Chapter Four – Friendship, Love & Pain

Ch'ing Shin-li Says?

"You are really good at archery huh?" a girl ask as she watches him on practicing the sport of his heart.

"Of course, this one gives meaning on my life," he answered with that bright smile. "Wanna try?"

But she only shakes her head.

"I do not know how to do it."

"It is simple. Come on, I will coach you," he answered as he winks at her.

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"Goal!" she said then turn on him. "See that?"

Then she smiles.

"You are getting better huh?"

"Of course, I have a good coach in archery," she answered.

"Okay, wanna have a horseback riding?" he said.

"Sure!"

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"Kuya Lee-shin!" she calls out.

He only smile then waves at her.

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"Kuya!"

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I shakes my head as I try to open my eyes, but I am too weak to do it.

"This is a friend of mine. Call her Auntie Ericka."

"Hello Auntie."

"This young man here is Kent-li, her son. He is seven years older. How old are you again son?"

"Fifteen sir."

"Call him Kuya Kent-li, okay?"

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"So, you knew Kuya Lee-shin?" she ask.

"Yup, we are best friends in middle school, although he is three years my senior. You know, I always hangs out with the big guy," he answered.

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"I am so lucky that I have two brothers," she said proudly.

The three of them smiles as they play horseback riding together along the palace garden.

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"Happy tenth birthday young lady," he said. "For you."

Then he gave her a bow and arrow.

"Whenever you look at this you think of me."

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"Kuya Lee-shin!"

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"Oh you are here!"

"Kuya Kent-li," she said. "Gheó to and I goes to school together."

Then she looks at the handsome boy beside him.

"By the way, meet Dom Yó-gi Seto, my cousin."

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She runs to the school playground. The rain is falling and she is now soaked with the rain.

The heaven is crying with her as she sits on the grassy land but someone lend her a hand.

"I am Yugi. Why are you crying?"

She looks at him.

"The kids here hates me."

"They are only insecure because you have everything. Do not cry. That is only for weak people and stupid that they always show their weaknesses to others. Half of the populace never care, while half of them are thanking their lucky star that it did not happen to them."

The little girl wipes her tears.

"Little lady, let us be friends."

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"Shin-li, all you need is a friend and I am already enough. You cannot please the world but I am always by your side through thick and thin."

"Yugi . . ."she said.

To his surprise, she kiss him on the cheeks and lay her head on his shoulder.

"The heaven pour its tears again as it nourishes the world and cry with us for our pain and sorrows. Everyone hates the idea of the two of us, but do not leave me okay? Yugi, say we could be married couple someday? How wonderful that be?"

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"I am proud to say that I trust Lee-shin to care for my daughter. Right Secretary Yuan?"

"It is an honor Your Highness."

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"Kuya Lee-shin, you are my comrade. I treasure our memories together. I treasure you as a friend. Let us stay as what we are."

He pats her head.

"You are free to pick your own choices," he said with a smile. "Just stay where your heart is."

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-Gun Shot-

"Kuya Lee-shin!"

"It is an honor to give my life for you young lady."

NO!!!!!

With my body trembling and I soaked in my own sweat, I finally mange to open up my eyes. A dream. A blurry dream.

I stumbled off my bed, get my bow and arrow, and study it carefully.

To her that catches every hearts. –Sincerely Yuan L. S.

Lee-shin. I shakes my aching head then sends him a text message.

To Kuya Kent-li:

'Let us talk.'

I fixed myself then rush outside the palace.

"Lady Shin-li," Mr. Dylan said as he tried to stop me but I just ignores him then head off.

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"I am sorry for what happened," I said.

We are on a Coffee Shop and drinking coffee. With his legs cross, he takes another sip on his mug.

"We cannot bring back time by means of regretting it. Do not be sorry. Like you, I also do not expect this that they already set us on a fix marriage. My ma and pa do not know, unfortunately, my sorry excuse of an uncle team up with your Dad, Uncle Xander. If it is Yugi on my place then it would be happy ending for all of us."

"How's Michelle?" I ask.

