1
"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I wake up screaming, my arm stretched out and explosions were setting themselves off around my fingertips. The only light in the room was coming from those explosions, I can't breathe, I'm covered in a cold sweat and my heart is pounding in my chest. It feels like my rib cage was bruising my heart while it was at it too. I gasp trying to suck in the air that I needed so much of but it didn't seem to actually help me in any way.
Physically I'm sitting on my bed, in my dorm room, my door is locked and the sound absorbing tiles are all over my walls and ceiling. The soft sponges, triangular in shape, would have looked sharp if not for the soft material it was made out of. I turn on my bedside lamp letting the light flood through the room and the familiar landscape helping to calm me back down just a little.
It's not enough...
I stood up on shaky legs and stumbled to a wall that was covered in the soft tiles and pressed myself against it hoping that it would give me some kind of relief, it didn't. I stand back up and walk back to my bed and down the glass of water on my bedside but that didn't seem to help either. I finally look at the clock; it's 3:00 am.
I look down at my shirtless torso and see that I'm still covered in sweat. If anyone asked I could just say that I was working out. I grab a towel and clean clothes and head to the dorm showers and try to scrub the memories out of my head. Nope that didn't work either. Maybe something to eat? I heard somewhere that it was bad luck to talk about your nightmares before eating something. Sounds like bullshit to me but I do feel pretty hungry, besides it's not like I'm going to actually tell anyone about them. No one could ever understand anyway.
I walk into the kitchen to find Deku and Icyhot there rummaging through the pantry too. I'm so tired that I don't even insult them, just grumble before walking over to find some leftover chili and make myself a bowl. Eventually the other two do the same and we eat in silence. My head is still screaming at me to run, to find somewhere to hide. Or even just a better way to die.
I could feel my breathing picking up but nothing I did seemed to ground me again, I was falling. I could feel the knife against my skin, the needles waiting nearby, the slime suffocating me as the fire burned my skin.
A hand lands on top of mine and I snatch it away looking around to see both Deku and Icyhot still there, looking at me. "Kacchan are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" I hissed at him before returning to my nearly gone food and quickly finished before standing up. I went to the sink and cleaned up after myself and put my dishes away.
"We have nightmares too. It's okay," Deku tried to reassure me.
"What the fuck are you talking about? Didn't I say I was fine? I just couldn't sleep and worked out instead," I lied through my teeth before walking away. What does he know about it anyway? How could he know anything about it?
I'm standing in front of my door and right when I'm about to walk inside Kirishima opens his door yawning. "Bakubro? You're up already? That's so manly," I sigh and pull out my phone. It's 5:15 am.
"No I just know when to get up like a normal person," I grumbled, another sleepless night. How much longer can I last? How much longer can I survive on so little sleep? I heard something and realized Kirishima was still talking.
"Just because I'm up doesn't mean I'm all here yet. What the fuck did you say?" I snap at him and he laughs like he should have known.
"Sorry bro, I'll ask when you're in a good mood," he tried to wave me off, only making me angrier.
"I'm always in a good fucking mood, now spit it out!" I could feel my left eye twitching. If this doesn't end soon I really will be in a bad mood.
"Okay Bakubro chill. I was just wanting to know if you wanted to go see a movie with me tonight? Maybe have dinner? It's Friday and we have the weekend off so I thought it could be fun." He was turning red and it took way too long for what he said to click in my head.
"Are you?" There is absolutely no way he is but I'm asking anyway. "Are you asking me out on a date?" My voice could speak volumes on just how much I believed my own words. Which was none at all. There is no way in he-. My thoughts came to a screeching halt at what he said next.
"Yeah, I mean I don't actually know if your gay or not. But I am and I like you, so what do you say? Will you go out with me?" I gaped at him so shocked I think my mouth was actually hanging open. "Earth to Bakubro?" He laughed a little, fidgeting and rubbing his neck. "It's okay if you don't want to, we can still be friends. Right?"
"Yes," I just kept looking at him, surprising myself as I did. Kirishima froze and looked at me just as shocked.
"To which part?" He asked and I could see those puppy dog eyes of his searching my very soul. I have had feelings for him for a little while now but with all my bullshit I didn't really want to add to the drama. But if he was asking me out that means he doesn't care about the drama. Right?
"Dinner and a movie, that's what you asked for right? If you already changed your mind-"
"No! I didn't. I still want to go out with you!" He was almost shouting and it was loud enough that I looked at Shoji's room down the hall. He calmed down a little before going on like a normal person. "How about 6? We can go to dinner first? Tai?"
I smirk a little, "Yeah. Tai sounds good." I turned to my room again and opened the door. Kirishima was practically glittering right there in the hall, forget glowing. "I'll see ya later." He nods happily before skipping down the hall.
That actually happened, Kirishima asked me out and I said yes. I started chuckling to myself for the first time in what was probably months. I have a date? My first date and with another guy at that. Like that really fucking matters, my hag and old man will accept me either way so who else could fucking care? Wait what am I going to wear? I flip on the light and search my closet until I find something nice to wear. Not too overdressed for a dinner and movie but not under dressed either.
I decided on a black tank top with a button up to go over with a pair of my nicer pants. Not over the top but still comfortable. I get ready for school and the day goes by just like any other, maybe with Kirishima hanging on me a little more. I did shout at him for doing it like I usually would just maybe not as much as before.
It was at lunch that he asked what kind of movie I would like in front of the rest of the squad. Not like I cared though. "What's playing?" I ask, trying not to sound as nervous as I actually was.
"Dude you two are going to the movies without us? Not cool!" Kaminari pouted.
I raise an eyebrow at him, "Do you bring friends on your dates?"
They all froze and Kirishima laughed nervously, "I, uh, kind of didn't tell them I was gay..."
I blinked, oh so wait I outed him? "Then you don't want-?" I started to ask, frowning and he interrupted.
"No I do! I just didn't think you would want anyone knowing. You have no idea what it means to me that you are so open with it," He was blushing again and I smiled a bit, damn he is cute. I mean usually he is hot but he is just so soft...
I looked at my squad who were all staring open mouthed at the whole exchange. "Does it matter to you if we are gay?" I shouldn't have asked that. No I should not have asked that! They were congratulating us and making toast with their milk cartons and otherwise drawing unwanted attention towards us.
"Oi shut it! Just because I don't care who knows doesn't mean I want you to scream it!" That was pointless because I was yelling at them. So most of the cafeteria was able to guess or figure it out for themselves. "Eat your fucking lunch and leave me the fuck alone!" I yelled now confusing the other students again but they seemed appeased for now at least.
"So manly bro," Kirishima was looking at me with those stars in his eyes again. What does he really think of me? I guess I will figure that out tonight. I hope.