I'll be damned

could feel the wetness of my skin as I struggled to breathe. For the past few seconds I tried to gain hold of my conciousness but kept on sinking back to those memories that I would rather not recollate. I could still hear the faint sound of my alarm. I couldn't see a damn thing. My vision was pitch dark. This must be my nightmare.....make it stop NOW!

''I will be gone for a while' ......you deserve nothing but misery in life.'' my breath hitched tightly. I was having a hard time breathing. ''Neve please stop! you're hurting yourself! and it weekens me!.'' I felt like I was drowning from the inside.I rolled from side to side with urgency to break away from whichever spell that I was under. ''You will end up alone.'' Those venomous words uttered with such demeaning and cold tone never fails to squeeze the spark out of my feeble heart.

''I see no future with you.'' My eyes shot open and I hastily took in large amounts of air***'

'...Uughhhhh!'' I groaned. I loathe him so much. That same voice that could command my pleasure to a blissful extent is now the source of my torture. I just don't quite understand why anything related to him could still get me depressed and shirty at the same time. I really have no idea how those emotions go hand in hand.

I sleeply sat up and yawned as I wiped few drops of tears off my face, it's ridiculuos how laboured my breath was and the fact that I was swaeting profusely, proved my point.

My soaked T-shirt was clutched roughly to my chest. I ignored my erected nipples that must have taken notice of his voice ,it seems like no matter how long it has been he would always have control over certain aspect of me.

I really don't enjoy these nightmares, although my body does the exact opposite(sigh!)...reminiscing the words that he said, I groaned yet again.....

''Uughh!..ahhh!. I sobbed lightly. I despite feeling this way it's been ages for crying out loud!.

''It's Not Anyway Close To The Worst He Had Put Me Through and don't forget they were all your faults. Nevertheless it still hurts a lot. I don't even know why those particular judgements have stuck with me.'' I asked myself exasperatedly. I rolled my eyes at my questions.

''(sigh)..just maybe they were right.... Nooo! stop right there! there is no time for self pity, so save the misery for later. We have fun plans tonight.'' I berated myself.

I smacked my head at how sily I appeared talking to myself.

I checked my handy and shook my head in dismay when I saw it was already 6:25pm.

''ohh boy! oh boy! Not a good start!.'' but I wasn't worried in the slightest. Orion has always been lenient with me. I smiled to myself.

I stood up as I made my way to the bathroom, I hope that 2hrs would be enough to get ready. I thought as I stared blankly at the mirrior, I stil looked like a zombie. I actually thought that a quick nap would at least doll me up and boost my energy, but I still looked like shit, and drained of all the energy I had left ,depite the fact that I overslept. I complained inwardly as I brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth almost immediately, wore my shower cap and stripped naked.

''hmmm.'' I moaned as I puffed out a breath. The cool air felt sensually pleasant on my already sensitive and hard nipple.

My Mouth ran dry at the erotic thought that were invadin my mind.

I neglected them and went under the shower. I flinched at the cool water.

''this should definetly do the trick.'' I assured myself. But I was mistaken. My whole skin was covered in goosebumps and my breasts were stiff. It felt like my nipples would fall off anytime.

I was slightly relieved when the water gradually warmed up.

What farfetched story could I possibly make up this time arround.(i randomly thought ).

I lathered my sponge, scrubed my arms and chest in a relaxed and circular motion, as the faint honey~like fragrance of snowdrops filled the air.

I awfully can't keep track of all the lies I have been telling him all these times on our conservation.

He is definietly going to find out in no time.

I was already through with washing all my nook and cranny.

I felt pressured just by thinking about our hang out tonight. I blew out a deep breathe as the water glided from my face, my hollow cleavage and down my not so delicate slipery body. They're pleading for my attention.

''NEIN!..I don't have time for you at this moment!, you're not helping any matter at all!.'' I complained in frustration,I could feel how laboured my breath had become.

On second thought, I reckon this was exactly what my body needed right now. I have to release some hormons to relieve my anxiety.

''I'm only giving in because i'm so stressed beyond reasons.'' I uttered breathlessly as I pintched lightly on my right nipple with my left hands so that I might have enough room to stimulate my palmfull sore breats, while my right slender fingers slowly snaked down my already wet and swollen pussy.

''Aah..Uughh..hmmm.'' I squealed out in excitement,as I massaged my outer folds in round motion.

My slow and steady acts were progressively increasing. I could feel the discharge of endorphins rushing through my veins as I twisted my rigid nipples to the point of strain. '' Arhgg..ahhhh.'' I shrieked!, the pleasure was instantly directed towards my aching cunt,my body was quivering.

''Ahhhhhhh!.'' I purred in delight, as I spat on my chest and shakinly spread it all over my breasts and my sore nipples. I leaned against the wall to support my weak body.

