11 In the vast sea

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Impossible!

It was impossible! Just impossible! Wrong! Unreal! Impossible! How?! How?! Why? How can this be? I went to the most advanced academy, had access to the latest discoveries, the best teachers in the most progressive country! I was the best at everything! Striving to be perfect in everything! Why does he know so much? Why is he so educated?! It's impossible! Why can't I solve his problems? His examples? Answer his questions? How can he have such knowledge?

How? How? From where?

- How? - I hear my voice, I must have been knocked out I involuntarily said my thoughts out loud.

"What is it? Are you so shocked by my knowledge of various sciences that you're at a loss for words? Or are you simply unable to solve such simple problems? It's so simple!" - Hearing the demon's reply, I glance again at the written parchment. Reaching out with my hands, I see them shaking. He had brought me to this state again, no, this time it was much worse.

What a disgusting feeling. To realise that someone is an order of magnitude better than me at so many things I previously thought I was unrivalled at.

It's disgusting.

- Why? Why can't I handle it? - comes out of my mouth in a trembling whisper.

No matter how many times I looked at the spirit-written problems with examples, I couldn't imagine how I could solve them. It was pissing me off like never before. It became difficult to contain my emotions. I wanted to curse everything and everyone, but I held back. Despite the oil on the fire. The spirit liked to ask questions I couldn't answer. Because nobody knew the answer to them!

"Oh, I see this is a big blow for you, huh?" - surprise, what is he surprised about? How annoying, infuriating, infuriating! Pissed off!

- Why? Why? Where did you get this knowledge? You're no ordinary spirit! Answer me! Now! - I raise my voice a little, I tell the demon. I had no more strength to endure his patronising tone, and his snide remarks with criticism.

"I've already told you many times, to answer some questions you will need my forgiveness, or in this case trust," - another response of the demon only added fuel to the fire of my anger.

- You... You can't! You just can't cover yourself with this! I...I...I..." it was hard to speak, choking, needing to inhale.

- Why are you like this? You're not a spirit, no, you're a demon! Spirits can't know so many things! So many modern things! Many discoveries have been made by scientists from my country! The best country! The most progressive and the most powerful! Some spirit cannot know more than I, the heir to it all! Much less can have more progressive knowledge! - I slam my fist on the table as I finish my speech.

"Azula, calm down. You're too loud."

- R-r-r-r-r-r-rr," the snarling breath was accompanied by a small exhalation of fire, but I didn't care right now. The parasite dares to command me!

- I don't give a damn about the volume, who are you to know all this! - Shaking with helplessness and anger, I hissed back at him.

"Calm down."

- Me, calm down? Me?! - Raising my voice again, how dare he order-

"Slap!" - I feel a pain on my right cheek, what... he slapped me? The list of reasons for the demon's agonising death, has increased by one item. I'll be sure to remind you of that, you parasite!

"Feel better?" - his calm tone, I hate it! I hate it with all my heart!

- R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r... - the insolent one, taking advantage of his safety and going unpunished. For the umpteenth time! Destroy! I will crush you! You will suffer!

"Stop growling, the guard is already frightened by your behaviour," what?

Guardian? Just what I needed! Quickly and silently I stand up, walk to the door, look through the small window. It is indeed a patrolman. He's acting suspiciously, slowly moving away and quietly leaving. Looking through the window for a moment, I move away, leaning against the wall, realising.

He heard...

"Don't be angry with me. There was a guard patrolling outside the door, I had to resort to extreme measures. He must have heard something from our conversation, it was probably a growl," the demon is right, I need to calm down, not freak out at his calm tone of voice.

Inhale-exhale-flame. Inhale-exhale-flame. Breathe in-breathe out-breathe out-flame....

Resorting to a breathing technique to calm the raging storm of feelings. Taking control of my emotions. This had to be done as soon as possible before I do more stupid things.

- I want to sleep, enough competition for today," I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep, this day had literally sapped all my energy. I never thought that giving control of my hands to a parasite could end up like this.

I'd better leave it for tomorrow. I've wasted too much time trying to solve spirit problems. It must be a dark night. Too many discoveries for one day, too much the spirit has told me, and it's hard to imagine how much it's withheld. Most of it hit me too hard.

"What was that hysteria?" - his voice, how annoying. An annoying parasite, not a moment's peace.

- I have no desire to talk about it.

"You won't even thank me? I did, after all, take care of your reputation by stopping the tantrum. And I'm very interested in her reasons. That was very unlike you."

I get rid of my clothes and armour. I lie down on the bed. With a snap of my fingers, I switch off the lamps and lights. I cover myself with a blanket over my head. I don't want to think about anything, or talk to anyone. It's been a long time since I've felt so empty, so lousy....

"Azula," the demon insists....

- You're right. You stopped me when I gave in to my feelings and could have damaged my reputation. Thank you," I answer the demon calmly.

Having regained control over my emotions, my mind did not stop thinking about the information received, but now I did not want to do anything, only to think and analyse. And the gratitude I expressed was a cold calculation with a big plan for the future. One must follow the plan, he must trust me.

