The Morning After

The more I see you, the more I want you.

Somehow this feeling just grows and grows.

With every sigh, I become more mad about you

~Michael Buble

Jungkook

I busied myself with breakfast. Working in his kitchen was heaven – it was incredibly organized which made it easy for me to find what I needed. When I woke up to him asleep in my arms, I had this overwhelming sense of completeness that made me wish I could wake up like that every day. Even if I could not tell him how I felt – for the fear that it was too early to start being sappy and confessing – I could do something to show him how I felt.

Breakfast in bed sounded like a great idea.

I wanted it to be a surprise, so I crossed my fingers and hoped that he did not wake up before I was done. I worked so hard to keep the noise at bare minimum. What helped was the fact that his bedroom was at the far end of the house.

As I got down to making a whole breakfast buffet, I couldn’t help the smile on my face as I pictured him asleep. His face a complete picture of peace and perfection. I had sneaked out of bed but before I did, I couldn't help but stare for a little bit.

He pouted in his sleep, which made him irresistibly kissable. He sniffled a bit in his sleep as he turned to get comfortable and seek warmth. His hand placed under the side of his face squished his face a little. I found that absolutely adorable.

After the morning wakeup call, we had slept for a bit. The growling of my stomach had woken me up and I thought to make breakfast for both of us.

I made quick work of the pancakes. I made the pancake butter just how I liked it and while they cooked on one of the hot plates, I worked on the French toast. After it was done, I cut up some fruit in two bowls, made some coffee for him and tea for me – I wasn’t not a coffee fan to be honest.

“Is this what having someone in your life felt like?” I wondered to myself. I was happy – bursting at my seams happy. It was an overwhelming feeling but it filled me with a sense of contentment and the persistent smile of my face made my cheeks hurt.

After breakfast was done and plated, I cleaned up, put everything neatly on a tray and headed up to wake him up. I stood at the door and watched him curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed. Oh my heart! He made me want to do nice things for him. How could such a big personality fit into an adorable, fluffy, tiny person?

I placed the tray on the bedside table, crawled up under the blankets and peppered his face with butterfly kisses. He grumbled and tried to pull the blanket back over his head.

“Five more minutes,” he said.

"Someone is not a morning person," I noted.

Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes and slid the oversized t-shirt over his head. It took a couple of minutes to adjust to the light. They were a little puffy and it made him completely adorable. I watched him in awe and the warm fuzzy feeling that always happened when I was with him filled my belly again. Man! I was too far gone. I scooted over and tapped my shoulder and he gently placed his head there and sighed in contentment.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

He nodded unconsciously rubbing his stomach. Still sleepy.

"Good!” I said. “Because I made breakfast!" His energy went from a zero to a hundred at my announcement. It was like looking at a totally different person.

"Really?" He asked excitedly. I nodded and propped up the pillows so he could get comfortable and brought breakfast tray before him.

His eyes went wide at the assortment of food before him. He licked his lips and dug in. we were both starving so me made through breakfast with little conversation. He ate so heartily, I could just get full by watching him.

“That was incredibly delicious,” he commented as he rubbed his filled stomach.

“Thank you. I am glad you liked it.”

After clearing up the utensils, I had to get ready to head home. I loved this, but I needed to get home and prepare for the coming week – which meant cleaning, shopping for groceries and doing laundry.

It was a little difficult to leave. But after saying goodbye for over ten times and long hugs at the door, I headed out.

Jimin

I think only hopeless romantics like me understand the essence of cuddling all night and a surprise breakfast in bed. It just hits different. I rolled around in contentment and giggled like a school girl as I thought of my morning. It was an incredible surprise and it made me feel things I hadn’t felt in a while.

It was nice to be on the receiving end for a change.

It was only after my relationship with Dae-Hyun ended that I realized I had been carrying the entire weight of our relationship – more like my relationship. God! I was a fool in love. I did everything. I would organize the romantic dinners, get breakfast in bed, arrange for the picnics and everything intended to keep the relationship alive. I put in the work.

