44 And To Pontificate On Dichotomy

The dream that I only experienced after living the life of an apex predator—it couldn't have come at a worse time. Perhaps if it had arrived when I was starting, when I was two centuries old and just about to enter the world of Vampires and make a name for myself... if it had only arrived then, I would have been able to change my path and shift it.

Maybe turn for the good.

Maybe not enslave people and let them do my bidding.

Maybe not kill individuals, but it was too late. Far too late.

So why was it now only haunting me?

"You—you could have stayed compartmentalized in my mind and stay there like you were supposed to!" I shouted, but the person in front of me was nothing more but my reflection.

Dark hair, red eyes that were so dark that they turned black—what stood in front of my mind's eye, my own vision was reflecting nothing more but the same young man that I had been dreaming of.

"You could change." He—I said.

I laughed at that and shook my head. "It's too late, haven't I told you that already? You're ridiculous, two women show up and then you're acting like some pathetic virgin."

He fell silent at those words, as if that was an attack or a slap to his face.

And while I could have already considered myself a victor for actually finding the easiest way to shut him up, I was unfortunately too balanced to simply revel in silence. Well, no. Balanced was not the right word. I simply just refused to adhere to absolute dichotomy, it was against my very nature to do so as being too hardened in one's ways often led to unexpected pitfalls... which led me to pontificating once more.

"Though I feel like I must admit that celibacy does have its perks." I sauntered around the voidness that my mind had recreated. It was akin to a dome made out of smooth, crystalline dark shards which caged me from within. And as I drew closer, my reflection bounced and reflected the human version of me as I paced back and forth, communicating with it. "Lack often makes for more, despite how confusing that sounds. At least that was what the Monks and those who deprive themselves of worldly things say, you have less attachment and the world does not control you. However, that isn't the case with you. You feel too much. You care too much and that is weakness."

I should know, because that was what I had been feeling for the past few days. Not that I'd admit that aloud.

So as naturally as the wind blew through the forest and trees gave off their life-enriching oxygen, I was attributing all of these flaws unto him. It was his fault, not mine. It didn't matter if he was a part of me, or I of him, I blamed him. The reason why I felt like a manchild unable to fully give in to my darker and more twisted nature was because of this human consciousness now preoccupying a space.

However, for one reason or another, this reflection of mine suddenly scoffed and met my gaze with an arrogant smile.

"Isn't it weakness when you close yourself off in a shell and refuse to care or feel? When you refuse to look because you cannot even bear to see how the world is?" He said to me with a ghost of a smile, a haunted look all over his face. "You call it weakness, but you're just afraid, so desperately afraid to feel and care because everything and everyone just leaves you. I should know, because that was how I was like. I didn't even want to live anymore—"

"Shut up!" The dark mirror in front of me shattered and his presence vanished, finally mollifying me for but a second to gather my thoughts and words as I called out. "Fear is present in your human lives and even ours for a good reason. Humanity would not reach where it is today without fear, without not being terrified of what the world is. Wariness is useful and you are leaving yourself out in the open by acting this way—an absolute fool. You are a disgrace to your kind and even here in my own mind."

"Says the man who is currently arguing with himself."

"... Not much of a good response, however, I would have give you a touché, if not for the fact that I see you as a separate entity, perhaps a part of me—influencing my actions for the past few days with deliberate involvement but I can simply detach from you, get rid of you and nothing shall happen to me. If anything, I believe you're the one who's afraid."

"Me?" The human pressed up against the void mirror, his hand now clasped towards my direction. "Or you? I have nothing to fear, I have already lived my life and there's not much left here either."

"That is what you claim, but you speak lies. You don't want to be forgotten, you wish to prove yourself as someone who can still be remembered, that is why you cling to whatever gives you hope and meaning," I said. "Isn't that why you're appearing to me now?"

"I don't want to lose our—my path."

"Oho. So it seems that you think you're the original one." I eyed him. "You think if we merge, I'm the one who will disappear and all that's left will be you?"

"...I existed before you."

"Past life. Yes, the Seer remarked that you are my past life... and you even existed in another world." I scrunched up my nose. "Fascinating world, I admit. But those days are gone and you should not bother me. The fact that you are still alive today, your soul—my soul is still existing is because of everything that I have done. Or have you not heard of the fact that all the Vampire Houses have been eradicated? The Scourge has been said to be removed from this continent but I have survived."

He sighed. "There's more to the situation than you think."

"If that is the case, then why don't you just tell me?" I said. "Perhaps I'll understand and we can come to a more amicable arrangement."

"You're the one who's compartmentalizing things, not me," he said, and for a moment he looked smug.

"Aha, so you're withholding information because I refuse to act in a way that you agree with." I scoffed lightly. "And now who seems like the selfish one? It isn't me, but you."

"Well, this isn't me." He said then rubbed his face. "You know, it's getting confusing referring to you separately—but just know that while I intended to walk down the path that you've walked, you've forgotten the reason why we did it in the first place. Why I ended up as a Vampire Lord in the first place. I forgot it and now we're here, and I'm remembering it and trying to steer us, er, steer me to a much more proper path since we now have that opportunity due to your accumulated strength but you refuse."

"Steer me into a proper path? All I feel is a heat in my loins that you wish to resolve." I made a face. "I'm disgusted with myself. Humans are so horny—which seems like a race trait meant to ensure a continuation of your kind, but either way you don't exactly seem like you're offering grand and important knowledge."

"You don't know that!"

"That I don't," I said. "My name is Lord Cassius Blackwell, of the House Blackwell, second to none—I am a Blood Tyrant, who wants to spend my days in glory, detested by my enemies and adored by my own kind. That is all I desire and whatever it is that you wish for, shall not be granted or minded by me."

"Didn't you say that your people—"

"They claim that my people are dead, extinguished, but can you honestly believe that?" I chuckled. "Your people, humans are like cockroaches who refuse to die—what more of us Vampires who are apex predators? It might be true that we encountered an issue that has led to the Vampire Society falling and disappearing, but my kind is surely out there and I plan to be at the peak when they fully show themselves once more."

"Then aren't you just like me?" he said.

"In what ways?" I rolled eyes. "I garner that you're not interested in enslaving humanity and that's quite much of a difference already."

"You still want to surround yourself with people—so you're not exactly as closed off as I think you were."

"... our methods are different. We're not the same," I frowned.

He sighed and crossed his chest. "Well, whatever... you're not going to sleep right?"

"I wanted to sleep until you disturbed me."

"Good. It'd be a shame to return back to Eternal Sleep since your people are waiting for you—I mean, I think they're your people, you kind of care about them in your own way. Maybe it's just me. But your methods were and still are... nasty, and I think I should get a stake in the heart because of it, maybe something more." He rubbed his face once again tiredly. "But, do keep in mind that it's never too late? I mean, I'm supposedly dead now, but I'm still here and conversing with you. So, even though there's great evil around the world, which is my hint by the way, it doesn't mean that we have to follow the same path as them, do we?"

"Ugh, human beliefs." I frowned and stared at him. Scenarios, reflections and memories of his past life showed themselves behind him. It confirmed to me of his pathetic existence. "You should know better than I that it's hard to win if you continue to insist on a life that's too straight and narrow. You don't have to worry about evil, for I will be someone that none will defy. I'll walk down the path that I'll choose for myself so quit nagging me. I'll wake up—if only to avoid your insistent yappering."