"You're welcome. But what was that tantrum? Were you so affected by my knowledge?" - If I knew the reasons for my own behaviour... more control is needed. Emotions shouldn't cloud the mind, it's all your fault, demon.

- My answer has not changed, spirit.

"Ah, thus trust will not arise between us," he replied frustratedly.

- Trust? That's a silly thing to say.

"It's what brings people together in groups, families, tribes, countries, superpowers, and the like. It's all built on trust."

- That's a stupid lie. With that knowledge, how do you think like that? Fear brings people together. Fear, not trust - how did such knowledge come from such a naive fool? That irritated me even more.

"Why do you think that?" - how annoying his voice is, I don't want to talk to him anymore.

- Spirit. Sometimes girls have moments when they need to be alone with themselves.

"I don't remember you getting your period. Or do you mask those red days so well? That would explain a lot about your behaviour this evening," the parasite pondered, irritation with disgust. Some personal topics I wouldn't want to discuss with him.

- No. I just want to be alone. Could you do me a favour and pretend you don't exist?

"Oh. Is that... Are you that upset by my knowledge of the world? If you want, I can teach you a lot," what?

- Really? Wait, you said...

"I was referring to the source of the knowledge. I won't tell you of their origin, and many of them will stay with me. But if you ask the right question, I may be able to answer it and teach you useful things that can help your entire country," is he telling the truth? No, he's lying! He's probably lying. But it's better to keep playing the game without giving in to emotion.

- Um... thank you. I need to think, good night.

"Good night, Azula."

The spirit left me.

I was left alone with my thoughts. Was he telling the truth about his knowledge? I don't think so. Surely he would only tell what he wouldn't be afraid to share. Even so, it's a success. Knowledge is still knowledge, once I have it, I can determine its value. Despite the suspicious emotional explosion that came as a surprise, I was able to improve our relationship with the unknown, and learn a lot about him. And if our conversations continue over studies, I can learn even more, pulling out possibly very valuable information along the way. And unlike him, I'd find something to do with the information.

It was good news, but why was I acting so impulsively? Red days? No, I follow the cycle. His education was hurting my self-esteem, but that much? No, that can't be. Spirit influence? Did he do something to my body again? It's probably true. It's probably true. It's the spirit, it must have set it up to gain his trust. Well, we can play that. If I can figure out his simple plan, I can use it to my advantage and gain his trust. After that, it will be easier to extract his knowledge. Perhaps he knows more useful things than he's willing to share.

Thinking about the spirit, its knowledge, its personality, its goals, and the danger it posed, I fell asleep before I knew it.

(***)

"Good morning, how did you sleep?" - Azula heard the spirit's voice as soon as she woke up.

- Like you don't know? - The girl replies with slight irritation, abruptly getting out of bed and starting to adjust her night dressing gown. By force of will, she quickly chased away all the sleepiness and fatigue from lack of sleep. Yesterday, the princess went to bed a little later than her personal schedule time.

"I'm not omniscient, did you not get enough sleep? You know, you've been so tense lately, you could use more relaxation," the spirit meanwhile continued in a cheerful voice.

- Relax? - Azula replies in between, looking at herself in the mirror.

"Why so surprised? 'Relaxing, resting my soul, doing useless things for the soul. Taking hot baths, listening to music, reading stories, doing silly things, having fun with dru.... let's skip that one. Basically, do all the things your peers do when they're on holiday," the spirit continued after a moment's hesitation, but the princess understood.

- I don't have the time or desire for that," Azula replied calmly, remembering that she didn't have many friends either, but that had nothing to do with it.

"You know, you're like hardened steel," the spirit said suddenly.

- Yes? Why such a comparison? - The girl was surprised at the words of her interlocutor.

"Hard but brittle, and the harder you are, the more brittle you become in the end," the spirit kindly explained. Azula was aware of such details of steel hardening, but she still considered such a statement to be the usual nonsense the spirit was so fond of babbling.

- Nonsense. Let's finish this, I have to go to the servants, we can only continue talking like this in the evening.

"You definitely need to learn to rest. You're too tense," the spirit replied before the girl left her quarters, going about her business.

This day for Azula was not much different from yesterday. Upon waking up, the princess first visited the servants that were located on the floor next door to her quarters, along with part of the imperial cortege. The staff of servants quickly made her look her best. The spirit, in his usual manner, commented snidely that without servants, the princess would be helpless.

The girls made the best of it. Next came the meal, and afterwards study and training. The princess was engaged in it almost all day long, alternating the theoretical study of some important subjects, with the practice of conquering lightning and the practice of conquering fire. Despite graduating from the capital's girls' academy and receiving her diploma, she continued to study. Counsellors Lo and La taught her about politics, strategy, economics, and other things that get little attention in the academy. Azula never stopped learning. Just like the parasite that settled in her body, never stopped chattering and commenting on almost every action of the princess.