I think a relationship is all about an endless pursuit of each other. It's all about keeping each other on your toes and everyday feeling like the first time you met. It is about finding common interests and taking interest in what the other person is all about. Missing each other even when you are together. Its being friends before lovers in such a way that whenever there were disagreements, one would set aside emotions and solve disagreements like friends would. Above all, it's making it uncomplicated.

This – him and I – felt right and I had no intention of complicating it. So I promised myself to be happy no matter and that happiness would solely depend on me and no one else. I was happy. He treated me with so much tenderness I could explode. Breakfast in bed was an amazing surprise and I couldn't wait to see what he had in mind. For once in a long time, I wanted this to go somewhere. I wanted it to work. I too, would give it my best shot.

After a while, I busied myself with cleaning, laundry and other chores I did on Sundays around the house and when I was done, I settled down to catch up on some work. Yes, I worked a bit on the weekends especially in times like this when a major deadline was coming up. I could foresee busy days ahead and I just wanted everything to work out well.

My mom called later in the day and I felt terrible that I had been so caught up in my own world that I hadn't checked in on her for a while. We spoke on a regular and not speaking to her for close to a week was just too long. I felt like a terrible son and I apologised profusely before we could get into the conversation.

As usual we filled each other in on what was going on in our lives. I really wanted to dish her on my latest adventure with a dark haired boy with blonde highlights but I wanted to give it a little bit of time. My poor mother would be so invested in it that if anything happened she would more disappointed than I would be. So as much as I was dying to tell her, I avoided the subject entirely.

I worried about her sometimes. For the longest time, I never really figured out why she never considered having someone in her life. My mother was extremely beautiful. I mean, me being a product of her – with all my finesse and beauty – should speak of her looks. She was royalty in my eyes and her beauty compared to none.

Her lack of companionship meant she meddled in mine a lot. I wasn't complaining, I just wished she would find someone who would be there for her when I wasn't. I intended to be in her life for the longest – I wasn’t going anywhere but I wished she just had someone in her life who could add to the joy and she could share some moments with. We spoke for an hour and I got ready to make my lunch and settle in for the day.

Jungkook and I texted back and forth throughout the day, keeping each other updated on what we were up to. It was fun, it was new and it was nice to have someone to talk to about your life. It's only now that realized how lonely my life had been this past few years.

…

Monday morning came and I hit the ground running. I had meetings back to back, looked over final designs, talked over the launch event with the events team and made sure that they had all we needed to make our launch successful. I was absolutely spent by the end of the day.

The angry growl of my stomach as I hit the shutdown button on my screen reminded me that I had not had anything to eat in the course of the day. The thought of food made my mouth water and I planned dinner in my head as I drove home. Trying out a new recipe wouldn't be such a bad idea. I could picture how the ingredients would come together and just the thought of a hot plate of food made me drool. What can I say, I am foodie – only for good food. I took pride and time in making my meals. After all, it went into my body and I cared about what went into my body a hell lot.

I was operating on auto pilot and before long, I pulled into my driveway. I was tired and for a minute or two I laid my head on the steering wheel and took a couple of breaths just to catch a break. I was really exhausted and could not wait for my head to hit the pillow. As I walked up to the house, I noticed that the lights in my house were on. A smile that could split my face broke through at the realization that mom was here. She often dropped by unannounced sometimes and she always made me some meals – her own way of taking care of the adult me. I was still her baby.

I sighed at the realization that her presence would save me the trouble of having to cook. The thought of it made the stress drain out of me instantly. She must have heard the car because the door opened and I ran into my mother’s waiting arms.

"I missed you mama," I said as I buried my head in her neck and took in the scent that was uniquely hers. It always calmed me. Now more than ever, I appreciated her sixth sense – somehow, every single time I was having a crazy busy time at work or a hard time in life, she always showed up, ready to smother me with love and affection.

