11 I'm Sick

When they returned to the apartment, Shen Shu saw Niko walking away from her. "I'm sorry about tonight!" she said.

He stopped before he ascended the stairs. He faced her. "You should have asked me to come with you tonight."

"You would have said no?" she told him.

"You wouldn't know since you didn't ask," he countered.

Shen Shu threw her arms frustratingly. "But I'm an adult! I don't need you to look out for me. Don't pretend that you are doing this now as a brother looking out for his sister because you've never been brotherly to me. I don't even know why you pretend to."

Something in his expression shifts. He steps closer to her. "If you had asked me," he says calmly. "I wouldn't have said no. You can dress however you want and be as wild as you want, but I want to be there to protect you."

"Why do I need your protection?" She pressed.

"Your friend called me tonight frantic, and I found a man nearly assaulting you. That should tell you everything."

She sighed and looked at him. "You don't have to worry about me, Niko." She did not want to be a burden to him.

"Cat…" he begins again. "I see the way men look at you. There will be more like him. They can't control themselves."

But Niko can control him because he does not see her that way. Shen Shu does not understand why she felt disappointed as bitterness crept inside her.

"How do they see me, Niko?" She questioned. She did not know how the question left her mouth, but the alcohol encouraged her.

"Cat…"

Shen Shu challenged, stepping closer. "How do they see me, Niko?"

His throat bobs, and his gaze collides with hers.

"They see your hair and your eyes, and the clothes you wear," he begins softly. "They see you as this beautiful, stunning creature they want to put their hands on and never let go."

Shen Shu swore she was not breathing. She swore Niko was speaking from his experience like he felt it too.

She stepped closer to him, and she heard his sharp intake of breath. It encourages her.

Nothing about the man at the party felt sexy to her, even as he kissed her and tried to feel her up. And yet talking to Niko, in the dark, where their bodies are close, but not quite touching…

Shen Shu stepped closer to him until there was no space left between them. She held onto the lapels of his suit jacket, and she could already feel the lines between them blurring.

"Niko…" She whispered. "I think there's something wrong with me."

She felt his hand brush her cheek, soothing her gently. "There's nothing wrong with you, Cat."

"I'm sick."

He looked at her worryingly. "Do you need medicine?"

"No…" She responded, "Not that type of sickness. I mean, my mind. My mind is sick."

She felt his hand soothing her until his fingers reached the back of her head, making small circles on the nape of her neck. "You're not sicker than me," he tells Shen Shu, hurt.

Her eyes widened.

Shen Shu felt Niko pulling away from her, but she had already missed his warmth. She did not want it to end.

But a wave of nausea rolls through her. She bolts to the bathroom to empty the contents that unsettled her stomach.

She coughed and flushed the toilet as she saw Niko leaning against the doorframe. He smiles at her slightly and says, "Maybe you are sick Cat."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "It's not amusing."

Niko leaves, and she gets up from the floor to wash her hands and rinse her mouth. Not long after, Niko returns with some medicine and herbal tea.

Shen Shu took medicine and tea from his hands and mumbled, "Thank you," before she downed them. Once she finished, Niko took her hand and guided her to her bedroom. She slumped against the mattress, and she saw him about to leave when she said, "wait."

He pauses.

"Can you get my makeup remover from the bathroom?"

Niko nods, heading into my bathroom. He finds the makeup wipes and approaches her. Shen Shu does not like makeup wipes as they strip her face, but she was too tired to wash her skin properly. Her eyes were heavy, and she was close to falling asleep.

She could not move her arms anymore, but she watched Niko take out a few wipes, and he sits next to her. He begins to wipe her face gently, removing the makeup from her cheeks, eyes, and lips. He cleans her face so soft and tenderly that his intoxicating scent starts lulling her to sleep.

Shen Shu wanted to pull him towards her body and hold him against her, but her eyes weighed heavier, and she passed out.

Shen Shu swore she felt someone brush a kiss on her forehead.

…

Shen Shu woke up and ran cold water down her face. Illicit thoughts of Niko have run rampant on her mind ever since last night at the party. She wished her parents were home so she could go to them. Going to work and spending nights with Ting doesn't help, even if they are distractions.

It's wrong, she told herself. Niko will never see her in that way. She would only ruin the family. Why was this so hard, so complicated? Why did it have to be Niko? Why did he have to become Shen Chi?

Something hits her then.

When they were younger, Shen Shu always used to be with Niko. They were so inseparable she was practically glued to him. But did she do something weird? Did she make him uncomfortable? Is that way he ignores her now?

Maybe she never behaved as the sister he wanted. Before he came to them, he never had a proper family, and she had been nothing but selfish. Selfish.

Tears slip from her eyes as the realization dawns on her. She cried, but she wiped away her tears and masked her true expression.

She was Shen Shu. He is Shen Chi. And that's the way life is.

She buried the illicit thoughts she had of him. She will never have them again.