Chapter 7: Not Safe

"Where's your siblings?"

Ang dalawa niyang kapatid na si ate leanne at kuya leo. I don't know them that much, though, just a few things about them. Like they're both studying Law in Ateneo de Manila. While Leandra and I are studying in University of Sto. Tomas.

"Ate Leanne is nowhere, she'e having fun with her friends, I'm not sure with Kuya Leo though, but I'm quite sure he's coming." I shrugged. I'm closer to her brother, he's smart and matured, counterpart of my bestfriend, Leandra.

"Your mom mentioned about the party, anong mayroon doon?"

"You know, the most influential family in this province will have a grand celebration for Augustus' 80th Birthday." I'm slightly shocked about what I heard. 80 years and still living, I see...

"You seemed shocked..." Tanong niya habang nag liligpit ng gamit. "He's old..."

"I know right... lahat ng ma impluwensiyang pamilya ay dadalo, you know, Cali, their family is intimidating. Including their grandchildren. I don't know if it's because of their blood or what but they have that Power to intimidate anyone. Especially when their family is affiliated in Politics. Very, very influential and wealthy."

It's my first time, then. At sa sobrang marangyang pamilya pa.

"What do you mean by intimidating? You're rich too... or are they bad politicians? Iyong tipong nagbibigay ng death threats pag may kalaban?"

Natawa siya sa narinig. It's like I said something stupid or what.

"I don't think somebody is capable to be their rival, Cali. And by intimidating I mean is the intimidation I felt when I saw you first."

Yeah... parati niyang sinasabi na may ganoong 'vibe' raw akong dala. Iyong nakakatakot na tingin, iyong wala naman akong ginagawa pero minsan natatakot siya.

"Ikaw kasi, you're like your brother, Cali. Iyong parang alam ang lahat, your eyes are intimidating as well as your knowledge. Scary to me."

Ako naman ang natawa. Hindi ko nararamdaman na ganoon ako, pero sabagay, marami ang nagsasabi. My grayish eyes seems to speak a lot.

"Sa isang araw ang pagdiriwang, Cali, dadalhin muna kita sa Vigan at Pagudpud, gaya ng pangako ko sa'yo." Excited akong napatalon sa kama. Something about the places in Ilocos Norte that I really really want to visit. I like old places.

Nilibot niya ako sa buong Mansyon, I like it here, peaceful. What I like the most is their veranda, It's tropical and has a cool vibe.

Isang araw ang lumipas at wala kaming ibang ginawa kundi ang libutin ang bayan at mamasyal. Bukas naman ay sa vigan at pagudpud ang pupuntahan.

Sa ilang taon kong nawalay sa probinsyang lugar, pakiramdam ko bago saakin ang lahat ng ito. Except that the life where I came from was way more provincial than here.

I realized some things while going out.

I realized that I am lonely.

This loneliness is killing me, I'm mentally fucked up. I'm anxious. Parang na ho-home sick ako, hindi na ako sanay na walang Kira o Haku ang nasa tabi ko. I guess, home is not really about a house but home is about people.

Para akong mamamatay sa sariling pag-iisip. Iniisip ko na may mali saakin, lalo na't mag isa ako sa kama, gusto ko man tumabi kay Leandra, hindi parin nito maalis ang kalungkutan sa isip ko, gusto ko tuloy umuwi...

Na ho-homesick yata ako.

I don't have the energy to keep going, I just wanna go home, I like comfort places, I don't wanna get away in my comfort zone which I know isn't healthy.

Napaisip ako bigla, nasaan kaya ang magulang ko? Hinanap kaya nila ako? Paano ako napunta kila bato? Bakit naging ganon ang buhay ko? Kung iisipin, parang wala naman magandang naidulot saakin ang paglaki ko roon. Hindi naging maganda.

Gusto ko magkaroon ng pamilya, pamilya na masaya, ngunit, kung kagaya lang rin ng pamilya ko ang pamilya ng mga taong kilala ko na nakakasira, siguro huwag na lang. I've been through hell enough. I don't wanna get through it again. I wanna be genuinely happy.

Sana sa susunod na buhay, mapunta ako sa masayang pamilya. Kahit walang kapangyarihan, kahit normal lang.

My tears fell.

I really feel alone.

"Zadkiel..."

I murmured.

One call and I know, he's here.

I felt a huge but warm embrace. Tila tala na nakakalimutan ko kung anong dapat harapin.

"Have faith, Calamity. You have to go to these process so you can be brave, Okay? You'll get there... I promise you that. Just... please... hold on a little more. I'll give you peace, I promise you. Just please trust me on this. I'm working on it..."

His body is not literally here but his presence is. Pero ganoon pa rin ang nararamdaman ko, parang andito ang katawan niya dahil nararamdaman ko ang umuusbong niyang pagmamahal.

Unknowingly, I wrapped my arms unto his spiritual body.

"I need you... I want you..." Hagulgol ko.