"Ohhhh.... my baby is looking so gaunt and thin," she said in baby voice to me as she rubbed my back.

I nodded rapidly like a fool and soaked in the attention like the attention whore that I am. “And tired too,” I added as she pinched my cheeks.

“Well, you are in luck. Mommy made you some food,” she said as she led me to the table.

"Ooh mom. I love you!” I announced pulling her into my arms.

I went up to change out of my work clothes and then settled for dinner. We had a pleasant meal and caught up. The relationship between my mom and I was one of a kind. Lots of my friend envied me growing up because of how close I was with her. I wanted to know what she had been up to lately because I knew my mother always had something brewing.

After I had become independent and successful on my own, my mother retired and established her own consulting agency. She would only take up contracts whenever she was requested by her clients. For the most part, she let the person who she had employed as manager to handle them. When she wasn’t working, she travelled and explored the world – she was always a wanderlust and because her whole focus was on raising me, she could not travel as much as she wanted. Now she could do it without worrying about me.

"I think I found a nice boy for you,” she announced later after dinner. I groaned and before I could open my mouth to protest she lift her hand and said, “You will like him, I promise. I could introduce you two.”

“Mummm!!!” I whined and slumped into the couch. “Not again! I thought we were over this… mnh.?? You promised.”

"Well… you could just meet him and if you don't like him it's fine. What's the harm in that?" She asked defensively.

"That's what you said last time…” I reminded her.

“Remember how that date ended up in a disaster? He was such a drama queen."

"Well…" she began, "That was some poor judgement on my part and I apologized for that. But, I promise you, you will like this one," she replied with confidence and took my hand in hers.

"So, where did you meet this one this time?" I asked.

"On my last trip. He is the son of one of my acquaintances – a very nice handsome boy."

“Well, they are always nice and handsome before they go psycho on you,” I said with a laugh. She glared at me and waved her hand.

My mother had always known I was gay. Again, sixth sense. She however never said anything about it and painfully watched me attempt to make a connection with girls through high school. I was terribly awkward around them. My first kiss with a girl I thought I liked did not go down so well and so I gave up on liking someone and focused on school. I never, acted on my liking for boys until I got to campus.

It wasn't a surprise to her when I told her one winter evening that I was gay. I had been extremely nervous as I sat at the far end of the couch as I broke the news to her. A part of me afraid that she would launch at me and beat the living daylights out of me, after all, she was my mother. I knew her temper well – the main reason I am a well behaved boy. So my choice of sitting position was as self-preservation – to make a quick exit if she went all crazy on me.

However, I got totally confused when she had smiled and walked over to me and hugged me.

"You knew?" I had asked in surprise as I willed my rapidly beating heart to calm down.

"You are my son, how could I not know," she had responded with tenderness. "You don't have to be afraid of anything my love."

I was tempted to ask how she knew this but I was afraid to push it so, I shut it and savoured the love, attention and acceptance she had given me. This had been a turning point in our relationship. It brought us closer and I had found a friend in her.

"So what do you say honey mnh? Want his number? I already told him about you," she pushed.

"Muuuuummm!!!" I whined again frustratedly.

"Come on honey, it's not like you are seeing anyone and you could some action in your life," she teased.

"Eew! Mom?! Are you really my mother?"

"Honey, you never say no to me. Even if you don't like the idea, you have always indulged me. What's different this time?"

"Nothing! I am just tired of it is all," I shrugged evading her gaze.

"Park Jimin!" She called me and I cringed. She only called me by both names when I was was being naughty and she’d had enough or when she wanted to extract information from me. I looked at her and raised my brow, “Don’t you sass me,” she admonished before she asked,

“Who is he?"

"Huh?! Who’s who?" I asked with the most innocent look. She wasn’t buying it.

"I got the impression you weren't telling me everything over the weekend. So talk," she said with her eyes narrowed.

