Chapter 39

COLLINS' POV

"Collins sweetie please calm down" my mother shrieked wringing her hands in fear. She wisely stood 20 feet away.

Right now I was not her son. I had become a demented person who was hell-bent on making everything around me suffer.

This was not the first time she was saying that sentence. As her voice increased with each word as well as her desperate pleas ignored her as I had been doing for the past ten minutes. I didn't heed her growing screams and her clutching her chest as if she was having a heart attack. Actually, I would be appreciative if she did take a trip to the hospital or anywhere in the world. Preferably Timbuktu. That was not happening anytime soon so to pacify I threw another mirror on the ground and watched with the greatest satisfaction as it shattered to dozens upon dozens of pieces.

The pleasure was so great that I just had to grab another. Then another, then another. To cut it short anything that I could get my hands on was destroyed. I didn't care who get hurt in the process.

"Collins, I know that you are angry but you are really scaring me. You need to calm down" Ashley begged, standing by my mother. She as well was trying to avoid the wreckage that I was leaving.

If lignored my own mother then what makes her think I would listen to her?

From the corner of my eye I saw the wet bar that up till then had been safe from carnage and destruction. Heading swiftly to it, I started throwing the bottles, ice buckets, glasses, on the

floor and on the wall. Drinks were shattered along with the glass. Some of the best liquor in the country were all gone.

Gone in a matter of minutes. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered to me anymore. Nothing. What good is all my hard work if have no one to leave it to?

"Collins" Ashley screamed at me bringing me out of my thoughts.

The closest thing next to me was a vase left standing was a base I got as a present from my grandma. I promptly threw that against the wall.

"Collins please calm down" Judy screamed clutching her tummy. I don't know why but I detested her at the moment.

No I have detested her ever since she and her husband announced they were expecting their first child about 7 and a half weeks ago.

All it took was one look at her and the anger and bitterness hit me like tsunami. I was filled with different forms of emotions, but the most apparent was rage. Here she was carrying her child and I was left with nothing. Here she was picking out baby names and I was left to pick up the pieces of my life. She was busy shopping for onesies and whatnot. Planning a baby showers. Giving interviews and having her pictures taken in magazines left, right, and center.

Isn't life funny? Ashley was the one who insisted that I sign my rights to my child away. She encouraged me. No she forced me to give my children away. She all but demanded that I force Diane to abort my baby in order to blot out any trace or existence of me and Diane's DNA on this earth. And now she demands that I calm down?! What rubbish. Everything she had was supposed to be mine. The spouse, the child they were all supposed to be mine. Mine!

I stopped smashing for a minute to gather my thought. I heard sighs and gasps.

Turning my face, I saw looks of relief on their faces. But that look was quickly replaced by what I said next.

"Get out" in a deathly quiet voice.

I didn't hear anyone moving. "I said get out! I want to be left alone!" I bellowed.

But I didn't hear the scurrying of feet or the door closing.

Guess they were not that scared of me. Pity.

Pity. That was the word that summed up my life. My life was pitiful. I had a pitiful family and pitiful lawyers.

How dare him! Since that little worm, Jude had come up with the last hurrah, I had been seething. I had left the courtroom without a word not even waiting for my parents who had hitched a ride with me. I just hopped in my car and sped off home. I won't be surprised if I get 20 tickets tomorrow. All the while the same thoughts came running to my head.

How dare Diane! How dare all of them to think that they can take away my sons. My sons! My little boys. Not to speak of giving them the last name Sinclair. They were Dwight's.

Through and through. They were my blood. They had the Dwight blood running through their veins. They were flesh of my flesh.

I get it. I get that I made a mistake, an unforgivable mistake. I was still human. I was trying to correct and repent for my wrong doings and where has it gotten me? Nowhere. A spit in the face. A slap in the face by that woman. That woman that I had once loved. Where had it all gone wrong?

I was losing everything. I was losing my mind and my body.

This was not fair. This could not be right. In all my life I had never once regretted a thing. Not once, not even when I failed a class or got arrested, or done anything stupid. I never once had an iota of regret. I just saw it as a teaching moment.

Something that came with life. Nothing mattered much to me.

There was no sense of deep regret.

But now I was regretting my life. I was regretting letting things slide. Above all, I was regretting the day that I turned my backs on my sons. The day that I let my pride, ignorance, arrogance, prejudice and heartlessness rob me of the happiest moments of my life. Right now I can see myself in that room on that day. The day that I had signed the best things of my life away.

Funny isn't it? Up until four months ago I had forgotten that day. Now for the last four months, it was becoming the air that I breathe. Every time that I open my eyes, I can see myself signing that paper. If I could go back in time I would. I would tell that young man not to listen to what anyone said about Diane. I will tell the young me to accept the kids because they will become more precious to me than anything else.

Life is not fair. Why me? Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did I have to be so callous and heartless? I don't know why I did what I did. I have racked my brain countless of time trying to come up with a reason for disowning my children. And absolutely nothing makes sense. Even a child will not accept any of my reason. My subconscious kept mocking me and berating me.

remember what I was thinking that day, but I don't know why I did what I did. I now recall, seeing myself praying that that woman will lose the child. I remember praying that Diane will just die along with her baby because I didn't think her worthy to carry my heirs. To carry my precious jewels. To be the mother of my children. And now the mother was keeping me away from them. The same woman who had begged me to be a part of their lives.

The day that I signed my own life away. Life was not fair. Here was I in the prime of my life and I didn't have anyone to be proud of. Here I was ready to settle down and have a family and I couldn't have that. I wanted my boys.

I had lost everything. Nothing makes sense anymore. I knew the trial was all but lost. The judge would surely not turn to my favor. From the little I read of him he was a family man. I got to hand it to Diane and George's lawyers they were good.

They were some of the best I have ever seen. Their defense was solid. I would applaud them if I didn't detest them so much.

This was pure evilness. I didn't care which side you are standing at. I had the right to be in the lives of my son. I had that right. The system was downright useless. Here it was trying to keep me away from my children when they let children get abused and killed every day. And I was the bad one?

I couldn't give up. I was Collins Dwight. I was the man that for battle and competition that rendered on psychotic. But that was who I was. I had studied for years to be classified as one of the best business tvcoons in America and in Europe and in Asia. I was the guy who everybody loved, the crazy playboy.

The one who could crack a joke and get everyone on the floor rolling with laughter. I was the lovable one. Loved and respected by anyone who is anyone. I was loyal and had the backs of my family and friends. And they had my backs.