That was how the whole day went by. In the evening, the princess continued to compose poems to the spirit about forgiveness, trying to get this very forgiveness. The spirit, obviously pitying the princess, gave her a little time for small competitions in knowledge, where too often he won brilliant victories. Except that losing no longer bothered Azula. She happily absorbed all the possible knowledge the spirit had to offer, listening with great interest to almost everything he said.

"You know, I've been bored lately. Maybe you know some kind of mind-benefiting game?" - the spirit inquired in between when she struggled to solve a problem he had written. And that was after a dozen minutes of explanation.

- Hmm... only pai-sho comes to mind, but I don't know the rules of that game and I don't have the chips. I've always considered such pastimes a waste of time," Azula replied, pondering the spirit's words.

"Wisely. There are some games that are good at teaching you how to think and analyse.... You know, I have an idea, but I'd better leave it for tomorrow. I should think about something. It'll give me something to do. I think it's late now, you should get some sleep for tomorrow," the spirit replied in a thoughtful voice.

- Have you changed your mind about sharing your knowledge with me? - Putting a bit of disappointment in her voice, Azula said.

"No. It's just that you really do need to get some sleep. A fresh head works better than an unslept one, and you still haven't had a good night's sleep since yesterday. Go to bed. Or is that how you get the story out of me?" - The spirit playfully replied, except he got a completely different reaction than he expected.

- Hmm. Why not, give me your tale," the girl replied calmly, deciding that something like this wouldn't hurt her in any way before bed.

"That's not what I expected, I told you I don't know how to tell them," the spirit replied slightly confused as the princess changed into her sleeping robes.

- Does a spirit not know fairy tales? You tell me, and I'll decide whether you know how to tell them or not," the princess continued to insist with a slight smile.

"Goodnight Azula."

- I'm still waiting for my fairy tale," Azula insisted as she lay down on her bed and covered herself with a blanket.

"Goodnight," the spirit left the girl without a fairy tale....

(***)

- Yes! I beat you because I'm the best! You'll never wash away this shame and humiliation! - exclaimed the girl triumphantly, looking at the improvised chess board from top to bottom with a burning gaze. From the overabundance of feelings, she even stood up from the table and clenched her fists.

"What an exuberant reaction. Congratulations on your first win, you learnt the rules of the game quite quickly. Well done," replied the spirit, who was impressed by such active behaviour of the princess.

- Why are you so calm? You lost! With a complete rout! It took me less than half a dozen games with you to win. You should suffer, be ashamed, be humiliated! - Azula replied to the spirit, not understanding how one could remain so calm after defeat.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha," the spirit laughed at her very sensitive speech.

"You see, as a rule, defeat teaches much more than victory. My defeat gives me an incentive to work on myself. To be better than I am now. We'll play chess again, I'll try to surprise you. And your three defeats warm my heart, even if I don't have one."

- The excuses of the losing side," the princess replied with amusement, raising her eyebrow slightly.

"It's getting late, we'll continue tomorrow. You enjoyed the game, didn't you?" the spirit replied playfully, not taking the princess' words to heart.

- It wasn't as bad as I had imagined. 'And no, we won't continue tomorrow.

"Why? I thought you found it much more interesting than studying or poetry, and such pastime is quite good for the mind," asked the misunderstanding spirit.

- Tomorrow we arrive at the port of Shu Jing City, next to it is Piandao Manor," the princess explained as she began to change into her sleeping attire.

"I see, so we'll play later," the interlocutor replied easily, accepting the information.

- 'Later...' Azula replied meaningfully.

After changing her clothes, she lay down on her large and soft bed, putting her hands behind her head. Sleep did not want to come to the princess.

- Spirit? - The princess turned to the abruptly silenced spirit that didn't even say goodnight.

"Azula?"

- What are you busy with?

"With my own spiritual matters, to which I will not give an answer. I have other things to do besides watching the world with your eyes. Why? Did you want to talk to me before you go to bed?" - the spirit enquired with a sneer, as if tasting something pleasurable. He didn't even hide his pleasure in talking to her.

- Yes. Are you sure I should go to Piandao alone, unaccompanied? - The girl asked calmly, as if talking about a neutral thing like the weather.

''Why not, come and say you want to learn from the best sword master. Let him teach you anything he deems necessary. Next you'll learn everything quickly and I'll share more important information with you. I would even say critical information. And then we'll see," the spirit replied, as usual, dropping hints and saying nothing.

- It's not a good feeling to be in the dark and act blindly," the girl replied in frustration.

"But it's fun

- Does it look like I'm having fun? - Again the princess raised an eyebrow.

"But I am having fun, good night, you are a fine player and a good conversationalist Azula," the spirit habitually wished the girl good dreams, making a light compliment in the girl's direction.

- 'Goodnight spirit, you are a weak player and such a good conversationalist,' the princess replies with a smile, closing her eyes.

"Ruthless as always, but that's what I like about you," Azula soon fell asleep, letting the spirit go about its business.