Duck Pond and Feathered kisses

I woke up from dreamless sleep, starting my day off with silence in my mind. I had gotten used to it, the bland taste that is my life. It kind of reciprocates into my dreams, reminding me of the disinterest that is my waking life.

I pick up my phone to find a quick morning message from the one and only.

Javvy ♥︎

(7:15 am)

Hey. We still on for today?

I scratch my head then softly curse to myself. I had plans with him today. Of course, I'd forget.

No, sorry. Cynthia needs me to cover a shift. I'll see you soon though.

I quickly respond with a lie, a believable one at that.

My phone dings immediately.

(7:45 am)

When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me earlier? You know I had canceled other plans to make room for you right?

I take a moment before responding.

It was last minute, I'm sorry. I need the extra cash, I'm kind of living alone...remember?

(7:48 am)

This isn't just about you, this is about us. Call me.

I sigh to myself and walk to the bathroom, ignoring the last comment in his message. More like a demand.

He has every right to be upset. I had just bailed on him last minute. But to be truthful, I don't feel like going out with him just yet. I'm still hurt from before and need time away. At least that's what my heart tells me is the right thing to do as of this moment.

I should be honest about the events of that night; that's one thing I'm sure of. But I still need to process my emotions before coming clean about it. Not every exact detail of course ... some things are meant to be left out.

I click the call button under Javon's name then focus on fixing my hair in front of the mirror.

"Hello?" His heavy voice rings out through the speakers.

"Hey. You wanted a call?" I speak softly, unsure as to how he's feeling exactly, aside from annoyed and disappointed.

"Yes. Listen, I know I haven't been acting like the greatest boyfriend lately, but you can't lie to me and say you've been putting as much effort anymore." I snicker at his unbelievable comment.

"How could you say that? I've done so much in this relationship," I break. I tighten my slick ponytail before taking the phone off speaker and pressing it against my face. "Not only am I there emotionally for you; I've committed to so much to prove my worth in this."

"Sure, you've done a few favors here and there but–" I cut him off. Who is he to speak on favors?

"Favors. Seriously? What I've done for you cannot be considered just 'favors' as you put it. I've done kind acts for you out of genuity, alright. Get that through your head. I don't expect any type of compensation for what I've done other than the same effort given back to me." The other end of the phone goes silent for a moment as I grab my keys and recap everything I need before I leave my apartment.

"Alright. I'll see you whenever you free the hell up." His tone is sarcastic, thick with negative emotions. I huff out a groan as the line goes dead after the last word he uttered. He's unbelievable.

***

I count the money behind the counter as my shift comes to an end, then smoothly allocates the numbers on the slip of paper.

The bells on the doors chime for the hundredth time this day as my coworker walks in.

"Hello, Talia. How was the morning shift?"

"Boring as usual." I chuckle and look up at her.

"It's the morning shift. All you get are corpses through that door that need their caffeine to function." She chuckles and points to the door to make a point.

"That's a fact. Alright, I have to run now. I'll see you tomorrow and stay a little into your shift." I smile and tap the desk as she sets up her work station.

I wrap my thin coat around me tighter as the crisp air blows past me.

I do hope he remembered our get together or I'm going to regret all life decisions.

"Talia!" I release a breath as I hear short but quick footsteps galloping down the sidewalk to catch up to where I am.

"Nathaniel, you made it." I smile up at him as he stops before me.

"Of course I did, wouldn't leave you hanging," he winks.

I smile as I quickly take in his appearance, Chelsea boots with a matching stylish coat topped off with a lovely scarf.

"So, what compelled you to go on a walk with me?" I smile up at him, curious about his motives.

"Well, I guessed you've been here long enough to know the tourist areas around here." He smirked as he followed my lead. I hum as a response.

"That's it? I'm just your tour guide?" I poke at him, softly giggling at his reaction.

"No, Darling, I figured I'd have a lovely woman show me around town." He grabs my hand and hooks it into the fold of his elbow.

We reach the park, more specifically the duck pond.

I watch a small baby duck struggle to swim behind its siblings and sink into my heavy thoughts. Nathaniel's voice turns into a comforting hum-like static as my mind rages on.

"Hey, are you feeling alright? Would you like me to take you home?" I snap out of my thoughts as his hands find my coated shoulder. I turn my head to look into his concerned sapphire eyes. He steps closer to me and takes my face into his palms, his touch igniting my skin.

"No, I'm alright. I'm just lost in thought, I'm sorry." I apologize and bite my lip as his blazing eyes take in my reaction.

His eyebrows furrow before he lets go of my face, the small moment of dissipated thoughts taken away with the departure of his touch.

"Having trouble with him?" The way he jutted out the last word made it clear who he's referring to, Javon.

"Yeah, I guess." I sigh as my heart sinks at the mention of the cause of my stress.

"I know it's not my place to ask certain questions..." I watch closely as a muscle thumps against Nathaniel's jaw.

"It's ok." I encourage and reach forward instinctively.

"Are you genuinely happy . . . with him?" He turns to me suddenly and pins me in place with his intense gaze.

I ponder on it for a moment, a surge of unrecognizable feelings sinking into me. I've never truly asked myself that question. I've always focused on the longevity of the relationship over the quality of it.

"I um. I'd have to ask and answer that question in private to myself." I shake my head and walk ahead of him.

We stop in front of a tree. He towers over me, his entrancing beauty engulfing my every thought once more.

"You know, you don't have to go through all this pain and confusion, you have a right to be happy." His hand pushes back a strand of hair away from my face, captivating me with the delicacy of the action and the warmth behind his sapphire eyes.

"I-I can't. I mean, I can't just leave." He chuckles and pulls me closer by the hips.

"Sure you can. You just need a good reason to." His face inches closer to mine and I suck in a breath, my thighs press together as warmth coils around my stomach.

"A good reason to? Like what?" I could feel myself melting beneath his fingertips. Could I possibly want him this badly?

He hums to himself, his gaze darting down to my lips. I close my eyes as the pad of his thumb starts tracing my bottom lip, pulling it free from my gnawing teeth.

I couldn't understand the emotions surging through me but I understood one thing, the thick tendril of need wrapping itself around me and pulling tight.

My body ignites in a heating flame as his lips brushed up against mine. My stomach flipping and heart soaring as his hands find my face and completely melt my every being.

My eyes open and meet the blazing sapphire eyes in front of me burning intensely. My chest rises and falls heavily against his, our closeness notable as his delectable warmth seeps through the fabric of his clothing.

"Understand me now?"

I slowly nod, my head in a buzzing fazes.

I had just kissed another man. The worst part, I wouldn't hesitate to do it again. I want to do it again.