1 Chapter One

no, people can't change...

~not until they find a reason to~

TW: nightmare, angst, slight sign of violence

Lily • Rosa • Jeanine • Park

A penetrating morning sunshine, subtly trying to penetrate through the thin gaps between my undrawn curtains, causing the sun to shine bright, right into my eyes. And a loud bird chirping, echoing in my head, that always sounded so peaceful and welcoming, today sounds somehow bothering.

Yesterday I came home drunk. I had a bad headache, it felt like someone was constantly hitting my head with a hammer. Dumb me, I thought for myself. The plan was to just have a few drinks with Anne-Marie, my best friend, here from Italy; and with Luca, my Korean-Italian brother-like best friend, to celebrate my acceptance to my dream university. But they also brought Anne-Marie's brother Léo; my best friends from high school Hanako and Noemi. It was already enough people they brought, but what didn't I find out, that they even called my cousin Renée and her fiancé Han-seok. So we ended up drinking the whole night.

As a result, my head ached so much that I decided to continue sleeping.

Slowly turning around in my bed, trying to find a more comfortable position to lay on, suddenly I heard a quiet rustling over my body.

Not figuring out who could have entered my room, as I live with my mom and my older brother, who never enters my room in the morning, I secretly freaked out. So after careful consideration, I decided to pretend that I'm asleep. Clearly I couldn't think straight, as I couldn't resist, but to try to look, unnoticed, who the person sticking above me is.

As I slowly tried to open my eyes, impatient to find the other person's identity, I must have been spotted by the person above me, because my eyes were quickly covered by a big, soft hand, causing me not see anything, or more precisely - darkness. Making me feel uncomfortable, uneasy and shocked.

I got afraid what could have happened if I try to take the hand off my eyes, so I just laid there, not moving a tiny bit, thinking strong of different way of how to escape from him arms.

Immediately, hearing the other person make a unobservable but effective move, trying to get closer to my ear, barely hearing anything, yet I heard a slight whisper, which freaked me out.

"Do not try to run away from me. I'll find you even if I have to search the whole world," he said with a deep husky voice, me figuring out the gender of the person, causing shivers go down my spine and my heart pounding like never before.

I panicked as I tried to remove his hand from my eyes, terrified from the nervousness filling me inside. I foolishly fought with his hand, instantly felt like screaming for help.

When I finally managed to release from his grip, furious to look at his face, at that moment~ I suddenly woke up, lightning fast sitting down, sweating and panting like I just ran a marathon, spotting my mom holding my shoulders and my brother Teo sitting on my bed and shouting on me to wake up. I figured out that I had a nightmare.

They seemed so relieved when I woke up. I could see it in their faces. Sweat dripping down their foreheads, sighing from relief, first they looked at each other and then at me, my mom deciding to speak first.

"What happened baby?" I could see she was worried af. "When we heard you shouting, we immediately ran up there." She let out. "My heart nearly jumped out of my chest, I was scared to death," she admitted, a tear rolling down her cheek, causing me to feel at fault.

"I'm sorry, mom," I said, lowering my eyes, looking down, not wanting to look at her, not really sure what to say.

"I just...had a nightmare," I admitted, still shocked.

•

•

"Mom, don't cry," I finally looked at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" I said, looking her right in the eyes, frowning in pity, feeling guilty.

"No, It's okay baby. Don't feel bad. I was just so scared, if anything happened to you; I never experienced you have nightmares this bad, ever. That's why..." She explained.

"Are you okay?" She asked, worried. Looking at me, not being able to read my face as I lowered my head so that she could not see my tears. I quickly wiped them off and decided to speak:

"Mom," I took her hands in mine, squeezed them and looked up. "It's really nothing, don't worry, I'm okay. I just had a bad dream, that's all." I said, trying to console her with simple, but caring words.

She looked at me, a smile appearing on her face. "Okay, baby. I'm so glad you're okay." She admitted, planting a kiss on my forehead, tearing up, and then hugging me, her hand slowly and gently caressing my back. Me placing my chin on her shoulder, turning my head to Teo's direction.

I took a quick glance at Teo's face and we smiled at each other, me signaling him to join the hug. First, he hesitated, but then he obeyed and joined. I instantly felt better, feeling the calmness filling the room as the three of us sat there, hugging each other, feeling the warmth of their bodies.

• • •

After a while, my mom left my room, leaving me alone with my brother. As soon as she closed the door, Teo looked at me, trying to read my face and asking.

"Are you really okay?" Care visible in his face. He wanted to make sure I'm okay. "Yeah, don't worry." I assured him and we both hugged each other tight, once again. "Okay then," he said, pulling away, showing a bright smile, but then immediately showing a serious face, looking me right in the eyes.

"If you'll ever need anything, or something will trouble you, just tell me, call me, or text me, or whatever, okay?" He said, reassuring me to know that I can lean on him anytime. "I'm gonna go to the gym, wanna come with me?" He asked, changing the subject. He looked at me curious if I want his company.

