Chapter 7 Lacuna

"Scars heal.." "No they don't, wounds heal." "You're right, scars don't heal, they fade-" "I do not care what scars do." "You should, you got to let go of that stuff from the past, because it just does not matter. The only thing that matters, is what you chose to be now.."

                                        ______

"You ready?" Says a dark brown hair hued boy. Gilbert leaning against Merliah's dresser with his arms crossed. His, what she called french hat

was on his head covering up his adorable curls, causing them to drape across his forehead in an adorable manner. His eyes finding the destination of a brunette sitting at her vanity, looking in the mirror. She brought her fingers up and touched the bruises that were now the color of green mixed with yellow.

"Ow.." she says after pressing against it. "You know every time you do that, do you expect it not to hurt?" Gilbert chuckled, looking at her through her mirror as Merliah matched his gaze. The girl shook her head and laughed, returning to her looks.

Her cuts had now turned into scabs and would soon go away, her bottom lip was still a little purple but mainly green, her neck was still very sore but much better from when she woke up. As she examined herself more, she was able to point out every flaw and insignificance she had. Her eyes had bags under them, her hair was not as shiny and delicate as it was before she came to Quebec. I wish I could get my nose done, I hate-

"Stop it." Gilbert spoke, interrupting her self loathing thoughts. She turned around from her vanity facing him. He pushed slightly against the dresser as he walked over to her, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "You look perfect, stop thinking like that." He said ever so softly. "Who said I was thinking such things?" Merliah responded with a smile she could not contain. "I can see it in your eyes." Gilbert spoke, resting his palm on her cheek.

His gaze reaching hers. Gilbert realized what he was doing and quickly pulled his hand away, scratching the back of his neck while focusing his gaze on anything else. He cleared his throat, "We should go, I'm sure Ida is waiting for us in the parlor.."

"Do I have to go? I would rather much bake a pie with Eliza.." Merliah spoke dramatically as she flopped over onto her bed as she held her hand up in the air as if she was tall enough to touch the ceiling. Her soft milky hair spread out all around her head, the gentle curls against the blankets fabric. "I would let you stay here but I'm not Eliza, besides it has been almost two weeks since you have been at school." He said laughing with a shrug.

Merliah groaned and stood up a little too quickly, she fell right back to her bed sitting down, her vision going black.

"Are you okay?" He said as he took one step and kneeled down in front of her. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine, low blood pressure.." She said as she blinked a couple times, slowly regaining her ability to see.

Gilbert stares at her, She is so beautiful he thought to himself.

_______

"Merliah" Gilbert whined. This was the third time she had canceled on plans for Ida and the two to go into town. "I told you, do not get your hopes up, she has been like this for the past week now.." Ida said as she bit into her apple while laying on the couch in the parlor, reading one of her many books. "Do not fret Madam, I shall go and save the day!" Gilbert spoke in a heroic tone, looking up at the ceiling with his eyes closed, his pointer finger pointing up. Ida just laughed and shook her head, returning to her book.

Gilbert quickly walked up the stairs to Merliah's bedroom, Eliza did not mind anymore, as he was over often enough. As he reached her bedroom, he knocked on the door softly before hearing a slight hm, indicating he could come in. As he did so he was looking at the brunette as she sat with her knees halfway up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them on the window seat ledge. Her creamy colored knitted scarf laid gently on each side of her inner arms as it drooped to the floor, contrasting with the peach colored dress that passed her feet that was Eliza's old dress.

She stared out the window, her hair in fluffy light gentle curls that softly laid on her exposed shoulders.

"Hey are you alright? What is going on, it is the third time you have canceled.." Gilbert spoke. Merliah turned her head carefully to meet his gaze, making sure not to hurt her neck even more. She dragged her gaze to the floor in front of the boy. "I just don't feel like going." She said in a whisper. "May I?" Gilbert asked, motioning to where she was sitting. Merliah moved her legs closer to her chest, creating just enough room for him as he sat down.

