Cry?

Right now I didn't think I'd ever want him to touch me again, no matter how many showers he took. He disappeared in the bathroom.

The shower ran for a long time. I sat against the headboard, sheets pulled up to my hip when he finally emerged.

I averted my eyes when he dropped his towel and put on a shorts, then he slipped into bed beside me with his back against the headboard. He didn't try to touch me.

"Did you cry?" he asked in a puzzled voice.

"Did you think I wouldn't care?"

"Many women in our world are glad when their husbands use prostitute or take on a mistress. As you said, there are few love marriages. If a woman can't stand her husband's touch, she won't mind him having affairs to satisfy his needs."

I scoffed.

"His needs."

"I'm not a good man, Shen Mi. I never pretended otherwise. There are no good men in this heartless world."

My eyes rested on the tattoo over his heart.

"I know."

I swallowed.

"But you made me think that I could trust you and that you wouldn't hurt me."

"I never hurt you."

Did he really not get it?

"It hurt seeing you with her."

His expression softened.

"Shen Mi, I didn't get the feeling that you wanted to sleep with me. I thought you'd be glad if I didn't touch you."

"When did I say that?"

"When I told you I wanted you, you pulled back. You looked disgusted."

"We were kissing and you said you wanted to eat me more than any other women. Of course, I pulled back. I'm not some bitches you can use when you feel like it. You are never home. How am I supposed to get to know you?"

He looked frustrated. Soldiers men seemed even more clueless than normal men.

"What did you think? I've never done anything. You are the only man I kissed. You knew that when we married. You and my father even made sure it was the case, and despite that you expect me to go from never even having kissed a guy to spreading my legs for you. I wanted to take it slow. I wanted to get to know you so I could relax, I wanted to kiss you and do other things first before we slept together."

Realization finally settled on his features, then he smirked.

"Other things? What kind of other things?"

I glared. I wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"This is useless."

"No, don't."

He turned my face back to him, then dropped his hand. He'd learned his lesson.

"I get it. For men the first time isn't a big deal, or at least it wasn't for the men I know."

"When was your first time?"

"I was 14 years old and my father thought it was time for me to become a real man since I'd already been initiated. 'You can't be a virgin and a killer'. That's what he said."

He smiled coldly.

"He paid two noble prostitutes to spend a weekend with me and teach me everything they knew."

"That's horrible."

"Yes, I suppose it is," He said quietly.

"But I was 14 year old teenage boy who wanted to prove himself. I was the youngest member in the clans. So I didn't want the older men to think of me as a boy. And I felt like a big deal when the weekend was over. I doubt the prostitutes were overly impressed with my performance but they pretended that I was the best lover they'd ever had. My father probably paid them extra for it. It took me a bit to figure out that not all women like it if you come all over their face when they give you a blowjob."

I wrinkled my nose and he let out a laugh.

"Yep," he murmured, then reached for a strand of my hair, and let it glide over his finger.

I wasn't sure why he always did that.