When she looked at me like that I couldn't hold out for long. So I hopped into the couch beside her excitedly and gave her the down-low on Jungkook. My mom and I enjoyed a good gossip – you should have seen us chuckle and whisper at each other whenever we shared some hot gossip. It was hilarious... like the three musketeers except we were missing one more to complete the circle.

"You are so smitten," she teased me.

"Oh mom! I really like him." I said excitedly.

"So when do I get to meet this incredible man who had stolen my son's heart?"

I frowned.

"What's wrong honey?" She asked stroking my face.

"I don't know. I haven’t told him yet how I feel about him. I guess I am just a little afraid. I don't wanna rush anything but at the same time I am crazy about him. Like stupidly crazy. You know how I get when I am in love. I just don't want him to feel smothered so I am holding back and it's suffocating me a little."

"Sweetie, anyone who doesn't appreciate the love you give them isn't worth it. Love hard so that if it doesn't work out, you have no regrets at all, you would have given it your all. I know after that crazy SOB you haven't thrown yourself out there fully to love and you have built this wall to protect yourself but honey it's time to allow someone to break those walls. You are missing out on so much and it breaks me. I want to see you happy again. You are a lovely human that deserves all the love in this world."

"You think so?" I asked timidly.

"I know so!" She replied kissing my forehead.

I was my mother's son and I had no doubt in my mind that I was her number one priority.

"So you go love that boy like there is no tomorrow okay?"

"Yes mum!" I said with a salute and a smile.

It was always nice to have her here. She always solutions to my problems and even if she didn't, she was an awesome cheerleader

(Text messages: Baby - Jungkook and Babe - Jimin)

Baby

6.15 p.m.

Hey babe. How was your day?

6.28 p.m.

Did you have dinner yet.

7.02 p.m

I just got home and Tae is driving me crazy.

He won't stop talking about your friend.

8.12 p.m

Babe? Are you there?

8.23 p.m

I am on my way in 10 minutes if you don't respond.

Babe

8.48 pm

Did you get stuck in traffic?

Baby

You are alive? You made me worry.

Babe

Do you worry about me that much?

Baby

Why wouldn't I? But seriously babe, where have you been?

Babe

Awww. He worries about me.

Baby

still waiting.

Babe

My mum came over. Was doing some catching up and all. Sorry for making you worry.

Baby

Oh.... it's fine. Just a little worried that's all. No seriously... I was massively worried. I almost came over.

Babe

Why didn't you though? ♂️

Baby

I started overthinking it.

Babe

How?

Baby

I started to think that you may think of me as obsessive and annoying.

Babe

I wouldn't think of you that way. Ever.

Baby

Well... now I know that. Lol.

Babe

It is nice to have her here. I haven't seen her in a while and it was a nice surprise.

Baby

Is she still there? I wouldn't want to intrude on your time with her. You should go back to her. We can talk later.

Babe

Relax, she is watching a movie. I sneaked away. She didn't even notice.

She gets so engrossed in movies.

She will spend the night.

Baby

That is nice... shoot... I just realized something.

Babe

What?

Baby

We haven't really swapped family stories. This is actually the first time you are mentioning your mom.

Babe

Come to think of it you are right. I know absolutely nothing about your family.

Baby

We really should fix that.

Babe

Let's make it the agenda of our next meeting. Shall we Mr. Jeon?

Baby

Yes.. Yes we should Mr. Park.

Babe

Is it bad that I kinda get turned on when you get formal with me?

Baby

Oh you dirty minded child.

Babe

No seriously, don't you think it's kinda hot? Be honest.

Baby

Who raised you? I have some concerns about your upbringing.

Babe

I am gonna go tell me mom you said that. Muuummm....

Baby

Wtf?! Are you kidding me right now.

Babe

I am gonna tell her you said she raised her son wrong.

Baby

She will want to know the context though. How are you going to explain that?

Babe

Then I tell her the context

Baby

Are you for real right now. How can you tell your mother that?

Babe

I tell her everything.

Baby

Everything???

Babe

Everything....

Baby

Wait..... Does that mean she knows about us? About me?

