37 Chapter 37th

Chris stood up straight, at last satisfied with his solution. He grabbed me by the nape of my neck again and pushed me before him. One small nudge of the gun to my back was enough to put me marching without a protest. And when he opened the door and reeled me out onto the corridor, I experienced the cold dread of being out of that room again, of being so close to a chance, and being suddenly too scared to risk taking it.

The wooden stairs creaked when I first stepped on them.

"Miss? Are you there? Open the door, it's the police!!" the door was slammed anew, as I assume he heard me: the cop. It was him.

I felt Chris's grip tighten, and the gun pressed against my ribs once more, so that I knew what he commanded:

"Ouch…I-I'm coming!" I yelled.

At the bottom of the stairs, Chris completely let go. The treacherous sensation of being free teased and humiliated me in equal measures: the timid idea that maybe I could… but I wouldn't try.

Having released me, Chris assumed a position, concealing himself on the threshold to my bedroom, his gun peeking out, pointed towards me. With a nod, he signaled me. I breathed in, urged myself not to think, not to feel, to only obey – for there was too much at stake. I opened the door like a robot.

"Yes?"

That same officer, his youthful face frowning with concern.

"Are you okay, miss?"

"I am."

"What took you so long to come to the door?" he stretched, stealing a glance inside.

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you, I… I was asleep."

He watched me carefully through my monotone, smileless words.

What a mocking, despairing turn of events: that his concern would make me so scared!

"W-what is this about?" I chased, fearing the delay would set that dreaded threat into motion.

"We've been monitoring the phone lines in this region. Apparently, yours has been disconnected for a while now."

My heart thumped. What now?

"I-it is? Oh! That's right… it does make sense! I believe I disconnected it earlier… by accident."

Again, he stretched his neck sideways, glancing towards the corridor. I cleared my throat and subtly moved in to block his view.

"Is that your phone I see on the floor?"

"It is!" I finally struggled to flash him a playful smile. My hands sweated profusely…

The cop stared, dumbfound.

"Do you mind if I -"

"You see…" I interrupted, realizing I'd have to get creative "…I had a bit of an argument with a… a friend over the phone; And I got a little carried away."

"Might I ask you what friend you're talking about?"

"Sure…"

He waited, pen in hand pressed to a small notepad. I stared distracted, as if I waited for the question itself.

"Oh! Right! D-Danilo."

Despite the extra time to think, that's all I managed to come up with.

"You… had a heated argument with the 14-year-old?" He frowned.

"Yes. I mean, well I… It's not like… We just…" My words died away, and they might as well: the cop looked confused and suspicious.

"Miss, what exactly are you and this boy hiding? What is the business between you two? Does this have anything to do with your sister?"

"Please! It's nothing like that! I simply… Well, he called me and…" my eyes wandered, looking for inspiration "…and he asked when my sister would be back. He was a real brat about it, too. Specially when I told him she wouldn't be back for…"

I was going to say another day, a couple of hours, something to guarantee he'd return later… but the awareness of Chris lurking close by, listening to my conversation, weighed on me as if it was a physical presence. 'Come back later' was too obvious an attempt for me to risk it.

"Well…?" he chased "when will she be back?"

"She won't." I mumbled quietly, despondently, having thought about it and figured there was no way around it. This was best. If the cop was to return later, and things went wrong… we would all be killed.

And though we spoke of an imaginary sister - myself actually, the one person who let Chris go that day at school - Susie crossed my mind, making my words all too real: I would probably never see her again.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me, miss?"

I froze.

"Are you in some sort of danger?"

How astute! How could he read that? Where did he read that? And could I send a more specific message? It felt like a real chance, a smothering opportunity… how painful to be presented with one!

"Miss?"

I couldn't. I couldn't take it. Chris would kill me, yes… but worst of all: he'd kill them, all of them! Entertaining hope was a terrifying business at this stage, and I resented the cop for giving me as much:

"No. I'm fine."

"Well. Since your sister won't be coming home, would you give me a phone number where I can reach her? That case I told you about… Well, our lead's growing cold, but I still have some questions I'd like to ask her, just in case."

He seemed wide open – eager, even – to discuss the case he hinted at earlier, the one I was so curious about that I forced him to disclose. Now… I had nothing to inquire… I didn't want to know any of it. Didn't need to, really: I had front-row seats to the shit-show itself. I'm sure the sudden lack of interest must have stricken him as odd, but not odd enough that he'd rescue me.

He lifted his eyebrows and jolted his head, reminding me of the question as I'd fallen into staring mutely ahead.

"Oh, sure! Er…"

My sister's number? Well, I only had my mother's… but Susie was not the one he wanted to talk to, Abby was. And Abby didn't live there. If he called her and got that for an answer, he'd definitely deduce that something was off – something more serious than a mere handful of teenage lies. He'd want to come back to confront me with the truth, yes… but he might have a vague idea of what the truth was. And wasn't that an opportunity in itself? Should I shun it? What if it was different next time? What if he'd return with his guard up, sniffing trouble? Maybe he'd bring some backup, and then Chris would never leave this place to threaten my family… Maybe…

…maybe I'd already be dead.

Still, it was worth the shot. Safe enough. Just brave enough to make me feel less suicidal in closing that door on his face. I gave him their number.

"Well then…" he smirked sideways "Enjoy the rest of your day! I'll be seeing you."

I nodded, I managed to smile back, I followed him with eager eyes as he turned, not realizing hope had indeed crept over me unannounced: because as soon as he left, I experienced a plunge back into darkness.

As long as I was certain Chris would kill me, I could take whatever he threw at me. I could close my eyes and suffer through it… but as soon as there was hope, the pain seemed that much worse. So many choices - overthinking, failing, struggling…

"No…" I sighed to myself. I would not hope for his return. I would walk back in and live through the rest of my afternoon – my evening, spent with whom? I dreaded closing the door, because it felt like sealing my fate, but still I did: I closed it slowly, willingly, like the coward that I was.