10 Chapter 9: In The Vast Sea

Impossible!

It was impossible! Simply impossible! Wrong! Unreal! Impossible! How?! From where?! Why? How can this be? I studied at the most advanced academy, had access to the latest discoveries, the best teachers in the most progressive country! I was better than everyone in everything! I aimed to be perfect in everything! Why does he know so much? Why is he so educated?! This is impossible! Why can't I solve his problems? His examples? Answer his questions? Where does he get such knowledge?

Where? Where? Where?

"Where?" I hear my voice; I must have inadvertently spoken my thoughts aloud.

"What's this? Are my insights into various sciences so shocking that you've lost your voice? Or can't you solve such simple problems? It's so easy!" Hearing the demon's response, I look back at the parchment filled with writing. I reach out with trembling hands, and I see them shaking. He has driven me to such a state again, no, this time it's much worse.

What a repulsive feeling. Realizing that someone is vastly superior to me in many things where I used to believe there was no equal.

Disgusting...

"Why? Why can't I handle this?" My trembling whisper escapes me.

No matter how long I stare at the problems and examples written by the spirit, I couldn't even begin to imagine how to solve them. It drove me to a level of frustration I had never experienced before. Keeping my emotions in check became difficult. I wanted to curse everything and everyone, but I held back, despite the fuel being poured on the fire. The spirit enjoyed asking questions to which I simply couldn't provide answers because no one knew the answers!

"Oh, it seems like this is hitting you hard, huh?" Surprise—what is he surprised about? How irritating, infuriating! It's infuriating!

"Why? Where? Where did you get this knowledge? You're not an ordinary spirit! Answer me! Right now!" I raise my voice slightly, speaking to the demon. I couldn't stand his patronizing tone, snide remarks, and criticism anymore.

"I've told you before, for some questions, you'll need my forgiveness or trust to get an answer," the demon's response only added fuel to my anger.

"You... You can't! You can't just hide behind that! I... I..." It's difficult to speak; I'm choking. I need to take a breath.

"Why are you like this? You're not a spirit; no, you're a demon! Spirits can't know so much! So many modern things! Many discoveries were made by scientists from my country! The best country! The most progressive and powerful one! Some spirit can't know more than me, the heir to all of this! And especially can't possess more progressive knowledge!" I finish my speech by pounding my fist on the table.

"Azula, calm down. You're too loud."

"Grrr," my growling breath is accompanied by a small burst of fire, but I don't care right now. How dare this parasite try to command me?

"To hell with my volume, who are you to know all of this?" Trembling with helplessness and anger, I hiss in response.

"Calm down," he says.

"Calm down?! Me?!" I raise my voice again. How dare he give me orders...

Slap! I feel pain on my right cheek. Did he just slap me? The list of reasons for the demon's agonizing death just got longer. I'll make sure to remember this, you parasite!

"Feeling better?" his calm tone. I hate it! I hate it with all my heart!

"Grrrr..." this audacious creature takes advantage of his safety and remains unpunished. Again! I'll destroy him! Crush him! He will suffer!

"Stop growling; the guard is already frightened by your behavior," what?

Guard? That's all I needed! I quickly and silently get up, approach the door, and look through the small window. Indeed, a patrol guard. He behaves suspiciously, slowly moves away, and quietly disappears. Taking a brief look through the window, I step back, leaning against the wall, realizing.

He heard...

"Don't be mad at me. There was a guard patrolling outside the door, and I had to resort to extreme measures. He probably heard something from our conversation, most likely your growling," the demon is right. I need to calm down, not get angry at his calm tone of voice.

Inhale, exhale, flames. Inhale, exhale, flames. Inhale, exhale, flames...

Resorting to breathing techniques, I calm the raging storm of emotions. Regaining control over my feelings. I needed to do this as soon as possible before I made even more foolish mistakes.

"I want to sleep. Enough competition for today," I didn't want anything more, just to sleep. This day had drained all my strength. I never thought that handing control of my hands over to a parasite would end like this.

It's better to leave everything for tomorrow. I wasted too much time trying to solve the demon's puzzles. It must be dark outside by now. There were too many discoveries in one day, too much the spirit had revealed to me, and it's hard to imagine how much he was hiding. Most of it had hit me too hard.

"What was that tantrum about?" his voice, how annoying. The persistent parasite, never giving me a moment's peace.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You won't even thank me? After all, I did take care of your reputation by stopping the tantrum. And I'm very curious about its reasons. It was very unlike you."

I shed my clothes and armor, then lay down on the bed. I extinguished the lamps with a snap of my fingers. Pulling the blanket over my head, I didn't want to think about anything or talk to anyone. I hadn't felt this drained and miserable in a long time.

"Azula," the demon insists...

"You're right. You stopped me when I let my emotions get the better of me, and I could have harmed my reputation. Thank you," I replied calmly to the demon.

Regaining control over my emotions, my mind couldn't stop pondering the acquired information. But now, I didn't want to do anything, just think and analyze. The expressed gratitude was a calculated move for the future. I needed to stick to the plan; he had to trust me.

