18 Not Broken

Niko felt like he was losing his mind.

Ever since he began to work with Shen Shu and live with her in the same apartment, she consumed him. Shen Shu became his 24/7. And somewhere in between, the lines had blurred into a thin, brittle thread that could easily snap.

He was afraid this would happen.

And it did not help that Shen Shu went on dating apps meeting men she had never seen before. It was not a good idea. Firstly, if any of those men were to know who she was, they'd want her money, let alone her body. Secondly, she should have waited until they were living in separate places again so that he didn't have to know, didn't have to see it.

Now, this feeling has persisted ever since witnessing Shen Shu going out with any man that wasn't him. Niko could take her to do those same things as them, and he could do it better! Shen Shu didn't need a boyfriend, not when she had him.

But the difference was obvious. Niko couldn't give her what she wanted: attention, affection, romance. She wanted all the things Niko couldn't give her. She wanted to be kissed. She wanted to be worshipped. She wanted sex.

Niko curled his fingers over the bathroom sink after he drenched his face with water. He looked in the mirror. He should have let Shen Shu live her life, do whatever she wanted. And the more he stayed within the same vicinity as her, the more likely he might do something stupid. He might just give her all the things she wanted from a man. All of it.

He needed to clear his head or at least distract it.

Niko pulled out his phone and dialled his best friend Alek's number.

Alek answered right away. "Aleksei," Niko began to say. "Care for a drink tonight?"

Alek agreed and hung up.

Niko then went to get dressed. He wore a suit, combed his black hair, and sprayed cologne on his neck and wrists. He then went to the elevator when someone had stepped in, just as he was about to step out.

Niko narrowed his eyes. "Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my apartment?" he questioned.

The man stared at him dumbfounded. "Ah. My name is Wu Meng. I was allowed in by Shen Shu. Are you...?" He stared him up and down, unsure what to think of Niko, especially since he claimed it to be his apartment.

Niko only stared at Wu Meng with narrowed eyes. This is his apartment! As if Niko would explain himself.

But he then heard Shen Shu come down the staircase. "Ah, Wu Meng," she said, walking toward him. "Sorry. Please excuse my brother's rudeness. He does not take kindly to people he doesn't know well." She smiled and then glared at Niko.

Brother? He hardly considered her a sister. Niko scoffed. He needed out of this apartment. Like right now.

He then pushed past Wu Meng and Shen Shu, going into the elevator, and he forced a smile on his face. "Have a wonderful night, you two." And then he was gone.

Once alone, he took a deep breath. Niko hated how he acted whenever jealousy flared through him. He shouldn't even be jealous.

Niko went to his car and found a bar. Aleksei came and joined him.

Aleksei Sokolov was his best friend. Niko and Alek had many things in common. They grew up together. Like him, Alek was half-Russian. The difference was that his biological father raised him, even if he was a piece of shit like his.

Alek had been pining after this woman for years. Anyone can look at him and tell that he was in love. But their situation was complicated and tricky, and yet Alek wounded up engaged to the woman of his dreams, and she was still unaware of his feelings.

"How are things with your wife?" Niko asked.

"Fiancée," Alek corrected him.

Niko smiled, but Alek added. "She hates me."

Niko grabbed two shot glasses and passed one to his friend, shaking his head. "I don't think you really believe that."

Alek was silent for a moment. "How do you know that?"

"Because if she hated you, she wouldn't want to be around you and yet all she wants to do is spend time with you."

Alek thought about it for a moment, but then he changed the topic of conversation. "How's Shen Shu? Does she get under your nerves?" he laughed.

Aleksei knows Shen Shu well. Niko and Shen Shu were his only friends from the start, and the three of them were as thick as thieves. But when Niko began to distance Shen Shu, Alek still maintained his friendship with Shen Shu. He befriended her just as he befriended Niko. He was like a brother to her, which was ironic.

"She's seeing someone," Niko told him, though he didn't know why. Alek was completely unaware of his forbidden thoughts about Shen Shu. He never talked about it aloud, fearing it meant it was real.

"Good for her," Alek said. "She should put herself out there!"

Niko smiled bitterly as he downed another drink.

"What's on your mind?" Alek questioned.

"Nothing," Niko forced a smile.

"Are you sure?" Alek prodded.

"Positive," Niko responded. "I think I'm going to head back home."

"I will drive you," Alek said. "And I will call my fiancée to come get me."

Niko went with Alek to his car, and Alek drove him into the parking garage of his apartment complex. They parted ways, and Niko went straight to the elevator. He went to his level. Once inside, he noticed it was late, the lights were off, and he stumbled in partially drunk.

Just as he was about to head to his bedroom, he heard some light sobbing coming from the couch of the living room. He turned around to find Shen Shu laying down on the sofa, head down in the pillows. His heart nearly stopped its rhythm. He did not know what had happened, but he was ready to hunt down the person that did this to her.

He approached her slowly beneath the peering moonlight. "Cat," he tried to steady his voice, but he was nearly shaking with rage. "Did he hurt you?"

Shen Shu sat up with tear-streaked cheeks. "No, Niko," she explained. "It wasn't him. It was me. It was me." She cried, and Niko couldn't bear it anymore. He sat next to her and pulled her in his arms. She immediately fell into his embrace as he stroked her back, her hair.

"What happened?"

"I think there's something wrong with me, Niko. I think I am broken."

Niko shook his head. "No, Cat. Nothing about you is broken. You're perfect, more perfect than you realize."

Shen Shu pulled back to stare at him. She was looking at him lost as if she didn't know what to do, how to deal with it. She was looking to him to tell her how to fix it and get rid of her infection. But Niko didn't have the answer, didn't have the cure.

"How do I get rid of this feeling?" she asked him, gazing into his eyes. In other words, what can Shen Shu do about her relationships? How can she be better at it?

"I don't know," Niko answered. "I am just as lost as you." And then Niko leaned in and did something stupid.