Babe

Yes. I couldn't hide it from her even if I wanted to. She can read me like a book.

Baby

Wow.

Babe

Does it make you uncomfortable that I did?

Baby

Uhhh... no.

Babe

I get the feeling it kinda does

Baby

Not at all. Hey, I am gonna go to bed now. Let's catch up tomorrow?

Babe

Already?

Baby

I am a little tired. Night babe

Babe

Okay goodnight baby

Maybe I had fucked up after all.

Jungkook

“Why did I just do that?” I asked myself and buried my head in my pillow and screamed. I shouldn't have ended the conversation that fast. Clearly I was bothered by it and I didn't do a good job at hiding it. Don't get me wrong, I was happy. His decision to tell his mother showed that he wanted a relationship as much as I wanted one.

Honestly, I was jealous. I could tell that he had such a great relationship with his mom and was comfortable in his sexuality. I had just discovered my orientation and wasn't sure I could even talk to my dad about this.

Dad.

Thinking about him in that moment made me realize that I hadn’t spoken to him in a while. I started feeling like I was failing as his son and it did not sit well with me. I picked up the phone and dialled.

"Hey son?” his comforting voice came through. “I was starting to think that you had forgotten about me," he added.

"Sorry about that dad. It's just that work has been crazy lately. But, I should know better."

"It’s okay son. I understand. Have you been well? Are you eating properly?" He asked. I could hear concern in his voice.

"Yes. I have been well and yes I am eating well. The city has been kind to me and I have made a lot of friends."

"That is great!" He said with relief.

"And you dad, how have you been? How is business? I hope Tan isn't giving you a hard time."

"He is working absolutely hard. You know you left some big shoes to fill so that has kept him on his toes. You can be hard to keep up with, you know," he said and I could sense the pride in his voice. I basked in it and smiled.

I wanted to ask him questions and open up about my sexuality. God, I wanted to let the waterworks flow and cry like a child but I couldn't bring myself to do that so we just talked a little more about the business, my work, family and other new things.

After a while, I bid him good night. He must have noticed I was a little low so before he hang up he asked, "Are you okay son? You sound like something is bothering you."

"No dad, I am okay. Just a little tired." I replied.

"Well, make sure you get a lot of rest okay? I love you son. Be happy."

"Okay dad and I love you too. Thank you."

It was nice to hear his voice. I missed him. I missed Busan. I missed the smell of the sea. I missed everything and just for a little while I wished I was back in Busan. Busan felt less complicated.

Jimin.

I was uncomfortable at how the conversation had ended. So, I decided to stop being chicken and fixed what I had messed up.

Baby

Babe?

Babe

Yes...

Baby

Can we do lunch tomorrow?

Babe

I don't know. I have a crazy day tomorrow. Its gonna be hard to get away.

Baby

Please... I need to talk to you about something.

Babe

Can't it wait until later? Maybe we meet in the evening.

Baby

It can't....

Babe

It's crazy for me... It is for both of us. And you know that. Can we please push it for later?

Baby

I am uneasy about it and I would really like to talk about it.

Babe

Ohhh... is it something we can tall about over the phone?

Baby

You said texting is impersonal. Plus I will feel better if I am looking at you as we talk.

Babe

I don't know baby. It's gonna be tricky.

Baby

Is your mom asleep?

Babe

Yeah... she just went to bed. Why?

Baby

I am coming over.

Babe

Wait what? You are kidding right?

Baby

See you in 20 minutes.

With that, I quickly grabbed my work back pack and stuffed a change of clothes in my gym bag.

While Jimin lived quite a distance, it would only take about 20 minutes to get there at this time of the night since there was no traffic. I was being impulsive. I never am one to act on impulse. Whatever he was doing to make me act this way, I couldn't understand but I loved the thrill of it.

In no time I was outside his house. I didn't want to bring to the attention of his mother that I was around so I went in through the backyard and called him to come and open up for me. I had made sure to park away from the house.

