15 Selling Out for the Scandal Magnet
"So you were preparing to jerk off?"
"Uh, huh."
"And just as you were, someone started kicking your door like a roided-up Spartan."
"Uh, huh."
"So you pleaded for your life like a little bitch?"
"Uh, huh. I mean, what? I wouldn't use those words…."
"Then, by some grace or miracle, she listened to your pleas like an obsequious puppy and left?"
"Wait, what? She ran away just as Rebecca was showing up."
"Yeah, you keep saying that." Rit said, lacing his finger and putting his elbows on his desk, "However, two witnesses testify the opposite.
They claim Rebecca was screaming [I just need you to hold me! We can work things out later. Just hold me!] while she reached for you through the broken door. Are you claiming that didn't happen?"
The virgin and owner were speaking in the man's office the following morning, debriefing the incident.
"W-Wait…." Kline stuttered in shock, "I…."
"Tell me, Kline." The businessman said seriously, "Are you so desperate for a woman you'd chase after a violent monster trying to kill you for dat pooty-tang?"
The baffled virgin's eyes widened in shock. "What are you saying? No! I'm telling you that she wasn't responsible!"
"I can hook you up with a busty woman who will let you noobtube her." Rit said with a dead-serious tone, "Just say the word and glory will be yours, Kline."
"Are you being serious right now?" Kline asked in confusion with a reflexively twitching eye, mentally abandoning Rebecca and switching topics. It was tempting!
"You've done a lot for us, so I'm happy to." The businessman confirmed calmly.
"I've done a lot for Swanson Spa?" The puzzled virgin parroted in confusion, "By not suing the living shit out of you?"
"If you insist on putting it so eloquently, then yes." Rit replied straightly, "Partly, anyway.
You're marketing gold, Kline. With the money you made me last night, I feel obligated to parade you around on a caravan of strippers and midgets.
Oh, I mean little people. I forgot that I was still in quasi-social justice mode."
Kline's eyes widened in perplexity. "Wait, how did I make you a lot of money last night? Don't tell me you're filming Airbnb voyeur videos and hit paydirt with last night's snuff film recording!"
"No, it wasn't due to the video... I mean, an alleged video." The businessman coughed, "How do you not know yet? Don't tell me you haven't checked your handiwork.
Oh, silly me; of course, you haven't done your job. You've been busy protecting a criminal out of desperation. I can't believe I've already forgotten that."
The unenthused virgin frowned. "What do you mean, my job?"
"You're job? Does [Swanson Spa, The Clickbait Paradise Where Where Sadism Is Justice] ring a bell?" Rit mused, flashing him a million-dollar smile.
Kline's eyes trembled, preparing to feed his practiced excuse to the man. However, the businessman had nothing but pure gratitude in his eyes.
The bewildered virgin pulled out his phone and pulled up the blogging app. A moment later, his hands began shaking in disbelief.
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Title: Swanson Spa, The Clickbait Paradise Where Where Sadism Is Justice
Views: 17,281,103 | Likes: +841,803
Comments: 1,282,281
-
SummerKoala: Can we just talk about how mental is that the Swanson Brand Mein Kampf and Anal Bead Combo Set sold out in three minutes after this post…? | +403,287
— Hookiedimples: I got 45 minutes. Where do you want to start? | +123,183
—— ThanosDidNothingWrong: The part where it only took three minutes to confirm a correlation between Nazism and taking things up the ass. | +523,283
…
DesignPrincess: Men are bidding millions to scalp tickets, thus preventing women from getting into a female leadership retreat. Typical. | +99,821
— SoniaTheHedgehog: Those guys are bidding millions to be training models for the females to step on. The thing keeping you out is your lack of talent and intelligence. | +512,382
—— Beezenees: Check out the likes. lol The people have spoken. | +182,831
——— BitterBlossom: The like count only shows that women are the minority wherever they go. | +27,381
———— SoniaTheHedgehog: I'm a woman. Do you not read any part of posts when you comment on them? | +99,283
————— Beezenees: Me too. | +53,829
…
LadyFanatics: My name is Anthony Jacobs. I offer $500,000 to be a training model. | +73,839
— PixelDust: Eww. | +97,283
—— LadyFanatics: Thank you for making my day. | +12,381
——— SarahTitan: This is creepy af. I hate people like you. | +62,388
———— LadyFanatics: Why? Can you please go into detail? | +1,283
————— Ryan_Marr: $82 says this guy had a raging hard on when he asked this question | +183,007
— IslandGuy: I'll double the offer. 1m. DM me for the transaction. | +83,823
—— MarkersManning: 1.2m. I'll reply immediately. | +90,182
——— Supellex: This has ruined my faith in humanity and simultaneously increased my fascination with it. Lol. [Gif: jumbo_popcorn]
…
-
"What's wrong?" Rit asked in puzzlement, watching the light fade from the depleted virgin's eyes.