"You're welcome, always. But what was that tantrum about? Were my knowledge really that upsetting to you?" If only I knew the reasons for my own behavior... I needed more control. Emotions shouldn't overshadow reason, it's all your fault, demon.

"My answer remains the same, spirit."

"Oh, so in this way, trust won't develop between us," he responded with disappointment.

"Trust? That's foolishness."

"It's what brings people together into groups, families, tribes, countries, superpowers, and so on. Everything is built on trust."

"Nonsense. Fear unites people, not trust," where did this naive fool get such knowledge? It irritated me even more.

"Why do you think that way?" his voice was so annoying; I didn't want to talk to him anymore.

"Spirit, sometimes girls need to be alone with themselves."

"I don't recall you having your monthly cycles. Or do you disguise those red days so well? That would explain a lot about your behavior tonight," the parasite speculated, causing irritation and disgust. There were certain personal matters I didn't want to discuss with him.

"No, I just want to be alone. Could you do me a favor and pretend you don't exist?"

"Oh, did my knowledge of the world upset you so much? If you want, I can teach you many things," what?

"Really? Wait, you said..."

"I meant a source of knowledge. I won't tell you where it comes from, and many of them will remain with me. But if you ask the right question, I might be able to answer it and teach you useful things that could help your entire country," is he telling the truth? No, he's lying! Probably lying. But it's better to keep playing, not giving in to emotions.

"Um... thank you. I need to think. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Azula."

The spirit left me.

I was left alone with my thoughts. Did he tell the truth about his knowledge? I don't think so. He'll probably only share what he's not afraid to reveal. But even so, it's progress. Knowledge is knowledge, and once I have it, I can determine its value. Despite the unexpected emotional outburst, which was a surprise, I managed to improve our relationship with the unknown spirit and learn a lot about him. If our conversations continue beyond studying, I can learn even more and extract possibly very valuable information. Perhaps he knows much more useful things than he's willing to share.

These were good news, but why did I behave so impulsively? Monthly cycles? No, I track my cycle. His erudition hurt my self-esteem, but to this extent? No, it can't be. The influence of the spirit? Did he do something to my body again? Most likely, that's the case. Probably everything he did was part of his plan to gain my trust. Well, I can play along with that. By unraveling his not-so-complicated plan, I can use it to my advantage and eventually gain his trust. Afterward, it will be easier to extract his knowledge. Perhaps he knows much more valuable information than he's willing to share.

Lost in thought about the spirit, his knowledge, his personality, his goals, and the perceived threat, I fell asleep without even realizing it.

(***)

"Good morning, how did you sleep?" Azula heard the spirit's voice as soon as she woke up.

"As if you don't know," she replied with a touch of irritation, getting up from the bed and starting to adjust her nightgown. With sheer willpower, she quickly banished any sleepiness and fatigue from her system. She had gone to bed later than usual due to her late-night conversation with the spirit.

"I'm not omniscient. Are you sure you didn't get enough sleep? Lately, you've been so tense. You could use more relaxation," the spirit continued with a cheerful tone.

"Relax? Between tasks, you mean?" Azula replied casually, examining herself in the mirror.

"Why so surprised? Relax, unwind, do soul-soothing activities. Take hot baths, listen to music, read stories, do foolish things, have fun with fr... let's skip that part. In general, do all the things your peers do when they relax," the spirit continued after a pause, but Azula understood.

"I don't have time or the desire for that," Azula calmly replied, recalling that she didn't have many friends, but that was beside the point.

"You know, you're like tempered steel," the spirit unexpectedly remarked.

"Really? What's that comparison supposed to mean?" Azula asked, surprised by the spirit's words.

"Hard but brittle, and the harder you are, the more fragile you become in the end," the spirit explained kindly. Azula knew about the details of tempering steel but still considered such a statement to be the usual nonsense that spirits liked to talk about.

"Nonsense. Let's finish here; I need to attend to my duties. We can continue our conversation in the same manner in the evening," she replied.

"You definitely need to learn how to relax. You're too tense," the spirit replied before Azula left her cabin to go about her business.

This day was not much different from the previous one for Azula. Upon waking up, she immediately visited her servants, who were located on the same floor adjacent to her chambers, along with part of the imperial entourage. The team of handmaidens quickly got her looking her best. In his usual manner, the spirit cheekily commented that without her servants, the princess would become utterly helpless.

The girls did everything to perfection. Next was breakfast, followed by her studies and training. She spent almost the entire day on these activities, alternating between theoretical study of some particularly important subjects, practice in controlling lightning, and practice in controlling fire. Despite having graduated from the capital's academy for girls and receiving her diploma, she continued to study. Advisors Lo and Li taught her about politics, strategy, economics, and other subjects that received little attention at the academy. Azula never stopped learning, much like the parasite that had taken up residence in her body, never ceasing to chatter and comment on practically every action she took.

And so, the entire day passed. In the evening, the princess continued to compose verses about forgiveness for the spirit, trying to secure that very forgiveness. The spirit, evidently pitying the princess, allocated a bit of time for small knowledge competitions, where he too often emerged with brilliant victories. However, Azula was no longer concerned about losing. She eagerly absorbed all the knowledge the spirit had to offer, listening with great interest to almost every word he spoke.