''what a slippery mess.'' I murmured.I would be damned if I cared.In fact,the more wet and mucky I feEl the better.

My nostries were filled with sweaty and musky scent to the extent I could hardly breath. It was intoxicating.My bald throat, begging for a taste.

Unfortunately, I don't have three hands and no way in hell will I take my hands briefly off the honey jar to have just a taste. It wasn't simply enough. I needed more, more. ''arhggg...ahhhhh!. ''I screeched with frustration and pure need. It was insufficient. The urge to fill up my hole was agonizing to the verge of breakdown.

I shuddered as I swiftly slid one finger in, I was so keen for orgnism, that I slipped yet a second finger and equally abandoned my pitiful boobs to work quickly on my clitoris.Although it was not nearly enough to set me off,I was getting closer. I just needed to concentrate.a.little

''pleaseeee!.''I muffled weakly out out of reflex. The memories that word envoked, were engulfing my minds. I just couldn't shut them out.

They soured my blissful mood instantly.

''I Hate You...!'' I mumbled tiredly as tears ran down my face. ''I curse that my pleasures are somehow tired to youuuuuu!!!!! I can't even reach climax.'' I chocked out.

I heard distant ring of my phone, that my eares had choose to ignore up till now. I blew out few deep breaths and feebly steadied myself while I rinsed off every evident of the act. cleaned up my messy state and practically sprang out suddenly suffering from mild claustrophobia.

I'm in desperate need of my Orion's cheeky attitude.

I checked my handy and saw three missed calls already and a massage....{Don't Be Late!}. I thinned my lips and rolled my eyes at his nonchalent text.

''{Is that the only thing you would text me?.. a command!}''I replied back displeased.

It was already 7:45pm. Time management was never my strong qualitiy.

''Great..just what I needed.'' I muttered while I oiled my body and applied generous amount on my aching boobs, sore nipples, and also the subtle stretch mark on my hips.

I slipped on my white lacy thong,my breasts were still sensitive that my proudly almond tits were now so red. Consequently,I had to over look the bra.

I quickly chose a simple outfit of white drawstring high waist short skirt with baby pink Long-Sleeve Sundown Tee. With the exemption of my bare slender legs and tits that were peeping through my clothe. I totally looked adorable!.

I freed my messy hair and hasitated before I selected the liquid in the the pearl shape bottle and sprayed it's contents on my hair brush and combed my long black hair.It's scents wrapped arround me and enveloped my senses. My breath quivered as I felt warmth stirring my whole nerves. I knew Orion wouldn't cherish my unhealthy gratification, but I pushed those upsetting thoughts aside.

I shook involuntary, as I breathed the scent in and I felt a lot of emotions which were mostly cynical or negative, but I focused my senses on those particular feelings I craved so long....

''HOME.'' I breathed peacefully. I felt a sense of safety. I have been deprived of these feelings for so long to the point of uncertainty. It's apparently not a good idea to indulge tonight.

''You're so pathetic and weak ...'' I chuckled mockingly at myself. I could feel the wetness of my panties. I took few steady breath to mutter enough strength to snap back to my reality.''You need to stop this mental torture'' I scolded myself.

''Ahhh!..Step.Up.Your.Fucking.Game.And.Strive.Forward.And.Be The.She-Devil.You.Have.Always.Been!'' I screamed on top of my lungs. Despite my misery state, I tied my hair into messey bun, I applied my black eyelinner to cover up mypuffy eyes and nude cherry lipstick to match my honey tonned skin .

I was in no mood for full make over oder jewellrey, I however did wear my rosegold queen bee bracelet and slipped my foots into my black-square-toe knot loafers, then unhooked my portable brown cross body bag. I picked up my handy from the table where it has been all these while and was surprised that he ignored my text, that was unlike him. I felt a bit bitter, that he left me hanging. I was unsurprisedthat it was 8:35pm.

I hurriedly took my car keys but changed my mind and left but not after I cross-checked certain electrical appliances. I have learned my lesson the hard way.

* * *

My taxi stopped close to my destination. The night breeze softly kissed my face. I shivered as the cool air caressed my uncovered legs.maybe I should have put on pantyhose.My lungs were filled with cool air ...

''wet'' I muttered absent~mindedly.

I could feel moisture on my skin,in my nostrils and even my larynx... I looked up at the glowy sky engrossed at the blanket of stars that stretched to infinity. I was instantly convinced that, that was a sign from the universe that I own the night!. I chuckIed at my childish deduction. I wouldn't let my twisted self drive them away this time. I thought with determination.

The crystal heavens reminded me of that icy, yet carefree eyes, that i'm about to reprimand, as I took measured steps towards my TARGET.****