"We – no, she splits up with me, but I do not want to consent."

"I am sorry. How is the Prime Minister?"

"50-50."

"It is my entire fault. My people's fault."

"I said it is not. Anyway, what is this meeting all about?"

"You said that in case I figures out something, I can call you anytime."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

"Go on."

"Who is Lee-shin in my life?"

"He is my best friend. Our best friend."

"Ever since when?"

"You grew up with him and Gio. He teaches you how to play archery and how to ride on horses. We became friends in middle school while I first met you when you are eight. My ma is best friends with Lady Shin-di and Lady Xiao Fan, but she never met Ms. Anne. The Prime Minister was also once close with Uncle Xander. The three of us – Lee-shin, you and I always hangs out together. We are a pack. In fact, he was your first love. I had feelings for you that time, but I decided not to interfere between the two of you. Until – "

"Until what?" I ask.

"Until you met Dom Yó-gi. I introduced him to you. He had no one so my cousin and I always hangs out together. I cannot just leave him out when I go to you or to Lee-shin so I decided to introduce him to our group. Then the two of you fell in love."

"Yugi and I?"

"Yes. You were ten at the time while he was fifteen. However, that time, Uncle Xander announces your fix marriage with Lee-shin. I think there was a big fight that happened between the Prime Minister and your Dad then happens the announcement."

"Lee-shin?"

"Uh-huh," he nods. "But Yugi and you, Shin-li still fights for your love. At the young age, you two run away together."

I shakes my head as tears now welled up in my eyes.

"I do not remember anything in my life that it ever happened."

"It is. Mr. Prime Minister was furious. It is either he hate the fact that you will be married to Lee-shin, because I think the two tried to match us before, or he hates that you run away with his son. One thing sure, he wants to hurt Uncle Xander by hurting you. Lee-shin and I went there to find the two of you. He saw the assassin with his gun pointing on your direction. He embraces you and accepted the gunshot instead of you. The assassin was convicted and was sentenced to death, but nothing can link it to my uncle. Nevertheless, the monarchy suspects him."

"You are lying," I said while crying.

"It is true. He died the same day."

"Papa, nor Gio, even mama, never gives me a word about that, and I do not remember anything. They told me that Gio's older brother died in sickness."

"They all lied to you."

"No!" I said with rage.

"After that you withdraw from Yugi and to myself. You hated yourself and blamed yourself for Lee-shin's loss. You went away because you are afraid that we will only end up being hurt when you stayed. You even used me to drive him away and I let it be because I thought that somehow, you will also love me this time, but I am wrong. You end up on hiding yourself and forgetting us!" Kuya Kent-li said harshly and with an accusation tone.

"You are lying!" I screams only for us to caught attention from other customers. "I won't believe you," I said with finality.

I attempts to leave but his last words stabs a dagger on the hidden scars of long time wounds in my heart.

"Why do you think you have a phobia on pistols? Why do you have that picture of Lee-shin? One more thing, he gave you his bow and arrow when you are ten, right? Do you think I am only playing a game? To hell with that! What is my reason then Shin-li? Do you think I have a reason? You clearly asked me here because deep inside, you now remembers everything, and you are here not to confirm it but you are silently hoping that I will help you to remains with your illusion of an innocent life that you clearly do not have. Be reasonable Shin-li. You are a woman now. You keeps on denying everything and keeps on running away because you are afraid of getting hurt, but honestly, you already are, so why not face the pain, because if healing is it that you want, that will happen if you face it. However, keep on doing this and you will end up miserable your whole life. Just face it Shin-li and you will finally learn how to let go and freed yourself from the burden of our past. In fact, I am willing to help you."

Saying that, he reaches for my hand.

"Until now, I think I still love you. Even I learned to love someone else, the feeling is still here, and I kept it buried all along. To tell the truth, a part of me jumps in happiness knowing that I have the chance. Let me be the one to win your heart this time. I always let you go before in order to give way to the love of your life, and then what? They all ends up on causing you pain, or hurting you or leaving you. Just give me a chance. I love you."