"Hi!" I said pulling him into a hug as soon as he opened the door.

"Hi!" He responded in an uncharacteristically high voice. Clearly he was still surprised that I was standing before him.

"I missed you," I said before kissing him. Kissing him just came naturally. I fell into the habit really quickly that if I did not kiss him, it felt like something was missing.

"Why are we whispering?" He asked with a giggle.

"Because your mom is around," I said as I stepped into the house and locked the door. I held his hand and tiptoed in the direction of his bedroom.

"What are we... in high school?" He asked as he let me drag him along.

"Shhhhhh! Keep it down!" he admonished me and glared cutely. I almost laughed at his facial expression. Soon after, I bumped into a chair and sent it flying back landing on the floor with a thud. I was still learning the layout of the house. We both froze. He put his hand over his mouth and giggled. We stood for a bit to listen. I breathed a sigh of relief when his mother didn't wake up and we quickly made a bee line for his bedroom.

"You are acting crazy! What's going on?" Jimin asked. He was still trying to make sense of the situation. I was changing into my sleeping clothes and he was seated at the edge of his bed.

After a few minutes, he walked into the bathroom to get me a glass of water. It was the little things that made me love this boy. I didn't have to ask, he just did. Like he had a sixth sense.

"Now, can you please tell me what's going on?" He asked impatiently after I downed the glass of water.

"What... I can't miss you?" I asked trying to avoid the subject for as long as I can.

"Come on, you know I can't buy that. Yes you are allowed to miss me but I don't think that is what this is about."

I took a deep breathe and sat next to him. I took his hands in mine. Looking into his eyes, I apologized for earlier. He nodded and said it wasn't a big deal but he mentioned that he had noticed it. That I was an open book and that he didn't want to push me.

I went to explain to him how this was all new to him giving him a background of my past relationships. Well, there weren't that many. I was open enough to tell him that I was still adjusting to the fact that I was gay. Just as I had opened up to Namjoon, Jin and Tae, I let it out. I was afraid to let go of his hands. Afraid that he would retreat that I didn't notice I was squeezing them a little too hard.

"Ah… baby… I don't mean to interrupt you but it hurts a little," he said wincing.

"What hurts? You okay?" I asked concerned and a little confused.

"You think you could loosen your grip a little? It hurts," he said looking at his hands.

"Sorry," I apologized as I let go of his hands. I ran my hands through my hair and buried my face in my hands. "I guess i am just nervous,” I groaned. “I am nervous about all this. This is a whole new experience for me and I am not saying I don't love it, it's just a little confusing and overwhelming."

"I do understand," he said rubbing my back. "I at one point was in the same situation you are in. The advantage for you is that you are surrounded by people who love you and will be there to guide you. I am happy you trust me enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable with me," he said stroking my neck in a comforting way.

I sighed in relief. "I was so nervous and worried that you would withdraw from the way I acted. I couldn't wait till tomorrow. I don't think I would have slept well if I hadn't talked about this."

His eyes met mine. Jimin. Jimin. Jimin.

Whatever power this boy held I couldn't understand but he made me feel things I had never before experienced in my life. My heart beat quicker as I leaned in to kiss him. Heat rising in my cheeks. His lips so tender and plump, so inviting and warm. I was a fool for him. When we kissed my brain lit on fire and a warmth spread throughout my entire body.

I reached out for his hand interlocking his fingers in mine. My other hand around his neck and I pulled him in to deepen the kiss. My stomach fell fuzzy and warm. Slowly pulling away from each other resting my forehead on his, "I don't know about you but, you drive me crazy. I am going crazy thinking about you. You are in my thoughts every minute and every second of my day. I find myself wanting to have you around me all day every day. I miss you a lot when you are away. I want to be good to you."

A tear dropped on the back of my hand and looking up at him I could see tears streaming down his face. I pulled him into my lap and had him rest his head on my shoulder. And for a few minutes we sat in silence, listening to the sound of our hearts beating.

•••