"Do you know, I've been feeling rather bored lately. Maybe you know a mind-stimulating game?" the spirit asked casually while Azula struggled to solve a problem he had just set for her. And this was after ten minutes of explanations.

"Hmm... the only thing that comes to mind is Pai Sho, but I don't know the rules of the game, and I don't have any pieces. I've always considered such pastimes a waste of time," Azula replied, pondering the spirit's words.

"You're mistaken. There are some games that are good for developing your thinking and analytical skills... you know, I have an idea, but it's better to save it for tomorrow. I need to think it through. There will be something to occupy ourselves with. I think it's already too late, you should get some rest for tomorrow," the spirit replied thoughtfully.

"You've changed your mind about sharing your knowledge with me?" Azula asked, adding a touch of disappointment to her voice.

"No, I just think you really need to get some rest. A fresh mind works better than an exhausted one, and you haven't had a proper rest since yesterday. Go to sleep. Or are you trying to pull a tale out of me?" the spirit playfully responded, but he received a completely unexpected reaction.

"Hmm. So, the spirit doesn't know any tales? Tell me one, and I'll judge for myself whether you can or can't," Azula continued to insist with a slight smile, thinking that hearing a story before sleep couldn't hurt.

"I didn't quite expect this, as I mentioned before, I'm not good at telling tales," the spirit replied, slightly flustered, while the princess changed into her sleepwear.

"Really, a spirit who doesn't know any tales? Just tell one, and I'll decide for myself," Azula persisted, lying down on her bed and covering herself with a blanket.

"Goodnight, Azula."

"I'm still waiting for my story," Azula insisted, determined to hear a tale from the spirit.

"Goodnight," the spirit repeated, leaving the princess without a bedtime story.

"Yes! I defeated you because I'm the best! You'll never wash away the shame and humiliation!'' declared the girl triumphantly, looking down at the improvised chessboard with a fiery gaze. Overwhelmed by her emotions, she even stood up from the table and clenched her fists.

"What a spirited reaction. Congratulations on your first victory. You quickly grasped the rules of the game. Well done," the spirit replied, quite impressed by the princess's enthusiastic behavior.

"Why are you so calm? You lost! In a total rout! It took me less than half a dozen games with you to secure a solid victory. You should be suffering, ashamed, humiliated!" Azula retorted to the spirit, unable to comprehend how he could remain so composed after losing.

"Haha," the spirit chuckled at her highly sensitive speech.

"You see, as a rule, defeat teaches us much more than victory. My loss motivates me to improve. To become better than I am now. We will play chess again, and I'll try to surprise you. And your three victories warm my heart, even though I don't have one," the spirit replied, not taking the princess's words too seriously.

"Excuses from the losing side," the princess responded playfully, raising an eyebrow.

"It's too late now. Let's continue tomorrow. You did enjoy the game, didn't you?" the spirit playfully replied, not taking the princess's words to heart.

"She's not as bad as I had imagined. And no, we won't continue tomorrow," Azula replied.

"Why not? I thought you found it more interesting than studying or writing poetry, and such activities are quite beneficial for the mind," the spirit inquired, sounding puzzled.

"Tomorrow we arrive at the port of Shu Jing, and nearby is the Piandao estate," the princess explained as she began to change into her sleep attire.

"Got it, so we'll play later," the spirit replied nonchalantly, taking in the information.

"Later," Azula replied ambiguously.

Once she had changed, she lay down on her large, soft bed, clasping her hands behind her head. Sleep refused to come to the princess.

"Spirit?" she called out to the suddenly silent spirit, who hadn't even wished her a good night.

"Azula?"

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm occupied with my spiritual matters, and I won't give you an answer. I have plenty to do besides watching the world through your eyes. Why? Did you want to talk to me before bedtime?" the spirit inquired with a hint of delight, as if savoring something pleasant. He didn't even hide his enjoyment of their conversation.

"Yes. Are you sure I should go to Piandao alone, without any escorts?" she asked calmly, as if discussing a neutral matter like the weather.

"Why not? Just go and tell him you want to study under the best sword master. Let him teach you everything he deems necessary. Then you'll quickly learn everything, and I'll share more important information with you. I would even say critically important information. After that, we'll see," the spirit replied, as usual, dropping hints and saying nothing explicitly.

"It's an unpleasant feeling to be in the dark and act blindly," she responded in a disappointed tone.

"But it's so much fun," the spirit replied.

"Am I having fun, it seems?" Azula raised an eyebrow again.

"But I am having fun. Goodnight, Azula. You're a great player and a good conversationalist," the spirit wished her good night in his usual manner, offering a light compliment to the princess.

"Goodnight, spirit. You're a weak player and a mediocre conversationalist," the princess replied with a smile before closing her eyes.

"As always, ruthless, but that's what I like about you," the spirit thought as Azula fell asleep, allowing him to continue with his own affairs.

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