I freed my hand from his as tears falls down from my eyes now.

"Think is different from actually having it. You do not know what you are talking about. You are clearly confused. One more thing, do not act as if you are innocent too. They hurt me? You are one of them because I am not hiding. I am here to face it but all of you people keeps on leaving me in the dark. I am not frail for everyone to claim to protect me. Also, do not think too mighty and high of yourself because you think that you are helping me. I just need a mouthpiece to put my dreams and reality into order for I do not clearly know what is real and what illusion is. You are impossible," I sigh heavily as I blurt out all those harsh words to him. "Love is not a game to play Mr. Tang. You have had a fiancé that is clearly not me. Our arranged marriage is nothing to me as long as I do not accept it and I never will. I am telling you this once; you cannot love two person at the same time. You are crazy. Get yourself together and maybe by the time you have sorted your heart, we can talk again, but do not give me this bullshit!"

After our heated argument, I left him.

I cried and cried on the middle of the street.

"I realized that I do not love you."

"You are kidding."

"Of course I am not. We do not even celebrate April fools. You better forget about me because I already love someone else."

"Who?"

"Kent-li."

To my surprise, he punched the tree behind me.

"Great," he said as he started to cry. "You just keeps on fooling me around all these time . . ."

"Yes," I answered as I began to cry too. "I am sorry."

"Bullshit!" he spats out. After some time he said, "It is okay. I wish you all the best with your life." He clenched his jaw as she looks at me with disgust, hurt and pain. "One more thing, it is better if you forgets everything about me from this day on."

I was clearly in shock when he said those words and I began to cry even more.

"Do not worry, I do not have to try. It is just easy to forget you. You are not important to me," I said with a heavy heart.

By that, he left me without turning back. "Good bye Yugi," I said finally. That is the last time I ever see him for the past eight years. That is also the last piece of memory that I do have of him before I forgets everything.

"You clearly got what you want that time," I said to myself as if I am talking to him. With that, I cry even more.

But only love can say

Try again or walk away

But I believe in you and me

That sun will shine one day

So I'll just make my part

Praying you'll have a change of heart

But I can't make you see it through

That something, only love can do . . .

I pulls my hair out of frustration. I guess I am crazy. Yes, I am crazy.

Lee-shin died because of me . . .

"It is an honor to give my life to you young lady."

"Kuya Lee-shin, no. You will be fine," I cried as I embrace him.

"I am glad you are okay now."

I shakes my head as he slowly closes his eyes to death.

"No! Kuya Lee-shin . . . !"

I cried and cried as I kiss his hand soaked with his own blood.

"Thank you for giving me another chance to live. You are my comrade. You will always have a piece of my heart."

To my surprise, someone lends me a hand.

"Kuya Lee-shin," I said as I looks at him smiling.

That is his familiar genuine smile that always made my heart skips. However, his face slowly fades away . . .

BEEP . . . BEEP . . . BEEP . . .

I still hear a sound of a honking car before I close my eyes and is prepared to die. However, I never expect that somebody will embrace me and drags me on the sidewalk.

I slowly opens up my eyes. It seems like we are the only person in the place as the whole world stops its time.

"Are you alright?" he ask harshly but clearly confuse.

It is Dione.

I shrug off his arms and free myself from his embrace. "I am fine. I just need to be alone. Goodbye," then I head off.

Dione Tang Says?

Out of frustration, I turns off my engine and stops on driving. Then, I punch my driver's wheel.

What is happening to me? I am a very logical person, but now I let my heart to controls my life – my perfect life.

I grabs my cellphone and send a message to her.

To Michelle

'Babe, let us talk please. Let us fix this up. I need you. I cannot live without you. I will not marry her because it is you. Please. I love you.

After that, I off my cellphone and throw it aside as I place my hand in my chest.

I think of Shin-li then on Michelle and our lovely memories together. I need to weigh things now. This is the right thing. I do not have to go so far for she is just there all along. I loved Shin-li, but I love her. I always do. I love Michelle among everything.