He noticed how the suns reflection tinted her hair to look golden brown instead of its normal chocolate fountain color. Her skin looking as if it glowed. Her cheeks looked as if a small fairy painter came and gently shifted its paint brush to create the perfect shade of light pink to graze across her cheeks. Her lips, as if they had a watery glow to them. Her eyes, a slight white crescent moon reflection at the bottom of her beautiful brown eyes, reflecting from the light hitting the window at a perfect angle.

"What?" Merliah said as she pulled Gilbert out of the trance she had put him under. "What?" Is all he said. "You were staring" She said, the ends of her lips pulling themselves up into a smile. She tucked a piece of hair that fell in front of her face, back behind her ear. "Oh, I'm sorry." He said turning to face the window, feeling the heat creep over his cheeks. "It's okay.." She stated gently, her voice sounding like a narrator that could make you fall asleep within seconds of reading a bedtime story.

"Are you okay?" Gilbert repeated from the first time he had asked. "I do not know.." Is all the girl said, not taking her eyes off of the view outside. "Do you want to talk about it?" He said, looking at her.

"I do not know if I can express it.." She replied.

"That is alright, you can try your best to explain, I won't judge." He replied with a small smile. Of course that smile is contagious, meaning right when Merliah turned to look at him she smiled brightly. Gilbert felt that the whole room must have lit up.

"I've been going through the motions, it's been coming and going in waves. I've always known how to pretend that everything is perfect.." She began. The brunette took in a shaky breath as her grip on her own arms tightened as her gaze pierced through the window.

"Like I'm heaving through corrupted lungs." She finished. She dropped her hands from her arms and started fiddling with her fingers as she looked down as the tears started to form.

Gilbert nodded looking down at her hands intertwined with another, fiddling at her finger tips. "Do you wanna know what I think?" He hummed. "Sure" She spoke. "I think you are doing the best you can with what you are given with. That you are trying to make it work, given the hard circumstances." Gilbert finished. Merliah looked at his eyes once again as he meet her gaze as well.

"Thank you, I really needed that." Merliah spoke with a smile tugging on her face. It felt as if some weight on her shoulders had been lifted and she felt some relief.

"Your welcome. Do you wanna stay in then? We can read some books, we can put on a play in the parlor? I'm sure Ida has some great scripts we could use." He took into consideration that Merliah might not be in the best state to be surrounded by people who only want to judge her like a book that has never been opened. Although the girl shook her head, returning her gaze to the outdoors. "No, no I think I wanna go into town.." Merliah said.

Gilbert stood up, Merliah lifting her eyes to the boy. He lent out his hand while bowing. "Well then, Ms. Merliah Elizabeth Lane, may I have the honor of walking you down to the parlor..?" Gilbert spoke in an all gentleman manner, making the small brunette turn into a fit of giggles. As she stood up, curtsying as she placed her hand into his own. "Well how could I ever turn down such a gentleman!" She spoke with a smirk plastered onto her soft fair skin.

The boy then stood back up, holding onto her hand gently, as if she were as fragile as a flower. As he opened the door letting her go through first, he shut it behind them.

"I slayed the dragon and rescued the girl!" Gilbert hollered from halfway down the steps. Merliah laughed as she heard a fit of giggles from the ginger which she had very much missed having adventures with lately. As they reached the end of the steps, Gilbert bowed as Merliah took her final step off the case of stairs. "Thank you kind Sir." She curtsied once more. "Any time my lady" He said as he stood up and winked at her, his goofy smile showing off; shiny teeth and all.

Merliah walked into the parlor with Gilbert quickly behind. "Well, lets go have some fun!" Merliah said, excitement in her tone. "Well it is about time.." Ida said, a smile placing itself on her freckles cheeks.

_______

"Okay, okay..alright, vision is back ladies and gentlemen I repeat vision is back." Merliah spoke, as she pulled Gilbert out of his slideshow case of memories that would forever leave a beautiful ache in his heart. She looked at the dresser where Gilbert was standing, not seeing him there. She then felt a pier of eyes looking at her, as she looked down she saw Gilbert kneeling in front of her. "Well hello there." Merliah said.

