: Get home alright?

Best girlll<3!!: …

She hadn’t replied to her yet, but she hadn’t seen the text too. Just as she put her phone back in her pocket, it beeped.

A message notification.

Best girlll <3!!: I’m sorry I replied 2 U late. I crashed the minute I stepped into my room. I was at school today, but my dad came 2 pick me up during the 2nd period. Something about passports. I’m fine, don’t worry. Thank U 4 having my back <3.

Rayna smiled. You’re welcome. I just wish you’d be more open to me. She looked up and told the guys what Maeve said. “She’s not at school, says not to worry. Her dad came to get her second period, something about passports.”

“Well, what about Christopher?”, David asked.

“There’s your answer… or question, I don’t know. Hey! Ashton, Chris, over here!”, Isa waved aggressively to them.

They’d already gotten their lunches, Ashton with a tray in his hands, Chris with a brown paper bag in one of his. They walked over to the table. The others made room for them, so they sat. Rayna lightly hit Ashton’s shoulder. He smiled warmly at her in return. Isa knocked Chris’s knuckles when he placed his palms on the table.

“Ow!”, he exclaimed. David and Rayna laughed at Chris.

“Ow!”, Isa mimicked. Evan shook his head at the bunch around him, and said; “Can we get something to eat? Lunchtime is nearly over.”

So they did. Everyone stood to go get something to eat, except Ashton and Chris, since they already had their meals with them. Rayna was the last to get up, but then she sat back down. Chris was eating the burger he’d bought, and stopped when she sat down.

“You’re not getting anything?”, he asked.

Rayna looked at Ashton. He understood immediately, then she looked back at Chris.

“We need to talk.”