"Yeah, sure. I'll be happy to." I said, smiling and also leaving one on his face. "Okay, let's go." He announced and jumped happily, heading out of the room, then stopping, looking back at me, suddenly looking down, as if he was thinking about something, or planing something, then brought his head back up, smiled or more precisely - smirked, which caused me to suspect him. Then he continued walking...probably to his room, me taken away from thinking what his evil plans might be.

I'm so glad to have a brother and mother like this. They're so reliable and supporting, just like my father was...back when he was still with us. Because, he actually isn't dead, nor he left us, nor divorced my mom, they're still together, he just... isn't living with us, nor we have any contact with him. I mean me and Teo.

At times, there are still moments I hear my mom talking with someone on her phone, with closed door. At that times, we are forbidden to disturb, or bother. That's when we know, she's talking to dad.

It's been a 12 long years, since he moved away, nor we had any contact with him. Back when I was 10 and Teo was 15. He just disappeared from our lifes. Like a ghost.

But then, years after, Teo even tried to look up for him. He was asking mom, where he is or where to find him, but mom always kept her word not to tell us. For us to be safe, she said.

Matteo even became a policeman, to be strong and to be able to protect us, but then he left that work, because my mom begged him. He couldn't do anything, so he just cancelled the contract.

Then years after, he finally gave up trying to find him. It's worthless, he thought. So he stopped trying. Even though, my mom still receives phone calls from him. We don't really care anymore. Or, we just can't do anything about it, can't find him. I asked mom, if we'll ever meet him again, and she didn't give me a full answer. She just said that there is still a lot of time.

But thinking back of the time when he was still with us, I was yet a child, and Teo, a misunderstood teenager. So much has happened. So much he couldn't witness with us. Our first loves, our 18th birthday nor the happiest moments in our lives, such as family occasions, winter or summer holidays, full of fun etc.. Anything.

But when we asked mom, why he couldn't stay with us, as we didn't understand, she said that he had to leave, for our good, that's all. Nothing more, nothing less.

After this, we finally learned how to live without him. Slowly, painfully, but we learned. Not being able to change the reality that he might never come back, or we might never see him again. Not being able to do anything with it, we accepted the world of his absence.

That's why, I'm so thankful for my mom and Teo. Even though I'm not mad at dad for leaving, he lost so much from my life. That's why I feel more attached to mom and my brother. That's why they're special for me, because they are here, they always were. They didn't leave. They stayed. And they are always there for me.

• • •

*3 hours later*

"Uh! I'm so done!" I said, completely out of energy.

"But I enjoyed it." I admitted, looking at Teo, smiling.

"I did too. It was nice to finally get out with you somewhere else than the convenience store."

"Shit, that's sad..." I admitted, painfully.

"But that's a good reason to change that!" I declared, standing straight, hands placed on my waist, hoping he would agree.

"Damn sis, what happened to you; I love this new you." He said, disbelief shown in his face, then smiling brightly.

• • •

We drove to the nearest Mall, me not having a clue what he was planning. Teo parked the car, opened the door and started to get out of the car. I did the same thing, but as soon as he saw me opening the door, he closed it, reaching from the driver's seat. I couldn't even say a word and he was already out, opening the door for me. I looked at him in disbelief, not accepting what I was seeing.

"Are you not gonna get out? For how long I supposed to stand here for?" He asked, causing me to come to my senses. He reached his hand out to help me get up. I got out of the car with his help, still staring at him, slowly letting go of his hand.

"What? Can't I be a gentlemen for once?" He asked, a little embarrassed.

"No...I mean, yes, I mean...n-nevermind..." I stuttered and brushed it off, being thankful and confused at the same time.

We then continued, walking to the Mall from the underground garages, me still clueless of what we are doing here, awkward silence filling up the room.

"I have a surprise for you." He spoke, out of nothing, breaking the awkward silence between us, one-eyeing me, focused on my face. I turned my head at him, my eyes eating him up.

"What? What kind of? Surprise?!" I spoke so fast that he had to stop me to not tangle up my tongue.

"Yes, a surprise, you'll see in a moment..." He spoke causing the tension to rise.

"C'mon, just tell me!!" I begged him to tell me.

"If I tell you, It won't be a surprise anymore!" He refused to tell me.

"Teooo, don't be so mysterious, c'mon tell me-" He suddenly pointed with his finger on a store, causing me to stop talking.

We just stood there, staring on a huge store, full of products meant for vacations, such as swimming fins, diving equipment, pool toys, inflatable sunbeds, etc.. I looked at Teo in disbelief, with bulged eyes.

"Are you going on vacation?" I asked him, excited and shocked.

"No." He said. Me instantly feeling disappointed, sending him a shower of words. "C'mon, then why are we here-" I couldn't finish the sentence as he spoke.

"WE are going on vacation!"

To be continued...