Gilbert quickly stood up blushing. "Just making sure you were okay.." He stated simply. "Meet you downstairs? Oh do not forget your math work, it is a good thing Ida brought you home notes last night to catch up on because I completely forgot." He spoke quickly. "Ahaha okay, meet you downstairs. I won't take too long." She spoke as Gilbert took his leave from her room. As he shut the door behind him he leaned against it for a moment, thinking to himself. Why must I always make a fool of myself.. He criticized his actions as he began to head to the parlor.

Once Gilbert left the room, Merliah quickly got out her silky smooth blue dress. She examined it for a moment, she had not worn it yet since Eliza finished it. She had not gone out much into town since the incident as many mothers and families were most definitely not taking a liking to the brunette since the fight between Jonathan and her happened. The beautiful dress with puffed sleeves had been laying on her rocking chair the past week and three days. She swiftly took off her regular clothes and gently pulled the dress over her arms, letting the soft material fall until it was placed where it was supposed to be. She turned to her vanity looking in the mirror as she smoothly wiped away any ruffles or wrinkles. She then grabbed a blue ribbon off of her desk. She had her hair halfway down with a secure bun in the back with the ribbon gently wrapped around it.

Merliah then grabbed her strap of school things and headed out of her bedroom and down the stairs into the kitchen.

"You are finally down, any moment later and you would be late for school. It is too late to eat breakfast so take this and eat it on the way." Eliza muttered as she handed Merliah an apple and her lunch. "Thank you, and I'm sorry.." Merliah said as she walked into the parlor where Ida and Gilbert were, talking about the historical function of Quebec's town hall. "It is not equally fair that the only members of the town board are men." Ida spoke, determined to win whatever brawl was between the two. "I completely agree, although isn't Mrs.Gills apart of the board too?" Gilbert spoke gently, he turned to see Merliah looking at the two, a smile on her face. They are going to be an adorable couple. She thought to herself.

"Okay you are here, we better hurry so we do not miss Miss Herny's lesson today. I am over thrilled to share my poem about great tragical romance. Merliah, you finished yours last night correct?" Ida spoke as the three of them walked outside, starting their journey to school. "Oh I completely forgot! I had almost finished but I just wanted to write a few more lines. I will finish it when we get there. I'm guessing I'll have to finish it during the lesson since there will not be time when we get to school." Merliah sighed. She had worked really hard on figuring out exactly what to write, she thought to herself that it was perfect, but also risky. She shook the thought out of her head, it was the only poem she had planned so she just had to go with it.

______

"Merliah, welcome back. I hope your feeling much better!" Miss Herny said as she gave the brunette a hug. "Much better, thank you." Merliah spoke with a smile. Miss Herny was a very nice woman and she liked her very much. "Alright class settle down settle down!" Miss Herny yelled loud enough so everyone could hear her. The students returned to their seats, Merliah hearing a couple whispers and snickers. She just put her head in her hand and watched Miss Herny, awaiting what to do.

Gilbert turned around when hearing the snickers and laughs coming from behind him. Jonathan Sailor was whispering something to Robert, as he began to chuckle at whatever Jonathan had said. Jonathan's eyes wandered to Gilbert's, the Sailor's boy had a minor bruise to his left eye and his knuckles were scrapped up but almost healed. Jonathan just moved his head forward as if to intimidate or scare the brown haired boy. Never less, Gilbert pulled himself back to facing the front as Miss Herny began to speak.

"Okay class, we are going to begin with our poems that were assigned. You are not being graded on the spelling as much as you are being graded on for the creativity and effort. Who would like to start us off?" As Miss Herny asked, a hand shot up right away, and for once it was someone Miss Herny did not expect.

"Mr.Sailor, why don't you come up to the front." Miss Herny spoke. Jonathan got up and snatched his paper off of his desk, as he reached the front of the class he began to read his poem. Merliah was not paying attention whatsoever as she was quickly trying to finish the last lines she had wanted to write for her poem. She would tune in and out quickly hearing something he would say. Merliah put together that Jonathan was talking about his new shoes, and coat, bragging about a ball he went to. He tried to make it rhyme but oh it was nails on a chalk board to Merliah.