"I will... I'm here, okay? Wait for me." Tumango ako sa kawalan.

Gusto ko sumama sa kanya. Kahit saan siya mag punta, He's my rock. Siya lang. Kung hindi dahil sakanya baka pinaglalamayan na ako, pero hindi, Father made sure I'll met him. Because he saved me. He's saving me.

My Guardian Angel. My angel.

"Bring me! I won't be a burden to you! Tutulungan kita sa mga misyon mo, bring me! Isama mo ako." Yakap ko sa kanya.

"If you really love me, you'll let me..." I said.

"This mission isn't yours, Calamity... This was tasked to me so I do it alone. I won't bring you to my world, Cali... It's different from the world you live in. And it's not even a world, It's heaven and hell."

Umiyak ako lalo. My teenage self is crying like crazy. I couldn't understand him. I'm too young. And I don't want to understand. I just want him.

Minsan lang ako maging ganito pero kapag nagiging immature ako, sobra sobra na sa tingin ko ay sarili ko na lang ang iniisip ko.

"Hindi mo ako ganoon kamahal kung ganon..." Sambit ko sa bawat hikbi.

"My love for you cannot be compared to anything else. My love for you is infinite, It cannot die nor know death to begin with. It was pure. My heart is yours, Calamity..."

Nawala ang mga hikbi, ang mga luha nang lumitaw ang maliwanag na ilaw. Nakakasilaw. Malungkot akong ngumiti. Inistorbo ko nanaman siya sa misyon niya. Palagi nalang ganito, palagi nalang akong nangangailangan, parati akong pinag bibigyan.

Tumakbo ako papalapit sa kanya. Ngayon, andito na talaga siya. He's physically here!

"Mahal na mahal kita..." Humagulgol ako lalo. His huge hand wept away my tears. It was beautiful.

"I hope your love for me will remain the same... even if the years passed by... even if you'll find the light you've been looking... because my love for you will stay the same, even if you die millionth times. Your soul is attached to mine, as my heart could only love yours'..."

Sumimangot ako. Kung ganoon, hindi ba siya nagtitiwala saakin?

"Not what you think, My love... You won't understand for now because you're too young." I smiled in between my little tears.

Niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit, iyong walang space na matitira, masyadong mahigpit.

"Anong ibig mong sabihin? Ikaw lang mahal ko!" Nagagalit ako sa sinabi niya. Parang sinabi niya na maaari ko siyang kalimutan!

"Darating ang panahon na makikilala mo ang mga tao na dapat mong makilala, you'll meet different people for a purpose. For your growth."

Binalewala ko ang sinabi niya.

"I can help you with your missions! I can see the future!" Giit ko. Ipagpipilitan ko itong gusto ko, alam kong mas masaya ako sakanya. Sakanya.

"I cannot bring you to my world, My love. You haven't explore your world yet, how can you know you can manage mine?" Tumigil ang mga hikbi ko, napaisip ako roon. It's true that I lack experience yet, kung ganoon, hahayaan niya ba akong magkaroon ng karanasan muna? Will he wait?

Napangiti siya.

"I'm always waiting for you and will always be. Whenever you're ready, My love. When the right time comes, I'll be the one who'll brought you to my world." Huh? Sa langit?

"I could only pray for the both of us for now. I need Our Father's blessings for us."

Hindi ko maintindihan pero tumango nalang ako. Napapadyak ako sa inis. Gustong gusto ko na sumama sa kanya. Gusto ko siyang kasama. I wanna grow with him!

"I'm not even a human, Cali... my pureness is not helping you to grow. You need people to grow to, to learn to."

Hindi ko maintindihan!

"Bakit hindi!? Kung kabutihan ang dulot mo sakin hindi ba mas maganda iyon? I'll learn goodness for you then! Ikaw ang hindi makaintindi! I said I want you and you're pushing me away! You don't want me that much, Maybe you're just protecting me! Maybe you don't love me at all or you love me just like how you love humans?" Napalitan nang galit ang puso ko. Parang pinipiga.

"Please don't shout... you can prove your point without shouting..." binitawan ko siya, hinawakan niya ang kamay ko.

"I'll do something about it, okay? Just let me plan for us... I can do something about this just please don't hate me... I love you enough to let this pass. And to answer your questions, My love for humans is like how a parent love their child. My love for you is indefinite. My love for you is dangerous. It's too strong, not even someone from above can change how my heart beats for you. Believe me when I say I can do everything for you... Everything that I'm doing is for you."

Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit. Parang dinudurog ang puso ko na marinig siyang ganito. Na nahihirapan. But my senses is nowhere to be found. Iba ang tumatakbo sa isip ko, I'm being selfish.

"Then can you lose your rank and be normal?" I said coldly. Cold enough to see him for the first time being afraid. Afraid to lose his rank as an Archangel... or he's more afraid to lose me...

I don't know...

I'm scared to hear his answer. but I'm more eager to have him by my side.