"I'm glad that my honest post was beneficial for Swanson." Kline said in a monotone voice, "But… I didn't mean to promote these twisted ideals in the process…."
The businessman frowned, understanding the reluctance. He couldn't fault the teen since he also hated the ideals and only liked the byproduct. However, he couldn't just let the teen go.
"Kline, do you understand what the term selling out means?" Rit asked straightly.
"Destroying one's ideals and art for the sake of monetary gain." Kline replied like a drone.
"Exactly." The businessman said, "And with money, you can do anything. Including promoting your ideals and pursuing your frivolous, inconsequential art."
The twisted teen's eyes snapped open when he felt a violent blast of deja vu crackle through his brain. Something told him that money was the key to freeing him from writing blog posts! Therefore, the natural option was—
"What are you offering?" Kline asked with a poker face, using the full weight of his acting skills to look professional, "I assure you, Mr. Manson. My ideals matter a lot to me."
"$150,000 a post." Rit replied, lowballing the virgin like a pansy with narrowed eyes.
"Done." The shocked teen replied in a daze. There was no way in fucking hell he'd risk cutting off a deal when he'd get paid six figures to write the truth! It's not like it'd harm his reputation!
The businessman smiled, remembering the strange man was still eighteen and thus naive. He had made more on the last day than he had in his lifetime, so he felt slightly obligated to do more.
"Well then, it's a deal." Rit smiled, reaching out his hand to Kline, who shook it vigorously, "Now let's just sign this paper stating that Rebecca was responsible before the door incident, and we'll set you up with a few highly enthusiastic women."
Kline's facial expression crumbled when he saw a pre-typed witness account from him, Kline Noble, awaiting his signature.
It stated that Rebecca was responsible and also had blatantly false claims. For example, she yelled, "I hate men! You're a man! I'm going to kill you!" The scriptwriter was god fucking awful at their craft. It was truly remarkable.
Reading it put a damper on the windfall he got, leading to a frown.
"Sorry, but I'm not signing this." Kline stated in a downcast tone, making the businessman sweat, "She tried to help me, and you're trying to set her up."
The melancholy virgin stood up solemnly and turned around to walk out the door. Just reading the piece of paper made him feel depressed AF!
"W-Wait!" Rit cried, making the teen turn around, "Let's talk about this, yeah?"
"Sorry, Mr. Manson." Kline smiled wryly, "I'll help you sell your fetish, but I won't frame an innocent woman who offered to let me touch her funbags to bail you out whatever lawsuit you're getting threatened with."
"That's cold, don't you think?" The businessman chuckled awkwardly, wincing slightly.
"I attended a workshop yesterday called [Making Strong Men Your Bitch With Litigation]." The salty virgin frowned, "You reap what you sow."
"Look, Kline. I'll make you a deal." Rit announced with a wry smile, triggering the teen's attention, "I'll give you a million—"
"Not interested." Kline interjected.
"—to uncover who's threatening the lawsuit and stopping them." The businessman finished with a twitching cheek, "Then Rebecca can stay, and you can be wealthy.
Rebecca's interested in you. So if you both consent, I'll give you two the private bath suite to do whatever you want with for the rest of the retreat."
"Deal." The determined virgin replied resolutely with a fire burning in his eyes.
"Very well." Rit sighed a breath of relief. "I'll respond by saying that you adamantly refused, and I need time to convince you.
Whoever is doing this seems very attached to you, so I'll say you dislike whoever's involved in this setup. Is that okay? I promise not to put you in unnecessary danger for excuses."
Kline's eyes glided to the left. "Wait, why do you think it isn't Catalina?"
He was interested because Rit looked clueless about who it was, despite getting threatened with litigation the day before! He knew the man was a scandal magnet, but he didn't imagine he got so many threats he'd lose track of who sent them!
"Catalina's the good part of the problem." Rit replied confidently, "She's exerting an erotic amount of dominance to protect you. However, I feel she's getting manipulated.
There's a second person involved in the litigation threats; that's a certainty. And while Catalina's involvement is pure, the person that's leading...."
Kline narrowed his eyes after hearing the undertone. "She's what?"
"Look, Kline." The businessman said seriously, "I've paid for services that web novel writers wouldn't touch. My life would traumatize a Catholic priest during a five-minute confession. The things I—"
"I get it; you're a sexual misconduct superstar." The annoyed virgin said in annoyance.
"Allegedly." The brown-haired man smiled.
"Just tell me." Kline scoffed, rolling his eyes.
"I'm prefacing for a reason, Kline." Rit said ominously, "I've faced the worst types of women imaginable. However, this woman, Kline—she's a monster.
And she's got her eye on you; you need to be careful."
The man's serious expression sent shivers down Kline's spine. He didn't know the story, but anyone that could get the man before him to declare such a thing was unthinkable.
Whoever he was up against, she was far worse than he imagined.