When the brunette finally finished she placed her pencil down and turned her head to look outside the window. The grass was flowing ever so gently, a flower showing here and there across the field. As if God himself laid upon a cloud and gently dropped each flower as it fluttered and lightly landed on the sea of green. She had seen trees farther away from the school and a couple spread out across the field, the wind moving each and every single leaf connected to each tree - sending each one swaying to the dance of the wind.

"Merliah.." Ida whispered as she nudged the girl. Merliah looked at Ida, only to realize she had zoned out. She looked at the front of the room to see Miss Herny looking at her as Lavender was walking to her seat from the front of the class. "I'm sorry.." The girl spoke quietly. "That is alright, the rest of the class read their poems already, I am afraid it is your turn." Miss Herny spoke, she knew within what little time she has known Merliah that she did not like to be the center of attention. "Okay." Merliah said, taking in a deep breath as she slowly stood up, the paper in her hand as she made her way to the front. She turned around facing the students. The boys in the back were laughing and Rosalie was whispering something to Charlotte as she glared at the girl about to read, but then her face softened as she giggled.

"Class, please be respectful as everyone was respectful as you read." Miss Herny spoke aloud, the class quieted down. Merliah took her eyes off the students, quickly glancing at Gilbert. He was watching her as if what she was going to say could bring him the answer he had been waiting for his whole life. Merliah looked down at her paper, she cleared her throat, then began.

"I think I knew when it was getting bad again when I started to do everything sitting down" She spoke softly, realizing she needed to speak louder so the class could properly hear her. "I think I knew when it was getting bad again when I started to do everything sitting down" She repeated, louder this time. "And I think I understood it was getting bad again, because a smile became more difficult to produce than a frown." She hesitantly looked over at Gilbert once more, he kindly nodded his head at her as if he read her mind as she told herself she could not do it. His nod confirming that she could. "When the room didn't light up whenever I wasn't around and the tears came silently not making a sound and I think I knew it was bad again when my own internal clock stopped ticking." Merliah took a shaky breath, this was harder than what she thought it would be. These were the words she tried best to find all night to explain exactly how she felt when she came here. "When the itching for joy became my new favorite pastime. When a laugh with my friends cost much more then a dime it was more like an act that I put on with a grinning mouth that isn't even mine, and I think I knew it was getting bad again when the fog came back." She looked at Miss Herny, who gave her a small sad smile, then back at Gilbert, his eyes never leaving her. "The crows flew away, and the dark started to attack, and when I began to wonder if I'll ever get my permanent smile back."

She finished, she then quickly sat back down and flipped the paper over. Her hair falling in front of her eyes so no one from the side could see her, at that moment she was great full for that. Although she could feel the curly headed boys eyes on her. She moved her gaze back outside, watching the leafs continuing to dance to the wind. This making her nerves settle down.

"That was..very interesting, I loved the specific words you used." Miss Herny spoke, trying to lighten the mood as the class stood silent from what the brunette had just read. Merliah continued to keep her gaze at the outdoors, not looking at anyone and trying to keep herself from being embarrassed. Merliah felt fine; she felt normal, how she always felt. Although when Miss Herny assigned the class to write a poem about their biggest success or biggest obstacle, Merliah chose her biggest obstacle. Adjusting to being here was the hardest thing she has ever had to deal with, but she was making it work one way or another.

Yet so far she was happy, she was happy living with the Smith's and Ida. She was happy being around Gilbert and his father, who was actually his grandfather who raised him after his father ran off after the passing of Gilbert's mother. He was a very kind man. She was happy frolicking in her new dresses, which she had two now, one in the dark blue she was wearing, and one in a nice bright rose red. Red was most definitely her color.

"Okay well now that everyone read their poems, we are gonna now move onto geometric shapes. We will be picking off whe..."

Merliah was clouded by her thoughts like a rainy day that was suffering from a bipolar disorder. Her mood changing ever so easily and quickly. Everything that Miss Herny was saying was slowly tuning out, as if she was being pulled farther and farther away from the class. The girl being dragged into the cell, thrown behind the bars of her own mind.